Jerry and David knew how this would all end, as did Cory, but they’d all agreed that William was too young to understand. William would have a hard time understanding everything that would happen tomorrow, and all three of them would have a hard time watching him go through it, but this was how it needed to be.
Lenore had said something earlier in the evening that had stayed with Jerry—would stay with him for a long time. Being a parent means helping your children understand the fair and the unfair, even if that means they hate you and think you’re the cause of all of it. Jerry and David and Lenore had sat in the kitchen for a little more than an hour while William and the twins finished their games and helped Cory clean up. All things considered, it had been a very good weekend for William, one that Jerry hoped would help him get through the next couple of weeks.
“Jerry?”
He looked up to see David standing at the end of the kitchen table. “Sorry, I’m coming.” He lifted himself off the chair and walked out to the veranda to say goodbye to the twins and to Lenore. It was as if he was seven years old again, the endless possibilities for fun and play on Saturday morning seeming a million miles away on Sunday night, the night before he had to return to school. As soon as Lenore and the twins drove away down the winding driveway, he and David and Cory would have to sit down with William and explain why Cory was leaving them to live clear on the other side of Calgary. But unlike those Sunday nights of his youth, Jerry knew that this night would be with him for much longer than the few days it took for the next weekend to arrive.
He stood on the veranda, one hand on David’s shoulder and the other tracing lazy circles over William’s soft, blond hair. They waved goodbye as the car disappeared down the driveway and then headed inside, David and Cory heading straight for the kitchen, both of them seeming so much stronger than he.
“William? How about a smoothie?” David stood at the counter and smiled at Jerry as he walked in and pulled out William’s chair.
“’Kay,” William said as he hopped up on the chair. “Can I have bananas and strawberries?”
“You got it,” David said and turned to the blender to fix the smoothie just the way William liked it. The whirring and the noise of the blender lasted for several seconds as David dropped the banana and strawberry slices into the cold milk. Once the pink concoction was in front of William, Jerry proceeded.
“Listen, partner,” Jerry said as he took the seat beside his son. “You remember on Saturday night when Sara came over?”
“Sure,” William said, his head bobbing as he swung his legs back and forth, the straw dancing inside of the large tumbler in time to his movements. Jerry had already noted several times how—if William sat just a centimeter or two closer to the edge of the chair—his feet would reach the floor. “She looks pretty with her hair short like that.” William got a look on his face, and quickly corrected himself. “She always looks pretty, though.”
“Well, she was here to talk about Cory and his family.”
“We’re his family now,” William said, face so earnest and sweet that Jerry took a deep breath to keep his voice from cracking.
“Yes, you are,” Cory said as he smiled at William, reaching out to bump fists. “But Jerry means my biological family.”
“Cory’s dad had to go away for a while, and so Cory is going to stay with his father’s sister, Aunt Linda.” Jerry moved his hand closer to William’s little arm that was holding the tumbler, ready to comfort and do whatever he needed to do.
He watched as the straw fell out of William’s mouth, the little blond head turning slowly to look at him. “But he’s staying here; he’s part of our family now.”
“William?” David moved to sit on the other side of the confused little boy, whose legs had stopped bouncing and whose breathing had become faster with each passing moment. “He’ll still come and visit, and we can go and see him—” Jerry reached out a hand and put it on his son’s shoulder.
“No! No!” William shouted, looking only at Jerry. “You said he could stay here! You said you liked him!”
“I do, partner, I do, but—”
“Didn’t you mean it?” William pushed himself away from the table, David having to catch him as the chair threatened to fall backwards. “You lied to me! You said he could stay! And now he’s leaving!”
“Sweetie,” David said as he reached for William, “your dad didn’t lie—”
“Yes he did!” William pushed David’s hands away and ran for the front door. “He lied!”
“I’ll get him,” Cory said as he got up and left the kitchen.
“He hates me,” Jerry said as he brought his hands to rest on the top of his head. “He hates me.” Jerry’s voice was a mere whisper, the disbelief clear, even to him. He’d known—anticipated—that this would not be an easy conversation, but he’d not been able to prepare himself for actually hearing the words, the disappointment, the confusion, and the accusation in William’s voice.
“He doesn’t hate you, baby,” David said as he sat beside him and put an arm around his shoulders. “He’s confused right now. He’s tired, over-tired from the weekend and confused. We knew that he wouldn’t take it well.” David kissed his forehead. “I know it doesn’t make it any easier, but we just have to give him time.”
“I won’t make it another couple of weeks with him looking at me like that.”
“It won’t take that long.”
“God,” Jerry whispered again. “Did you see how he looked at me?”
“I know, baby, but it’ll get better. I promise.” David took one of his hands and kissed it tenderly. “You just have to wait for him to come around. And he will. He loves you. You’re his dad.”
“More like cad at the moment.”
“See?” David sat back in his chair and rubbed the hand he held between his own. “You still have your sense of humor.”
Jerry leaned over and kissed his husband, grateful that he hadn’t had to go through this alone.
IT WASN’T easy, but David convinced Jerry not to go looking for his son. Cory would be with William and help him to understand that it wouldn’t be forever, that nothing had really changed except geography. But as satisfied as he was with Jerry’s ability to refrain from interfering, David had no such self-discipline. He wandered out of the house about thirty minutes after Cory left to check on William, and he found them both sitting on the large, padded swing at the south end of the veranda.
“He cried for a bit and then just conked out,” Cory said as he smiled down at the red-faced little boy whose head was in his lap. “Poor little guy, he was just way too tired. All that sugar probably didn’t help either.” David nodded, amazed at how good Cory was with William. “I hope Jerry’s not too upset.”
“He’s a big boy; he’ll get over it.” David leaned against the railing. “No one ever said it would be easy being a parent.”
“I remember Jerry telling me out in the studio one day about how the three of you came to be a family.” Cory’s hand stroked absentmindedly, as if by reflex, over William’s head. David was sure that he must be getting tired of maintaining the soothing rhythmic swinging that had lulled his little friend to sleep, but did not dare disturb either of them. “It’s a beautiful story, how you two found each other and made a home for William.”
“I think I fell in love with the little guy the first time he took my hand and led me out to the barn to show me the horses.” David felt a chill pass through him as he remembered everything that he’d gone through to make sure that William and Jerry would not be hurt because of the Bennet Brigade. “It wasn’t easy and I still count my blessings every day.”
“That’s kind of like something my mom used to say to me when she’d tuck me in at night.” David watched as Cory looked down again when William snuffled and rolled onto his other side, head still on Cory’s thigh. “She used to tell me that every day is a gift and that you have to do everything you can to show how grateful you are for it.”
&nb
sp; “I’m sure she’d be very proud of you, Cory.”
“I like to think so, yeah.”
“I’ve often thought that William has a sixth sense about people.” David repositioned himself on the railing. “He seems to be able to tell—almost instantly—if someone is worth getting to know. And I think he knew right away that you were someone good… and kind.” David looked away when he noticed that Cory was blushing; he looked up at the sky, at the purple and gold and pink hues that he’d come to love so much now that he was living out in the country. He’d never really taken the time to look up at the sky when he’d been living in his condo in the city. But out here, it was as if he was looking up into heaven itself.
“When she was tucking me in, my mom used to ask me if I’d done something good for someone that day.” Cory stopped and closed his eyes for a second. “It’s one of the few things that kept me going after she died. My dad just seemed to lose his way. He was so angry all the time and started drinking, and then he lost his job and we had to move.”
“I’m sorry, Cory.”
“Thanks, but I guess we all get some things we have to deal with, huh?”
“If you don’t mind my asking, why didn’t you run away to live with your Aunt Linda?”
“We’d sort of lost touch with her after we moved, and when Dad started getting… started beating….” Cory stopped again and cleared his throat. “It was too late by then. She’s very religious, always has been. I remember Mom would just go nuts when we had her over or if we had to go to her house.” Cory offered a lopsided grin and shook his head at the memories. “Mom would always complain about how controlling and manipulative Aunt Linda was. Nothing was ever good enough, Mom wasn’t raising me right and all that. I guess I didn’t know who I could trust, didn’t know if I wanted to take the chance.”
“Will you be able to handle it for a couple of weeks?”
“No problem,” Cory said with a smile. “Even if she’s mellowed and I could live with her, I know where I belong now.”
David felt the familiar sting behind his eyes, but found himself smiling in spite of it. It was only a year ago that he’d thought he had so few blessings. But right then, looking at two of the three people who had come to define his life in so many ways in such a short time, he realized that he’d been wrong to assume that he would never be as blessed as Lenore, that he would never have the family that he’d always yearned for. It was his turn now; he was getting the blessings that he was ready to receive. And he had Jerry and William to thank for that. And in another couple of weeks, he would have one more blessing. In another couple of weeks, he and Jerry would add another member to their family. In another couple of weeks, William would have a brother.
As he held the swing so that Cory could scoop up William to take him inside, he looked out at the purples and golds and pinks of the sky and sent a silent thank you—as he’d done almost every night since he’d moved in with Jerry and William—to whomever was listening. He thanked them for not only sending him the many blessings, but for waiting until he was ready to learn how to care for them.
Chapter 19
NO MATTER how hard he tried, William could not bring himself to eat anything. He’d been distracted enough throughout the day, what with two tests and a science experiment at school, but then he’d found himself at home again. And Cory wasn’t there. They had said their goodbyes early that morning before Jerry left to take Cory to his aunt’s house on the other side of Calgary. William had asked to go with them, but he knew that his dad would say no, and he did. We’ll be back too late, and you’ll miss school, he’d said.
William didn’t care about missing school. He didn’t really care much about anything. He’d gone to school with David, as he always did, except this time, he didn’t much feel like talking. In the car, a thousand times during the day, and even now as he sat at the dinner table, he reminded himself about what Cory had told him last night and this morning, but it just made him sadder.
Every night, when my mom tucked me in, she would ask me if I had done something good for someone that day. My mom always said that you had to be grateful for each day, live it like you were thankful for everything you got. You’ve got three people who love you very much, Billiam. And even though one of them won’t be living with you anymore, it’s not anyone’s fault. Your dad loves you very much, so does David, and so do I. As William pushed the mashed potatoes around on his plate, he remembered how hard he tried not to cry in front of Cory, but he couldn’t help it. We won’t see each other every day, but we can still be grateful for the times we do see each other. You can still be grateful that you have two great dads who will let you come and see me, or let me come and see you. So, you make sure they know how much you love them, okay.
Cory had bumped fists with him one last time before he turned and got in Jerry’s truck, and William couldn’t help but wonder who else he would lose. He didn’t have his parents anymore. He didn’t have Frau Zimmerman. And now he wouldn’t have Cory. He knew that what Cory said was right; he should be grateful for Jerry and David. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel grateful, but he felt alone most of the time. He loved camping and the horses, and he even loved cleaning day when all three of them would make a kind of game out of it all. He loved how much attention he got from his two dads, and he loved them. He still did, even with how Jerry had lied to him.
“How was school, partner?”
“Fine,” William said as he continued to push his food around on his plate, not even bothering to look up at Jerry.
“Do you think you did well on your tests?”
“William always does well on his tests,” David said. William looked up and managed a smile for him. “I’m sure he’ll do really well.”
“Listen, William, David, and I were wondering if there was anything special you wanted to do after your final soccer game on Friday?” William didn’t answer right away, didn’t look up. “Spring break is coming up and it’ll be a full year since you moved here.”
“It doesn’t matter,” William said finally.
“We were thinking of going back to Edmonton, or maybe drive to Banff and go to the hot springs. What do you think?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he repeated.
“We were thinking of letting you decide for the whole family,” Jerry said after a few moments of silence.
“I’d like to stay here with my horse,” William said, finally looking up at his father. “If it’s all the same to you, I mean.” He noticed his dad look over at David. William knew they were worried about him; they’d said it often enough in the past ten hours, but he didn’t know what he was supposed to say to make them stop. And it made him feel worse.
“We can do whatever you want, William.” David stood up from the table and crossed to the fridge, opening it and pulling out the large cake plate. “Maybe we can go camping out by the lake? Take the horses?” William saw the Sachertorte on the plate. “I bet you want a big piece, right?”
“No thank you,” William said as he finally pushed his plate away. “I’m not hungry.”
“David made that just for you, cowboy.”
“Thank you very much,” William said as he looked up again and smiled at David. “May I be excused?”
“Of course, William,” David said as he put his hand to William’s forehead. “Are you sick? Do you feel sick?”
“No,” William answered as he got off his chair and headed for the stairs to his room. “Just tired.”
He walked into his room at the top of the stairs and closed the door. He went straight to his new computer and clicked on Safari so that he could check his e-mails. He’d sent one to Cory as soon as he’d gotten home from school, but he was sure that there would not be a response so soon. And there wasn’t. Neither did he have a response from Frau Zimmerman. He’d sent her pictures of his trip to Edmonton, including some of Cory, but that was almost five days ago. It never took her this long to respond to his e-mails. Having no news and no messages that ha
dn’t been there since after school, he put his computer to sleep and sat on the edge of his bed. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t really feel like doing anything other than going to bed.
“William?” David knocked on his door, but he wouldn’t come in until William gave him permission.
“You can come in,” he said after the second knock.
“Your dad’s watching one of those shows you like,” David said as he sat down beside William. “It’s all about nature and helping animals. You love those kinds of shows. I can make you a sandwich if you’d like. You must be starving by now.”
“No, sir,” William said as David put an arm around his shoulders.
“I’m so sorry you’re sad, William.” He closed his eyes as he felt David move his hand gently over his scalp. “Your dad’s really sad right now too.”
“Why’s he sad?” William didn’t understand why his father would be sad; he’s the one who let Cory go away.
“Because you’re sad,” David said. William opened his eyes and looked up at David. “You know how much we love you, William, and we don’t like to see you so sad.” David leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I miss Cory, too, and so does your dad, but we’ll still get to see him.”
“Not the same.”
“I know, but it’s better than not seeing him at all. And who knows? Maybe Cory will come back for sleepovers or be able to stay for a couple of days when he visits.” David pointed to the new computer. “Maybe you can send him an e-mail, or call him, and ask him.”
“I sent him an e-mail after school today, but he hasn’t answered me yet.”
“He will, you just have to be patient.” David pulled him a little closer. “Now, how about we go down and watch some of that show with your dad?”
“’Kay,” William said. He didn’t really want to, but he didn’t like the idea of his dad being sad because of him. “What’s it about?” he asked as he walked downstairs with David.
An Earlier Heaven Page 17