After one last run to the supermarket, he was at home putting the finishing touches on dinner when he heard Jerry and William come through the door. He was also acutely aware of another noise. He washed his hands, dried them on the tea towel, and headed toward the whimpering sound.
“David!” William ran forward with the little bundle of white fur held steadfast in his arms. “Look! Dad got me a puppy!”
“A puppy?” David didn’t know whom to caress first. “A white Siberian husky.” He chuckled, caught off-guard not only by the present, but also by William’s intense focus on keeping the puppy in his arms. “Did your dad get you a bowl for the puppy too?” David laughed out loud this time as Jerry’s arm came straight up in front of him, a bright yellow bag from a pet store dangling at the end of it. “How about a bed?”
“He’s going to sleep with me,” William announced as the puppy squirmed and licked so quickly that David could hardly keep it all in focus.
“I don’t think so,” David said, taking the puppy from William for a moment. “Okay, take the bag from your dad, and go fill the bowl while I explain some rules to… what’s his name?”
“Her,” William corrected over the sound of the tap running, his voice much brighter and fuller than it had been in days. “I haven’t figured it out yet.”
“There’s a doggy bed in the back of the truck,” Jerry said as he came over and stood beside David.
“She is adorable!” David whispered as he moved his head trying to get away from the puppy’s tongue.
“He didn’t want to get her at first,” Jerry said as he reached out to tickle the puppy’s belly. “When I told him I was going to get him a dog, he looked panicked at first. So, we went for an ice cream—wasn’t sure if you would want one, but got one for you anyway—and we had a nice talk.” Jerry put an arm around his husband’s shoulders. “He was afraid we might get one that was like Bob.” Jerry smiled and let loose a one-note laugh. “You should have seen him in there; you would have thought he was buying a car, lifting this and checking that and feeling and poking.”
“Poor baby,” David cooed as he held the puppy up. “And poor William.”
“We’ll be as good as new in no time,” Jerry announced as he exited through the door to retrieve the puppy’s bed.
David walked, with the puppy still in his arms, back into the kitchen. “Maybe you and Opa Niels can talk about some possible names. He should be here any minute now.”
“It has to be the perfect name,” William said as he took the squirming puppy from David’s arms and set her down in front of her brand new bowl. David smiled as he watched William standing guard over her while she lapped energetically at the water. “It has to be a really good name for when she’s bigger too.”
“You have lots of time.” David washed his hands in the sink and then turned at the sound of the front door.
“Look who I found wandering around outside!” Jerry’s voice caused William to look up.
“Opa!” William ran toward David’s father. Despite the fact that David had seen the two of them together dozens of times over the past year, it never failed to cause a lump in his throat. “Dad got me a puppy! Come and see her!”
Niels greeted Jerry with a nod and a handshake and then hugged David quickly as William pulled him toward the far end of the kitchen. “What’s her name?” David heard his father ask just one question, and then William was regaling his grandfather with a detailed account of the trip to the store and the reasons behind it. David was intent on pretending not to eavesdrop and didn’t hear Jerry come up from behind.
“So?” Jerry wrapped his arms around David’s waist. “Did I do good?”
“God, Jerry,” David sighed as he leaned back against the muscular chest. “I was so worried about him after you told me about William sitting in the closet.” David turned around to face Jerry. “And yes, you did a very good thing today.”
“Good enough for a kiss?”
David smiled and leaned up to kiss Jerry, his exaggerated pout making David shake his head. They swayed for a moment, lips touching and teasing a little, and listened to William’s giggles and Niels’s deep baritone laugh. It seemed that everything would slowly get back to normal now. The only thing that would make this evening even better is if Cory had somehow managed to make his way back to the ranch sooner than expected. And, as if the higher powers were hearing his thoughts, David disentangled himself from Jerry when he heard the doorbell.
“I’ll get it,” he said as he headed to the door. “See if you can get those two to wash up and come to the table.” David grinned at Jerry’s salute and pulled open the door. It was a FedEx delivery person with a package addressed to David—from Switzerland.
There were no coherent thoughts—or more precisely, there were plenty of thoughts, but David couldn’t seem to get his mind to settle on any one in particular. Frau Zimmerman had not yet replied to William’s latest e-mail, the package was from Switzerland, and David was quite certain that the return address was a law office. He’d never had much cause to use the word, but he was quite certain that Rechtsanwalt was the German word for lawyer. And if this package was from a lawyer in Switzerland, it would probably mean—
“Hey, baby, you’ve got three starving—” David looked up and knew he must have scared Jerry into silence. “What’s wrong, David?”
“I know I should open this, but I don’t want to know what’s inside. If I don’t open it, then it won’t be true. Not now, not again.” He knew he was rambling, but he was more interested in not opening the package than making any sense.
“Whatever it is, baby, we’ll get through it.” Jerry took the package from David and opened it. He reached inside and found bubble wrap over a plastic bag over a beautifully-framed needlepoint sampler. “It’s in German.” David took the sampler and held it out so that he could read it.
“It reads: A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” David felt the tears stinging his eyes as he looked up at Jerry. “Frau Zimmerman had this hanging beside the fireplace. I remember….” David wiped at his eyes and watched as Jerry pulled out a letter and a sealed envelope. Jerry held the letter out to David, and he took it, getting only a few lines in before he heard the sharp intake of his own breath. “Frau Zimmerman had a stroke during this past weekend.” He looked down at the letter and then back up into Jerry’s patient eyes. “She didn’t make it.”
David heard the catch in his voice and leaned against Jerry, their arms going around each other. Neither of them asked how they would possibly tell William. As he regained control of himself, David wondered whether that old saying about bad news coming in groups of three was true; if it was, then they’d had their three already, and it was time for some good news.
Chapter 21
JERRY was lying on his back, listening to the soft, rhythmic breathing of the little boy next to him. Or was that the puppy curled up by the boy’s tummy? William had cried himself to sleep almost two hours ago, but Jerry was still awake, replaying the evening over and over again in his mind. He’d passed through anger and denial and found himself—just after midnight—staring at the ceiling, trying to deal with one question at a time. It seemed that no matter what decision he made, he felt as if he was sitting down to write a test in another language. It didn’t seem to matter that he recognized a few words; the questions didn’t seem to make any sense to him. And just like that imaginary test, he found himself doubting his every action.
He’d carried William to bed for the second night in a row and found himself sitting beside his son, wondering what to do. Should he leave William alone and come back if he called out? Should he stay beside him all through the night? Should he try to keep explaining to William about death and dying and growing and maturing? And most importantly, was Jerry the best person to do any of this?
He and David had decided to let William have dinner with Niels and then play with the puppy for a few hours before they finally sat him down in the living room and explained th
e package that they’d received. At first Jerry had tried to tell William, but the words would not come. There was only anger. Jerry had found himself unable to put aside the many questions that seemed to accost him. How much more is this poor boy expected to deal with? How many more lessons will he have to learn before he finally feels safe again?
With his anger barely in check, he’d finally looked over at David and Niels. Jerry had been at a loss to explain something that even he didn’t seem to understand. He let the other two men do the explaining, while he could only sit there and try not to cry himself at how unfair it all seemed. And he was glad—once again—that David had been there to help. And here he was, son and puppy fast asleep by his side. It was only Jerry who was awake at this hour, the uncertainty of it all making him feel as useless as he’d felt when William first showed up on his doorstep.
Jerry heard the gentle creak of the door and looked over to find David standing there, a small smile on his beautiful face. He tried to muster one himself, but found he couldn’t. He watched as David moved slowly toward him, his hand extended. He took hold of Jerry’s hand and pulled gently, beckoning Jerry to follow him. Jerry looked at William, his beautiful son still fast asleep, and raised himself from the bed and followed his husband.
“I couldn’t sleep, either.” David put his arm around Jerry’s waist and they walked to the stairs and went to the kitchen. “I thought you could use some coffee.”
“I feel so useless,” Jerry sighed as he fell into his usual chair at the harvest table.
“Nonsense,” David said, his tone soft but chiding. “You’re doing exactly what he needs you to do.”
“Nothing?”
“Jerrod McKenzie, you are a great father to William, an incredible husband to me, and the only reason both William and I are happy.” David finished filling the kettle, plugged it in, and then took a seat beside his husband.
“I think the puppy will give me some serious competition,” Jerry said, his muted chuckle seeming thin and pathetic. “But thank you. For helping me.”
“That’s what families do, isn’t it?”
“And what about your old man?” Jerry raised himself off the chair and walked to the patio door, unlocking it and opening it. He felt the cool air caress his face. “He sat there with William on his lap and cried right along with him. He didn’t even mention anything about death or dying.” Jerry shook his head at the memory. “He told William about love… and when he started telling that story….” Jerry closed his eyes and brought his hand to his face, surprised at how quickly David was there, arms wrapped around him.
“It’s okay, Jerry. We all feel a little overwhelmed by this.” David led Jerry back to his chair. “I think it will be good for all of us to let go a little.”
Jerry swiped at his cheeks. “I remember my dad always telling me that it was a sign of weakness to show emotion.” He looked up quickly and then back down at his hands. “I didn’t realize until I was much older that he was talking about business. But by then, I’d convinced myself that crying was only for girls… or fags.”
“Irony,” David said with a small flourish, and Jerry couldn’t help but let the laughter escape.
“I don’t….” Jerry finally looked up at David and began again. “I don’t know how to fix this.”
“Can I ask you a question you once asked me?”
Jerry nodded.
“Before I told you that I couldn’t bring myself to sign the petition that Bennet and his brigade had presented me, you asked me, Why them?”
Jerry looked down at his hands, expecting more, but his eyes bounced back to his husband’s face just as quickly when he heard no further words. “I don’t understand.”
“Them in your case isn’t a group of people, but all of these thoughts you’re having about fixing things or feeling useless or thinking you’re not a good father to William.” David reached over and held Jerry’s hands in his, giving them a little squeeze. “Why are you letting these thoughts win?”
“I’m not… I don’t think… I, uh….” Jerry closed his mouth as he saw David’s eyebrows, and he realized what he was really being asked. “I asked that?” Jerry found himself smiling a little as David nodded. “Who knew I was that smart?”
“Everyone,” David said as he stood and moved to Jerry’s lap. “Everyone but you, that is.”
“I love you, David.”
“And I love you.” David pulled Jerry’s hand to his lips and kissed it gently. “And we both love William and will make sure that he gets through this.” David got off Jerry’s lap before the kettle’s whistle grew too loud, unplugged it, and then turned back to face Jerry. “And if we have to, we’ll buy him another twenty puppies.”
DAVID and Jerry had made the decision to keep William home on Friday, thinking that a day spent with his dad and his new puppy would do wonders for his sagging spirits. At least, David had gone to work on that last day before spring break thinking that plan had the potential to work; it wouldn’t work miracles, but it would certainly help William, or so they thought. But when he arrived home, he found that the day had been one filled with surprises, most of them good.
David parked his car in the driveway, pulled his briefcase out of the car, and headed to the house. When he opened the door, he wasn’t sure—at first—if it was crying or laughing he was hearing. Fearing the worst, he deposited his briefcase on the bench, pried off his shoes, and headed toward the sound. When he descended the few steps to the living room, he found Jerry and William on the floor playing with one excited puppy.
“Hey, fellas, what’s going on here?”
“I was teaching William how to train the dog.” David turned at the voice behind him and wasn’t sure at first if he was tired enough to be seeing things or if it was really Cory standing in front of him. “We still need to do some work on the whole fetch thing,” Cory said as he held up a yellow tennis ball. “Hi,” Cory said awkwardly, taking another step toward David.
“What… how… I thought….” He turned back to look at Jerry, who shrugged and showed a smile that told David that he knew more than the shrug seemed to indicate.
“I can explain later,” Cory said as he held out his hand to David. “Is the offer still open? To live here, I mean?”
“Of course,” David said as he pushed Cory’s hand away and pulled him into a tight embrace. “Of course it is.” David let go of Cory and turned back to Jerry. “Good day?”
“Finally,” Jerry whispered as he pushed himself off the floor and took a hug for himself. “Okay, men, David and I are going upstairs for a minute. I don’t want to see any pee stains on the floor when I get back. And I don’t want the puppy peeing in here either.”
William and Cory groaned in unison at the bad joke, while the puppy seemed frantic to try and lick both of their faces at the same time. Jerry put his arm around David’s waist and led him upstairs.
Once they were in the bedroom, Jerry grabbed David over to the bed and pulled him down on top of him. “I guess right from the get-go, Cory’s aunt was a force of nature. She wouldn’t allow computers or cell phones or any contact with the sodomites.” David laughed at Jerry’s air quotes. “She even enrolled him at some military or prep-type school and had arranged for him to do custodial work as a way to help pay his tuition. I guess she told the headmaster that Cory was a recovering drug addict.” Jerry was shaking his head slowly in disbelief. “The end came this afternoon, apparently. Cory’s father is out on bail, finally, and showed up at his sister’s place. Cory got home from school, found his father there, and took off in a cab.” Jerry kissed David softly at first and then a little more deeply. “Do you have any idea how much a taxi ride from south Calgary to our house is?”
David saw the tilt of his head and the lopsided grin. “It was quite a reunion between the two of them, William and Cory, I mean. William was so excited and forgot to put down the puppy when he went to hug Cory, and then the puppy was all excited and was even more so when William made th
e official introductions—”
“Did he choose a name, yet?”
“No,” Jerry said, shaking his head, his smile still bright, “it’s just Puppy for now.” Jerry looked down at his hands and then over at David. “William helped Cory unpack all of his stuff and then showed him the needlepoint we helped William hang over his bed. He was really great with William, helped him a lot by telling him about how he eventually got through losing his own mother. Cory told him how much Frau Zimmerman must have loved him to want him to have that, that she must have considered William to be like family, that what makes someone family is what’s in here,” Jerry said as he put his hand over his chest. “So, we all had a good cry because of that.” Jerry kissed David gently on the lips. “I think William’s going to be fine.”
“I’m glad,” David said, his voice almost a whisper. “Did you call Sara?”
“I did, and she called the police,” Jerry said as he nodded. “She said something about D.E.C.A.—that’s Drug-endangered Child Act of 2006 for the uninformed, like me—and Cory was officially free of that environment, and he’d done the right thing in running away, and now, hold on to your hats, he’s free to live with us if he wants. There will be no more contact with either the father or the aunt.” Jerry punctuated the explanation with a gentle kiss and rolled them both on to their sides.
“Looks like things are turning around for our boys.”
“Our boys,” Jerry echoed. “You know,” Jerry said as he propped his head up on one hand, “that reminds me of a conversation we had at Christmas.”
“Yeah,” David sighed, stealing another kiss, “which conversation would that be?”
“The one where you told me that you’d adopt William—officially—after we got married.” Jerry pulled his head back to look at David. “Is that still something you think about?”
“Ah, only every day,” David said as he swatted playfully at Jerry’s chest.
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