I shook my head, pulling the earphones out and nodding for her to take a seat. “Just listening to some music and going through the creatives.” I looked down at the time. “Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go home?”
Her shoulders lifted. “I wanted to ask you something about the new system for the creatives. Are we allowed to ask for extensions?”
I raised an eyebrow. “I try to set reasonable time frames.”
“I know, and I appreciate it–it’s just sometimes other things get in the way.”
“Like the photographer missing the shoot?” I asked, cocking my head at her, and she went bright red. “You’re not throwing anyone under the bus. I’m aware of the situation and taking care of it.”
Charlie’s shoulders slumped as she relaxed in the seat. “Thanks.”
“If you’re ever having issues with a vendor, please reach out to me. It’s my job to straighten them out,” I replied with what I hoped was a reassuring smile.
She smiled back, leaning forward to look at my cell phone. “So what you listening to? Let me guess, country?”
I blinked at her a few times before unplugging the headphones so she could hear. The sound of the announcer’s voice filled the air.
“Welcome to Pandemonium Radio’s Friday Night Freak Out where we get your favorite new bands on air, and you freak out– this week we have the up and coming band Fade Burn from the capital of metal music – Boston MA.”
“Nice!” Charlie said. “I love Pandemonium and Fade Burn is incredible.”
The room spun around me as I stared at the cell phone’s screen and the announcer continued. “So we have the band here Adam, Mark, Joe, and Tony. It’s great to have you!” The guys answered in unison, but I could still pick out Adam’s voice. It was deeper than usual due to the situation. His voice always got deeper when he wasn’t talking to someone he knew well. “We’re going to hear a song called Faded Perfection off of their On the Edge EP. So who wrote the song? Alright, all of the guys are pointing at Adam. So is this about a girlfriend–tell us more?”
Adam wasn’t the one who answered. Instead, it was Mark. “Not his current girlfriend.”
“So you’re taken?” the announcer asked, and I could imagine Adam rubbing the back of his neck.
“Something like that,” he replied, and I felt my whole body go numb.
He has a girlfriend.
“Sorry ladies,” the announcer began, and I finally came to my senses and hit the pause button.
“It’s a shame,” Charlie said with a shrug as she stood. “Adam’s hot. I’d totally be his groupie.” She stopped mid-stride, staring out the glass wall and before I could respond she continued; “Speaking of hot.”
My eyes snapped up to see West making his way down the hallway. The numbness in my body was replaced with a racing heat.
“Is he yours?” Charlie asked as his gaze locked on mine, and he smiled.
Something like that. The irony of the thought wasn’t lost on me.
“Just a friend,” I replied as I stood and came around my desk.
Charlie blinked at me. “He’s not staring at you like you’re just a friend.” She pointed to my chin. “And you have some drool.”
“Ditto,” I hissed as West rounded the corner.
Charlie winked at me. “Have a good weekend,” she said, and as she walked by West, she continued; “which I’m sure you will.”
I put my head in my hands as I leaned back against my desk.
“You alright?” West asked as he stepped into my office, putting his hands on my bare shoulders.
“I’m going to have to have a conversation about inappropriate conversations with my employees on Monday,” I replied as I looked up at him. “But you’re here so it can’t be all that bad. Speaking of which, why are you here?”
He stepped back, putting his hands in his pockets, so his arm muscles bulged beneath his black v-neck t-shirt as he leaned back on his heels. “I saw your car was still here, and I figured you could go for some friend time without puppies.”
“That sounds good,” I replied as I went to my desk and started packing up. When my hand reached for the phone on my desk, I paused, swallowing hard.
“It does?” West asked, and I looked up at him. “Because you look like it doesn’t. Did I cross a line? I’m sorry…”
“No, it doesn’t have to do with you,” I replied, shoving my phone in my purse. “Just something I wasn’t expecting happened.”
“Something bad?” West asked as we fell into step next to one another.
I ran my hand through my hair. “I don’t know.”
West’s eyebrows went into his forehead. “Things are usually either bad or good.”
“Or they’re bad for one person and good for another,” I replied as West held the door for me. Our eyes locked and he ran his teeth over his lower lip, letting it out slowly.
“That’s a bit vague,” he replied.
“My ex has a girlfriend,” I said, and I watched as his jaw clenched. He was quiet as we walked to his car. I turned to look at him, and his eyes avoided me. I cocked my head and managed to put a smile on my face. “Probably bad news for her.”
West’s eyes rose from the ground to my face. “Are you sure that’s what you were thinking?”
“I just wasn’t expecting to find out the way I did– that’s all.”
As my eyes locked on West’s, I wondered if Adam having ‘something’ was a bad thing, especially if that ‘something’ made him as happy as I was right now. Butterflies rioted in my belly as West’s eyes lightened, lips tipping up just enough to show some of those amazing dimples.
West nodded before asking, “So did you date a long time?”
“About a year, but we knew each other for a lot longer than that. We grew up together,” I said as I leaned back against his car.
His eyes raced over mine. “Is that what you were running from? Did you get cold feet?”
“No…things went wrong fast, and it’s kind of hard to go back once you’ve come so far.” West’s hand went to the back of his neck, and his eyes fell to his feet. I stepped forward, putting my hand on his bicep and pushing his arm down so I could intertwine our fingers. His gaze met mine as I smiled at him. “Besides an amazing man once told me you have to be strong for yourself and reminded me I needed to find myself on my own.”
“Amazing man?” West asked.
I could’ve said amazing friend, but I didn’t. I nodded.
“Sounds like he’s a real catch,” he replied, winking down at me.
I wrinkled my nose. “My employee seems to think so.”
West tipped his head back, his chest rumbling with laughter before he let his chin drop to it and his head lowered, so his lips were only inches from my own. “Do you agree?”
Yes. I thought as his breath washed over my lips, sending tingles them to every inch of my body. It was already hot enough outside as it was and West being so close was making me sweat in a way that I didn’t think was all that bad.
I managed to settle my attraction to him enough to pull away and open the passenger door to his tiny car. As I slid inside, I replied, “You’re pretty good with animals and tattoos.”
“And my hands.” He added when he got in the driver’s side. My eyes widened, and West shrugged as he put his arm over the back of the seat so he could see as he backed out. His fingertips grazed my shoulder as he looked over his shoulder, smirking. “I meant for tattoos. You have a dirty mind.”
“Influenced heavily by you,” I shot back, and my face immediately burned.
If that didn’t say I thought he was hot, I wasn’t sure what did.
“I can’t help it if you liked seeing me shirtless and wet,” he replied, and his teeth ran over his lower lip in a way that made the tingling start all over again from a place a bit lower down. Even if he hadn’t done that I was pretty sure every part of me would be on fire just because of the thought and the way he looked at me wasn’t helping matters.
<
br /> “I think you enjoyed yourself too,” I replied, narrowing my eyes at him even though I knew my face had to be red.
He reached over and squeezed my knee, and his touch sent a pleasant tingle up my thigh. “Why wouldn’t I? I am a guy.”
I laughed and how shitty I felt before drifted away like it always did when I was around West. I didn’t feel like I was running. I didn’t feel overwhelmed. I didn’t feel not good enough.
I just felt like me– a me I actually liked.
Chapter 48
I concentrated on the puppy standing in front of me; his head cocked as he stared at the treat in my hand.
“Sit, Bagel,” I said, signaling to his bum with my hand. I held my hand up. “High Five.”
Bagel did as he was told. I moved my hand and placed my arm in front of him. “What do we do before we go to sleep?”
He lifted his paws to my arm and then tucked his head down between them as if praying.
“And how do we go to sleep?” I asked as I stood, signaling to the ground with my finger and then circling the finger. Bagel laid down and then flipped onto his back.”Good boy!”
Dad chuckled on the porch behind us. “You’re quite the talented bunch, aren’t you?”
I smiled as I walked back up and sat down across from him. Bagel jumped into my lap.
“West’s better than I am. He already has Sadie and Walter speaking on command. I’m afraid if I teach him to bark he’ll never stop,” I replied as I scratched between Bagel’s ears and his leg thumped against my thigh. He sighed happily.
“Sounds like West’s just braver than you are, teaching a beagle to bark!” Dad said, and my eyes moved up to his as my pulse spiked and my throat constricted. I mentioned West. I never mentioned him to Dad before. Dad’s brows rose as he sat back in his chair smiling at me.
“Brave’s one word for it,” I managed to say, but my voice was a breathless squeak.
I looked down at Bagel and the air in my lungs seemed to catch there, not wanting to come out.
“I’m proud of you, Riv,” he said, and his voice was soft.
I let my gaze drift up to his. “For training a dog?”
He laughed, looking down at his hands on his knee before biting his lip and then answering, “That’s cool, but that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry I doubted you– that I said you’d be lost without Adam. You’re not, and now I see I was wrong. You needed to do what you did, and I’m glad you did.”
My jaw dropped before a smirk pulled at the edge of my lips. I leaned forward. “Did the great and wise Joel Ahlers actually admit he’s wrong?”
Dad scratched the edge of his nose as he shook his head at me. “I’m glad to be wrong this time. So tell me more about this West gentleman?”
I ran my fingers over Bagel’s coat, tracing the spot that looked like a heart when he curled up just right. “He’s just a friend. We met at the beginning of July. He actually did my tattoos, and it turned out he’s Maggie’s cousin. He also works at the shelter I got Bagel from… He adopted his brother and sister.”
“The woman you did wedding pictures for and became friends with?”
I nodded.
“Sounds like you’ve been seeing a lot of him?” Dad asked, and I let my eyes lift to his.
“A few times a week to bring the dogs to class and sometimes just to hang out,” I replied and my muscles tensed as I waited for his eyes to shift from interested to dark and disapproving.
They didn’t. Instead, he leaned forward on his forearms, forehead wrinkling with lines of concentration. “Do you like him?”
My whole body flushed with heat as I thought about that question. Did I like him?
Yes. A lot.
Dad chuckled, and I realized it must be written on my face. He reached across the table, taking my hand and squeezing it. “Then let him in, River. You’ve been different these past few weeks, and I thought it was just Bagel, but I see it’s more than that. You’ve found yourself again.”
My chest rose as I breathed in, locking eyes with him. “I kind of feel like I never really knew myself before this. I wish things had been different, though.”
“You miss them both?” Dad asked, cocking his head.
I sighed, biting the inside of my lip. “I guess I feel like there’s just a part of me that will never be whole.”
Dad’s lips pursed causing the wrinkles at the edge of his eyes to deepen. “Have you told him?”
My eyes drifted down to our hands as I shook my head. “He knows I lost a friend and recently broke it off with a boyfriend–but he doesn’t really know.”
And he knows Adam.
“Are you still in love with Adam?”
The question caught me off guard, and I leaned back as I struggled to get air into my lungs. I thought the answer would be a resounding yes, but suddenly I didn’t know. If I had feelings for West, could I still be in love with Adam? And how was that fair to West?
“I don’t know.”
Dad’s eyes dropped from mine, and they stared down at the table as he contemplated something. Finally, they rose up to mine. “I think you do know. Just remember, River, you need to do what’s best for you. Obviously, you know that better than I do.”
I smirked at him. “There you go, admitting you’re wrong again.”
He laughed. “Don’t go telling your mother.”
The thought of Mom tore the smile from my lips, and my mouth went dry. “I think you’ll be okay. If she ever sees me again, she’ll be more hell bent on my new tattoos than anything else.”
“I think she’ll just be glad you’re talking to her,” Dad said, and I grit my teeth looking at the ground.
“She hasn’t said sorry.”
“Because she doesn’t think you’ll listen.”
I looked up at him. “She’d have to try to find out.”
Dad shifted in his chair, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe you should both try.”
My chest rose as my lips parted and I thought about staying firm, but in the end, it did make sense. Life was too short to let petty things get in the way– as long as she changed the way she treated me.
“I will — just not quite yet,” I said, and Dad blinked at me hard.
“I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually liking not being right,” he said with a chuckle as he took a cookie off the plate in front of us.
I leaned forward and took one too. “When Mom and I start talking again, I’ll be sure not to mention that.”
We both laughed.
“I’d appreciate that,” Dad said with a smile.
Chapter 49
I stared at the guitar on the wall, my heart hammering against my too tight chest. All morning my mind had been stuck between the situation with Mom and the question of if I still loved Adam. I’d been caught off guard when I heard Adam was dating someone else through a radio station– but in truth, as soon as West walked in the door, I forgot. It just didn’t seem to matter as much as I thought it would, and in the end, that was the thing that bugged me the most. It didn’t bother me that he might have someone else and shouldn’t it? I thought I was in love with him for ten years– and now for the first time, it didn’t bother me he was with someone else. I squeezed my eyes shut, tipping my head back against the couch. Loving someone was supposed to make you feel whole, but with Adam, I never really felt that. The second we started dating our relationship started pulling down all my other relationships and all of his other ones. I felt the tears building in the corner of my eyes. I thought we were meant to be, but all we did was self-destruct ourselves. My muscles tensed as my stomach danced. I only wanted one thing: to talk to West. I looked down at my phone with a picture of Bagel pointing at a scent he caught in the air on the screen saver.
West was the one who helped me feel whole — he didn’t make me whole — he helped show me how I could do it on my own. Did that mean I– not possible. I shook my head, but my hand went to my phone, moving past the lock screen to the main screen
, which had a background of the very person I wanted to speak to right now.
What did West say he was doing today?
My head hurt too much for me to remember. I swiped my finger across the screen and found the good morning text he sent me, which I hadn’t answered and hit the phone button. It rung a few times before a breathless West picked up, “Hey–what’s up?”
My voice cracked as I replied, “What are you doing today?”
“Riv, are you okay?” he asked, and he was panting like he was working out. My pulse quickened. I hoped that’s all he was doing. The headache deepened, and I fought the urge to vomit. The idea of him with someone else didn’t cause a pleasant reaction, and I certainly reacted to the idea.
“This is going to sound crazy,” I said as I pressed a shaky hand to my forehead. Say it. “I miss you.”
West’s breathing stopped for a second, and nausea hit me hard this time. Maybe he wanted the friend zone more than I did. Maybe I was misreading everything.
Shit.
“We can fix that by being together–I mean by hanging out,” he replied, and the breath I didn’t realize I was holding came out in a whoosh. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
I was nodding, but he couldn’t see me nodding. I found my voice, “I’d love that.”
“Here’s the thing–,” he said, and my mind spiraled. Here it is–he’s with another woman. “I’m kind of in the middle of running a 5K right now. I would’ve asked you to join me, but I know how much you love running.” I laughed at that. I hated running. “And I’m sure you don’t want to smell me after this. So how about a late lunch? There’s this great organic cafe slash juice bar that I’ve wanted to bring you to. It’s my favorite place.”
I laughed, looking up at my ceiling as a smile warmed my face. The pressure in my head eased with each passing moment. “And why haven’t you asked me until now?”
He must have started running again because I could hear his breathing picking up. “I didn’t want to cross that imaginary line we have going on here…but seeing you called to say you miss me, I figured I’d jump over it because I miss you too.”
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