by Adria Wade
“So, how do you feel about bonding time? Are you up for it?”
Just then, the door swung open and in walked Kyle, Lucas, Athena, and Chelsea, who had a plate of chocolate chip cookies in her hand. They sat down on the bed, and Lucas took the cards from the box, shuffling them.
“Who’s up for a game of bullshit?” Lucas asked.
“Don’t you mean, who’s ready to get their asses whooped by Taylor Maximus Jacobs,” Taylor grinned.
Athena scoffed. “Oh, as if, Taylor. We all know who is the real champ in this game.”
“Oh, are we really going there, Bram?”
She smirked. “Bring it on, baby.”
“Well, then, if I win, you have to take off all your clothes and go streaking down the road.”
“Hey, now. I’m not so sure about that one,” Lucas said.
“You do realize this is a busy road,” Athena said.
His brows rose as amusement showed on his face. “Are you scared, Bram?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Never.”
“Then there won’t be a problem when I win.”
“Well, I’m going a little tamer with my choice. If I win, Athena has to be your daughter’s middle name.”
“Natalie Athena Jacobs?” He scoffed. “It just doesn’t have a good ring to it.”
Athena raised her brows. “Are you scared, Taylor?”
His smile broadened and his chest shook with laughter. “You wish, baby. You have a deal.”
“I’m just glad I like the name Athena, or else we would have a problem right about now,” Chelsea said.
I chuckled. “You guys are very entertaining. I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Good, because we decided you shouldn’t be alone after being attacked,” Kyle said.
Chelsea handed me the cookies. “For you, because you had a bad day. Hopefully cookies and friends can help lift your spirits.”
I smiled. “Friends?”
Taylor playfully nudged me on the arm with a smile to his lips. “The best friends you will ever have, trust me.”
“We’re adopting you. We want you to be a part of the family. You’re the little baby of the group now,” Lucas said.
“So, what do you say?” Kyle said.
With a smile to my lips, I looked around at all of the faces before me, touched that even though I was a wreck and unpleasant at times that they still wanted me around permanently.
“Absolutely.”
“We also wanted you to know that you’re not alone on the fight you’re going through. We’ve all lost someone that meant the world to us,” Kyle said.
“I lost my parents,” Chelsea said as a sorrowful look haunted her face as she looked down.
“My whole family, and Paul and Seraphina,” Lucas said.
“My fiancée, Julie,” Kyle said.
Athena looked up, her eyes glassy as she cleared her throat. “Mrs. Wilson, Isaac, Livi, Uncle Nolan…so many people.”
My mouth fell open as shock hit me. “Isaac died?”
Athena’s brows furrowed. “You knew him?”
“He came to our house sometimes. I wasn’t close to him or anything.”
“Isaac and my sister,” Taylor said.
I looked at him. His eyes were casted down and sorrow filled his face. “I’m right here.”
“I miss the sister from when we were younger. When we could be around each other and not get so damn annoyed with each other. I liked the times when things just weren’t complicated for us.”
A surge of guilt ran through me. It was my fault things got complicated. When he saw that I was in trouble, he tried to pull me close and help me, but all I did was push him away; so eventually he stopped trying and pushed away as well.
I grabbed his hand. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “It’s okay. Let’s try to mend what was broken, okay?”
“I would like that.”
I looked down, all of a sudden feeling unsure as I was about to open up to them…about Tessa. I didn’t want them to judge me.
“So, what if I was the reason my best friend died?” I hesitantly looked up into their shocked faces. “I didn’t mean to kill her. I was drag racing,” I quickly added.
Athena reached over and placed her hand on mine. “It’s okay. It was an accident, like you said. I was the reason Isaac died. Trust me, I know the burden you carry.”
I let out a breath of relief, and the anxiety that was slowly building from the anticipation of their reactions, had gone away.
My eyes drifted over them as their faces filled with compassion and understanding.
“Your brother never told us what happened. We had no idea it was that deep,” Kyle said.
“It wasn’t my place to tell. I didn’t know if she would’ve been comfortable with me telling or not.”
“So Eli doesn’t know?”
“Not unless you told him,” Taylor said.
“I haven’t yet. I want to be the one to tell him.”
Lucas dealt the cards, and I fixed my hand to my liking. “Alright, enough of this mushy stuff. Let’s get down to business.”
My troubled mind became less of a burden as I relaxed and played cards, laughing and carrying on when someone, including me, unfortunately, was called out. As I looked around at everyone, I realized that this group of people, who had suffered their own losses, would understand me better than anyone else, and I knew then that I finally found where I belonged. As the night eventually died down and everyone grew tired and called it a night, I settled in bed and began to read. I didn’t have any more distractions left, and I was afraid that if I just lied there and let my mind wander, it would only awaken the demons from within, and I didn’t want the joy that I felt at that moment to go away.
The book was actually the perfect distraction. It was saving me from the heartache.
****
My eyes fluttered open and I winced from the pain the brightness from the light had caused. I was confused for a moment. The last thing I remembered was reading. I must have fallen asleep.
I smiled at the sight of Eli sitting in his leather recliner chair right by the bed with a sketchpad in his hand. He had his shirt off and his hat backward on his head. My eyes fell to his hard, lean chest, running all the way down to his happy trail. I could feel an ache in my stomach begin to grow and travel to other parts of my body. God, he was so incredibly breathtaking.
I wondered how long he was sitting there. My heart warmed as I watched him. He brought his brows together as he concentrated hard on his pad, running his sketch pencil over the paper. The intensity that poured from him when he focused was so cute.
He looked up, and a warm smile kissed his lips as our eyes locked. “Hey.”
“Hi, I saw your paintings on your wall. You never told me you were an artist.”
“Yeah, it’s a passion of mine. It would have been nice to pursue it further, but I got caught up in this world, and with my hectic life, it turned into nothing more than just a hobby after that.”
“That’s too bad. You’re art is beautiful.”
He beamed. “Thanks.”
“Can I see what you’re working on?”
He shook his head and closed the pad. “Not yet.”
He stood and placed the pad on his nightstand, and then came to sit by me on the edge of the bed. “So, thumper gets scared and crawls into my bed.”
“I wanted to feel safe.”
“So you thought of me.”
“Yeah; you’re my comfort.”
His eyes lit up as he gave a warm smile, and I was mentally kicking myself in the ass. I shouldn’t have told him that. I was afraid to tell him anything that would lead him on more because of the confused state I was in.
“So who helped you get away?”
He looked away from me. The disappointment that showed on his face tugged at my heart. He already knew.
“Silas helped me.”
He shook his head, displeased. “Of course…did you ha
ve a swell time with him?”
I glared at him. Go on and be jealous, smartass. “It was fine.”
He exhaled. “You like him…I hate that. You’re so damn blind when it comes to him.”
I looked down. The air in the room was thickening, growing uncomfortable as my muscles tightened. “Stop it.”
“Well, you are.”
We scowled at one another.
“I already got into it with Taylor about him, thanks to you. I’m pretty sure you two idiots will do a superb job with making sure he doesn’t kill me.”
His eyes blinked closed in shock as his brows rose. “Idiot?”
I pursed my lips and nodded.
He pulled the covers from my body and pushed my legs apart as he settled between my legs. The light, sweet smell of his cologne lingered on his skin. I took in a breath, overwhelmed with the excessive amount of desire that lit the fire of passion within, and it spread through my veins as my heart sped up.
He brushed his lips against my own, teasing me before pulling away. The ache in my stomach shot downward, and I tilted my pelvis to feel him. I lifted my head to kiss him, but he placed his hand over my mouth.
“No kiss. This idiot has one more question for you, and then I’m going to have my way with you.”
I pulled my face from his grasp. “If I let you.”
“Oh, you will.” As his lips touched my neck, a chill spread throughout my body. “You won’t be able to resist me.” He moved up, his lips warm to the touch, and kissed my burning cheek. “Your cheeks are flushed and I can hear your heart pounding…you want me.”
I grinned. “Shut up and ask your question already. You’re killing my mojo here.”
He chuckled. “How are your dreams?”
My mind flashed back to Silas. His touch. His kiss. The sexual high. I couldn’t tell him.
“They’re okay, I guess. They’re only dreams.”
“But he’s been in your dreams.” He searched my face, and I sighed.
“Just once…we kissed.”
His eyes narrowed. “Just kissed.”
I nodded.
He gave me a look and shook his head. He didn’t believe me.
“Liar.”
“I’m not-” He caught my lips with his mouth and kissed me hard, and I could taste the mint from his toothpaste. I pushed against his chest and broke our lips apart. “Lying to-” His lips silenced me once more.
He grabbed my wrists and placed my arms over top of my head. “Stop talking, liar. You’re killing my mojo here.”
He smirked at me as he gave my words right back to me, and before I could say anything else, his mouth came down on mine once more. My chest shook with laughter as I attempted to kiss him as best as I could while laughing.
He tore his body away from mine, and I could feel the warmth his closeness brought fade from my skin. My breath hitched as his eyes, now blue, stared back at me. It was a scary yet beautiful sight to see. There was a hunger for my blood lurking in his eyes, tempting him, but that hunger slowly floated into the distance as his longing for my affection silenced the urge to bite me.
I sat up, confident that he wouldn’t let himself lose control, and I undid his pants. He took in a breath as I nipped on his hipbone, making my way over to the other side. I smiled up at him, pleased that I found a sensitive spot.
I pushed him back on the bed. “Take it off.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I bit down on my lip as I took my time lifting my shirt over my head. His eyes darkened as they slowly, greedily covered every inch of my bare body. I quickly gathered that him watching me without touching was nothing but torture.
A faint growl vibrated through his throat. “You’re mine,” he said through his teeth, his animalistic side taking over.
I gasped as he tackled me to the bed. Our noses clashed as his lips suddenly came down on mine, hard and eager to feel my lips on his. I ran my hands through his soft hair as I wrapped my legs around him, our tongues rubbing and tasting the other as the kiss deepened. Excitement poured in my stomach as his lips ran over my skin, making its way down to my neck, and I leaned my head back, giving him full access as a soft moan escaped from my lips. I loved it. I didn’t want to be anywhere else but right here as he was satisfying the ache of wanting him. The feel of his skin rubbing against mine, the touch of his lips, and the sweet sensations that poured over me, sent me to a euphoric state … and I was high off his love.
Chapter Fourteen
The warmth from Eli’s body abandoned me as the cold draft in the covers placed goosebumps upon my skin, chilling my body. The distance I felt between us was unwelcome, so I rolled on my back and reached out to feel him, wanting him to move closer, but felt a cold, empty space in his place. I forced my heavy eyes open as my heart soared into my stomach. He was gone. I hated that feeling when you’re insides suddenly fill with loneliness after waking up and finding the person that you expected to be there is gone. It was the worst feeling in the world. It wasn’t that I was being needy more so than usual. It was the fact that today was June 23rd, the most hated, the most dreaded day of every year, and it made me want his comfort. It was Tessa’s birthday.
I stared up at the smoky, grey ceiling, my eyes burning with unshed tears as the memory of her last birthday slipped into my mind.
The diner smelled of freshly brewed coffee, bacon, and fried eggs. I sat in a booth opposite Tessa and Sean as we waited for our food to arrive. I remembered the tension in my home that very morning and how Tessa’s presence cheered me right up. She always knew exactly what to say to turn my mood around. Her smile was brighter that morning, filled with so much warmth as she showed me the promise ring Sean gave to her for her birthday. That was the best day of my life.
We sat in the booth while we talked and joked around for hours. It was our own little bubble where the outside world couldn’t break through, and all of the issues we were going through bounced right off our shield. I loved it. I loved our little group. Little did I know that three months after that day, her smile would forever abandon me.
You killed her!
I squeezed my eyes shut to get the images out of my head and sat up, swinging my legs over to the side of the bed.
I wiped my cheeks and sniffled. “Happy Birthday,” I whispered, as so much torment, so much pain that I fought to hide, poured out of my voice.
The darkness was creeping up behind me, its coldness slithering over my skin as it consumed every last piece of my fragile heart, turning it black, turning it into stone. I wanted to forget. I wanted to drown myself in alcohol and pass out so that I wouldn’t have to live this day. And I would, as soon as I got home.
I got out of bed, ignoring the soreness in my body from last night with Eli, grabbed my bunched up clothes next to the dresser, and threw them on.
As I opened the bedroom door, I came face to face with Kyle, whose hand was balled and raised, as if I interrupted him from knocking on the door.
“Oh, hey.” His smile slipped once he noticed my sullen face.
There was so much going on inside of me, so many thoughts screaming at me that I actually had to fight the urge to yell at him and push him out of my way. I wouldn’t allow myself to, though. Kyle didn’t deserve my anger.
I forced a smile and breathed in deep through my nose. “Hey, Kyle.”
“We’re making breakfast. Do you want to come down and eat with us?”
I shook my head. I had no appetite. “Oh, no, I’m okay. I just want to go home.”
Concerned, his brows pinched together. “Is there something wrong?”
I couldn’t talk about what was wrong. It already hurt too much.
“I’m just tired. Have you seen Eli?”
“Yeah, he left. He was in a rush this morning. He said he had to go take care of something.”
My stomach knotted as Silas came to mind.
“Did he say what that something was?” I bit down on my lip, nervous for his answer.
“
If you’re referring to your incubus then I’m not sure. He wasn’t specific.”
“Well, could you let him know that I went home because I wasn’t feeling good?”
He nodded. “Sure.”
As I went to walk past, he caught my wrist and pulled me back in front of him. “Why do I feel like I shouldn’t let you leave? You’re not going to do anything reckless, are you?”
“I’m fine. I swear.”
He said nothing for a moment as he searched my eyes. “The grief doesn’t go away, but it will lessen. It could be bearable if you only let it.”
I looked down at the ring hanging on his chain. “How did you do it? How are you not going crazy without her?”
His eyes met the floor for a brief moment before meeting my gaze once more with the same sorrow that filled his eyes before when I asked about the ring.
“I struggle with it every day. There is a time, though, where no matter how miserable you feel, you have to suck it up and try to be strong. There is a time where you just have to say I’m tired of the pain and try to move on, and once you seek the happiness you desire, it will come and life will get easier. I lost someone who meant the world to me. We had so many plans and it’s hard to get over when you built your life around someone. I do know, though, that she wouldn’t have wanted me to not go on and live the happiest life I could manage without her. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
“Or when life gives you lemons, you pick them up and throw them right back at that asshole.”
He chuckled. “Or you could do that.” His smile slipped as he settled for his more serious look. “When you’re ready, let yourself heal.”
I gave a half-smile. “When I’m ready, I’ll try. Thanks.”
I walked away, not able to lift my head as I stared down at the floor and made my way to the elevator. His words, which were meant to help, only seemed to cause more turmoil as I thought about what to do. I didn’t know how to heal myself. I didn’t know how to let the guilt go. It was like a poison, slowly killing me. I hated myself. How was I supposed to let the hatred go? I was completely disgusted with the decision that I made that ended up killing Tessa. How was I supposed to change that?