He Owns Me (Owning Me series Book 1)

by J. L. Ostle

  “Jonny,” I husk out, but he doesn’t hear me. I say his name a little louder and he lifts his head. When he sees that I’m awake, he runs to my side, holding my face and kissing me all over.

  “Raven, I’m so, so sorry. When you fell, I hated myself even more. God, how I treated you.” He stares at the ceiling, then looks back down to me. “You okay? How do you feel? Do you need anything?” he says without taking a breath.

  “I’m a little sore, but am I okay?”

  “You fell, you hurt yourself on the way down. The doctor won’t say anything else since I’m not immediate family. They wanted to contact your parents but they didn’t have a number in the system.” I start to panic. I don’t want them to see me. I don’t want to see them.

  “I don’t want my parents, please Jonny, make sure they don’t call them,” I say in a panic.

  “It’s okay, they don’t need to call them, you're over twenty-one so it’s okay.” He squeezes my hand and I start to feel calmer but the beeping next to me is going quite fast. A nurse walks in with a smile.

  “Yay, you're awake. How are you feeling? Try and not overwhelm her, that’s why the machine is beeping.” I watch her as she takes some notes down. She looks to be in her fifties; light blonde hair, blue eyes.

  “I feel a little sore. Why did I fall? Did I faint?” I ask her.

  “The doctor will be by shortly; he can fill you in. Do you need a drink or anything before I go?”

  “Can I have some water, please?”

  “Of course.” She gives me a smile and walks out and a few minutes later comes in with a glass of water and a straw. “Take little sips. I will go inform the doctor you’re ready to see him.” I tell her my thanks and she walks back out.

  “I’m just going to quickly get Caron; she has been out of her mind. You think she talks loads now, wait till you see her in a panic, the girl won’t shut up.” I chuckle as he stands, but I quickly grab his hand, stopping him.

  “Are we okay, though? Even after the argument?” He smiles softly at me.

  “We will always be okay. You concentrate on getting better. I’ll be right back.” I nod and watch him leave and look around my room. White walls and floors, little marks here and there. I notice a TV in the far corner of the wall. I try and push myself up but my lower back kills a little.

  “If you fucking scare me like that again, I swear I will kick your ass. I don’t even care if you're lying on a hospital bed,” I hear Caron say as she walks in the room. She comes straight to my side and hugs me. “You okay?”

  “Is this all I’m going to hear today? If I’m okay?”

  “I will still kick your ass.” We both giggle. “But seriously how are you feeling?” I watch Jonny and Alan walk in and sit on the end of my bed.

  “I’m okay. I can’t believe I fell.” I shake my head.

  “How did you fall? Did you faint?” Alan asks me, giving me a small smile.

  “I don’t know. My head felt heavy and the rest of me felt light and then darkness came, and then I woke up here.” Jonny looks at me then back down.

  “Jonny, what is it?” He knows something, I’m sure of it.

  “Are you pregnant?” I look at him with my eyes wide. Why would he think that?

  “God no, why would you think that?” I speak out my thoughts.

  “You fainted for no reason, it is possible. Are you late? Do you have any other symptoms?” I look to Alan and he looks embarrassed. I look to Caron and she looks uncomfortable as well, she knows I’m still a virgin so least I know she will believe me.

  “I’m not pregnant, trust me.”

  “But you could be, have you taken any tests?”

  “For goodness sake, I’m not pregnant. I would know if I am. Now please, change the subject,” I plead with him.

  “But this happens all the…” I put my hands up and stop him.

  “Jonny, drop it. I’m not. So trust me on that.” He closes his mouth but I know he doesn’t believe me. We sit in an uncomfortable silence until a doctor comes in. He is very cute for someone who could be in his forties. Messy brown hair and eyes, bet the nurses like him.

  “Miss Hutchinson, you gave your friends a scare. I see your blood pressure is fine, the blood work we did, everything came back alright. With that, I need to ask what happened before you fell?” I look around the room and back to my hands.

  “I was getting ready to go out; me and my friend were having an argument and then I fell.” I gave him the short story.

  “Anything before that, anything else that may have upset you?” I look at Caron and she has tears building in her eyes; I have to look away before I start.

  “She got a letter from her ex and she got emotional about it, we fought then she fell,” Jonny says in a clipped tone.

  “Fought? As in you two were fighting?” The doctor looks at Jonny and I know what he may be thinking.

  “We argued, is what he means.”

  “Right, okay, so you were upset and then you were arguing. Have you been stressed recently, over doing it maybe?” I think back to my dreams, exams, over dancing, fighting with Jonny, graduation, thinking about my life. Stressed isn’t the word.

  “I think I may have been overdoing it. I’ve also been doing my finals exams and graduating.”

  “Well, I think that explains it. I think your body is run down. If you are pushing your body and stressing constantly, your body is going to get a bit of a whiplash so to speak. Your body shut down to get rest. Sometimes the brain is like a power source and when it’s about to explode, it turns everything off. I think that is what happened. And if you were yelling beforehand, that could have been the tipping point. At least you have graduated so you won’t have to worry about school work, but I suggest you take a few days to rest, chill in bed, watch loads of movies and read. Reading is therapeutic for the brain from what I hear from my colleagues.” He chuckles.

  “Can she be pregnant?” Jonny adds in.

  “Jonny, I told you to drop it,” I whisper angrily at him.

  “She isn’t pregnant. If she was, it would have shown in the blood work. She is fit and healthy. So please, rest up and don’t overdo it. Don’t want this to happen again, do we?” I shake my head.

  “Thank you, doctor, for everything,” I smile at him and he shakes my hand.

  “My pleasure. I will let you rest up. You can go home this afternoon but I want you to catch up on some sleep first, so if your friends don’t mind leaving and come back in a few hours.” He looks to each of them, especially Jonny. Jonny grunts as the doctor leaves.

  “Thank God for that. I want you to stay with me for a few days, we can have girly time and watch cute boys and eat plenty of ice-cream.” Caron beams at me.

  “I think maybe I should look after her.” Jonny stands. I can already start to feel my blood boiling.

  “I think it’s best if I stay with Caron. Right now, you keep pissing me off and I don’t think that will be good for me. You know how we both are, after a few hours of being alone together we will be biting each other’s heads off. It’s just for a few days.”

  “Fine, if that’s what you want. I just want you to get better, and if you want to stay with the girl that doesn’t shut up, by all means.”

  “Hey, I’m offended by that.” Caron walks to him and pushes his chest but he hardly moves. “You're just upset because she’d rather sleep next to me than you.” She sticks her tongue out to him.

  “I can kick your ass out of that apartment, you know that right?” He crosses his arms.

  “I have a contract so if you want a lawsuit on your hands, be my guest.” She crosses her arms and it’s like they are having a stare off.

  “Now children, before I have a heart attack from the two of you twittering, go and give me some peace. Oh and Alan?” I ask him.

  “Yes.” He comes to my side.

  “Please make sure they don’t kill each other.” I chuckle and he laughs and nods.

  “I’ll try, but can’t promise
anything. Hey, maybe we can have a guy thing while they do their girl thing. Beer, porn, pizza, what do you think?” Jonny pushes him on the shoulder without answering and walks to my side and kisses my forehead.

  “If you need me, I’m just a phone call away.” I nod.

  “You ignoring me now?” Alan whines as they both leave the room.

  “Jonny is a pain in my ass. If he thinks he’s going to be visiting you every five minutes when you’re at my place, he has another thing coming.” She gives me a hug and a wink. “I’m going to put a deadbolt on the door just in case. Might ask Alan to drop me off at a hardware store on the way home.”

  “Bye, crazy.” I wave to her. I watch her step out and I relax and close my eyes but she runs back in.

  “Hang balls, I forgot to let you know I got rid of the box. I didn’t want you seeing it when you came home. So don’t think about it, okay.” She gives me anther hug and kisses my cheek and leaves.

  I lay there once again remembering the letter, the things he said, seeing us both looking so happy in the photo. He has scarred me; he was the final nail in the coffin that made me leave, he is the reason why my parents hate me. He made me change who I am. Yeah, the three bitches broke me in a way, but he broke the person I was.

  I close my eyes and try and not think about my past, but as the weight of my lids start to close, I know my past isn’t ready to let me go yet. I can see his face smiling at me. Once my safety net, now he is just my living nightmare.

  Raven

  Jonny, Alan, and Caron pick me up and drive me back to the apartment complex. As soon as we walk into the elevator, Jonny starts asking if I’m sure that I want to stay with Caron. I have to go on and on that I am sure. If I had to spend alone time with him, I’m sure I would hit him over the head with a pan.

  I sleep in Caron’s spare room; we went and got things from my place so that we aren’t going back and forth. The most important thing I needed was my Kindle. If I needed to rest, I was so taking the opportunity to read as many books as I can.

  Caron and I spend the day on the couch, watching re-runs of Friends, catching up on Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries. Watching hot men fight bad guys is a big plus for me. I’m sure that I’ve gained over half my weight since I can’t stop eating. We’ve pigged out on ice cream, popcorn, pizza, and even Chinese food. I am tempted to undo a button on my pants and let my fat hang freely. I may be exaggerating a little but you get my drift.

  I feel like a house.

  I feel like I just ate a house.

  “I think I’m in a food coma,” Caron grumbles next to me.

  “I think I’m dying,” I grumble back.

  “You are a bad influence. Think I gained twenty-eight pounds in one day.” I nod. I slouch further down.

  “I can’t move,” I whine.

  “Do you want a glass of wine?” I look to her and she is trying not to laugh.

  “How can I say no to wine?” We both laugh and I watch her waddle to the kitchen and come back with a bottle and two glasses. “What would we do without wine?” She hands me a glass and pours.

  “Drink tea like proper ladies.” I take a sip and sigh. God, I needed that.

  “Hmm, now that would be interesting. Maybe England should rub off on us. Tea and scones are probably better than alcohol.

  “I’d rather have a glass of wine.” We giggle and she snuggles back into the couch.

  “How are you feeling after everything? “I take another sip.

  “Honestly?” I ask her.

  “Of course.”

  “I feel drained, mentally and emotionally. I feel like the person I created myself to be was maybe a bad idea. I feel like I don’t really know who I am anymore. If you knew me over three years ago, you would be shocked. I was a goody, goody; a loner. I followed the rules, I did what I was told, and yet bad things still happened to me. Now, I look back and people we went to college with think I’m a whore, a party girl. They think I’m with a guy they believe to be quiet and mysterious, who actually has a kinky lifestyle and is possessive over his best friend, who he wanted to fuck when he first saw me. So much has happened; me and Jonny have changed, we blurred the lines. I have swayed into the kinky world. For fuck sake, I watch him screw other women, I let him whip me. I let a stranger, a woman, whip me. I swear so much that it’s just habit now to say fuck and shit all the time. I just feel lost.” I take a big gulp and turn to her.

  “I was expecting you to say ‘okay’ or that you’re ‘getting there’. First off, who cares what people think? We will probably never see them again. Second, you need to think long and hard about what you want to do with the Jonny situation. I don’t think you’re still just friends; it’s you're in a relationship without the sex. I think maybe you were always going to be into the kinky lifestyle but hadn’t realized it yet.”

  “I was forced to watch my bully give a blowjob and watch a guy go down on her. I should want to stay away from anything like that. And the whipping thing, I use to hate when those girls hurt me, the pain they made me experience.” I down the rest of my wine.

  “Those girls forced you. What you have been doing is consensual. There are different kinds of pain.”

  “You sound just like Jonny.” I chuckle at her.

  “Well, your past may have changed you in some ways, but maybe you’re just now a bit of both. Maybe you are her but the girl you are now also. Just stop lying to yourself and be who you want to be. Stop wanting to please others and be what they expect of you.” She finishes her wine and pours more into our glasses.

  “It’s easier said than done. With Jonny, that’s a whole can of worms I’m not ready to open.”

  “What about he who we shall not be named? What are you going to do about the package thing?”

  “Well, I didn’t open it till a few days after I got it, so I’ll just ignore it. It’s not like he’s going to come here, is it? He’s not that stupid and I’m not that shy little girl anymore. I won’t let him get to me.”

  “But the dreams, maybe you are having them because you need closure, maybe you need to face your demons.”

  “I will not be facing him. I don’t dream about my past all the time, but I can handle it. I got this.”

  “If you say so.” She shrugs and takes a sip, I follow suit.

  “I say so.”

  “What about Jonny then? What are you going to do about him?” Now that’s a good question. Caron is right, we aren’t really friends anymore, we are too close, but how can we be more than what we are if he’s still fucking around? He probably thinks I’m still sleeping around too.

  God this is such a mess.

  “I need to decide once and for all if I want him more than a friend.”

  “And if you do?”

  “I’ll tell him I want more.”

  “And what if you don’t want more with him?”

  “Then I need to think about taking up that dance offer.” She spits out her wine.

  “Would you take it?”

  “I would have to. We aren’t healthy, and we would still be in the same spot; messing around, seducing each other with word play. We would need distance and I think this would do it.” I look into my glass and know if I do decide to leave, that I would be leaving a small part of me behind.

  “Well, you need to get to thinking, girl. The question is, what do you want?”

  Jonny

  “The usual, please,” I ask the bartender and he nods and hands me another bottle of beer. “Thanks. Put it on my tab, please.” I grab it and turn to look around the room. You are only allowed two drinks here so alcohol doesn’t affect people’s judgment etc., I just need it to give me some Dutch courage for what I’m going to do. I see the place is in full swing, the music is slow and sexual, and I see a few people slow dancing. I walk around trying to find someone I know who will be able to help me. People recognize me and give me small waves and others give me winks and smiles. I walk past a few submissives on which their heads are bowed, not ma
king eye contact with anyone.

  I have been coming here for years. This is my sanctuary. Raven knows I go to places like this. Just thinking about her makes me question why I’m here. But I do know why. It’s because I want to get punished, need to get punished. I walk around the dark lit room and see a leggy blonde leaning against the wall with a man on his knees by her feet. People know her as a sadist, she is a dominant but she enjoys inflicting pain and that is what I’m after tonight.

  Pain.

  I walk towards her and, like she can sense me, she turns and eyes me up and down and looks at the colors I’m wearing and smiles. I’m wearing black, a dominant, but I’m also wearing green which means I’m wanting to reverse my role tonight. I bow my head and she smiles brightly at me. She could be in her early to late thirties. Clear blue eyes. She is wearing a leather skirt and boots with a tight black blouse.

  “May I help you?” she asks sweetly, but she knows why I came to her. I need her help.

  “Want to do a scene?” She eyes me up and down again. I am shirtless, with just my black pants and a green handkerchief that is sticking out of my pocket, people like her always searches for colors, seeing what they are wanting, she is like a hunter and preys on the vulnerable.

  “What are you wanting?”

  “I need to be punished.” With those words, her smile turns sultry.

  “Would be my pleasure. Come with me.” She starts to walk towards a hallway and I follow. The man that was on his knees crawls after her.

  We walk down another hallway and past a few doors until she is happy with the room she wants to use. She opens it up and nods her head for me to go in first. The room is light brown with white ceilings; the lamps on the walls are very dim. I see a table with restraints on it. I walk to the table and lay down.

  “Ronny, go sit in the corner,” she speaks to the guy who must be her submissive. I watch him crawl and sit, just like a dog. That is the one thing I would never do, treat the person in my care as a pet. But I know a few dominants who like that sort of control. “Well, you are eager for this.” She walks to me and strokes down my back. She starts to latch me to the table as I face down.