by LR Potter
“Sundra, how would you feel about going to El Paso with me for a few days?” Trinity asked, once Sundra was seated and looking at her expectedly.
“El Paso? What’s in El Paso?” she asked as she pushed her dark sunglasses on to hide her black eyes.
Trinity stared at her friend for a long minute before replying softly, “My mother.”
Sundra cocked her head to the side. “Your mother? I thought she’d died a long time ago.”
Trinity looked around the lobby to ensure Alex hadn’t found them. “So did I. Listen, it’s a lot to explain. And I will explain it all, but I’d rather do it while we are driving to El Paso. I just really need to go right away and I can’t take my car because Rush will be able to find me and I really need to see if my mother is alive before he tries to stop me,” she said in a rush.
Sundra was silent for a long while before slowly nodding her head. “Okay, I’m in.”
Trinity hugged her friend carefully. “Thanks, Sundra. I really didn’t want to go by myself. Can we go now?”
“I don’t have any clothes or anything,” she replied.
“I need to stop by my condo and I’ll grab enough clothes for the both of us, okay?”
“Okay. It looks like we’re off to another adventure. Good. This is exactly what I need right now. To be out of town and have something to take my mind off of things.”
Trinity stood and waited for Sundra to struggle to her feet. “Are you okay to travel?”
Sundra’s lips trembled. “I’ve got nothing here.”
“All right. Give me your keys, and I’ll go get your car.”
Handing Blake to Sundra, Trinity hurried to where Sundra had parked her car and drove quickly to her own, thankful Alex hadn’t come out to check on her yet,she removed Blake’s car seat and buckled it into Sundra’s car. Driving quickly, she drove onto the curved driveway of the hospital entrance and parked. Nearly running as Trinity felt time wasn’t on her side, she went back into the lobby, ever on the lookout for Alex, but she didn’t see him.
Retrieving Blake from Sundra, she helped her to her feet and they walked out of the lobby and into Sundra’s car. Trinity heaved a sigh of relief when she exited the hospital grounds. She drove quickly through the streets of Savannah until she reached her condo and parked a block up.
She took a deep breath. “Just in case there are reporters in there, I need to leave Blake with you. I’ll remove him from his seat and you’ll have to hold him until I get back. Are you okay with that?” she asked Sundra.
Sundra gave her the first genuine smile Trinity had seen all day. “Hell yeah! We are like Thelma and Louise. This is like spy stuff,” she said with a grin.
Having lived this before, Trinity wasn’t as enthusiastic. She grabbed her purse and moved quickly up the sidewalk and walked up the stairs instead of using the elevator. She peered around the corner and thankfully didn’t see anyone lurking at her condo door. She slipped quickly to her door and unlocked it. She heaved a sigh of relief when she got inside.
She moved quickly through her condo, knowing time wasn’t on her side as this would be the first place Alex would look for her. She grabbed her suitcase and began shoving clothing items into it, enough for her and Sundra. She ran to Blake’s room and tried to turn her mind away from how happy she, Rush, and Blake had been here. She tried not to remember the times she’d stood at the door and watched Rush standing over Blake’s crib, just watching him. Her heart clutched painfully in her chest and she stifled back a sob. She knew things would never be the same for them again.
She sat down on the edge of her bed and reached into her purse and pulled out the Fed Ex packet. She pulled out the picture of her mother and knew she was making the right decision. Her previous anger with Rush now was only regret. She wished he’d have told her and not kept this thing that was so important from her. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to deal with that. But she knew he would be furious over her going to El Paso, especially for taking Blake with her.
As she rose to close her suitcase, her cellphone rang. She almost ignored it, but when she saw it was Rush, she decided to speak to him at least one more time while they were still, in his mind, a couple.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“Where are you?” he asked angrily.
“It’s not important. There’s something I need to take care of. When I get back, if you still want to, we’ll sit down and talk,” she said.
“What the hell is going on, Trinity? Where’s Blake? Don’t I at least get the consideration of knowing at least of what your plans are? If not for you, at least what you’re planning on doing with my son?” he asked hotly.
“I truly loved you, you know. I wouldn’t have kept anything from you. I’d have gone out of my way to ensure your happiness. I wish you could have felt the same for me. There was always just too much between us. I see that now,” she said quietly.
“What are you talking about? You sound like this is goodbye,” he said. Even through the phone line, she could hear the anguish in his voice. He might think he loved her, but he didn’t really know what love was.
“It is,” she whispered as her voice broke.
“Baby, please talk to me. I’m begging you. It’s not safe for you to be out by yourself.”
Clearing her tear-clogged throat, she said, “I’ll be back in a few days. I won’t ever keep Blake from you. I want you to be in his life. He deserves that.”
“Please tell me what’s happened. I want to be in your life as well. Tell me where you are,” he demanded.
“Take care of yourself. I’ll see you when you get home. Goodbye, Rush,” she said quietly as she slowly closed her phone. The second the connection was severed on the phone, she felt it. It was now officially over. She was once again single… not part of a couple. Not that she’d been a couple with Rush for very long, but the pain seared her. She knew this was for the best, she’d never be able to trust him… but it still hurt sooo bad. She shoved her phone into her purse and immediately heard it ring again, but she ignored it. She considered leaving it in the condo, but figured Rush wouldn’t be able to track her phone as it was in her name. Grabbing her suitcase and Blake’s bag, she exited the condo and hurried back to Sundra’s car, her sight made sketchy from her tears.
When she reached the car, she clicked the button on the key attachment and popped the trunk before stowing her bags inside. She re-buckled Blake back into his seat and kissed his little head, trying hard to keep it all together. She had to do this. She had to try and find her mother. She climbed back into the driver’s seat.
“Okay?” Sundra asked her.
“I will be,” Trinity replied, “It just might take a while.”
Turning to look out the windshield, Sundra just gave a slow nod of her head because she understood exactly. Trinity entered their destination into the GPS and eased into traffic. She kept an eye on her rearview mirror for a long time, looking for that familiar black SUV, but never saw it.
It wasn’t until Trinity stopped nearly an hour later to feed Blake that she realized she’d left the Fed Ex envelope on her bed. Fortunately, she knew the address where her mother had last been seen. Still… she’d have liked to have had her picture. Trinity was forced to turn her cellphone off as Rush continued to call it over and over. She just couldn’t take it any longer. Her heart was broken by his betrayal and by the fact she’d never have again what she’d had with him. He’d promised never to break her heart again, but he’d broken that promise.
Trinity kept an eye on Sundra, worried about her friend. But she’d slept during nearly half of the drive. Worrying about Sundra helped her not dwell on her own problems… her own loss. She drove until around midnight before calling it quits. She was exhausted and drained and Blake was fussy so she pulled into the first hotel she found. Leaving Sundra and Blake in the car, she rented the room and drove around to a parking spot close to their room. Grabbing only Blake’s bag, they headed into the room.
Trinity nursed Blake and held him close to her. Looking down into his face, which was such a reflection of Rush’s, she struggled to hold in her tears. Once both Blake and Sundra were tucked in, she grabbed her phone and turned it back on and listened to the dozens of messages left by Rush. The first calls were laced with bewilderment and confusion; those were followed by calls demanding her return and threats if she didn’t; and then the last calls were frantic and filled with such sadness, it nearly crushed her. Had she been too hasty? Tears filled her eyes and she lifted a towel to her mouth to stifle the sobs being wrenched from her chest. This was the right decision. Even if by some stretch of the imagination he could explain his decision to leave her in the dark about her mother, she didn’t think she could ever forgive him or trust him. This was her mother. The mother she’d cried over and missed for more than ten years. He knew what this meant to her. After tonight, she’d not listen to any more of his calls. There’d be no more tears or sobbing after tonight either. She’d pulled herself through before and she could do it again… she would do it again.
It was after two in the morning before she finally drifted off to sleep. She groaned when Blake began to whimper and thrash about at five. Rousting herself, she rubbed against the graininess in her eyes and nursed Blake. He curled his tiny fist so trustingly against her breast and the tears she swore she’d not shed anymore threatened to fall. Taking several deep breaths, she fought them off valiantly. Rush had been right, her decisions didn’t just affect her, they affected her innocent child.
She knew she’d never be able to sleep. She wanted to get to El Paso and find her mother and she didn’t want to lie in bed and obsess about her decision to leave Rush. She woke a disgruntled Sundra, and after getting their bags and showering, Trinity felt better able to face the day. As she’d driven half of the twenty-five hours it took to get to El Paso the day before, the earlier she got off, the sooner she’d reach her destination. By tomorrow, she could be hugging her mother. The thought made her heart tremble.
It was late evening before she reached El Paso. She’d made several stops during the drive to feed and change Blake. She’d also ensured Sundra ate and got out to walk around a bit. But as with the day before, both Sundra and Blake slept the day away. Trinity was exhausted when she finally checked them into the hotel. She forced both herself and Sundra to eat at a nearby restaurant. But by nine o’clock she was well and truly baked. She’d just drifted off to sleep when Sundra’s cellphone woke her. She groaned and placed her pillow over her head. She lifted the pillow when Sundra shook her arm. It’s Rush, she mouthed.
The sleep that had fallen over her evaporated in an instant. She looked at the cellphone in Sundra’s hand as if it were a viper. Her heart began to pound and her chest rose and fell in rapid succession. With a hand that trembled, she accepted the phone and walked into the bathroom for a little privacy.
Clearing her throat, she said softly, “Hello.”
Silence filled the line for so long, she thought for an instant he had already hung up. “Hey,” he finally said quietly. “How are you?”
She didn’t know how to answer. “I’m okay… Blake’s okay… we’re… okay…” she drifted off.
“Trin, please tell me what’s this is about?” he said softly.
She rubbed a hand over her weary eyes. “I told you, we would talk about it when you got home.”
“I am home… or at least at my house, it’s not much of a home without you and Blake in it,” he said.
“You’re home? I thought you weren’t coming home until the weekend,” she said inanely.
“Of course I came home. You are much more important than any building.”
She bit her lip at the pain in her heart.
“Talk to me,” he begged. “Is this about that bogus prenup my grandfather tried to foster on you? I didn’t draw up any such agreement… why would I? I never planned on letting you go. And if the day came when you wanted to leave… you could have taken it all, it wouldn’t have meant anything without you and Blake.”
“But he said…” she began.
“I know what he said, but he lied. He wanted the prenup, I never wanted one. Did I ever mention one at all?”
“No, you didn’t. I would have signed it, Rush. I don’t want your money.”
“I know that. Is that why you ran?” he asked.
Blowing out a deep breath, she said, “Why didn’t you tell me about my mother.”
“Your mother? What do you mean?”
“Really? Even now you refuse to admit the truth? This is exactly why I can’t be with you. I will never be able to trust you,” she said sharply.
“Trinity, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said.
“I know about El Paso and Marc Sanchez, so you can cut the act, Rush. You know how important my mother is to me,” she replied.
“Marc Sanchez? El Paso? What does that have to with your mother?” he asked.
Rubbing her eyes once again, she said tiredly, “I’m really tired. Once you can talk truthfully to me, we’ll sit down and talk, but until then, I don’t want to hear from you. Please do not call me again. I’ll let you know when I get home so you can see Blake.” Without giving him a chance to respond, she clicked off the phone and powered it down. Wearily, she made her way back to her bed and snuggled her body up against Blake’s tiny body.
“You okay?” Sundra whispered into the dark.
“No,” she answered truthfully.
“I know,” she said. “It’ll work out, you’ll see.”
“I think this is the end. It just hurts,” Trinity admitted.
“I’m sorry. I really thought you guys would make it. He really had me fooled. I thought he was in love with you.” Sundra gave a mirthful laugh. “But look who’s talking. I couldn’t even read my own guy.”
“We’ll figure this all out together. Thanks for coming with me. It means a lot. You’re about all I got.”
“Go to sleep. All this gushing is getting creepy,” Sundra said with a grin.
~*~
Trinity was up long before the sun. She moved around quietly, not wanting to wake either Sundra or Blake. She found a small coffeepot on a counter in a small alcove in between the bedroom and the bathroom. Sitting quietly in front of the window, she sipped the dark brew as excitement and panic took turns twisting her stomach into even tighter knots. Today, she was going to see her mother. She thought back to the last time she’d seen her face, driving back from the movie theater.
She was sitting beside her and they were singing one of the more well-known songs from the movie they’d just seen, the Lion King. As she looked back now, is seemed ironic the song they sang was Hakuna Matata. Hakunamatata, what a wonderful phrase; hakunamatata, ain’t no passing craze; it means no worries for the rest of your days; it’s our problem free philosophy…
Means no worries for the rest of your days… she’d had no clue of the worries she’d have just minutes from singing those words. When the black van had rammed them the first time, her mother had turned to her and gave her a reassuring smile and patted her leg. It’s okay… everything will be okay, she’d said. She’d begun driving faster with both hands clutched tightly on the steering wheel.
The black van had rammed them for a second time, and this time she could feel the fear rolling off her mother and her heart had begun to pound so hard in her chest. But still her mother had turned her beautiful princess face to her and told her, I love you, Trinnie, you are my big girl. Just hang on, okay? But it hadn’t been okay. The third ram had been the charm for their abductors. Her mother hadn’t been able to keep control of the car and it had spun as if it had hit a spot of ice. The car had slammed into a tree, leaving them defenseless. Her mother’s last words to her were no matter what happens, always remember I love you, always remember…
And Trinity had remembered. She’d remembered while she’d been dragged from the car, screaming for her mother. She’d remembered while she sat tied to a chair with a bli
ndfold over her eyes waiting on her mother to come for her. She’d remembered when her father had taken her in his arms after she’d been rescued. She’d remembered when her father had sat her down and told her that her mother was dead. She’d remembered while she sat in the front pew of the church and stared at her mother’s coffin.
But now, sitting in the quiet, early morning, Trinity wondered if maybe her mother hadn’t loved her enough. After having had a child, she wondered what could possibly motivate a person to leave their child behind. A cold chill ran over her body, leaving goose bumps on her flesh. What if her mother didn’t want to see her? Maybe Rush had found that out and had only been trying to protect her. She swallowed hard as she thought of how Rush had been since they’d been back together: kind, sensitive, protective, loving, and yes… even trustworthy. He would never forgive her. She exhaled deeply. He should have trusted her with the truth. That had been their problem all along; they failed continuously to trust each other.
She shook her head. No, today she was going to find her mother. If her mother refused to see her, then she’d deal with that. But she had to know. She just had to.
Chapter Eleven
Trinity forced herself to wait until nine o’clock before leaving the hotel. Sundra had refused to allow her to go off on her own. So here they were driving through the streets of El Paso. It seemed a whole different world from where they came from. In Savannah, the streets were lined with beautiful, old homes which promoted the idea of past history of the old South, filled with genteel grace. While here in El Paso, the streets were lined with homes with bars on the windows and doors which promoted the idea of crime and fear. Why would her mother move here, so far from her home?
“You okay?” Sundra asked as they drove.
Trinity gave a nervous laugh. “My hands are shaking. I don’t know if it’s nerves or excitement… maybe a little of both.” Trinity paused then said, “What if she doesn’t want to see me, Sun?”