He didn't want her to take the zoo job. It was too far away. Chloe would go to stay with her, but he'd never see Jennifer. Yet he didn't dare try to tell her what to do. The last time he'd done that, after she had Chloe, things had not gone well.
Chloe clattered down the stairs with Paddy on her heels and burst in the kitchen door.
"Tea, cocoa puff?"
"No. I just want to go shopping." She bounced on the spot. "Can't we hurry up and leave? You can have a cup of tea when we get back."
Owen chuckled. He was usually the one urging Chloe to hurry up. "One quick cup won't take long. Anyway, Mum isn't down yet."
Saying the word mum still sent an echo of hope and possibilities through him. He poured out a cup of tea for himself and one for Jennifer, then refueled with a couple of chocolate chip cookies.
By the time he'd finished his tea, Jennifer still hadn't come down. He opened the door to the corridor and shouted for her. "Jennifer! We're leaving in a minute."
He let the dogs out for a toilet break and then shrugged on his coat. "Go and hop in the car, Chloe. We'll be right out."
Jennifer wandered back into the kitchen, wearing her jeans and the oversized old sweater he'd loaned her. She'd bought some new clothes, so he had no idea why she was still wearing his old sweater.
"Do you want your cup of tea before we go?"
Jennifer picked up her cup and took a sip. "You two go without me."
"Why don't you want to come with us?"
She shrugged. "The kittens might need me."
"The kittens are fine, and you've just checked them, anyway." He didn't understand her. They'd been getting along so well, and now she was pulling away from him. If she hurt Chloe, he'd be furious.
"Your daughter is waiting in the car for you." He couldn't keep the reprimand out of his voice.
Her gaze darted to his, lines on her forehead. "Buying a Christmas tree is something for you and Chloe to do together. I don't want to hijack your father-daughter time."
Owen blew out a breath. "We've had ten years of father-daughter time. It's about time we had some family time where she gets to shop for a Christmas tree with both her parents. Don't let her down, Jennifer."
Her cheeks flushed and she set down her teacup. "I was trying to be considerate."
"Well, don't. Be a mother." He knew he sounded harsh, but he was fed up with worrying about what would happen next. He just wanted Jennifer to be a proper mother to Chloe. And he wanted Jennifer to feel the same way about him as he did about her.
So, why don't you tell her how you feel? the little voice inside his head whispered.
• • •
Either Owen was a very good actor, or he really didn't mind having her along on his shopping trip with Chloe. As they turned into the garden center car park, between two tall Christmas trees blinking with colored lights, Jennifer cast him a curious sideways glance.
Why was he being so understanding? She hadn't expected this.
"Here we are." Owen halted the vehicle in a parking space and cut the engine.
Chloe let out a whoop and Paddy jumped around on the backseat at Chloe's side, picking up on her excitement.
Owen climbed out and rounded the car, helping Chloe down from the high vehicle before passing the end of Paddy's leash to her. "Hold him tight. There are lots of cars around."
"I know, Dad. I have eyes."
"That's enough back talk from you, young lady." He tugged playfully on her ponytail.
Jennifer pushed open the passenger door and Owen stepped in front of her, smiling. "Let me help you down." He settled a hand on either side of her waist.
She had no choice but to rest her palms on his shoulders as he lifted her from the high vehicle. Once he set her on her feet, his firm grip lingered on her waist, the corners of his eyes crinkling, a roguish twinkle in their brown depths.
Sensation pinged beneath her skin, stealing her breath. She'd been so certain of what she wanted when she came back to Rosemoor—to get to know her daughter. She'd had no desire to resurrect her long-dead relationship with Owen. Yet she couldn't deny the effect he had on her. The chemistry between them was still there.
Was he flirting with her out of habit, or did that twinkle in his eyes mean something? As she lost herself in the pleasure of being close to him, she found it difficult to remember the bitterness and anger she'd hung on to for so many years.
"Come on, Mum and Dad. Hurry up."
Chloe's words snapped Jennifer out of her dreamy thoughts, and she remembered why she was here. She had to be careful around Owen. When he turned on the charm, she forgot everyone else.
They headed inside the foyer of the huge wooden building that looked like a massive alpine chalet, with a model Santa on a sleigh pulled by a string of reindeer high on the shingled roof.
Paddy towed Chloe between the displays of potted plants and garden furniture, following his nose towards the pet section.
"Oh no, you don't, Paddy Paws. We're not going to that part today." Owen took over the leash and got him under control before walking on to the corner of the store dedicated to Christmas. Gleaming displays of decorations lined the aisles, with numerous tiny lights in festive shapes flashing all around.
They exited through sliding glass doors to an outside yard full of Christmas trees, sectioned off according to height.
"Seven feet is tall enough, I think." Owen lifted a tree from the rack and shook out the branches before standing it upright. "What do you think, cocoa puff?"
"That one's got a bent branch." Chloe checked through the other trees of the same height, rejecting most of them for imperfections.
"Why doesn't Mum help you choose? Maybe she isn't as fussy." Owen gave Jennifer a crooked smile, obviously enjoying the tree-selection process despite his words.
Jennifer ran her hand down a fragrant green pine branch, remembering the times she'd done this with her father, which felt like a lifetime ago. She hadn't celebrated Christmas with a traditional tree since she was fifteen. After that, her dad walked out and left her mother so bitter and vindictive, the only thing that interested her was making her ex-husband's life hell. Jennifer was just another thing for them to fight over, and they made her life miserable.
At college, Christmas celebrations consisted of parties and lots of alcohol to hold back her guilt and sorrow over leaving her baby. In Africa, Christmas had passed almost unnoticed. She'd had no reason to return to the UK for the holiday season, and the people she worked with weren't Christians.
Now Chloe's enthusiasm infected Jennifer, reviving her happy memories of the time before her dad left. She lifted a tree, surprised by how heavy it was. Owen reached over her shoulder to grip the top of the trunk with a large, capable hand, lifting the thing as though it were as light as a feather.
"So, does this one pass inspection?" he asked.
"Look how bushy it is." Jennifer tried to encourage Chloe to agree, and Owen gave her a conspiratorial smile.
Chloe circled the tree with a frown of concentration on her face, checking all the branches were the right length and none were stunted or broken.
"It's a shame you're not as fussy about keeping your bedroom tidy," Owen said.
Chloe ignored the dig and rested a hand on Jennifer's arm. "If Mum likes it, then I do too. This Christmas has to be extra special because it's the first one you're here with us, Mum."
Jennifer put her arms around Chloe, her chest so tight with emotion she could barely breathe. She blinked against the prick of tears and had to swallow a few times before she could answer. "You are the sweetest girl. I'm so lucky."
"I'm lucky 'cause I have my dad and mum together at last. And Dad's lucky 'cause he has both of his girls with him at Christmas."
Jennifer hugged her daughter more tightly. The thought of all the Christmases with Chloe she'd missed nearly undid her. She closed her eyes and kissed her daughter's hair, wondering if Owen really did think he was lucky to have her here. Or was that only wishful thinking?<
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When they arrived home, Jennifer made a pot of tea for everyone and stood to one side, cradling a hot cup between her chilly hands while Owen wrestled the Christmas tree beneath the low door frame into the sitting room. He carried the tree in its bucket of soil across the room and set it in the far corner near the huge old fireplace.
Thundering footsteps on the stairs heralded Chloe and Paddy. A moment later, the girl struggled in with a box of decorations.
"Whoa." Owen grabbed the box from her and deposited it on the floor beside the tree. "I thought you were going to wait for me to carry that downstairs for you."
"You can bring down the other two boxes, Dad."
Owen chuckled and shook his head. "Yes, ma'am."
"Do you want a hand?" Jennifer put down her tea mug and made to follow Owen.
"Stay with me, Mum. I want you to help me decorate the tree."
At Chloe's words, Jennifer glanced at Owen, who nodded with a smile. "I'll manage the other two boxes. You help Chloe." He cast an affectionate glance at his daughter. "There's nothing like sharing the wonder of Christmas with her. Decorating the Christmas tree together and watching her unwrap her presents are two of the most magical moments of the year."
Magical moments Jennifer had so far missed. Owen must have read her thoughts on her face because he touched her shoulder. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. You can't change the past, so put it behind you and make the most of now."
How could Owen be the same man she'd walked out on? Had he changed so much, or had she not really known him?
"When did you get to be so wise?" she asked.
"The trials of life will do that to you."
Chapter Ten
Owen was thoughtful and a little down as he let the dogs out for a final time before bed. He'd tested how Jennifer felt about him a couple of times, and her responses were not encouraging. When he'd lifted her down from the car earlier, she hadn't even smiled at him.
Maybe he was wasting his time, and he should accept that she'd never want to be with him. The hope he'd nurtured for years that she'd come back to him was just a foolish dream.
She'd come back, all right, but only for Chloe. Nothing Jennifer had said or done since she knocked on the door of Rosemoor Farm three weeks ago indicated she had any romantic interest in him.
"Zack, Heidi, come on, you two." Owen shut and bolted the back door as he did every night and wandered into the quiet kitchen. Alone. Once Chloe went to bed, the place was too quiet.
Much as he adored his daughter, sometimes he longed for adult companionship, a woman to share his life with. There had been women interested in him over the years, but none of them were right—none of them were Jennifer.
Tossing a dog treat in each of the dog beds, he crouched to pet Zach and Heidi, his two loyal companions. "You won't ever desert me, will you?" They both stared at him with adoring eyes and wagged their tails. At least somebody loved him.
He rose and shut the dog-treat caddy, glancing around the kitchen to check everything was in its place before he turned out the light. His mother would be amazed to see him now, so domesticated. And his father would never believe his work-shy son had taken over the farm.
He glanced up to heaven, wishing they were still here to see he'd grown up and accepted his responsibilities, and to see what a wonderful girl their baby granddaughter had turned into. His breath rushed out on a despondent sigh. It was Christmas in a few days. He should be happy.
As he headed for the stairs, a rustling from the sitting room caught his attention. He backed up and glanced through the half-open door. The glowing embers in the fireplace illuminated Jennifer kneeling by the Christmas tree.
He stayed silent and watched as she pulled some wrapped gifts from a carrier bag and added them to the pile of presents he'd put at the base of the tree earlier. Not sure what he planned to say, he pushed the door wider and stepped inside, the sound drawing her attention.
"Owen. I thought you'd gone to bed."
"Just had to let the dogs out."
"Ah."
He wandered closer and she rose to face him. Lifting a hand, he touched the tips of his fingers to the red scars on her jaw and chin. She tried to hide them with makeup, but by the end of the day, the concealer wore off.
"How did you get these cuts?"
"I fell when I was shot. Lots of sharp stones on the ground."
He imagined her face covered in blood and dirt as she writhed in agony with a bullet in her gut. Anger surged, sharper because he was powerless to right this wrong. If he met the cowards who shot her, he'd give them what for—and probably get killed in the process.
Owen withdrew his hand and rubbed his eyes. He didn't have any energy left for this emotional uncertainty. He needed to lay his cards on the table and get the rejection over with.
"I owe you an apology."
"What for? You've been more than reasonable, inviting me to stay for Christmas."
That drew a sad chuckle from him. "Not for now. I mean for driving you away from your daughter in the first place."
He had her attention now. Her gaze sharpened and she was suddenly alert.
"I admit it, what you accused me of back then. I tried to use Chloe to b— I mean, to keep you with me." He couldn't say the word blackmail, although to his eternal shame, that was the truth. He'd threatened to go to court for custody and keep her from seeing Chloe if she didn't give up on her idea of going to college. Since his father was a magistrate, he'd been certain he'd win.
In the end she'd thrown it all back in his face by simply walking away and leaving him holding the baby.
Jennifer sighed, turned away, and stared into the fire. "I hate it when kids are used as bargaining chips in relationship breakups. That's what happened to me when my parents split. I probably overreacted to your ultimatum. I should have deferred my courses for another year. If I'd stayed, I'm sure we could have worked out a way to both be in Chloe's life."
"I'm sorry." Owen's voice was rough with regret. So much water under the bridge; rough white water full of sharp rocks that had ripped them both to shreds.
He didn't deserve her love, yet he had to ask the question that played in the back of his mind constantly.
"Do you think we could have made it work between us if I'd been more reasonable?" Did you ever love me?
Jennifer shrugged. "Who knows."
In other words, No, I didn't.
• • •
"Do you think we could have made it work between us if I'd been more reasonable?" Owen's words kept playing over in Jennifer's mind. His tone had been laden with subtext. Could he possibly want them to try again?
Jennifer went back over everything Owen had said and done since she came back. One moment Jennifer decided, yes; he wanted to try again. The next she was certain she must be imagining things, reading more into his words than he'd intended. Especially since she'd hardly seen him since that Sunday evening when they put up the Christmas tree.
Ever since then, he'd eaten breakfast early before she came down and seemed to avoid being alone with her. When they walked the dogs, it was always in a group with Chloe and Marcus with his black Labrador, Peggy, or sometimes with Owen's other cousin Jonathan and his partner, Vicky, and their two dogs, one of which was another of Paddy's littermates.
They'd had lunch at his sister Shelly's pub, the Fat Goose, a couple of times during Christmas week with his relatives, and Owen never sat next to her. She was having a wonderful time doing things with Chloe and getting to know her daughter better, but she missed her time alone, talking with Owen.
She missed the twinkle in his eyes, and his smile that seemed to say so much. She glanced his way often, but she never caught him looking at her now. Had the attraction between them all been in her mind? Maybe he'd only ever wanted to make friends so they could have a civilized relationship while dealing with Chloe.
Jennifer sat cross-legged on the floor by the kitten box in the silence of the bathroom. The tiny felines w
ere now fully aware of their surroundings. The mischievous little creatures scampered around exploring, their eyes bright with curiosity, their ears pricked.
Sixpence was still the smallest, yet definitely not a runt. They were all cute, but the sixth kitten would always hold a special place in Jennifer's heart because she was Chloe and Owen's favorite—the one they wanted to keep. Somehow she was already part of their family.
Jennifer cradled a wriggling Sixpence between her hands and held her at eye level, losing herself in the pleasure of the moment with this tiny fur ball, trying to put her confused feelings for Owen out of her mind.
"Are you going to stay here, rascal?"
"I hope so," Owen said from the doorway behind her. He came into the bathroom and shut the door. "We had a call come into the estate office thirty minutes ago. We've found Mama Cat's owner."
Jennifer's heart dropped at the thought the cat and kittens would be taken. It wasn't that she wanted to keep Mama Cat, but she had arrived here the same time as Jennifer, and in some strange way their destinies seemed linked. "So, what's her story?"
"Her name's Stripy. The woman who called says she belongs to her elderly mother who was rushed into the hospital about the time we found the cat. She asked me to go ahead and find homes for the kittens, and wants us to keep Stripy for a few more weeks until her mum comes out of the hospital."
"So you can keep Sixpence?"
Owen smiled in answer, that warm smile of his that communicated so much. He was relieved, happy, and far more relaxed than she'd seen him since the visit to the garden center to buy the Christmas tree.
"I haven't told Chloe yet. I thought it would make a wonderful surprise on Christmas morning. What do you think?"
"It'll be a lovely surprise for Chloe." Today was Christmas Eve, so she wouldn't have to wait long for the news. "I'm really looking forward to my first Christmas day with her."
She wasn't looking forward to the days after that, though. She couldn't stay at Rosemoor Farm indefinitely. The kittens would go to new homes after Christmas, and so would she. She had to accept the job at Warmshurst Zoo or find something else. A new home, a new job, and a new life.
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