“All right. Tomorrow. Same time. See you.” Neil gave him a sad little half-wave and headed back down the hall.
Kit watched him go, only turning when the bell rang to let him know that the elevator was there. Maybe it was time to make some big changes. Maybe it was time to just eliminate Neil’s big issue. There were other therapists. Kit was getting to the point where he could do his exercises with anyone, maybe. It wasn’t like a whole new mandate of therapy would have to be created.
Maybe if Neil could stop seeing him a patient he could see Kit as a man, finally.
Unhappy, unsettled, and out of sorts, Kit went down the elevator to the ground floor. He needed to make some calls and ask some questions.
Chapter Nine
Neil looked up at the knock on his door, eyes widening in surprise when he saw it was Teresa Sutherland, head of the physio department.
“You got a minute, Neil?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing, actually.” She sat in the chair across from him, a file in her hand. At his look, she went on. “Kit Matheson has been making inquiries about changing physical therapists.”
Oh. Well, damn, he should have seen that one coming. Neil nodded. “I guess I’m not surprised.”
“Why’s that?”
He cleared his throat. “An... attraction developed between us.”
One of her eyebrows went up. “I hope you’re not telling me you got involved with him.”
“Not like that. And that’s probably the problem; I told him we couldn’t as long as I was his therapist.”
“And he’s so into you he’s changing therapists so he can be with you?”
Neil blushed. “I didn’t say that. I don’t know what his motives are; I just wanted to be honest with you.”
She looked at him for a long moment, and then nodded. “Okay. Well. These were just inquiries for the moment. Just make sure you don’t cross any lines, Neil.”
“Of course not.”
He groaned again as he watched her go. Had he been inappropriate? He’d tried so very hard not to be, but it had been clear from their appointment yesterday that Kit was unhappy about the situation between them.
He raked his hand through his hair. God what a mess. He’d screwed up. No, he hadn’t let things go too far, but they’d gone far enough. He should have never accepted that first dinner invitation. Or he shouldn’t have let Kit know he was gay. Or something.
Speak of the devil. Neil heard Kit’s voice wishing someone a good morning and then he wheeled past the open door, on his way to the therapy room. He glanced in and nodded as he passed, but he didn’t stop.
Now Neil was in the position where he knew what Kit had been doing, but Kit didn’t know he knew. Thanks a lot, Teresa.
Sighing, he stood and grabbed his clipboard, heading to the therapy room for their appointment.
Kit was at one of the double bars, doing some stretches in his chair while he waited. “Good morning,” he said, twisting to stretch one of his shoulders.
“Hey, Kit. How’s it going?”
“Fine. You?” He sounded all business, perfectly calm and not at all warm or friendly. Just another patient, and a new one at that. Not like someone Neil knew or had been working with for a few months.
“Can we talk for a minute?” Neil had to let Kit know that he knew. Maybe he could recommend someone, if Kit would let him.
“Sure.” Kit stopped stretching and looked at him, not quite able to maintain his coolness. If anything, he looked slightly nervous. “About what?”
“My supervisor stopped by for a chat this morning.” He didn’t want to make it sound like he was accusing Kit of anything -- getting someone new had been one of his options to the man, after all; Kit was perfectly within his rights. Neil just really wished Kit had gone through him.
One of Kit’s eyebrows started to go up. “About me, I assume.”
“Yeah. She said you were making inquiries. You know I’d be happy to find you someone new, right? I want what’s best for you -- I could make you some recommendations and stuff. You could have come to me.”
Kit pursed his mouth for a moment and went back to stretching. “No, I couldn’t. You would wind up thinking I wasn’t happy with my care at your hands. They didn’t let me know that they’d tell you -- that’s not fair or cool. I didn’t want you to know I was asking.”
“That was actually the main reason I brought it up -- I didn’t want to hide it from you. And Teresa was just doing her job. She wanted to make sure nothing inappropriate had happened between us. And yes, you could have. I know you were happy with my care and then things got all...” He waved his hands in front of him. “Awkward, to say the least. I just want the best for you, Kit.”
Kit stopped stretching again and sighed. “I want you to understand that I know what’s best for me, Neil. You really do make me feel like a child sometimes, and since I happen to live with my parent, I need a space where I’m an equal with someone. I want to be an equal to you, and that won’t happen here, in this room. It won’t happen anywhere at all as long as you’re my therapist, and frankly I am not going to wait. I’ve learned that time can be all too short.”
“I said I understand why you’re asking around -- I’m not pissed off at you. At all. I just wanted you to know, because pretending I didn’t know when I did is what would be childish here. I am not treating you like a child.” Why couldn’t Kit see things from the other side at all?
“I need to make my own decision, is all I’m saying, and I wanted to do it without talking to you, but now that’s gone. This place is like a big, giant overlord sometimes. There’s no less than two dozen people who have access to every notation made about me. My files are an open book to every doctor and nurse who comes across my path, barring -- I hope -- the notes my shrink makes. I feel incredibly exposed and like I have no privacy at all in my life.
“I just wanted to make one choice on my own, but I couldn’t even do that without your supervisor running to you. It’s not fair.”
“The decision is entirely yours, Kit. If you want help or advice, I’m here. If you don’t, that’s fine. I’ll continue to give you the best care I can until you move on.” He wasn’t going to point out that they were all just looking out for Kit’s best interests -- clearly Kit didn’t want to hear that.
“I know you will. I would never doubt that.” Kit looked utterly miserable. “I’ll let you know what I find out or decide or whatever. This whole thing is just so messed up and frustrating. My whole life is.”
Neil nodded. “I know. And I’m really sorry that I’ve contributed to that.” It was everything he hadn’t wanted to do. “Come on. Let’s get these exercises in -- at least you can take your frustrations out on the equipment.”
“Better it than you,” Kit said with a nod. “You didn’t ask for this any more than I did.”
Neil nodded. At least they were on the same page there. It made him just miserable that this man, whom he’d come to care for as more than just a patient, was in an untenable position because of him; it was the last thing he’d wanted, why he’d been working so hard, and failing, to not to get involved. “Come on. Show me what you can do.”
Neil could only hope that this wouldn’t set Kit back from his recovery, and that once everything was settled again, things would work out for the best.
He tried not to think about what that might be.
He wasn’t going to tip the scales either way -- he couldn’t live with himself if he did.
Chapter Ten
Kit spent two days making lists, phone calls, and more lists. He did not go to Neil’s boss and give her a piece of his mind, mostly because he figured she wouldn’t be impressed and that Neil would get in trouble. He still thought it was a shit move, and maybe one day when he could actually walk he’d write a letter. No one but a patient would ever get what it was like, being the target of so many good intentions.
He was completely over the e
ntire experience of being a patient, a case file, a number. He was more than ready to be a human again, one who wasn’t a topic of discussion between colleagues. Or at the very least he wanted to be a topic for gossip, not work.
Kit wanted a lot of things, and he knew that several of them were simply the product of being too long without a job, a purpose. Another set were because he craved independence and wasn’t quite able to get it yet. Almost, but even the nearness was crazy-making. So close and yet so far.
The one thing Kit could actually do was fire his therapist and then seduce him. Assuming, of course, that Neil didn’t take a leap into the crazy-pool himself and decide to be even more uptight about it.
Kit wasn’t certain at all about what Neil was going to do at any given moment. It was frustrating, but Kit was starting to find -- to his horror -- that he was a little charmed by it. Neil was utterly predictable about his unpredictable reactions. He was constantly surprising.
Finally, though, Kit knew what he had to do, and he made a few more phone calls, had his father pick up a few things, and then dressed himself. He assumed that Neil would know that their session was cancelled, but Kit went to the hospital anyway, dressed in his very best suit. It was tight across the shoulders now, and through the arms, but that couldn’t be helped.
He hoped Neil hadn’t filled his slot already -- Kit hadn’t cancelled the session until that morning. He went up the elevator, ignored the way the nurses grinned at him and then took to whispering to themselves, and went to Neil’s office.
The door was open as usual, Neil bent over some paperwork, his hair a little tousled. He looked adorable and edible at the same time.
Kit tapped on the door frame politely and waited for Neil to look up. He wondered if maybe bringing flowers was too much, but it was too late to ditch them now.
Neil looked up, eyes widening in surprise. “Kit? I had a note that you’d cancelled your appointment...”
“I did, in fact.” Kit nodded and wheeled in. “You’re fired.” He offered the flowers.
Neil reached over the desk and took the flowers, a frown on his face. “And these are condolences?”
“No, they’re just pretty. And you’re pretty. I’d like to take you out to dinner on Friday. I’ve made reservations at The Copper Angel and at Symphonia -- you can choose which you’d prefer and I’ll cancel the other one. Please say yes.” Kit had no idea what to do with his hands now that the flowers were gone. He straightened his tie.
Neil looked from him to the flowers, then back at him again. “You sure don’t waste any time. I’ve been fired all of what? A minute and a half?”
“We’ve wasted enough time. I promise to find a better suit jacket before Friday.”
“Both my choices have a dress code, do they?”
Kit nodded. “I promised I’d make sure that you got to taste absolutely amazing food.” Why wasn’t Neil saying yes, damn it? “The most amazing food comes at a cost -- in this case, wearing a tie and a dinner jacket.”
“I think I have one of each of those somewhere...” Neil looked at him for a long moment.
Kit looked back. He’d dressed up, he’d brought flowers, he’d asked. He’d even said please. He wasn’t going to beg. “Please. Come to dinner with me. Pretty please.” Or maybe he was.
Neil nodded. “Okay. It sounds nice, and I promise to try to use the right utensils.”
Relief fell on Kit and his shoulders wanted to slump with it, but he made himself stay upright. “There’s books and websites about that kind of stuff, I hear. Do you know which place you’d prefer?”
“Whichever one is your favorite.”
“All right. Symphonia it is. We’ll be seated at eight, so be ready about seven-thirty. I’ll pick you up.” Kit gave him a smile and started to back up. “Be hungry.”
“Kit.” He stopped and Neil gave him a smile. “Good luck with your new therapist.”
“I bet she sucks,” Kit said, grinning. “But thanks. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“She’d better not!” Was it his imagination, or did Neil sound slightly jealous as well as joking?
Kit grinned harder and winked. “We’ll see. We’ll see all kinds of things, maybe.”
“Maybe.” Neil smiled at him, gave him a wave, looking slightly bemused.
Kit left, wheeling himself back down the hallway to the nurses’ station. He looked at them, waited until they all looked back and then gave a thumbs up. “See you this afternoon. I have to go find better clothes for my therapy.”
They laughed, one of them said that she was going to make a quick call, in that tone that said she was going to spread some gossip with a smile, and Kit headed to the elevator. Now all he had to do was make sure that dinner on Friday was completely perfect, arrange for a driver, and cross his fingers.
He hoped this new therapist thing worked out -- it would really suck to have made a wrong choice.
***
What if he’d made the wrong choice?
Neil paced around his small apartment, feeling like he was being choked by his tie, biting his lower lip. What if it was too soon? What if the restaurant was too expensive? What if Kit expected a date to include having sex after the fancy dinner? What if this was still all about gratitude?
Neil sighed and made himself sit down. He was an idiot. He should have said “no.” No, he should have said, not on Friday, maybe in a few weeks.
That was what he should have done.
He just hadn’t been able to turn Kit down, not with that hopeful look on Kit’s face as he waited for an answer.
The door buzzer rang, letting him know that someone was out front, then it rang again, like a happy little punctuation mark. God, Kit was eager. Almost too eager. If this didn’t work out Kit was going to be badly hurt, and Neil did not want to be responsible for that.
He grabbed his dinner jacket -- newly purchased at Sears just this morning -- and headed down the hall to the front door shared by all four apartments in the converted house.
Kit looked about the same as he had when he’d asked Neil to dinner, though his jacket did fit a little better. “Hi. You look wonderful -- I hope you’re hungry,” Kit said with a smile. Kit’s father was standing by the open door to the backseat of a large sedan. “Limo service.”
“Wow, you’ve really gone all out.” It made him nervous; he hoped he could live up to Kit’s expectations.
“I’m just hoping it’s not the chef’s night off.” Kit gestured to the car. “After you. It’ll take me a moment to shift seats.”
His father rolled his eyes. “I’m not crashing your date, either. Dropping off and then I’m heading to the game, so don’t be calling me if you get in trouble.” He smiled and nodded to Neil, though.
Neil chuckled. “There won’t be any trouble, Mr. Matheson.”
He got a wink. “I’m sure he’s sorry to hear that.”
“Hey.” Kit rolled his eyes as Neil got into the car. “I hired you to drive, not comment.”
“It’s a bonus.” Then Mr. Matheson helped Kit into the car and they were on their way.
Neil kept laughing, relaxing as they took off. “He’s a hoot,” he said quietly to Kit.
“He’s a good man.” Kit nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not looking forward to the day we don’t need to share a house. Maybe I’ll invite him over for dinner sometimes, though.”
“Yeah, you don’t want to just dump him after he’s been here for you.”
Kit laughed. “Hey, Dad. You want me out of your hair?”
“Heck, yes. You’re cramping my style, kid.”
“I thought so.” Kit grinned at Neil. “Anyway, thank you for coming to dinner. I hope you enjoy it, even if it doesn’t earn a whoop.”
Neil couldn’t help but tease. “Are you even allowed to whoop in a classy restaurant?”
“Only if you whisper, I think. I promise not to tell.”
“So are you ordering for me or are you chancing me picking something whoop worthy?�
��
“There is nothing on the menu that isn’t worthy of a whoop. I do suggest one of the chicken dishes, but whatever strikes your fancy will be good, I promise you.” Kit smiled at him. “I hope you’ll have a glass or two of wine, as well. This is supposed to be a very untypical meal, something very extravagant.”
“Extravagant, huh?” Neil thought maybe Kit was going overboard, but he didn’t see how he could say anything without it pissing Kit off.
“I won’t go so far as to say once in a lifetime, but it’s sure not going to be a frequent date. Don’t get your heart too involved with dessert menu.”
“No falling in love with dessert. Got it.” Neil resolved to have a good time -- Kit was determined to spend the money; the least he could do was enjoy it.
“They specialize in fresh fruit desserts -- everything from plain berries with local apples to chocolate laden confections. I’m pretty sure you’ll find something that strikes your fancy.” Kit glanced out the window and smiled. “Just a few more blocks.”
“Cool. So how’s the new therapist working out?” He had been hoping to wait until later on in the date to ask, but he had to give himself props for it not being the first words out of his mouth.
Kit shrugged one shoulder. “She seems okay. I mean, she knows what she’s doing, anyway, and she isn’t shy about making me do just two more. I guess it’s all right. Miss me?”
“I’d rather see you like this.”
Kit’s eyes lit up. Neil could see it, could actually see the way Kit both relaxed and perked up. “Good. Me, too.” Kit’s hand twitched, as if he almost reached to take Neil’s. He smiled again and nodded. “Me, too,” he repeated.
Neil smiled, happy to be able to light Kit up that much just from a few simple words.
When they got the restaurant, Mr. Matheson got out Kit’s chair and then grinned at Neil. “I told him it was too early to try the cane out in public. Crossing a room should probably come first. He always did try to push the limits.”
Learning to Walk, a City Hospital Novel Page 11