by LR Potter
She’d been outside for nearly three hours when Radcliff came out. She lifted bleary eyes to him. “Yes?”
“You have a call, miss,” he replied softly.
“Can you take a message?” She congratulated herself on not slurring her words.
“It’s Mr. Drayton,” he said, loud enough to be heard over the rolling tide.
The numbness she’d wrapped herself in began to ebb away. “Please tell him I’ll talk to him later.”
Radcliff hesitated. “Ma’am?” he questioned.
Trinity rubbed a hand against the hole which seemed to be burrowed in her chest. Sighing, knowing it wasn’t fair to place the people who worked for Rush in the middle, she held out her hand for the phone and murmured, “Fine, let me have it.”
“Hello,” she murmured into the phone as she watched the waves crest along the river, trying to gather courage.
“Hi. Is everything okay?” Rush asked in his velvety smooth voice.
“Can’t complain,” she answered as the alcohol swirled in her blood.
“How’s Blake doing? I miss that little guy so much,” Rush said.
“He’s asleep,” she answered simply.
Silence met her words. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
Bitter laughter erupted from her lips. “Nothing…” Her voice falling to a whisper she said, “Everything.”
“Have you been drinking?” he asked.
“Maybe a little… okay, maybe more than a little,” she replied.
“Did something happen?” he asked.
She covered her mouth as a sob threatened to break free. Tears flowed from her eyes and her nose began to run. “I just… I just wish I could go back… take it all back…” she whimpered.
“Trinity, you have to tell me what’s wrong,” he demanded.
“You should have told me… you should have told me,” she sobbed.
Silence again met her words. “Told you what?” he asked.
“It’s my fault, I know.” she muttered, as she wiped her arm over her nose.
“What is?” he asked, perplexed.
“This… everything. I’m just so stupid… so very stupid.”
“Trinity, I’m not sure what’s going on exactly, but I wanted you to know I have to stay a few more days than I expected,” he said patiently. “I’ve got some hotspots to iron out.”
“Hotspots… yeah, I can only imagine,” she said as she gulped a huge amount of bourbon from the bottle.
“You’re not really making any sense to me right now. When I get home, we’ll sit down and figure out…”
“No worries… I get it. Out with the old and in with the new…” With a laugh, she said, “Although technically, I was the new. Oh, wait, maybe I’m wrong… was she the new? I don’t know. It’s too confusing to me right now.”
“Who is she?” he asked.
Not listening to his question, she said as she watched a sailboat glide through the water, “I wish…” she stopped as her throat clogged.
“Wish what?” he asked.
“You should have left me there,” she whispered. “It would have hurt less.”
“Trinity…”
“Listen, I really need to go now. I’ll see you… when I see you,” she said softly as she clicked the phone off. Tipping the bottle back to her lips, she took a searing pull before leaning back in her chair. Time to move on… again.
The feeling of floating through the air caused her stomach to roil. She was happy when she was laid flat so she could try to contain it. She rolled herself into the pillow, which smelled like Rush, and sighed. This was where she most wanted to be… in Rush’s bed… in Rush’s life. In seconds, she was out.
Chapter Eighteen
Trinity’s head was pounding when she finally woke. Thankfully, Anna had gotten Blake when he’d awakened hungry and wet. She really was a horrible mother. She cringed as she remember bits and pieces of her conversation with Rush. He had to be so happy right now that things hadn’t worked out for them to be married. At least he was spared that. God, what was she going to do? She didn’t blame him, she’d driven him away.
As she lay in the bed, her chest became so tight she thought she was drowning from the inside out. It had to be the two nights she’d spent lying flat instead of upright as she was supposed to have been doing. Deep, racking coughs made both her head and her chest hurt. Sitting up on the side of the bed, she eased herself up and moved gingerly to the bathroom where she popped a packet of headache powder into her mouth, which she washed down with water from the faucet.
Moving back to the spare room she’d been using, she pulled out her inhaler and took a couple of puffs from it before climbing up into the inclined bed. She lay back and closed her eyes, trying not to think about Rush and Olivia… Olivia and Rush… what a mess she’d made of everything. Her stomach roiled mightily and she lunged from the bed, barely making it to the adjoining bathroom, where she vomited repeatedly. The vomiting caused her to gag, which in turn made her cough. Her lungs burned like fire. She had a hard time catching her breath. She laid her head on her arm, leaning over the commode. She was so weak, she didn’t know if she could make it back to her bed.
When the coughing subsided, she rose on extremely shaky legs and moved back to the bed. She bundled herself up in a blanket as teeth-chattering chills shook her body. Her chest hurt so much, she cringed when she had to take a breath. She was so tired… so very tired. Finally, she gave into the exhaustion and slept.
She was vaguely aware during the day of people coming in and out of the room; Anna… Radcliff… and Jorge. But she was too tired to acknowledge them. The next time she opened her eyes fully, the sun was shining brightly into the room. She squinted against it, as the glare was excruciating. She jerked as her mind began to fully function… Blake. She’d forgotten about Blake. She sat up and put her feet on the floor. She stood on legs that felt like limp noodles. Her chest burned and she felt so shaky. She’d not felt this bad since leaving the hospital.
Holding onto the walls, she slowly made her way into the nursery. When she finally reached the doorway to the nursery, sweat was pouring down her face, which was ironic since she was shivering. Her chest was so heavy and her breathing labored, so that she was forced to stop. As she struggled to breathe, her legs gave out and she slid down to the floor, her back against the doorjamb. As she gasped for breath, she turned her head and saw her efforts had been in vain; Blake wasn’t even in his room. Tears of frustration welled up in her eyes. She was just so damned weak. She knew she should get up, but she was just so tired. Leaning back, she gave in and closed her eyes.
She forced her eyes open when she heard a gasp. Anna was leaning over her with Blake in her arms. “Ms. Trinity, are you okay?” she asked frantically.
Trinity didn’t understand her panic at first until she realized she was lying in the middle of floor. With extreme effort, she eased herself up. “I’m not sure. I’m just so tired,” Trinity told Anna as she rubbed a hand over her face.
“You need to eat something, Ms. Trinity. You didn’t eat anything yesterday,” Anna said as she laid a sleeping Blake into his crib.
“Yesterday,” Trinity asked confusedly. “What day is it?”
“Wednesday.”
Wednesday? How had she missed a whole day? With a shake of her head, she asked, “How’s Blake?”
“He’s fine, Ms. Trinity. I’m more worried about you,” Anna said. “I think you should go the doctor’s.”
Trinity pushed her disheveled hair from her face and struggled to concentrate. “I’m just so tired. Can you keep an eye on Blake while I rest?”
“Yes, of course. Why don’t you get back into bed and I’ll bring you some soup,” Anna offered.
“Yes. That’s sounds good,” Trinity replied as she tried to raise herself up, but she was just too weak. She didn’t have the strength to rise. “Anna, can you ask Radcliff to come help me to my room?” Trinity said as she slumped back against the doorjamb.
Trinity knew she was probably right, but right now she just didn’t have the energy. “Please, just get Radcliff for me.”
Radcliff came and helped her back into bed. He also voiced his concerns and begged her to reconsider about seeing a doctor, but she shook her head and drifted back off to sleep. She woke briefly in the afternoon when Anna rousted her to eat some soup. She ate about half of it before exhaustion claimed her once again. The coughing was lessening, as was the burning in her chest. She thought she might just make it.
When she next woke it was to the sound of a masculine voice somewhere in the room. Turning her head, she saw Alex Masters standing with his back to her, facing the window. She thought he was talking to himself until she saw the phone pressed to his ear.
“… pretty bad. She’s been out for two days… I don’t know… I agree… I’ll take care of it… Call when you land… Yes, sir… Everything went according to plan… No, I agree… I’ll try, but you know she can be stubborn… Okay, I’ll see you this evening… Will do.” Alex stood for a moment before turning to face her. He raised his eyebrows when he realized she was awake. “Well, look who’s back,” Alex said with a smile.
She gave him a weak smile in return. “That should be my line.”
“Rush is on his way back and should be landing sometime this evening. How are you feeling?”
Panic flooded her. Rush was coming back. She didn’t want him to come back yet. As insane as she knew her thinking was, when he came back, it would be over… really over. “Why is he coming back?” she asked frantically.
Alex gave her a bemused look, “Because you are very, very sick.”
“I’m feeling better,” she said inanely.
“You’ve been asleep for two days, collapsed in the nursery, and have eaten a total of a half of a bowl of soup. That doesn’t seem better,” he replied.
“I didn’t collapse. I lay down.”
Alex once again raised his eyebrows at her. “On the nursery floor?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Call him and tell him I’m better. I really am better,” she said quickly.
Alex gave a little shake of his head. “It’s too late. He was getting ready to board when he called me. He thinks you need to see a doctor.”
“I don’t. I’m feeling better today… what day is it?”
“Thursday,” Alex said as he shook his head again. “I told him you would be stubborn. Try to get some rest. Now that you’re awake, I’ll have Anna bring you something to eat. Do you need anything else?”
Looking away embarrassed, she said, “Can you help me to the bathroom? My legs are just so weak… I don’t know why.”
“I bet a doctor could tell you why,” Alex said wryly. “How about this? What if I can get a doctor to come here? Would you agree to that?”
Trinity shook her head. “I’m feeling much better today.”
Exhaling deeply, he came and waited until she moved to the edge of the bed to wrap his arms around her slender shoulders. Leaning into him, she made it to the bathroom. She closed the door and edged her way into the bathroom. Once she’d seen to her needs and brushed her teeth, she actually did feel better… better for someone who’s life was about to end anyway. She bit the inside of her lip as she struggled to rein in her emotions.
Rush was coming home. She swallowed at the prospect of starting life without him… and maybe without Blake. She leaned against the counter and wrapped her arms around her middle. It was really happening now. By this time tomorrow, she’d be back on her own. A party of one, once more.
An image of Rush the first time he’d made love to her in that stupid office of his in Vail skittered across her mind. Never again would she see him looming over her with love, want, and desire in his eyes. Taking a deep breath, she took a couple of shaky steps and found that it was manageable. Picking up a brush, she pulled it through her hair, the effort almost too much.
She found Alex standing outside the bathroom door with his arms folded over his chest, leaning against the wall as he waited for her. She gave him a small smile. “I think I can manage on my own. Thanks for waiting,” she said with faked positivity. “I’m going to take a shower, then go see my boy.”
Alex nodded. “Okay. I’ll wait in here until you’re done, just call if you need any help.”
The shower did lots to make her feel better, even if she did end up sitting on the shower floor for most of it. She was desperate to hurry so she could spend as much time as possible with Blake. The air was soughed from her lungs whenever she thought about having to leave both Rush and her precious boy. She’d fight him, but she knew that the billionaire playboy, Rush Drayton, would win any court battle.
After she’d rushed Alex off, she dressed as quick as she could in a white cotton skirt and a sleeveless multi-colored top made of silk. She thought the colors would make her feel better, but all it did was bring out how pale she was. She found Anna feeding Blake. She sat on the couch and waited until she was finished before having her bring him to her. She was still so weak, she didn’t think she could carry him.
She held her precious baby boy close to her and spoke to him in soft tones. He lifted his amazing blue eyes up to hers and seemed to smile at her, although she knew he was probably too young to really smile. But he watched her intently and waved his arms and kicked his feet. She touched his dark hair and breathed in his sweet, sweet smell. She kissed his beautiful little face and swallowed hard. She prayed Rush wouldn’t take him from her. She loved him so much. When he began to get fussy, she rocked him gently until he went to sleep. Anna carried him back to his crib.
As he slept, Trinity moved to her room and began packing up what meager belongings she had at Rush’s house. She went through to Rush’s room and gathered any belongings she’d had there. When she was done, she stacked everything next to the door of the spare room and went to the nursery. She sat down in the rocking chair and slowly rocked the chair back and forth as she watched Blake sleep. She slipped her cellphone from her pocket and checked the messages she hadn’t checked in days. She saw many calls from her father and a couple from Sundra. There was even one from Hunter Amhearst. She deleted all the messages without listening to them. She just couldn’t deal with anything else at the moment.
She tried to tell herself that she’d been through this before and would be able to get over it. But no matter what pep-talk she gave herself, her insides felt like they were being turned inside out. She wondered why he felt the need to come rushing back. He probably was worried Blake wasn’t being cared for properly. Tears filled her eyes; it didn’t matter what she told herself… even though she knew he’d already moved on; it hurt so damned bad! Exhausted by all her activity, and the gently swaying of the rocker, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
A kink in her neck brought her out of her restless slumber in the chair. Rolling her head and shoulders, she opened her eyes to find Rush standing in the doorway of the nursery, a drink in his hand. His gorgeous face was an impassive mask. He contemplated her as he lifted his drink to his lips. Her chest tightened and burned, but with emotion this time.
“So… you’re leaving?” he asked quietly.
She blinked back the tears which threatened. “I think you did that,” she responded just as quietly.
“What do you mean?”
She gave him an incredulous look, then merely shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t blame you, Rush. This time it was my fault. I accept that. It’s… just time.” Her heart felt crushed in her chest.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m okay. Just overdid it. But I’m better now. You won’t have to worry. I’ll take really good care of Blake.”
He bunched his eyebrows together. “I wasn’t worried. I just thought maybe it’d make more sense for you both to stay here until you were feeling better.”
She clamped her lips together firmly when they
began to tremble again. “I can’t,” she whispered.
“What about Blake?” he asked sadly.
She swallowed hard and her chest heaved, rising and falling rapidly, making her almost lightheaded. Her lips trembled. “Please don’t take him from me. I’ll do whatever you want, but please don’t take him.”
Once again he eyed her speculatively over the rim of his glass. “Anything I want, huh?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He studied her for a long moment. “Stay with me tonight.”
Her head spun at his words. “I don’t understand what you mean.”
“It’s simple. Stay with me tonight, then tomorrow if you still want to go… I won’t stop you.”
The trembling in her lips seemed to invade her body. “I… can’t. Please don’t ask me that.”
Rush moved towards her and crouched down in front of her. Setting his now-empty glass down, he captured her left hand within his and brought it up to his lips. “I know this isn’t the life you wanted, and I promised myself when Tiko took you that I would let you go, but I’m finding it hard. I want you so damned much. Stay with me,” he whispered huskily.
She sucked in a breath and tried to pull her hand away, but he just tugged it until she was face-to-face with him.
“Stay with me,” he whispered against her lips.
Gently, he pressed his lips against hers. Letting her hand go, he reached up and captured her face within the palms of his hands. He licked his way into her mouth and stroked her tongue with his. “I have missed you so much,” he whispered.
Keeping the memory of the photographs of Rush and Olivia firmly in her mind, but ashamed at the extreme effort it still took, she pulled away. “I can’t do this. I can’t… stay. I need to go.”
“I don’t want you to,” he replied, confused, as he leaned in and traced the curve of her ear with his lips and his tongue. “I want you… I need you,” he murmured.