by Lauren Bach
Oh, it would be good. Damn good.
For a time.
Until the dawn, perhaps. And then?
Then...nothing.
The bottom line remained unchanged. She and Grey were once again drawn to each other in extreme circumstances. Circumstances where she was weak and he was strong. He rescued her, he slew dragons.
And once the dragons were dead, he’d move on. And take her heart with him.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
After they ate, they headed to Chapel Hill. They were scheduled to meet Elise at seven. Grey arrived twenty minutes early and circled the entire town twice, or so it seemed, before finally parking in the alley behind Elise’s clinic.
Elise was as vivacious as ever. “How did you like the cabin?” she asked. “Is it as nice as promised?”
Grey nodded. “Better. You and Kevin definitely need to plan on spending time there.”
Elise tugged Tess down a corridor. “Come on, I’ll show you to an exam room. While you get undressed, I’ll show Grey the nervous daddy room.”
When Elise joined Tess a few minutes later, Tess was bursting with curiosity. “What’s the nervous daddy room?”
Elise grinned. “A room lined with a series of posters showing the various stages of pregnancy. Most men freak out their first time in. It’s pretty cool. We have books and videos on every conceivable subject. Grey said he’ll pick some for the two of you.”
Tess nodded, unsure. Her knowledge of pregnancy and children was practically nonexistent. “Can nervous mommies go in the nervous daddy room?”
“Of course.” Elise grew quiet as she checked Tess’ vital signs. “Good. Fever’s gone. And your blood pressure’s normal.”
For the next few minutes Tess answered yes or no to questions regarding her and her family’s health.
“Will you ask Grey the same questions?” Tess asked after they’d completed her medical questionnaire.
Grey’s medical history was yet another part of the man she didn’t know. He looked perfectly healthy, but were there any family predispositions to asthma? Heart disease? Allergies? Elise probably knew more about that stuff then Tess.
“Yes. In fact, I thought we’d do it right after the sonogram.” Elise set her pen down and pushed back in her chair. “I don’t mean to pry, but how much of a part do you plan to allow Grey to play in your pregnancy?”
The question caught Tess off guard. “I haven’t given it much thought. It’s all so new and so much has been happening. Our circumstances--” Her voice faded as she searched for an explanation.
“I understand that the two of you did not plan for this to happen. And I applaud your decision to keep the baby.” Elise leaned forward. “But still...I sense something between the two of you. A personal tie, besides the baby. He’s a good man, Tess.”
She nodded. Elise was right. Grey was a good man. And he’d probably be a great parent. Perhaps even better than she. He didn’t seem nearly as insecure with the idea of a baby as Tess did. She hadn’t even known about different baby bottles.
Elise patted her hand. “Of course, it’s your choice, but most new fathers want to hear the baby’s heartbeat and see the sonogram. It’s their first contact with the little alien and they usually fall hard. Although I suspect in Grey’s case it will be a short trip.”
Tess smiled, then immediately began crying. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me anymore. The tears always seem just below the, the...surface.”
“It’s not you. It’s your hormones.” Elise handed her a box of tissues. “Your system’s overloaded with them right now and even under ideal conditions they bring emotional ups and downs. The fact that you’re also under a lot of external pressure doesn’t help. My best advice is to take extra good care of yourself and just roll with it.”
Tess blew her nose. “That’s easier said than done.”
“How is Grey dealing with this? Is he being supportive? Understanding? Men can be the most insensitive creatures.”
Tess rushed to his defense. “I don’t think he even realizes I’m having mood swings. He probably thinks I’m always like this.” New tears filled her eyes. “I hope he doesn’t think that. I try to keep it to myself. I don’t want to be a bother.”
“Honey, you’re entitled to be a bother right now. You’re pregnant.” Elise looked at her closely. “And I think he’s more aware than you give him credit for. I can tell Grey’s crazy for you, and unless I’ve read you totally wrong, I’d say you feel the same way. Do you love him?”
The direct question surprised Tess. She knew the answer. And it wasn’t admitting it that bothered her so much. The question was what good did it do to admit it? It changed nothing between them.
“I don’t know that it’s the right kind of love,” Tess hedged.
“Love is love. I think you’re overcomplicating the issue by trying to make it fit in a neat little square, which true love rarely does. Why not follow and see where it leads?” Elise squeezed Tess’ hand. “You could do worse. And when you hit the horny part of pregnancy you might be glad to have him around.”
Tess sniffed. “The horny part?”
“It’s not real scientific, but I find most of my pregnant patients fall into two groups. The hungry ones and the horny ones. The first group can’t get enough food. The second group thinks about sex constantly. Since you haven’t gained a lot of weight, I’d guess you’re one of the horny ones.” Elise giggled. “Uh-oh. The look on your face confirms it.”
The news relieved Tess. So it was the pregnancy making her crave Grey? Sex hormones? “I was beginning to think something was wrong with me.”
“Nope. As you’ve probably already discovered it does no good to ignore it. There’s only one cure. And as your doctor I can assure you it’s perfectly safe to have sex -- even the hot, hard, kind -- during pregnancy.” Elise glanced at her watch. “Now let’s get on with your exam so we can move on to the fun stuff.”
“Fun stuff?”
“The sonogram. It’ll blow you away.”
Tess moved onto the examining table. “I think I would like Grey to be here for that part. If he wants to, that is.”
Elise snapped on a pair of latex gloves and smiled broadly. “Oh I’m sure he’ll want to.”
Oddly Tess did not feel self-conscious when Grey entered the examining room a short time later. Elise had already given her a thorough exam and declared her and the baby fit. Grey winked at her after hearing the news.
“Now let’s see if we can find an itsy bitsy heartbeat.” Elise pulled a stool close, motioning for Grey to sit beside the examining table on Tess’ left side, while she moved to the opposite side. She held out a specially designed stethoscope with two sets of earpieces. “You can both listen at the same time.”
Tess looked skeptically at the stethoscope. “Won’t we hear my heartbeat?”
Elise shook her head. Earlier she had given Tess a modesty sheet to keep across her lap. Pulling up the gown slightly, she exposed the lower part of Tess’ abdomen and pressed her own stethoscope there. “The baby’s heartbeat is much, much faster than yours. You’ll see.”
Elise moved her stethoscope around, then nodded and grabbed the metal disk of the dual stethoscope, showing Grey the spot for him to listen. “There.”
At first Grey heard nothing except a hollow noise. He frowned, shaking his head lightly. Tess’ face reflected the same. His fingers grazed the skin of her abdomen as he moved the disk fractionally lower.
That’s when he heard it. A fast, zither, zither of a heartbeat. He heard Tess’ sharp intake of air and knew she’d heard it, too.
Their baby’s heartbeat. Strong, steady, sure.
The sound of life shook Grey. Hard. Sweat dotted his forehead as his mouth dried.
Holy shit. Was he ready for this?
He’d always heard that being a father was more than the act of depositing a few million sperm in a fertile womb. The words slapped him with humility. He had helped to create a life. A new re
sponsibility. Never again could he worry only about himself. There would always be another heartbeat he would worry about more than his own.
Their baby.
Elise excused herself to prepare the sonogram. “Listen as long as you like,” she whispered before leaving the room.
But Grey barely heard her, his eyes locked on Tess’. For a moment time stopped, and they were the only people in the world, three lives united by one heartbeat. His hand reached up, grasping hers, squeezing it as they listened together to the sound they’d created.
The moment he’d heard the first stirrings of his child’s heartbeat deep within her womb, he’d been lost. Scared to death. A bond that would never break had been forged with his child.
And now more than anything he wanted that same bonding with the child’s mother.
Grey reached up and swiped at Tess’ cheek. She was weeping; tears of joy. He knew he’d cared for her before. But it was an empty shell compared to what his heart felt now. “Pretty awesome, huh?”
Tess nodded, still so overwhelmed she could barely speak. Realizing on an intellectual plane that you were pregnant was quite different from knowing. Feeling. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle seeing it on the sonogram. This is so unbelievable, Grey. This is our baby we’re listening to.”
He leaned forward, the stethoscope forgotten as he sought her lips, wanting desperately to claim her heart.
She met him halfway, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him down. Her mouth slanted open, welcoming the onslaught, surrendering to the raw heat and stunning emotion of the moment.
Grey swept his tongue deeply into her mouth, claiming the lushness. He felt her hands fist in his hair, tugging him closer. With one hand cupped behind her neck he held her immobile beneath his mouth, while his other hand trailed lower quickly finding the front opening of her gown. Long fingers eased beneath the thin cotton, skimming upward along her ribs, his knuckles grazing the heavy undersides of her swollen breasts.
Tess’ breathing had grown short, erratic. A small groan of pleasure escaped when his hand closed over one of her breasts, catching her hardened nipple between two fingers and tugging the oversensitized peak.
Tess felt a jolt of electricity run down her spine. Desire washed over her. She wanted Grey. And she wasn’t going to deny herself, not this time.
Grey heard the footsteps before Tess and pulled back just as Elise rapped on the door and sailed back into the room.
“Okay, I’m ready with the sonogram.” She looked from Tess to Grey, then smiled. “We can postpone it if you two want to continue--”
“We’re finished,” Tess stuttered. “Listening to the baby’s heartbeat, I mean.”
Grey stood, holding out a hand to help Tess up from the table.
He knew she was as shaken as him by the emotional moment of hearing the baby’s heartbeat for the first time. But her reaction had been more than just that. She’d matched his passion; he’d tasted her desire.
Oh sure, she was probably trying desperately to convince herself otherwise right now. But it was too late. He knew that she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her. And that was enough.
For now.
* * *
It was late when they returned to the cabin. Tess woke up when she felt the car stop. Immediately she realized it had been a mistake to fall asleep in the car. Her back, already stiff from the night before, was a knot of pain. Moving slowly, she climbed out of the car.
Grey looked at her suspiciously. “What’s wrong?” He could tell by the little furrows in her brow that she was feeling some discomfort.
She stretched carefully, trying to work out the kinks. “My back. Don’t worry, it’s been sore since this morning. The mattress at the motel was a lot softer then I’m accustomed to.”
“Why didn’t you mention it sooner?” Grey unlocked the house and went in first, checking it out before letting her in. “The mattress in my room is pretty firm. You can sleep there tonight.”
Unbidden, thoughts of sharing a bed with Grey sprang to mind. The steamy nights, the fevered touches. She turned away, grimacing. “Look--”
He mistook her grimace of frustration for pain. “You’re hurting.” Taking her elbow, he pulled her to the couch and handed her the remote control. “I’ll go find some aspirin while you find something on television.”
“Nonaspirin,” she reminded him. Instead of turning on TV Tess dug out the black-and-white sonogram picture Elise had given her of the baby. Actually, the photo looked more like a grainy, uneven blob, but it was her blob, and she felt a swell of maternal pride as her finger traced the image.
Grey returned a short time later carrying a tray with two mugs of hot cocoa. He offered her one, hesitating only a second before sitting next to her. “I still think he looks like me.”
Tess accepted the mug and sipped gratefully. “What if he’s a she?”
The thought rattled Grey. A baby girl? Jesus, he hadn’t thought of that. Sugar and spice. And no dating. Ever. “Then I hope she looks like her mom and has her mother’s disposition. Still...” He squinted at the photo shaking his head. “Call it silly, but I’ve got a feeling it’s a boy.”
“Me too.” She pointed to the stack of books on the coffee table. “Don’t tell me all those are from Elise?”
Grey nodded and leaned forward to grab a book. “The nervous daddy room has a lending library. This is for you. What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” He held up several other books. “There’s The Pregnant Father’s Bible, books on breast-feeding, Lamaze, baby names. And two videos on childbirth.”
She inspected the book he handed her. By the time she finished skimming the table of contents she felt woefully ignorant about pregnancy. First, second, third trimesters. Home births. Drugs or natural. This wasn’t a simple matter.
Grey, on the other hand, was grinning from ear to ear as he flipped through his Father’s Bible. She glanced over his shoulder at the picture he was studying.
She snorted. “Figures.”
A nude and very pregnant woman was sitting in a lotus position. The woman was obviously pleased and proud of her state. Tess envied her self-assurance. And the fact that Grey was clearly fascinated by the photograph.
He raised one condescending eyebrow. “I was admiring her eyes. Look at them, the serenity. See how she radiates confidence? I think she’s lovely.”
Tess felt her cheeks grow warm. Would Grey find her as beautiful when she was that round with child?
She looked at him, suddenly wishing she could share in his wonder, be a part of the awe. Instead of being so damned afraid. “Doesn’t any of this scare you?”
He looked at her, detecting the anxiety in her voice. Her blue eyes were so wide with worry he could have fallen in them. He reached over, skimmed the hair from her face, then took her hand.
“The heartbeat threw me. That’s when I realized what was happening was beyond my control. I worry about you, what you have to go through to carry this child for nine months and then bring him into the world. I also worry about what kind of father I’ll be. If I’ll be good enough.”
“You? I’ve never even been around little children before. What if I’m a horrible mother?”
Grey moved closer and pulled her into his arms. He knew she was thinking about her own mother, and for a moment he felt a burst of anger at Madeline Marsh for being so self-centered. He pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“You’re a wonderful person, Tess. You’ll be a wonderful mother. And I think you’ll find that taking care of your own child is easier then you think.” And I’ll be there to help, he promised quietly.
While his reassurance was comforting, Tess noticed that he still hadn’t mentioned what part -- if any -- he planned to play in their child’s life. Did he see them as two single parents? Separate units? Her heart turned over beneath her ribs.
She straightened, shuddering as a twinge of pain radiated up her back.
“That’s it.” Grey pushed off
the couch. “I can’t bear to see you hurting. Go change into something comfortable. You’re getting a back rub. A real back rub.”
Her thoughts flashed to that night on the phone. Verbal massage. Verbal sex. Both paled in comparison to the real thing.
“You don’t need to--”
“I want to,” he said. “Please?”
She headed to her room to change. The thought of someone rubbing her sore back was delightful. The knowledge that someone would be Grey caused tiny shivers to skim along her spine.
She kicked off her jeans, then caught a glimpse of herself in the full-length mirror, wearing only her bra and panties.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. She looked...funny. Her breasts were swollen and heavy, seeming to have enlarged into two obscenely huge pointy things that strained against the lacy fabric of her bra. Oddly enough her waist was as narrow as ever.
But just below her navel her abdomen protruded sharply, a warm nest for the babe. She slid her hands down, hugging her belly. Would Grey find her attractive now?
A floorboard squeaked.
She looked up and caught Grey’s reflection in the mirror, where he stood behind her in the open door. The look of raw hunger on his face answered her question. He was very, very attracted.
In a bold move, she turned, facing him, willing him to turn and run if he didn’t like what he saw. Or didn’t want what she was offering. The move left her feeling exposed. Open. Vulnerable.
The air left Grey’s lungs in a rush and refused to reenter. He felt his heart pounding in his chest, seeking oxygen. He had come after her to suggest she bring some lotion and instead found her standing in front of the mirror nearly naked.
His eyes had slowly traversed her reflection from head to toe, then back, reveling in the glorious changes. And when she turned to him...
He stepped into the room, slowly, cautiously, giving her every chance to move, run, hide. Or stay.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
The note of haunting sincerity in his voice weakened Tess’ knees. The self-consciousness she’d felt over her changing body fled under his scorching appraisal, beneath the silver eyes that missed nothing.