by Baylin Crow
Archer's deep brown eyes had dark circles beneath them and he just appeared…tired. My stomach sank, and I fought back the anger at myself. I did this. I may not have set the trap we’d fallen into, but I could have prevented it. Hindsight was such a raging bitch.
Despite looking like he'd been through emotional hell, he offered a small smile. "Hi, Phoenix."
"Hey, Arch." My voice was low, as if I'd send him running if I spoke louder. "Can we talk?"
He gave a single nod and shut the car door. "Sure."
Archer followed me to the wooden bench on my front porch that was never used, and we sat under the shade of the porch roof.
I shifted to face him. "I'm sorry about last night. That shouldn't have happened."
He gave no indication how he felt. Just picked at a loose thread on his shorts as he stared out at the grass.
My gaze stayed glued to his profile, searching for any reaction. "I know it looked bad, but it was a trap for both of us. Ai—"
"I know," he whispered, cutting me off.
I didn't blame him, because just thinking his name was enough to renew the anger I'd battled ever since Archer had run out of the club.
Sighing, I propped my elbows on my knees. "Tell me what's going on in the beautiful brain of yours, Arch," I pleaded, itching to reach out and take his hand. But something held me back. Honestly, I was scared he'd pull away, and I wasn't sure my heart would survive that.
He pulled the thread free and flicked it away. "I'm not…mad. I don't know what I am. Confused maybe? I just saw you with him, and when you didn't push him away… It hurt."
My eyes slammed closed, and I shook my head. "Arch, I never ever wanted to hurt you, and it kills me that I did. I wasn't thinking. That sounds like such an excuse, but it's the truth.
"The only thing I was worried about was just getting through it and keeping my job. I was already pissed at Desi for booking us together and then at him for the handcuffs he hooked on my wrist, without my permission. I just wanted to be done with that fucking party," I swore, biting my tongue from saying more because his shoulders had tensed.
"I believe you." He nodded, surprising me. "And I saw the handcuffs. I know how your job works and what I signed up for. I was okay with the dancing, mostly. But after last night… I just don't know anything right now." He hung his head, and his hands grabbed at the strands before he tilted his head to look at me and gave me a helpless shrug. "I'm a mess. I didn't think I was that insecure."
I quickly shook my head. "That doesn't make you insecure. People are different. Plenty of the guys up there are in healthy relationships, but others have had relationships end badly because of it. Some won't date at all to avoid issues. There isn't a rule. What works for some, won't for others. And it doesn't work for you."
His lips rolled together, and his gaze dropped to the porch before he sniffed. "Maybe. But that means…that we…"
This time, I didn't hesitate to pull his hand from his hair and grip it tight. "I quit last night, Arch, so don't even say it."
His gaze flicked to mine, wide and panicked. "What? Why?"
My brow rose. That wasn't exactly the reaction I'd expected. "Well, for one, my boss didn't take my warnings seriously, and that doesn't work for me. I should have left before last night happened. Even if you weren't in the picture, I would have quit, eventually. But you are in the picture. You're the picture. And I only want my boyfriend's hands on me. That's not one-sided, Arch. It doesn't work for you, but it also doesn't work for me."
He sucked in a shaky breath. "What will you do?"
"Not sure yet," I admitted and let go of his hand. "I've been sending out applications all day. But for now, I have a little stowed away to tide me over."
It wasn't much, but I didn't want him worrying about that. We had enough to work through.
Archer chewed on his bottom lip. "I worry that I trust you too much."
My eyebrows scrunched together. "I don't understand."
"It's hard to explain, but my uncle always said when I was younger, I took everything literally and at face value. If I apply that to last night, my brain knows what I saw, but my heart trusts you completely. I can't help but wonder if I'm just naïve because I want it—you—so much."
"Does that mean…" I trailed off, unsure what I should say. What I even had a right to ask, since I fucked up. He wasn't the only one treading unfamiliar waters. In this, I was just as much a virgin as he’d been.
"I just need to think." His dark eyes begged me to understand.
I nodded though I wasn't sure I fully understood. It was clear he was struggling to explain and needed to sort out his thoughts. My chest clenched because I didn't know what that meant for us.
I sucked in a deep breath and forced out, "Then that's what you should do. But I…" I twisted the rings on my fingers, unconsciously choosing the red one—Archer’s favorite. "I'll be here, okay? However long it takes."
The need to pull him close, wrap my arms around him, and confess what he meant to me was overwhelming, but I stifled the urge. To tell him now felt like manipulation, and I wanted to know that he wanted me. That even after everything, he did trust me and believed me when I said I would never purposely hurt him. So, I swallowed the words.
He gave me a sad smile. "I should go. If I'm around you, I know what I'll do."
I could tell this was as hard on him as it was for me and my smile matched his even as I joked, "Then I think staying around me is a brilliant plan."
"Phoenix," he chided, knocking his knee against mine. "I just need to think. It's not fair to you if I'm unsure."
Archer pushed off the bench, and I couldn't stand him leaving on that note, so I shifted gears.
Looking up at him, I tilted my head. "Hey, Arch? Something happened today, and I'm a little confused."
"What happened?" He frowned.
Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees and rubbed my lower lip. "Did you happen to submit the song I wrote for you to Courting Echoes?"
His eyes widened and he quickly shook his head, auburn hair sweeping over his forehead. "Dylan stole it. He said he knew the drummer and would see if they were interested. I said no, but…" He winced with an awkward shrug. "But then I said yes. Are you mad?"
I held back the smile at his flushed cheeks. He was adorable and the thought of him not in my life… I didn't want to go there again. "No, I'm not mad. Not even a little bit."
A relieved breath whooshed from his parted lips, but then he frowned. "Wait. How did you even know?"
"Oh, I just got off the phone with Gage." I cracked a small grin, a mix of sadness, excitement, and disbelief, because I still hadn't wrapped my mind around it completely. "They're interested."
His eyes widened. "Are you serious? Oh my god, Phoenix! That's incredible."
"Calm down." I grinned. "It's not a done deal. In fact, he said it isn't even likely. They want me to write something else and submit it."
"You are going to write something amazing. As usual." He bit his lip, and I had the urge to free it but kept my hands to myself.
"Thanks, Arch." We grinned at each other. He was the first to break eye contact.
He waved awkwardly toward Isaac's. "I'm gonna go, but I'm so happy for you. You deserve to have your songs heard."
I gave a clipped nod and rolled my lips. “Okay, but I’m here. Anytime. Day or night.”
A small smile crept across his face. “I think I already know that.”
Dejected, I watched as Archer walked back to his house. My gaze lingered on the closed door for a moment before I sighed and headed inside. I grabbed a beer and carried it to the couch. The headache returned and pulsed around my temples. I rubbed in circles to alleviate the pain so I could focus.
I twisted the lid off my beer and sucked back a quarter of the bottle before I pulled my notebook from beneath the couch.
Courting Echoes wanted a song that would rip their fan's hearts wide open. With Archer on my mind, I could almost feel the bl
ood pouring from my own shredded heart, and I let it carry me through the lyrics.
19
Archer
Lightning cracked and thunder boomed as I stared down at Phoenix, his mouth parted as I rode him. I loved this position. The way I felt all of him deep inside me as I set the pace. His dirty words made my cock ache, and his whispers of devotion made my heart race. I loved him so much. His artistry, acceptance and the way he made me feel like I could take on the world with my books were only a few things that made me wonder if I could ever live without him. The physical connection was just a bonus. A big bonus.
He thrust up as I lowered and I cried out. "Phoenix!"
"That's it, babe. Ride me just like that." His grip on my hips tightened as a low groan rumbled deep in his chest.
"Touch me," I begged.
Without hesitation, he brought one hand to my cock, curling his fingers around my shaft. I moaned as he stroked me. "Like that?"
"Yes," I hissed. "Feels so good. I love the way you touch me."
"Come for me, Arch. Give me everything. I want it." He circled his thumb below my tip, and my already shaking legs seized.
"Phoenix!" My cock pulsed as my orgasm ripped through me, coating his stomach. He cursed and hammered into me until he found his release, my name a whisper on his tongue.
I slumped forward, lips brushing his. Hazel eyes burned into mine as the storm outside raged.
His fingers swept my hair from my forehead before cupping my cheek. "Arch?"
"Yeah?" I leaned into his touch.
A small grin tipped his lips. "I love y—"
A loud clap of thunder drowned out the sound, but I read his lips. I opened my mouth to say it back, but the storm was too loud.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
I sat up with a gasp. Sunlight streamed through the windows. My windows. I frowned as my mind was slow to process my surroundings. This wasn't Phoenix's bed. It wasn't even storming.
Disappointed that it had only been a dream, I fell back against my pillow and rubbed my eyes. Sorrow gripped my chest. In my dreams, Phoenix and I were together without the shadows of reality. The worst part was I'd imagined him telling me he loved me. Dreams could be cruel.
"Arch?" My uncle's voice came from the other side of the door followed by heavy knocks.
Sighing, I realized he'd woken me up. "Yeah?"
"I'm running out for breakfast. There isn't shit in the kitchen. Want to come with?"
If I stayed in bed, I'd just be haunted by my dream, so I jerked the covers back. "Sure. Give me ten minutes?"
"Nine." He chuckled and a small huff, not quite a laugh, escaped from my lips.
"Eleven," I countered and he groaned.
"I'm hungry," he grumbled. "So just get your ass outta bed."
His heavy steps retreated from the door, and I rolled out of bed. I was still tired. Emotionally drained. Turned out, doubting yourself was physically exhausting.
On autopilot, I went to the bathroom and took care of the necessities before slipping on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.
When I descended the stairs, I found my uncle standing at the door, keys in hand. He checked his phone. "Eleven minutes on the dot."
"Which means you're making us late unless you get moving."
"Why are you in such a hurry?" he asked as he opened the door and waited for me to come through so he could lock it.
"Seriously?" I shook my head and lowered my voice. "I'm hungry and I'm going to starve to death if you don't get out of bed."
He stared at me with wide eyes. "Did you…did you just mock me?"
I shrugged as my uncle gawked.
"I'll just have to assume I have Phoenix to thank for this new development." He smirked but my stomach dipped. Humor drained from his expression. "Hey, what's eating you, kiddo?"
Not able to help it, my gaze strayed to Phoenix's house. His car was parked in the driveway. He was so close. It would be so easy to walk over there and fix things between us, and I couldn't stop wondering if he was hurting too. And that killed me. I never wanted to hurt him.
My uncle grunted. "Trouble in paradise?"
I shrugged, and he sighed. "Well, I may not have the best advice, but it might help to talk about it over breakfast."
I followed him to the car, and dropped into the seat. The engine roared to life, vibrating my entire body, and I pretended to be oblivious to the worried glances my uncle cast my way.
The drive to the unfamiliar diner was short, and we were quickly seated in a red leather booth. The smell of coffee and bacon were prominent, making my stomach growl. I hadn't eaten much yesterday and truthfully, I wasn't sure how much I could tolerate now.
Avoiding my uncle's inquisitive eyes, I scoped out the eclectic restaurant. Red and white striped wallpaper clashed with colorful oddities mounted on the walls. Road signs, a traffic light and even an entire bumper from an old car took up one wall, while another boasted roosters. Seriously, fake baskets of eggs, an old coop and chicken wire were only a few things that stood out. Where had my uncle brought me?
As if he could read my mind, he spoke up. "The owners are a bit…eccentric, but I ate here for the first time last month. No one does better omelets. Just don't look at the stuffed roosters while you eat them."
I shuddered. "I think I'll pass on the omelet."
He chuckled as our waitress approached the table decked out in an old-fashioned uniform. She plucked a small notepad from her checkered apron. "Mornin' huns. What can I start ya off with?"
"Coffee," my uncle murmured as he took an interested look at her that lingered a little longer than necessary.
Her cheeks bloomed pink before she turned to me. "And you?"
"Coffee's fine."
She wrote down the rest of our order and when she flounced off, my uncle watched her leave. He really was a lot like Caleb in some ways. Once she disappeared through the swinging door, I knew my time was up.
"Alright, Arch. Tell me what's got you so twisted up?"
I flicked my gaze to his before lowering it to the Formica tabletop. Spinning my napkin in circles, I chewed on my bottom lip before meeting his eyes again. "How do you know if you can really trust yourself?"
"Come again?" He squinted as he rested his elbows on the table.
This was awkward, but CJ and Caleb had already helped as much as they could. My uncle had known me my whole life, and I knew he would give it to me straight. "I don't have experience with relationships. How do I know if trusting someone is naïve, when I have a reason to maybe not trust them?”
His hand hit the table with a thud. "Phoenix do something?"
"Yes. No. I mean, I don't think so." I shook my head because I knew I wasn't making any sense. "Something happened, but I know it wasn't his fault. Not really. And when he explained what happened, I immediately believed him. It hurt, but it wasn't like he set out to hurt me in any way. I can't help but think maybe I'm being gullible though. But it's Phoenix…"
I sighed because I didn't figure that explanation had cleared things up at all. Uncle Isaac's confused expression confirmed it.
"Well, without details, it's kind of hard to understand, but it sounds like I'm not going to get them." I shook my head, and he nodded. "Your aunt and I had an okay marriage. We weren't ever head over heels about each other, but we were comfortable. So when she met someone who lit a spark I'd never seen with her, I let her go. That spark? I see it with you, but I also see it in Phoenix."
I'd never heard much about my uncle and aunt's divorce but had known it was amicable. To hear she'd left him for another man made me sad for him, even if he didn't seem that broken up about it. But what I really focused on was what he'd said about the spark between Phoenix and me. I felt it, but was it that obvious to others?
The waitress' heels clacked against the linoleum floor, and my uncle's eyes lit up as she stopped by the table.
"Here ya go, sugars." She set down two coffee cups and filled them. "Food will be out in about ten minutes. Need
anything else?"
"You offering anything else?" my uncle asked, and I hid behind my hands as I groaned.
Her laugh was light. "I'll be back with your food soon."
I peeked between my fingers once I heard her walk off and found my uncle smirking at me. "Think I can get her number?"
"It's just like going anywhere with Caleb. You two could be related, I swear." I grabbed two packets of creamer and one sugar.
He laughed and offered a shrug. "She's hot."
Stirring my coffee, I grimaced. "Uncle Isaac, there are things I don't need to know, okay?"
"Fine." He huffed. "Now what was I saying?"
"Sparks—"
He nodded. "Right. So, you and Phoenix have that. Least it appears so. You're a smart kid, and I think you should listen to yourself. We all have that thing inside us that tells us when something's off. A lot of times we choose to ignore it for a number of reasons. Hope, priorities…it's different for everyone. Is it telling you something's off?"
"No, but…" My shoulders slumped because I couldn't stop questioning myself.
Uncle Isaac's features softened. "You're scared shitless, aren't you? Afraid you're gonna get hurt?"
One shoulder lifted. "Maybe. I just… Is it normal to trust someone so much that even if you see them do something that breaks your heart, the explanation makes sense and you forgive them immediately? Do I just want to believe him because I want him so much?"
He scratched his chin. "He cheat on you?"
"No."
"Didn't think so, but you're not giving me much to work with." He sipped his coffee and then set down the mug. "You can't live your life scared of being hurt. I mean you can. But…it would only make you miserable. Let me ask you something. You seem to think you're on the fence here, but when you think about walking away from him, can you do it?"
My chest tightened, and I shook my head. Walking away from Phoenix would destroy me. I'd be consumed by the what-ifs.