"Guys, give us a few minutes. Please?"
"Okay, Mom."
"Alright, Dear. We'll be in the den."
The men in the Newsome family stood up slowly, looked at Sarah with a compassionate gaze and left her bedroom.
After the door closed, Sarah, without saying a word, slowly took off her long sleeved knit blouse. With some embarrassment and more shame than she thought she could bear, she held out her arms for her mother and sister to see. What they saw shocked them both.
The bruises on Sarah's arms were painful enough for her mother to witness, but the deep abrasions on her forearm, ones that would almost certainly leave a scar, sent her to her knees. "Sarah... what has that monster done to you? How could you let this happen?"
Sarah couldn't respond. She suddenly felt very alone in her own bedroom with her mother and sister.
Sensing her discomfort, Ruth retrieved a soft t-shirt from Sarah's drawer and helped her slip it on gently. She sat behind Sarah on the bed and put her arms around the older sister she loved and respected so much to give her strength.
Everything that happened to her, all that transpired between her and Brian, seemed like part of their "loving relationship" up until that moment. Now, it seemed horrific, like it happened to someone else. "I... I don't know, Mom. I don't know how I could have let this happen. I can't explain it."
"Well, we are going to do something about it. We need to talk to your Dad and Gabe. I'm sure they are sweating bullets out there." Loretta couldn't get her body to move. She sat motionless staring at her daughter. Her worst fears were borne out. She finally reached up and wrapped her arms around Sarah's head and held her close.
For a moment there was no sound in the room.
Then, they all cried in each other's arms until they were ready to face the men.
Sarah made the long trek down the hallway surrounded by the support and protection of the other Newsome women. Protecting her from what none of them could have said. Everyone in the family wanted the best for their beloved Sarah.
"Dad, I have something to show you, but promise you won't get mad."
Jim broke out in a nervous sweat. He knew something painful was about to come to light. "I won't get mad, sweetheart. It's alright."
Sarah walked closer to where her father and brother were sitting. It was easier to show her wounds this time. The emotional release from the first exposure to her mother and sister gave her strength to face her father. It was her brother she should have worried about.
Jim gingerly took Sarah's outstretched hand into both of his. What he saw destroyed him, but made him want to lash out at the man, no... beast that hurt his little girl.
"I am going to kill that..." Gabriel Newsome stood up in a rage that frightened Sarah so much she pulled away from her father and wrapped her arms around herself, ducking her head.
"I'm so sorry Sarah. I don't mean to hurt you. It's Brian that's going to get hurt." With that, Gabriel stormed out of the house to calm himself down.
"Sarah, are you alright?" Jim talked in soothing tones to the daughter he thought was hurting but now realized was nearly broken.
"I... I think so, Dad. It's not as bad as it looks." Sarah still tried to downplay the severity of the problem.
"Sarah, how did you get those awful scratches? They're pretty deep."
"I pulled my arm away from Brian and scraped it on his watch."
Jim looked at the gashes on his daughter's arm with a mix of anger and revulsion toward Brian and compassion for his little girl. How could a man who was supposed to cherish his child do something so hideous? As he held Sarah's hand and looked at the wound, he wondered how this could happen if she were just pulling away from Brian's grasp? It didn't make sense. "Sarah, is there something you're not telling me?"
"What do you mean, Daddy?"
"If you were just pulling you're arm away from him, your forearm wouldn't have been near his watch like that. He would have to have his arms around you for that to happen and you would have to struggle to get away from him. Is that what happened?"
Sarah didn't answer, at least with words. She looked at her father with the fear that he had figured it out. She felt like she had been caught in a lie. Tears welled up in her eyes and began to roll down her face. "I'm sorry, Daddy."
"For what, Sarah."
"For not telling you the truth."
"What is the truth? Was he... trying to... force himself on you and you resisted?"
She answered with deep sobs.
Jim responded with compassion and love for his broken-spirited child. He held her in his lap like he had done so many times so long ago and allowed her to release as much pain as she could.
Gabriel walked up and down the street that was so familiar and comforting to him. This evening it brought him no solace. He loved his family more than life itself. During his overseas deployments his family picture was one of his prized possessions. He had to leave things like that behind during Long Range Surveillance missions deep into enemy territory. Of course, what wasn't enemy territory in places like that? Personal photos would jeopardize his family's safety if he were captured.
Gabe always felt protective of Sarah. She was a fragile and soft-hearted soul that needed the protection of someone strong but sensitive. She didn't deserve the likes of Brian Travers. That jerk had to pay for what he did to his little sister. And pay he would. While he walked he formulated a plan and made a few calls to his buddies at Ft. Hood.
The next morning Loretta called for help from the most objective but supportive person outside the family, Dr. Alma Johnston. As the family's gynecologist, she had helped all the women in the Newsome family with her caring disposition and forthright advice. Dr. Johnston was just what Sarah needed right now, a thorough check up and the compassionate counsel that Sarah grew to trust through the years. She made time for Sarah that morning.
"Sarah, you know that anything we discuss is covered by doctor-patient confidentiality and I will not reveal it to your parents or anyone else unless required by law, but you know that given your line of work."
"Yes, ma'am. And I appreciate that. It was hard enough facing them last night. Heck, it was hard enough facing this myself." Sarah lightly stroked her arm.
"Tell me what has been happening."
"Well, I met Brian at a student mixer the beginning of my first year in grad school. We hit it off just great..." Sarah smiled as she described their early relationship, but caught herself as she remembered the purpose of her visit.
Dr. Johnston listened patiently as Sarah explained some of the issues that made the relationship sound less than wonderful the way it was coming out of her mouth today.
"Sarah, I know your heart, your commitment to God and to a high moral standard. We've talked about the fact that you want to wait until marriage for a sexual relationship. Has Brian pressured you to do anything physically that you don't want to do?"
Sarah's hesitation to answer that question was answer enough. Her inability to answer with anything but tears was all Dr. Johnston needed to know. She waited until Sarah seemed able to continue.
"Sarah, as your physician, I need to be concerned about your physical well-being. Have you had any sexual contact that would put you at risk..."
Sarah sat up straight like she had been shocked. "No... I told him no." She sat for a moment to collect her thoughts. "That's what started everything going downhill, I guess. He became more insistent and angry after that. I just didn't want to admit to what was going." Sarah pulled up the sleeve of her loose long-sleeved blouse to show the wounds on her arm. "This was last week when he got a little too demanding..."
Dr. Johnston had seen scrapes like this before. Abrasions of various depths on the outer right forearm caused by a metal wristwatch band. Brian held Sarah from behind and she struggled to get away. The bruises of various colors on her arms indicated the much too firm holds on several occasions over the last four to six weeks. While she kept her professional demeanor, Dr. Johnston's
heart sank and her anger rose. How could anyone do something like this to such a sweet and innocent young lady?
"Sarah, your annual is only two months away. Since you're already here, and given the circumstances, how about we go ahead and do everything now?"
"Oh, okay. I guess that's a good idea." Sarah felt a little self-conscious given the subject of their conversation.
Dr. Johnston put Sarah at ease, as she always did, and eased her own mind during her thorough examination that Sarah didn't have any more obvious signs of abuse or physical trauma.
The results of that appointment were a clean bill of health, a confirmation that Sarah's injuries were not serious, at least physically, and a referral to a counselor to discuss Sarah's issues with the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend Brian Travers.
Sarah felt refreshed and energized after meeting with Dr. Johnston, but also frightened about how to end her relationship with Brian. How would that go? How much would that hurt? Sarah wasn't looking forward to those answers.
Gabriel's leave couldn't end soon enough. Not that he didn't love being with his family. Family meant everything to him. No, he had a mission and it couldn't be completed in East Texas. His objective was in Waco. On the way out of town Gabriel called his buddies. Recon was complete and the mission was a go.
Driving back to Waco after a tearful farewell with her parents and sister, Sarah thought through how she was going to tell Brian it was over. She couldn't go on this way. She didn't want to do it alone, however. Maybe her roommate Karen would go with her. Brian was always so charming around other people. As the thoughts swirled around in her head, her anxiety grew. As her anxiety grew, she suddenly realized where she should turn.
Father, I thought I Brian loved me, but I realize now that he doesn't. I so much wanted him to love me. Where did I go wrong? Help me understand what I'm supposed to do? How do I get through this? I need you more now than ever before, maybe even your supernatural protection. Help me!
All the while, the resolution to her problem already played out last evening less than a mile from her apartment.
Out on his usual five mile run, Brian struck up a conversation with a lithe and vivacious young lady who showed a real interest in more than Brian's running ability.
"Gina" slowed down and trotted toward the back of an abandoned gas station, making sure she had his attention. "Hey, Brian. Follow me if you're man enough" was all the bait Sargeant Lisa Henson needed to get the target to divert to the "kill zone" of sorts. Sargeant Henson kept running, alone and with a smile, leaving the target to his fate.
Brian Travers had no qualms about bruising the arms of a sweet young lady. Three combat hardened soldiers had no qualms about breaking the arm of an abusive boyfriend.
Relationship ended.
Sarah arrived at her apartment close to the Baylor campus late in the afternoon, but just in time to meet up with her doubts and fears filling up an otherwise empty two bedroom suite. Karen wouldn't be home from her internship for another few hours. Sarah decided to put off unpacking until later. She needed to calm her nerves and relax after all she had been through.
As soon as she settled onto her couch with a cup of tea the doorbell rang. The blood drained from her face. She grew cold while fear and panic gripped her so tight she couldn't move. What if that's Brian. What do I do? She forced herself to get up from the couch and look through the security port. It was Don, Brian's roommate. What's he doing here? This is strange.
Sarah opened the door more out of curiosity than politeness. She could immediately tell from his demeanor that something wasn't right. "Hi, Don... What's wrong?"
"Sarah, can I talk to you for a minute. It's about Brian."
"Is he... alright? I mean..."
"Oh, he’ll be okay. I just need to talk to you about him. That's all."
"Oh, okay. Come in, I guess." Sarah was uncomfortable being alone with Don even though she knew him as long as she had known Brian.
"I don't need to stay long, Sarah. I just have to deliver a message... from Brian." Don rather sheepishly handed her an envelope. "I know what it says. That's why I wanted to talk to you... after you read it, that is."
Sarah felt confused. She had never seen Don act this way. He was normally so funny and care-free. This wasn't like him. She took the note from him and opened it hesitantly.
My Dearest Sarah,
I'm sorry I have to tell you this way, but I think it is best. I have come to the painful conclusion that I have hurt you. I can't go on hurting you any longer. Please forgive me for what I have done to you and know that, in my own way, I love you.
I think it is best if we don't see other again. I know it would be too hard for you to face me and I couldn't bear causing you any more pain. I wish you all the best and have a happy life.
Love,
Brian
Sarah read the note again, then a third time trying to comprehend not just what it said but why it said what it did. It didn't make sense that Brian would let go of her so easily. She felt a range of emotions from overwhelming relief that she didn't have to face him, to hurt that he was the one that broke it off. She stood next to Don trying to find some kind of emotional foothold so she could move forward.
Don broke her stalemate. "Sarah, are you okay?"
"I... I don't know what I am, Don."
"You probably need to sit down... at least for the story I'm about to tell you."
Sarah dutifully backed up until she reached the breakfast table and sat down in a chair. Don followed.
"Sarah, Brian went out last evening for his usual run around the campus. He took a long time coming back. I didn't think much of it at first... he... does that sometimes."
From Don's discomfort, Sarah got the distinct impression that Brian's delays involved other women. She felt hurt. Then she felt very angry.
"It was almost dark when I heard a noise. When I opened the door, Brian was sitting on the porch, crying. He was pretty beat up and his arm was broken. He wouldn't tell me who beat him. I took him to the hospital. He wouldn't say anything to the police when they came to the ER. When we got home all he would tell me was that he deserved it and that he had to end his relationship with you. This is the note he wrote this morning. I just don't get it Sarah. What happened?"
"I... don't really know, Don." Sarah was being truthful. She didn't really know what happened, but she had an idea. She sat for a minute contemplating her next move. "Don, tell Brian that it's all for the best."
Don stared at Sarah in disbelief. "Is that all? I mean... you don't have any more to say than that?"
Sarah's eyes never left Don's as she sat for a moment to gather up her courage for the truth she was about to reveal. She slowly pulled up the sleeve of her light sweater and showed Don the deep bruise and scrapes that were beginning to scab over.
Don looked at Sarah's arm for a moment not fully comprehending what he saw. Then, a range of emotions began to show on his face that reflected disgust for his roommate to hurt for the pain that Sarah suffered. "Sarah, I... I don't know what to say except, I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I didn't see what was happening."
"It's not your fault, Don. I didn't really accept it myself until this last weekend when I talked with my family. Tell Brian it's for the best."
"I will Sarah... Is there anything I can do for you?"
"No. I'll be okay, but thanks."
Don stood up to leave. He wanted so much to hug Sarah to express his concern and sorrow, but he knew the last thing she wanted was contact from another man right now. "God bless you, Sarah. I hope you have a great life and meet a man that will love you for the beautiful soul that you are."
"Thank you, Don."
After Don walked out and Sarah bolted the door, she sat down on the couch fully expecting to cry for the next few hours over her broken relationship. She didn't. She thought about what happened to Brian and almost felt bad for him. Almost, but not really. She had a pretty good idea of what happened. There was a guardian angel out there watching
over her. An angel whose wings were Airborne wings.
In the weeks that followed, Sarah realized she needed to face the part of herself that allowed herself to be hurt like that. She needed the kind of help that she could not give herself. Fortunately, her church had a recovery program that met every Thursday evening. She knew about it and even referred people to it, but never dreamed that she needed that kind of help.
Sarah learned that she needed to face that fact she was powerless to change the very part of herself that was powerless and to depend on God for strength. The support she received in the recovery program from people with different kinds of problems, but the same root cause, was overwhelmingly wonderful. She slowly put everything about Brian in the past. Everything except for the scars on her arm. Those would be a constant reminder to be vigilant and to guard her heart with God's help.
Twelve Steps of recovery and eight years of maturity later, Sarah sat alone in a picturesque Victorian landscape with nothing but the company of the birds and the constellation of her complicated memories... and cried.
Chapter 3
Having found the personal strength to accept that Jake was not the one for her and to help him realize who was the one for him was a hollow victory but a victory none the less. She spent time in her morning devotional the last few days focusing on God's all sufficient love and care for her. By Sunday morning Sarah felt her personal and spiritual strength returning.
She sat in the Sanctuary of St. Paul's Lutheran Church awaiting the beginning of worship and prayed.
Father, help me to turn my life over to your loving care. Where I have a need, let me trust you to fill it in your time, not mine. Where I can help another, give me the strength to be your conduit of grace and mercy. Help me trust in your love alone. Let me experience your grace in sufficient measure to wait for the right man to come into my life.
Sarah sat with her head bowed, an indication to other worshippers she did not want to be disturbed. She didn't particularly feel like talking to anyone else at the moment. What she experienced was a profound encounter with her Heavenly Father and she did not want it to end.
Sarah's Prayer: A Sunset Single (Sunset Series 1.1) Page 2