An Earlier Heaven

by D. W. Marchwell

  “I think it’s about volunteers who help rescue sea lions and seals in California,” David said as he followed William into the sunken living room. “Look who I found,” he said with a big smile. William took a seat beside his father on the large sectional, and David walked around to sit on the other side. “We thought we’d come down and watch with you.”

  “Well, I’m so happy that you did,” Jerry said as he wrapped an arm around each of them. “I was getting kinda lonely down here all by myself, and now I don’t need to get a blanket if I get cold.” William was surprised to find himself giggling as Jerry tried to pull him onto his lap as if he were a blanket.

  JERRY looked over at David and mouthed a thank you to him. He didn’t have to ask to know that William coming down here had been all David’s doing. He kissed his husband, then his son, and settled in for what he hoped would be at least an hour or two of having his family with him. He wasn’t foolish enough to think that William had forgiven him or had weathered the worst of this particular storm. Even if they could tell William the truth, there was still the fact that he was far too young to be trusted with information that had the potential to come back and land them all in a lot of trouble.

  They sat and watched, all three of them giggling at the antics of the sea lions and seals. Some of the animals had been abandoned by their mothers, or had found themselves stranded before they were completely weaned from their mother’s milk. There was a custom in the shelter of allowing the person who rescued the animal to provide a name, and the first ten minutes of the program was focused on a young elephant seal named Kira. She’d been discovered abandoned and stranded far up the beach, too far to get back to the water on her own. Jerry felt his heart rate quicken as it seemed the story would be about how Kira had been too far gone to be saved, but he soon relaxed when Kira was shown cavorting in the large shallow pools at the shelter.

  She was playing with two of the volunteers, elderly women who had more than enough energy and compassion to spend twenty hours a week at the shelter. Jerry felt William snuggling in a little closer as Kira swam and barked and high-fived a few of the volunteers with her flipper. There were a few sniffles, Jerry noticed, although he couldn’t really tell from which one of his two men, when Kira was finally released back into the wild and was shown swimming and playing with some of the other seals, making new friends. The next story was about Bob.

  Bob was a harbor seal, with a beautiful shiny, spotted coat that reminded Jerry of those Rorschach inkblots. Bob was less than a year old and had been found on one of the beaches, abandoned. It wasn’t immediately clear why Bob had been abandoned, but then the camera panned away from his shiny, dark eyes to reveal the large tumors that seemed to be growing out of his bottom lip. Jerry felt both of his men flinch when they saw it, William wondering out loud what would happen to the baby.

  The show spent more than ten minutes explaining how the veterinarians would need to X-ray Bob’s mouth to see what kind of tumors he had and whether there was any hope. Instinctively, Jerry crossed his fingers, but was disappointed when the veterinarians began to explain that the tumors reached far into Bob’s mouth and that there was very little they would be able to do to ensure that Bob could survive on his own in the wild.

  He felt the hand that David had placed on his stomach form into a fist as the veterinarians began to talk about euthanizing Bob. At only nine months old, Bob’s life would be over.

  “You mean they’re going to kill him?” William’s body, Jerry noted as he paused the program, had become rigid, and his eyes were beginning to fill with tears. “Why can’t they just operate so he’ll be all better?” Jerry looked over to David for help, hoping his expression was as panicked as he felt.

  “Sometimes, William, no matter what doctors try to do,” David said as he reached over across Jerry to fix William’s collar and let his hand find its way to his shoulder, “it won’t help the patient. Sometimes, the most humane thing to do is make sure the patient doesn’t suffer anymore.”

  “But they could feed him with a bottle and let him live in the pool,” William said, tears beginning to stain his rosy cheeks.

  “That’s not the kind of life that Bob was meant to have, sweetie.” David pulled his hand back and looked back at the television screen. “Bob was meant to live in the ocean with all of the other animals and chase his food and—”

  Without saying anything else, William closed his eyes, pushed himself off of the sectional, and ran to the stairs. Jerry turned to look at David. “I’m sorry. I should have known that there might be something like this.”

  “It’s not your fault, Jerry.” David stood up. “I’ll go and talk to him.”

  “No,” Jerry said after a few moments. “I’ll go.”

  “I’m sorry, Jerry,” David said while his eyes studied something at his feet. “I should never have invited Cory to stay with us.”

  “Hey,” Jerry said as he wrapped his arms around his husband. “One broken heart at a time here, please?” Jerry lifted David’s chin and kissed him softly on the lips. “I wish we could protect him from this kind of stuff forever, but….” Jerry held David’s head in his hands and looked into his eyes. “And besides, if you hadn’t helped Cory, that wouldn’t have been like you.”

  “I’ll find something else for us to watch… that is if you can get him down here again.”

  “No, hit the record button.” Jerry moved toward the stairs and then turned. “There’s got to be some happy moments in this show.” Of course, Jerry knew that there were, since they’d just finished watching quite a few.

  He made his way up the stairs, wondering what he would actually say to William. He’d been much older when he’d had to learn about death and the disappointment that life can sometimes provide, but he’d never really had someone to talk to about the loss of his parents. There’d been more than enough money—still was—but there had been no one in whom Jerry could confide. As he knocked on William’s door, Jerry couldn’t help but marvel at life and this perverse turn of events: he was happy that he would be there for William, to help him through these sad and lonely moments.

  “Hey, partner,” Jerry said as he knocked again on the door. “May I come in?” Jerry wasn’t sure where William was, but the yes seemed very muffled. Did William have his head in a pillow? Was the poor little guy so choked up that he could only manage a whisper?

  Jerry opened the door and walked inside. He could tell right away that William was not on the bed, or under it since that space was occupied by drawers. He looked around quickly trying to figure out where William could be, suddenly remembering last year when he’d gotten drunk and William had called David for help. The closet. William was probably in the closet.

  Jerry opened the closet door and saw two little hands wrapped around bent knees, the only movement coming from the occasional hiccup or sniffle. He got down on his knees and made his way slowly to sit beside his son. He put an arm around William’s shoulders and was surprised at the almost immediate reaction.

  Jerry listened as William’s breath quickened and waited as his little arms hugged him a little harder. Jerry didn’t really know what to say, so he said the only thing that was on his mind. “I’m sorry, buddy.” Jerry wasn’t really sure whether he was sorry for Bob or for Cory, and then realized that William would take it in whichever way he needed it most.

  Jerry sat there, the tears from William’s beautiful blue eyes soaking through the thin cotton of his T-shirt, for almost two hours before he heard the rhythmic breathing and the snuffles that meant his little boy was fast asleep. He picked William up in his arms slowly, so as not to wake him, and put him on the bed, putting the duvet over him and then sitting beside him, caressing his troubled head. He didn’t know how many more evenings like this they would have, nor did he know what—precisely—it would take to make William feel better, but he was glad that the first one was over. There hadn’t been much talking, and he knew that William would be hungry and tired tomorrow, but he
’d find a way to get them all through.

  With his son beside him and the light from outside dying slowly, Jerry sat there, his head resting against the headboard, and smiled coyly as the plan formed inside of his head. David would probably object, but this would be something for William; there was a way, Jerry realized, to help all three of them right now. Of course, this is what he would tell David to convince him, but Jerry knew that he was doing it for William, to help his son learn about love and loss and being grateful for whatever the day gave you.

  Chapter 20

  IT WAS almost four in the morning, and David found himself awake. It was another three days until spring break, and David wasn’t sure how they would all make it. He and Jerry and William had been so tired lately that it seemed all they did was watch television for an hour or so before they fell asleep. David had never been more thankful for the coming of spring break. Just thinking about that sweet, little boy and everything he’d been through over the past couple of weeks made David want to do anything he could for William. At least, he thought, as he pulled his arms back under the covers and turned toward Jerry, he’d managed to get the two of them together last night. There might not have been much talking, but there had been some release of emotion, finally.

  He moved carefully, slowly, and snuggled up against the broad, muscular back, inhaling deeply the scent of his husband, a scent that was uniquely Jerry.

  “I’m awake,” Jerry whispered as he rolled onto his back. “I have been for about half an hour.”

  “I’m going to have to do something drastic to keep my family rested and healthy,” David whispered back as he slid his hand across Jerry’s belly to his chest.

  “Thank you for getting him to come and watch the rest of that show.” Jerry looked down, his brilliant blue eyes seeming so tired and resigned. “I’ve been so worried about him, but he seems to be doing a little better now.”

  “My heart is just breaking for the poor little guy,” David said as he looked up at Jerry, his hands sweeping over the expanse of the hairy chest. “I think my father coming for a visit will help William.”

  “I do believe,” Jerry said with a tired smirk, “that you told me I had to wait for William to come around, so what’s with all of the event planning?”

  “Don’t you know me well enough yet,” David asked, his tone teasing, “to realize that what I meant was that you should wait until I could get him to come around?”

  “Ah, yes,” Jerry sighed, “you’d think I would know that by now, but you never cease to amaze me, baby.”

  David ducked his head and kissed any skin he could find. “I love you, Jerry. And I love the family that we’ve made.”

  “Me too,” Jerry said and then ducked his own head to kiss David’s forehead. “Speaking of, have you heard from Cory yet?”

  “No, and I hope we don’t.”

  “How so?” Jerry asked, obviously puzzled.

  “I was thinking about that all day today… well yesterday, at school and when I was driving home, it hit me. If we don’t call him or e-mail or whatever, then it will actually look better in the long run.” David lifted his head and scooted up beside Jerry, their heads even and on the same pillow. “When he finally does run away for whatever reason… then having little or no contact with him will make it seem as if we couldn’t possibly have influenced his decision.”

  “I see,” Jerry said, drawing out the last vowel. “But I thought it didn’t matter what happened. If the criminal code specifically mentions that parents are only responsible for their children until the age of sixteen, and that if the kid runs away, there’s not much that the police and courts are willing to do about it….” Jerry’s voice trailed off, the question having been implied.

  “It does, but this way, it’s even more ammunition if Aunt Linda turns out to be as controlling and pathological as Cory remembers and Sara suspects.”

  “Gotcha,” Jerry turned on his side, their lips finding each other as if by force of habit. “Can I interest you in a little fooling around?”

  “Funny,” David smiled as he pushed Jerry onto his back and pulled himself so that he was straddling the narrow hips, “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

  “It’s been so long, baby,” Jerry sighed as David reached down to stroke him. “I missed this.”

  “Me, too, cowboy.” David kissed his way down Jerry’s neck. He continued stroking with one hand while his other hand went to caress Jerry’s head. “Tell me what you want, Jerry.”

  “Mmm,” Jerry murmured into David’s ear. “Was hoping you’d ride me.”

  David brought both hands up and planted them beside Jerry’s head, then raised himself up to look down at the sleep-softened features. “Now here’s one of my favorite positions.”

  “Love watching you ride me,” Jerry sighed and pulled on the backs of David’s thighs. “Love watching your face as you take me inside you. Love being able to touch you.”

  David raised his torso, Jerry’s hands finding their way almost instantly to caress and explore and tweak and stroke. “I think the last time we did this, we were still using condoms.” David sat back and felt Jerry’s erection jump between his cheeks. He squeezed once and heard Jerry’s muted grunt. “Know what it does to me feeling you inside me without anything between us?” David reached behind him and found Jerry hard and leaking pre-cum.

  “I want you, baby.” Jerry pushed himself up into David’s hand as he reached to the side for the tube of lube. “Can you get me ready?”

  David took the tube and squeezed some of the slick onto his own hand, reaching around to get the two of them ready. When he positioned the head of Jerry’s dick at his hole, David watched his lover’s face. “Love that look on your face, Jerry. Love that I’m the one that puts it there.”

  “So good, so tight, David.” Jerry caressed his way down the lightly-furred chest and belly until his hands came to rest at David’s hips, his forearms feeling the flex and release of the long thigh muscles as David started to raise himself up and then slowly lower himself down onto Jerry’s shaft. “Lean forward, baby.” Jerry circled his hands around David’s waist, sliding them to his back as he leaned forward. “If I remember correctly, all I have to do is put my heels….” David felt Jerry moving his body around for a few seconds and then nothing but the sensation of having his prostate pegged and massaged by the engorged head of Jerry’s cock.

  David sucked in a quick breath, his head automatically falling forward. He felt Jerry’s hands on his back, felt the enormous head of that uncut cock tapping and massaging his gland, and wasn’t sure how much more attention he would be able to take from Jerry before his orgasm exploded between the two of them. He was panting now, leaning forward, the flushed skin of his cheek moving languidly against the heated beard on his lover’s face. “Jerry, not gonna last… wanna come with you.”

  “Keep squeezing me, baby,” Jerry muttered against David’s ear. “So hot inside you, like an oven… feels incredible, baby.”

  “God, Jerry, I’m gonna come soon,” David lifted his head, his lips finding Jerry’s as if by instinct.

  “Yeah, mountain lion, come for me, come on my chest,” Jerry hissed as he increased the speed of his hips pistoning in and out of David’s hole, his hands pushing against David’s chest so that one hand could wrap itself around David’s rock-hard cock and the other could fondle the sensitive balls. He looked up at David, both of them so near the edge. “Come for me, baby, come for me,” Jerry sucked in another breath and felt his balls pull up, the sensations of being in and around David all at the same time too much for him. The fire coursed up and down his spine and settled in his belly, and he felt himself let go moments before David’s heat clamped down on his dick.

  David felt Jerry buck up against his ass, knew that Jerry would be especially sensitive after such an intense orgasm. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time that Jerry had called out to him like that. He leaned forward and kissed Jerry’s swollen lips. Jerry was
panting heavily now, his chest heaving and his arms cast out to the side of his body. He made a trail with his kisses up and down Jerry’s neck, delighting in the aftershocks that coursed through his body when Jerry touched him. “Maybe we ought to go without more often,” David sighed against Jerry’s neck. “I haven’t seen you that turned on in a long time.”

  “I don’t know,” Jerry said with a chuckle. “You do that to me every time, but this morning?” David felt Jerry’s hands wrap around his back, holding him safe and secure. “Was… something… different in there? You feel it too?”

  “I’ll say… and then some,” David said with a mischievous smile. He felt Jerry slip out of him, felt the big beautiful hands stroke slowly up and down his back, and closed his eyes, only for a minute, he told himself.

  AS HE exited the school, David checked his watch again. He would be home with plenty of time to make dinner for his father’s visit tonight. It had been a rather uneventful Thursday at school, but the events of the past couple of days still weighed heavily on his mind. He was looking forward to an evening with his family. Jerry had mentioned that he might take William out after school to see if he couldn’t lift his spirits a little bit. Neither Jerry nor David had known that the television program about the seals and the sea lions would feature such a sad story as Bob’s. Despite the three of them watching the rest of the program and seeing and learning about all of the wonderful successful rescues and releases back into the wild, William still had the occasional question about why some animals died while others lived. But, all things considered, David and Jerry had both been rather relieved that it helped William get rid of some of the emotion he’d been holding on to. David wondered out loud last night as he and Jerry lay in bed if some of this emotion from William was a delayed reaction to losing his parents. Neither David nor Jerry could honestly remember discussing anything about the accident with William. So, it was good to have it out finally. In fact, William had seemed almost chipper this morning.