by Marcy Jacks
A sudden shiver of self-consciousness hit him.
Rory had tried getting Chris to go to the gym with him, but Chris had never been able to get himself there more than once a week on a good month, and next to Declan, he was starting to feel kind of like a schlub.
Declan looked at him as though he were anything but. As though he were perfect, and Chris soon found himself forgetting about the worries of not being good enough.
He wanted Declan to look at him like that for the rest of their lives. Even after they aged and Chris started to really go to waste.
Maybe he would have to hit the gym a little more if he didn't want that to happen within the next ten years or so.
"You're doing that thing again," Declan said, reaching for the bottle of lube. He'd pulled his fingers free of Chris' body, and it was the only reason Chris had been able to snap out of his self-pitying thoughts.
He blinked, watching as Declan poured more of the clear lube onto his palm. "What do you mean?"
Declan's hand went down, and Chris didn't have to follow it to know what the other man was doing.
"You've got that look on your face you get when you're thinking too much. You don't have to worry about a thing. I'll take care of you."
Chris shivered. In any other context, that could almost sound as though Declan wanted something long-term, but Chris wouldn't hold the other man to that.
This was just sex. No matter what had been said to each other, if Declan had a change of heart tomorrow when the sun was up and he had some time to process what they had done, then Chris wouldn't push him. He wouldn't hold the other man to promises he didn't mean to make.
So Chris nodded and smiled. He would keep it to that and wouldn't push it.
Declan looked at him, as though waiting for Chris to reveal something else, but Chris didn't.
Instead, he circled his hips on Declan's waist, feeling the slippery length of his cock, and groaning, wanting it inside him.
"I'm done talking."
Declan's auburn eyes turned that bright shade of red again. He nodded. "Me too."
He pressed the thick head of his cock against Chris' hole. "You tell me if this hurts."
No one in Chris' life, not even when he'd lost his virginity, had ever bothered telling him that. Chris didn't know what to think of it. To be annoyed that Declan didn't trust him to know what he wanted or to be touched that the other man cared so much.
"Just do it. I know what I can take."
Declan wasted no more time. He thrust forward. There was more pressure than Chris thought there needed to be before his body finally accepted the other man inside him, but God, Declan was thick.
Chris should have known—he'd seen the man's shoe size enough to suspect this—but the burn was intense. The pain was there. It wasn't as bad as his first time, but he felt as though he were being stretched to his limits.
Declan held still. He didn't ask if Chris was all right. He wouldn't have to.
Chris clenched Declan's biceps hard. Would he bruise the man? He felt like he could with the grip he had on him, but would he be able to bruise an alpha?
That didn't seem logical either.
Focus. He had to focus. He wanted to do this. He was going to do this. He'd wanted this since before he knew he wanted it, and now that he had it, he wasn't about to fuck this up.
Declan kissed Chris' face, his jaw, and his throat. He scraped his teeth across the fragile flesh, but he didn't bite down. He seemed to be tasting, taking his time while Chris recovered.
And then he did. The burn melted away. It was still there, but Chris sighed, feeling as though he could finally breathe once more.
Declan sensed he was ready, those red eyes still glowing. "That's it."
Declan growled, thrusting forward, a shallow move, but he picked up speed quickly.
Chris didn't blame him. The other man had waited long enough, and Chris wanted to make him feel good.
Each groan Declan released, every time his eyes screwed shut, it all went straight to Chris' libido. He felt as though he could take the other man into himself for hours. He thrust back against Declan's surging cock. It brought the hurt back a little more, a sharp pain, but it didn't last long either.
Chris was glad he wasn't a virgin for this. He'd barely been able to tolerate the pain of his first lover, and he didn't have sex again after for a couple of weeks because he'd thought he'd hated it.
He'd quickly learned otherwise through a variety of different techniques, but if it had been Declan doing this to him for his first time, Chris was pretty sure the man's big cock might have killed him.
Okay, maybe nothing that extreme, but damn. All these years, Chris had been practicing for the main event, and he hadn't known it.
For a guy that didn't have any other male lovers beforehand, he sure seemed to know what he was doing.
He wanted more. The pleasure inside his lower belly and testicles was rising, and already, Chris was being pushed to that familiar cliff.
Only it was better because it was Declan holding his hand as he led Chris to it.
Declan was actually holding Chris' hand. He’d threaded their fingers together, pinning his hands down onto the sheets while fucking into him.
And Chris still needed more.
"Wait, wait, stop."
Declan did, his chest heaving for breath, his eyes still glowing. "What's the matter?"
"I want to put my leg up."
Declan smiled at him, adjusting their position so Chris could get his calf up onto Declan's shoulder.
When the man started fucking into him again, it felt as though he was getting deeper, as though he was laying a proper claim.
And Chris wanted to be claimed.
Claim me, wolf. I am yours forever.
Declan moaned, and then he growled. His fangs appeared, and Chris still wasn't scared. How could he be when he was having the best sex of his life with the one person he'd really, truly…
He was shoved off that cliff before he could finish the thought, his entire body clenching as Declan continued to fuck into him, harder, faster now that Chris' body clenched him so tightly.
Declan groaned, burying his face into Chris' shoulder.
This time Chris did feel those fangs on his skin. He tensed, the rest of his orgasm rocking through him while Declan trembled on top of him.
Chris waited for the skin to break. He waited to feel that sharp pain that came with being bitten by a werewolf, and he hoped to God it didn't hurt as much as he'd heard and feared.
That pain never came. Declan slumped on top of him, a heavy gasp escaping his throat, and then everything was still.
Chapter Four
Chris groaned. Waking up with a massive headache wasn't his idea of fun.
He didn't often drink. He'd only ever been so drunk he'd blacked out once before because that had been a shit morning, and while he could handle getting buzzed, there was still the risk of a skull throbbing the next day.
Which was why, when he turned over, hand to his temple, it freaked him out to realize there was a body lying next to his.
He damn near jumped out of bed before realizing who it was and remembering what happened the night before.
Declan was picture perfect even in his sleep. It was stupidly unfair. Did this guy really have to be so perfect that he looked like he belonged on the cover of a magazine even if he wasn't trying?
Forget the cover of a magazine. He could be on the cover of a romance novel, and Chris had never before noticed how long his lashes were as they fanned out on his cheeks.
Not that he could see Declan's entire face. The man lay on his stomach, arms wrapped around his pillow, gently snoring.
Chris' mouth watered. His groin tightened, and heat immediately rushed to his face, and to his groin, as he realized he was getting hot and bothered over a guy who was fast asleep.
And may not want to be here when he woke up and realized what he'd done.
Should he get out of bed? He wa
s still tired and definitely not a morning person.
Whenever he happened to have a day off from work, he slept in. Big time.
If he managed to get his ass out of bed before eleven in the morning, he considered it a small miracle.
It was currently seven. Made sense. He didn't think Declan was trained to sleep in so late.
Didn't the military types wake up at five in the morning or something? Definitely around dawn.
Chris figured the only reason why Declan was still sleeping was because of the jet lag, and the beers.
And the sex.
Chris opted to get out of bed. He grabbed some joggers, slipped into them, and decided to go to the kitchen.
At the very least, he could greet Declan with some breakfast.
Chris figured if the other man stuck around long enough to eat it, then it meant they were still friends. Even if Declan changed his mind about last night.
But he'd said those things…they hadn’t sounded like the words of a guy who was unsure about what he wanted.
Chris hoped Declan would be all right with gluten-free pancakes.
Declan used to make fun of Chris for not being able to eat normal foods when they were kids, and whenever he'd eaten over at Chris' house as a kid, he'd always politely passed on the gluten-free breads.
He hadn't complained about the gluten-free beers, though, so Chris cracked a couple of eggs, added water to the pancake mix, and started cooking.
About when his kitchen started to smell like coffee and syrup, Declan appeared.
He yawned but otherwise looked wide awake.
Christ, there weren't even bags under his eyes. What the fuck?
"Hey," Chris said then had to clear his throat and repeat himself. "Hi."
Declan nodded. "Hey." He pulled a chair out at the bar, taking a seat. "I would have come to help you if you'd wanted."
Chris turned away from him, finally letting himself smile as he loaded a paper-towel-laden plate with bacon. Lots of it. He'd remembered how Declan used to eat.
"You looked tired."
"How are you feeling?"
Chris was giddy. His mind translated that, and he could imagine Declan's warm, breathy voice in his ear.
"Does your ass hurt? Are you sensitive? Do you want to go again?"
Chris cleared his throat. "Feeling pretty good." He let himself look back at the other man, smiling. "You?"
The smile faded from his face when he took note of the look on Declan's face.
Stoic, but not the usual stoic. He looked as though…
Oh shit. This was real. Chris could see it. The one thing he’d wished he wouldn’t see.
Regret.
Chris swallowed it down. He turned back to the oven, shutting it off, plating the food, and bringing it to Declan.
He set the food and coffee in front of the other man, grabbed forks and his own plate, and joined him on the other side of the bar.
He couldn't look at Declan. He couldn't face that expression again after his hopes had flown so high.
He wasn't in the mood for food anymore.
"I've got something to tell you."
Chris cringed.
This was fine. This was going to be fine. Declan was still here. Declan hadn't left. He was sitting there with Chris' food in front of him, and even though he hadn't started eating yet, Chris knew that at the very least, they were going to stay friends.
He just wished…
No. He wasn't going to do any wishing. This was the way things were going to be.
"Chris, will you at least look at me?"
Chris clenched his teeth. His fingers ached around his fork.
"Look, I know what you're going to say." Chris finally looked at the other man, forcing a smile.
Declan raised a brow. "You do?"
Chris kept that smile going even when he felt his face twitching. "Yeah, I do, and it's good. I'm good with it. I just…I want to stay your friend."
Declan blinked then leaned back in his chair. "You think I regret fucking you last night?"
Now Chris was confused. "Uh, don’t you?"
For one of the few times in his life, Chris couldn't read the expression on Declan's face. The man looked down in his coffee mug, as though staring at his reflection. The shadow of a smile pulled at his lips.
"I thought you knew me better than that. At least trusted me."
Chris' heart stopped for a hair of a second. A rush of panic hit him next. "I mean, if you wanted something with me still, I'm all for it. I want to be your friend, but if you need time before showing off you had a boyfriend, I can do that, too. I can wait for you if that's what you want."
Declan's eyes flashed, and once more, Chris could read his expression. He was angry. "Now you think I want to hide you?"
Chris was getting ready to melt against island. "Will you at least tell me what you mean? I'm…freaking out right now, and I'm having trouble reading you."
Every inch of his body felt tense and strung out.
He'd never done coke before, but he could imagine this twitch paranoia was part of it.
Or was that weed?
Declan got up from his chair, and that heart-stopping feeling rushed back to Chris with a vengeance as the other man came around to the other side of the counter.
Without warning, and with sudden speed, he grabbed Chris by his face, pulling him out of his chair, forcing Chris up onto his toes and leaning in, crushing his mouth to Chris'.
It was so shocking Chris almost didn't know what to do about it. He was in limbo. He was dead. He couldn't think and he couldn't breathe and Declan was kissing him when they were both sober and it was light outside.
And then Chris was so fucking happy he didn't know what to do with it.
He kissed his best friend back, pushing his body against the other man's, wrapping his arms around Declan's back.
His hands could still touch each other like that. Declan wasn't the Incredible Hulk, after all.
No, right now, Chris was high on the incredible idea that this man was his.
Declan groaned, pulling back from Chris' mouth, his eyes scrunched shut, just as they had been last night when he'd been inside of Chris.
"You have no idea how fucking long I've been waiting for you."
"What?"
Declan shook his head. "You smell so good right now. Every time you had someone else, I had to struggle not to kill them."
Okay, that was dark, but Declan, and werewolves in general, were known for being a little on the darker side.
He laughed. "You're not serious?"
Declan opened his eyes again, revealing those bright alpha reds. "You have no idea what you are, do you?"
Chris was starting to get freaked out, so when he pulled back from Declan, he was pleased when the other man let him go.
It might have been a failed test if Declan had held on.
"What are you talking about?"
Declan wasn't so stoic anymore. Now, his emotions, his expressions, were open and wide. He projected everything up to giving the devastating news.
"Baby, you're a wolf soul."
Chris heard the words, let his brain chew them over, and decided it couldn't be right.
"I can't be. I'm not a wolf."
Declan jerked back. "You think you need to be a wolf to be a wolf soul?"
Chris didn't understand. "Don't you?" He shrugged. "The word wolf is in the name."
Declan shook his head, and more and more, Chris thought there was a lot here he had been missing.
Declan sighed. "I've smelled it on you ever since we were kids. I knew others would smell it on you. Why do you think I never let you into my pack?"
Now Chris was stumped. “That was…no. My parents never let me go over. They were worried—”
“That someone would do something to you. Try to turn you or make you part of the pack. They were right to be scared of that.”
This was too much. This morning was on his all-time high list of crazy-as-shi
t mornings.
All these highs and lows were starting to get to him.
“But that wasn’t…I mean that wasn’t your fault. I still wanted to spend time with you.”
Declan looked at him as though he pitied him.
Or thought he was stupid. One of the two.
“Do you really think I would have been able to do anything to protect you from the rest of my pack as a kid? If you’d ever gone over there…there was talk from the elders about having you spend the night. Some were innocent. Sort of. They wanted me to use you to bring you over, get you used to the idea of pack life. They wanted to make you part of the pack one day.”
“That’s not so bad.”
“Those were the innocent ones. Others openly talked about having me lure you to the pack so they could bite you. Or worse. If your parents had known about that shit, there was no way they would have let me hang out with you. The only reason why they did was because I told them only as much as they needed to know. Luckily they already suspected you were a wolf soul, so it wasn’t too much of a stretch for me to convince them to keep you away.”
Chris thought about the one time he had been to Declan’s pack, when Declan had gone missing and Chris hadn’t known where he went.
It was no wonder his dad made him stay in the truck, but now that Chris thought about it, the only reason why his dad let him go at all was because Chris threatened to go on his bike without anyone with him.
He hated to think of making his parents worry or forcing his father’s hand like that.
No wonder his dad had been pissed off, for well over a week about it, but they had also been relieved the pack had moved.
Now Chris knew why.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?”
Now Chris was angry. His best friend, and his parents, had hidden this from him.
“Maybe. I don’t know. I guess I was waiting for you to figure it out on your own. I’m shocked you went so long without even suspecting it.”
Chris rolled his eyes. Great. He supposed not having figured it out did make him something of an idiot, but he didn’t want Declan thinking of him like that.
He was quiet. He couldn’t wrap his brain around something so fundamental about himself was something he had no knowledge of.