Devyn shifted and hesitated.
Oh no. This wasn’t good. She felt the blood drain from her face. She clenched and unclenched her fists.
“I’m actually on my way to the airport now. I already said goodbye to Jill.”
“As in right now right now?” Right then and there, everything in Elizabeth downshifted. Her thoughts didn’t formulate correctly. She couldn’t keep up with what was happening.
Devyn nodded. “I’ll be back at some point. Just need to get this project back on track somehow. Really buckle down and focus, the way I used to.”
Elizabeth’s brain sputtered and stalled. She’d already picked out her outfit for dinner with Devyn that night, and this weekend they were going to take a day trip to Hendersonville because it was known for some cool secondhand furniture stores. Then they were going to stop at that cute wine bar Elizabeth had heard so much about. They wouldn’t get to do those things now, and that felt so very wrong. Not unjust, just inaccurate. Was that weird? She wasn’t sure. What about Scout? Would Scout get that Devyn, her favorite person, her champion snuggler, was just gone? She ordered her brain to shut up and stay focused so she could think about the here and now of the moment. “I don’t want you to go.” The words came easily, because there were none more true.
“I know, but I have to,” Devyn said, and smiled apologetically. Her guard was in place. Elizabeth could see that clear as day.
“Don’t. Just forget all about that building.” She made sure to add a playful tone to her delivery to muffle the desperation. Yet that was exactly how she felt: desperate, helpless, and as though she was about to lose something too valuable to even articulate. What could she do to stop this? Everything in her cried out.
“You take care, KC,” Devyn said, and walked over and gave her a hug. She turned back to Elizabeth. “Walk me out?”
Oh, God. This really was it, wasn’t it? Pain arrived hot and fast right in the center of her chest, and her legs felt like lead as she followed Devyn to her rental. She smiled one last time at its ridiculous smallness. Devyn could have traded it in at any point in her trip but had admitted that she felt bonded to the little car after all they’d been through together.
Devyn fumbled with her sunglasses before raising her eyes to Elizabeth’s. “Jill is okay because of you. I need you to know that. You have my eternal gratitude. You’re a good person, Elizabeth.”
“Not just me. No. Everyone was—”
“It was because of you we found her. You and that wonderful dog of yours. I will never be able to repay you for that, but there’s so much more I have in here to say.” She touched her chest. “But maybe it’s for the best that I don’t.”
“Okay,” Elizabeth said, catching her wrist. “The next time we see each other, maybe.”
Devyn nodded and popped her sunglasses on, blocking Elizabeth’s window into her emotional state. “I’ll call you soon.”
Soon. It was so noncommittal. It wasn’t tonight, or tomorrow. Who knew when they’d next speak? “Okay. Soon, then.”
Devyn took Elizabeth’s cheek in her hand and brushed her lips to Elizabeth’s briefly. There was no lingering, no drawing it out. Devyn pulled her into a quick hug and dropped her lips to Elizabeth’s ear. “Goodbye for now. You take care of yourself.”
Elizabeth didn’t want to take care of herself. She wanted Devyn to take care of her. “Goodbye, Devyn,” Elizabeth said, still stunned that this was it.
Devyn slid into the driver’s seat and, with a final wave, pulled away from the shopping center.
This wasn’t real, was it? Elizabeth glanced back at the donut shop where she happened to be in the middle of a job. Was she supposed to just go back in there and pick back up like her life hadn’t just blown up in front of her? She walked slowly back to the shop in a sad daze. How could that be?
“You okay?” KC asked, standing. She shifted uncomfortably. Her eyes were mournful and full of empathy, and Elizabeth’s embarrassment crept in.
She shrugged and stared at the pyramid, trying to focus on stacking strategy, anything to not crumple into a teary-eyed mess. Didn’t mean her heart didn’t hurt. The lump in her throat seemed to grow bigger as the moments passed. Somehow, she managed to answer. “She’s leaving.” A pause. “I’ll be fine. Nothing I didn’t know was coming.”
KC winced. “Still.”
“Yeah.” They stared at each other. Elizabeth didn’t know what to do with herself. She needed direction and someone to tell her what to do. KC innately got it.
“Let’s focus on this project for now, knock it out, and after this we’re getting drunk. Dan isn’t on call tonight. He can watch Gray.”
The tears pooled, but Elizabeth knelt and got to work. She focused intently on the donut in her hand, laying it gently on top of an established row. “You don’t have to do that,” she said on a shaky breath, reaching for another donut. “I’ll be fine on my own. That’s what I do, right?”
KC didn’t hesitate. “You don’t have a say. We’re doing it. That’s final. I’m calling Dexter.”
“Okay,” Elizabeth said quietly, ignoring the first tear that fell and then the second. She kept her face to the side, careful that no tear touched or interfered with her work. If she didn’t allow the brunt of what just happened to fully infiltrate her brain, she could get through this, and then the next thing, and the next. She was Elizabeth Draper. She was used to being left.
* * *
Devyn kept her sunglasses on and the music loud as she drove straight out of Dreamer’s Bay for the open highway. She passed the strip mall where the weekly cornhole tournament would take place that Friday and Saturday. She didn’t glance over, keeping her mind carefully blank. Bountiful Park flew by on her right, and shortly after that Festive Foods, where the high school band’s booster club was taking down their fund-raising table in front of the store. There was a grill out front, and the aroma of something amazing wafted into her car. Probably brisket tacos, the same they’d sold last week. She kept driving. Turned up the music even louder and blinked hard to steady herself and to hold off any and all emotion. Nothing good ever came of it.
She had all of this under control.
The only way Devyn had gotten through that exchange with Elizabeth was to wall everything off, and that was the state she planned to remain in for as long as she needed. It was a pretty impressive trick, pushing your emotions to the back, stuffing them right the hell down, but it was a skill she’d refined to perfection over the years, leaving her the successful machine she’d grown to count on. In fact, she thrived under those conditions. She’d survived her self-loathing teen years by doing just that, and then again with her mother’s death. She didn’t connect with too many people in Philly for the same reason. People made things…messy. Love was even more destructive. She’d be fine if she could just get through this transition phase. Once she was back in her old life, she’d forget what she’d left behind. Time healed.
The wall didn’t feel good anymore, though. She’d have to work on that.
She stuttered, and stumbled, and stole a glance at the service station, knowing full well that the owner, Mr. Henry, was enjoying his afternoon off at the Amazin’ Glazin’ and likely had Alton, one of his three employees, running the place in his absence. Even saying goodbye to the service station tugged at her. No. Damn it. She gave her head a shake. The wall went back in place as she focused on the road, ignoring what she knew was next. Two straight miles of some of the most gorgeous shoreline in the country. She didn’t plan to give it so much as an appreciative nod.
Elizabeth would be fine. So would Jill. They were the kind of people everyone loved, and they’d look out for each other.
She’d be fine, too.
As she stood in line to board the plane two hours later, her emotions were at war. She’d lost the control she thought she’d established and nearly gave in to the urge to scrap this whole plan and drive straight back to the Bay, pick up some burgers from Ronnie Roo’s, and eat them on
the floor of Elizabeth’s living room over the coffee table. Could they make that happen? Was that possible? She had money. She didn’t need this job. But it wasn’t the job that kept her moving forward. She was terrified and she damn well knew it. She wasn’t in control anymore and had allowed her feelings for Elizabeth to take over everything. Her heart raced and the air seemed scarce. She had to find her way back to in charge.
Her phone buzzed. Sheldon, her personal assistant. “Hi, Shel. Flight’s on time.”
“Perfect. I have Gary to pick you up at your gate when you land. Just calling with an update.”
She sighed, letting go of her delusions, ready to find solid ground again. “I’m ready.”
“Your kitchen’s been stocked fully, the cleaning crew just left, and the temperature in your condo is an even seventy-two, ready for your arrival. The mail has been sorted and anything pressing I already took care of.”
The image of her world coming back to life snapped her into the here and now. “What about flowers? Can we do something to soften the place up?”
“Soften?” Sheldon asked, probably not recognizing the sentiment coming from her.
“I just think flowers are nice to…you know what? Never mind. Thank you, Shel. I’ll call you tomorrow and we can get my dry cleaning prepped. I have a busy week ahead.”
“Right. I remember and am on top of it.”
“Thanks, Sheldon.”
She clicked off the call and handed her boarding pass to the gate agent with a renewed determination. She just needed some space between herself and this whole experience. Once she was home, she’d rebound. She would find her way again. She sighed. Somehow.
* * *
“Here’s the thing,” Elizabeth said, gesturing with her glass. She wasn’t even sure what was in it, something KC had brought back from the bar, but after hating it for a while, she actually found the brown liquid quite nice. Okay, a little strong, but welcome at this point. “I’m going to be fine. You know? Back to status quo. Nothing wrong with my life before Devyn Winters and her ability to kiss like a goddess.”
“I know you’ll be fine,” KC said. “Doesn’t mean you can’t be sad right now. It’s okay to acknowledge that this hit you hard.”
“The problem is that I thought she might be my one, ya know?” She was feeling the alcohol after only two brown things. She twirled the liquid in a whooshy circle. “She’s not. I don’t have a one. I’m Elizabeth Draper, boring, perpetually alone, and owning it.”
KC sighed and studied her from across the booth. “Devyn could be back, ya know. Didn’t she say she’d be back?”
“Isn’t that what they’re supposed to say?”
Dexter slid into the booth next to Elizabeth and looked over. He seemed like a shadow of himself. “Sorry, Liz. KC told me Devyn left, and that fucking sucks.”
She nodded. “I like that you said ‘fucking.’ It fits.”
“Let’s get trashed.”
“Word.” Elizabeth squinted. “Do people still say that?”
KC shrugged. “Sure.”
Dexter signaled the bartender and called for a double bourbon after gesturing to their glasses. Huh. So that’s what she was drinking. She wondered what was up with him. His eyebrows hung low. Seemed like more than friend sympathy.
“Where have you been?” KC asked, incredulous. “I texted you two hours ago.”
“Misty and I had a blowup. Think we’re done. I need this as much as you do.” He picked up the bourbon the server set down, tossed back a good portion, and gave his head a single shake, letting it settle.
Elizabeth winced. “Take it easy.”
“Gotta catch you, slugger.” He stared hard into the glass. “I don’t know why we get mixed up with ’em. I know better.”
Elizabeth nodded. “They just hurt us.”
“Leave us high and dry.”
“Hearts slashed to pieces.”
KC shook her head. “Nope. This isn’t a Love Sucks club. We’re nursing a specific broken heart, but we’re not punching love in the damn face and telling it to get off our lawn.”
“Yes, we are,” they said in unison, and clinked their glasses.
“What did yours do?” Elizabeth asked Dexter. When she blinked he turned into two Dexters but only briefly, which meant she could keep drinking, one of the benefits of living close enough to walk home. KC was right. This getting drunk thing did take the edge off. She should try it more often.
He shook his head. “Here’s what happened. I wanted to talk about getting a place together, and she went deer in headlights and had to run errands.”
“Then what?” Elizabeth asked, eager for the rest of the drama, and happy for the shift in focus.
“That was it. Rebuffed.”
She and KC exchanged a look and KC leaned in. “You’re walking away because she got nervous about moving in together? A lot of people might do that. Misty’s been so nice. She’s settled you down.”
“Domesticated you,” Elizabeth added. “Your house is clean and you do laundry at least twice a month now. She has a right to be cautious about the next big step. You gotta chill, I think. Word.”
“You’re not using it right anymore,” Dexter said.
“Damn.”
“Give her time,” KC said, ignoring them. “Not everyone moves at the same pace.”
Conflicting emotions crossed Dexter’s features, and he turned his glass in a circle. It looked miniscule in his hands. “I thought we were both there, ya know?”
KC grabbed his hand across the table. “Doesn’t mean you won’t both be there next month. If she’s the one, Dex, you gotta put in the time. Be patient. Take it at her pace.”
“At least she didn’t leave,” Elizabeth said, and took another swig. She liked the word swig and the way that photo of a beaver on the wall seemed to be smiling at her. She waved at it. Friendly little beaver.
KC glanced behind her in confusion and then back. “Who are you waving at? Please say Thalia didn’t just walk in. That is not at all what we need tonight.”
Elizabeth sulked. “That would not be helpful when I’m drinking the brown stuff. No. Plus, I have no interest in Thalia, not after experiencing—”
“Love?” KC asked. Elizabeth shut her mouth. She refused to say that word, to acknowledge the strength of what emanated from smack in the middle of her chest like a beacon. It was too much, and verbalizing it would push her over the edge. “Are we not going there?” KC asked apologetically.
“Nope,” Elizabeth said, and tossed back the rest of her glass. “We’re not. Are we doing another brown? I’m in.”
Dexter hopped up. “This round’s on me.”
An hour and a half later, once Elizabeth tried to take the beaver photo off the wall and home with her forever, her friends insisted on walking her there, during which she cried. “Was it real?” she asked, quietly, staring up at the trees as if they held the answer. “I think maybe I romanticized the whole thing.”
“Of course it was,” KC said. “I saw it firsthand. I’m just sorry for how abruptly she left. She has some things to work through, I think.”
“I’m not even sure she gave it a second thought. Bam. She had a building to sell and was out.” Elizabeth held her arms out like an airplane to steady her balance. It was also way more fun than she would have imagined. “Do you think she hesitated even a little? I’d like to know, ya know? I should ask that beaver.” She blinked hard to clear her damn vision. “He seemed wise.”
“Nah, you’re wise,” Drunk Dexter said. He got quiet when he drank, only piping up occasionally. Sometimes he made sense. Luckily, KC had cut herself off three rounds ago and had taken charge of getting everyone home safely and at a reasonable hour. “You know she was into you. Hell, the whole town did.”
“She was into me,” Elizabeth said, needing to hear the words. “Didn’t matter, though. She left. Career was more important. People always leave me. Have you noticed that? It’s part of my life. If anyone writes a book about
me, that’s what they’ll call it. Leaving Lizzie.” She stared blankly at her friends as the world spun. “Or maybe Lizzie the Unlovable. Something with an ‘L’ because that alliteration pops.” She made a few popping sounds with her lips.
“C’mon, Liquored Up Lizzie,” KC said, angling an arm around her waist. “I think it’s time for bed.”
“Alone.”
“Nope. You have a dog now, remember?”
She brightened at the thought. “Scout. Oh, that’s the best news ever. We’ll snuggle.”
They arrived at her place, and the high she’d been on just minutes before, the one that let her push through the pain to make jokes and ride the alcohol wave, seemed to drop her harder and faster as the minutes ticked by. The reality of her broken heart busted through like the Kool-Aid Man through a brick wall, prompting her to struggle with her own self-worth. “Good night, guys,” was about all she could manage as she closed the front door on her two concerned friends. “I’ll take it from here,” she called through the barrier. Once alone, she walked slowly into her living room, blinked several times, and slid to the floor, doing her best to muffle the sob.
This wasn’t where she wanted to be in her thirties.
Not even close.
Chapter Twenty
Devyn hadn’t eaten lunch. She hadn’t eaten breakfast either. If she remembered correctly, she’d managed a few forkfuls of a blackened chicken salad in a to-go container Karen had brought to her desk for dinner, but most of it had landed in the trash when the phone took precedence. She only had a few short weeks to turn this project around, and she damn well planned to succeed. She’d exhausted her Rolodex of clients and brokers and had her team going hard at her international contacts, trying to stir up more interest abroad. The strategy had been fruitful and they’d received contracts on six more units in the past two days alone, with more on the way. She hadn’t had a proper night’s sleep in days either, but that was nothing new.
It had just been a rough time, and every part of her body felt it.
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