by Leo Romero
“Hey!” Aurora said on cue. I met her stare.
She raised her eyebrows. “Some help.”
I jumped over and began untying her hands and feet. Meanwhile, the four ‘Faces’ were rising like zombies from the grave.
Aurora looked past me while I frantically untied her feet. “Er, they’re on their way,” she kindly informed me.
I whipped my head back. Frogface was shaking off the last of his stars. Hogface and Bogface were already looking my way and WUWYF was… staring somewhere. I concentrated light into my hand and grabbed hold of Aurora’s binds. The light brought heat, which burned off her binds. Now she was free. I spun toward the four assholes, just as they were lining up for a fresh assault. From my pocket I plucked the only Deck of Death card I brought with me, the joker. I swiped the bottom edge across the air between us all, which would tear open a portal between the Netherworld and the last place I was on Earth. The rip opened up and my rundown Chicago apartment was waiting beyond.
“Time to bail!” I said to Aurora as I grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her toward the portal.
She let out a yelp as I dragged her toward the tear. Beyond it, the freaks were steaming in for a final attack. I had to get me and Aurora to the portal before those assholes, or my apartment would be overrun with slime and hogs and whatnot.
I clenched my teeth and pumped my legs as hard as I could, dragging Aurora along like a piece of luggage. I got the stench of bog and slime and muck caught in my nostrils, that tear between the dimensions tantalizingly close. Frogface belched, Bogface burped and Hogface oinked. I let out a yell as I leaped for the tear, my focus fixed on it like glue, Aurora’s subsequent scream causing the whole world to shake.
I got a final flash of bog and slime, just as I hit the surface of the portal.
Chapter 2
My ass hit the wooden floor of my crummy Chicago apartment and I winced in pain. Aurora came bundling through the portal behind me, sprawling across the floor in a starfish pose. I whipped my head toward the portal, the Netherworld visible beyond. Frogface’s massive head dominated the view, his tongue stiff and erect. He wanted to come through too. I grabbed my joker card and swiped it across the air. The portal zipped back up, just as Frogface came hopping through. His tongue entered my apartment, just as the portal closed. It sliced his tongue clean in half, the severed part hitting my apartment floor with a soft thud.
Everything went silent, only my ragged breathing audible in my ears. The portal to the Netherworld was closed and we were in the safety of my apartment. I flopped my head back, relief washing over me like a wave. I rubbed my eyes. “Man, that was close.” My breathing became regular and I gazed left and right. Aurora was still sprawled on her stomach, her arms outstretched. I noticed a weird amulet hanging off her wrist: a gold all-seeing eye. There was something oddly familiar about it, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. “How did you do that?” I asked her. She looked up at me, her green eyes gleaming with confusion. “The ESP,” I said. “Sirens aren’t capable of that. That’s mind magic. How come you can do it?”
She shrugged her shoulders toward me. “Beats me. It’s a parlor trick I’ve always known.”
I gave her a skeptical look. “Parlor trick? Every siren I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter could do nothing but scream the house down. And here you are, a siren that can perform telepathy. What gives?”
She got up on her knees and gazed down at me. “Maybe I’m just special.” She sighed. “Thanks for saving me.”
I waved a hand her way. “Seriously it was nothing. Wasn’t gonna let a siren go to waste.”
She frowned. “Go to waste?” she gave me a knowing nod. “So, you are the famous StoneAngel like they called you back there. Gabriel Stone the card player aka StoneAngel.”
“I dunno about famous.”
“Sure you are. At least among sirens. They say you catch us and burn us in the fires of Hell.”
I let out a chuckle. “Well, I’m not that much of a sadist.”
“You’re like a scary ghost story people tell to kids to scare em. But, you don’t seem that bad to me.”
“Appearances can be deceptive. At one point, those guys back there thought I was an elfish merchant.”
“Until the illusion wore off.”
I went to speak but nothing came out.
“So, what are you gonna do with me?” she asked, her eyes filling with trepidation.
I dusted my hands. “Well, see I got this deck of cards that I won in a high stakes poker game.”
“What were the stakes?”
“My soul,” I said with a nonchalant sigh.
“Oh.”
“And each card is magically bound to a creature that I’ve got waiting for me in the Void.”
“The Deck of Death,” she whispered. “It’s all true.” She met my stare.
I nodded. “It’s all true. I need a new siren since my last one got herself killed. Hunting demons is dangerous. I need all the help I can get.”
“And where do I come into it?”
“The queen of clubs needs a new siren bound to it.”
Aurora hopped onto her haunches. “No way!”
I chuckled. “Yes way. I won you.”
“Technically you didn’t seeing as how the game was still ongoing, so you didn’t win crap!”
“Language. I am an angel remember, at least half an angel. Besides, the moment Frogface threw the table across the room, he made the game null and void and it became a free for all.” I glanced down at Frogface’s severed tongue. It was like a huge, pink slug. “A free for all that I won,” I said, a look of disgust now on my face.
Aurora shook her head. “I’m not going to the Void.”
I grinned. “Yes, you are.”
“No, I’m not!”
I gave her a vehement nod. “You’re going to the Void!”
“No, I’m not!”
“Yes, you are!”
Aurora opened up her mouth and I knew she was about to start singing her sweet song.
Just as she did, the front door slammed and a staccato of heels sounded off the wooden flooring of the hallway, causing her to frown. The lounge door burst open and standing in the doorway was my angel, all five feet of her.
“Daddy! Where have you been? I’ve been calling all morning!” she snapped like an irate dragon.
I grinned my best grin to try and placate her. “Sweetie, I’ve been busy.”
“When aren’t you busy?” She let out a huff and flicked her blonde hair from her shoulder. She placed a nonchalant hand on her hip. “I bet you’ve forgotten about arranging my party for this weekend, haven’t you?”
I rubbed my forehead. “Sweetie, I haven’t forgotten. I just haven’t had time. I’ve been very busy.”
“You promised!” she sneered. Her blue eyes flared with red rage. “You just don’t care about me!” she growled between her clenched teeth.
I closed my eyes against the pain in my ears. “Sweetie, of course I care. I just—”
“Who’s she!” my angel interrupted, jabbing a finger at Aurora, her top lip curled up as if she was staring at roadkill.
I cleared my throat. “Sweetie, this is Aurora. Aurora, this is my daughter, Lucy.”
Aurora grinned. “Hi,” she said with a little wave.
Lucy’s back straightened. She threw her arms over her chest and tapped the floor with her foot. “Oh I get it now! So, while you should be doing important things like arranging my eighteenth birthday party, you’re messing around with sluts off the street!”
Aurora gasped. “Excuse me?”
Lucy pouted her lips and stuck her chin in the air like she was Mussolini, continuing with that impatient foot-tapping thing.
I patted the air ahead of me. “Let’s all calm down now,” I said with a chuckle, realizing the air had suddenly gone thick with tension. Aurora was giving Lucy daggers. “Now, sweetie, Aurora is a…”
“Choose your words carefully, Stone!” Aur
ora snapped, her bottle-green eyes suddenly gleaming with anger, trepidation totally eradicated.
I gave her brief nod. “Guest,” I finished. “She’s our guest. And there’s…” I waved my hands over one another. “Nothing going on between us.”
Lucy grinned, her teeth on show. “Oh yeah, really? How do you expect me to believe that when you’re both lying on the floor with a giant pink dildo!” She prodded her finger at the thing on the floor in distain.
My brow furrowed in confusion. My eyes rolled down to Frogface’s severed tongue. I met Aurora’s stare; she suppressed a laugh.
“Ugh, you two make me sick!” Lucy declared.
Before I could even start explaining what the pink thing on the floor was, Lucy turned heel and marched out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The ensuing crash rocked the whole room. I cringed, a sudden low feeling suffusing me for being scolded by my daughter.
“Well, she’s just a little darling,” Aurora said, once the sound of Lucy’s heels on the flooring petered out into the distance followed by the crash of the front door.
“Hey, she’s my little girl!” I retorted, jabbing a finger Aurora’s way, a sudden burst of anger firing me up.
Aurora rolled her eyes. “Lucky you,” she said in a quiet voice.
I wanted to be enraged by her jibes, but a sudden glumness overcame me, muting all angry responses. I promised I’d arrange the biggest and best birthday party for Lucy. Expensive hotel, DJ, food, balloons, fancy invites, the works. The truth was I’d bitten of more than I could chew. I just didn’t have the collateral. Demon hunting only paid well when you actually hunted demons and pickings had been slim recently. The Big Kahuna really did leave you to fend for yourself once he clipped your wings. Life on Earth as a fallen angel was tough, as well as expensive, and the rewards from the Angel Guild for any bounties weren’t exactly stellar. I wanted more than anything to give my little angel the best eighteenth birthday anyone could want, one she’d remember forever. Just something to try and make up for what a crummy father I’d been.
I glared despondently around the room. My gaze fell on that severed tongue and my top lip curled up. Dildo? What was she thinking? “That’ll start to stink if I don’t get rid of it,” I said absently. “Wonder if that coven of witches down in Englewood could use it for one of their potions. You know like wing of bat, eye of newt, tongue of Frogface?”
“I’m sure they’ll love it,” Aurora said, crossing her arms over her chest.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes. This had been a bad morning. I had been hoping to get myself a new siren then head down to the Angel Guild and check out the bounty board for any good leads. It had all been going so well until I realized the siren was more than just a siren and was actually not so bad. I mean, she did help me escape the Netherworld in one piece. I suddenly felt kinda shitty about sending her to the Void. My conscience began beating on me like an angry bear and I caved. Man, I’m too nice. I knew I had no choice but to let her go back to wherever it was she came from, most likely the coastline of Lake Michigan where the other sirens gathered to sing their sweet songs at the boats and sailors at the midnight hour, hoping to send one or two crashing to their doom, as was their purpose in this strange world. But, something told me this one wasn’t like that. I had a good look at her. Her big green eyes were gazing around my place, probably thinking what a slob I was with empty plates lying around and dust on the TV and the old curtains and all the junk lying around and—
“Hey, that’s so cool!” she said, her eyes widening, flushing with intrigue. I frowned as I watched her stand up and scuttle over to the coffee table. In amongst the remote controls, empty boxes of Chinese food and dust, sat the one and only Excalibur. Aurora gazed down at it like it was a pot of gold, her mouth an O.
“Yeah, that’s my trusty Excalibur,” I told her in a nonchalant tone.
She reached down for the gold handle and I watched, hands on hips, a faint smile on my lips. This was gonna be good. It always was whenever anyone tried to lift Excalibur.
She gripped the handle and went to lift the sword, her body jerking up. The sword went with her. My jaw dropped. She staggered back, the mighty blade slicing through the air. It was almost bigger than her and probably just as heavy. She let out a small yelp as she staggered away.
I dashed over to her. “Hey, give me that before you slice your own head off!”
I snatched Excalibur off her just as she hit an armchair and collapsed into it. I stared from the sword down at her in stunned disbelief. “How did you do that?”
“Do what?” she asked, rising from the chair.
“Pick up Excalibur? Only people with divinity can pick her up. Usually she weighs a ton for any normie who tries.”
“Well, maybe I’m not a normie,” she said with a quick shake of her head.
I looked her up and down in confusion. I noticed that amulet on her wrist again. It intrigued me even more now. “Where did you get that amulet?”
She lifted up her wrist. “This? It was my mother’s. She died giving birth to me. The other sirens passed it on to me. Good luck charm.”
“Hmm.” Something wasn’t right here. This siren was able to do things that she shouldn’t be able to do. I gave her a wary stare.
Aurora held out her hand. “So, you gonna let me play with that sword? Never held one before.”
“Sorry, kid, this thing’s mine. I went through a lot of trouble to get this blade.”
“Really? What kind of trouble.”
I smiled. “That’s a story for another time.” I lifted Excalibur up and gazed at the perfect blade. “Last time I ever go to a game of cards without this by my side,” I said to myself.
“Salutations exulted Demonslayer!” the voice of Excalibur said from somewhere within the sword. “
Aurora’s eyes widened. “Wait, did that sword just talk?”
I rolled my eyes toward her, my face pinched in a frown. “You mean you can hear it?”
Aurora lounged back, placing a hand on her hip. “Well, yeah, why wouldn’t I?”
I rubbed the stubble on my chin. “Interesting... Well, Aurora, meet the soul of King Arthur. Art, this is Aurora, a very unusual siren.”
“Greetings m’lady,” Arthur said.
Her brow furrowed. “King? Arthur? As in King Arthur of the round table?”
“At your behest, m’lady,” said Arthur.
I turned my mouth down and nodded. “Yeah. Old Art couldn’t bear to be without his sword and so on his death, his soul possessed it.”
“You mean that sword is actually Excalibur?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Lady of the Lake and all that stuff. Of course, that was the made up story. The real version is Arthur pulled this baby from the stone and used it to slay dragons and other otherworldly beings.”
“And a fine job I did too!” said Arthur.
I held Excalibur up to the light. He glinted like a sea of the rarest diamonds, the blade forged of the finest steel ever known. “Yeah, we make quite a team me and Art. How many demons is it we’ve taken out?”
“On last count five and five score, sire.”
“How many is that?” Aurora asked.
I shrugged. “I have no idea, I was never good at math. But it’s a lot, trust me.” I lowered Excalibur and stepped over to the antiquated shotgun on the mantelpiece. “Now, Excalibur isn’t my only weapon of choice. See, Art’s good for close up combat and generally finishing, but there’s a need for ranged combat.” I grabbed the pearl handle embedded with depictions of skulls and roses and held her up for Aurora to see. “Meet Alabama ‘Angel Eyes’ Tanner, legendary Wild West gunslinger.”
“Oh come on, sugar, you can do better than that,” a sultry voice laced with a heavy southern accent emanated from the gun.
Aurora chuckled. “Who’s that?” she asked, staring at the gun.
I cocked my head toward it. “That’s, um, Alabama.”
“Stop teasing me, Gabe,” that voice said. “You know
what I wanna hear. Call me it!”
“Whatever you say, pumpkin.” I cleared my throat. “Aurora, this is Bam Bam,” I said in a baritone voice.
“Ooh, baby, you know how to turn a lady on.”
I arched an eyebrow.
Aurora chuckled.
“Oh egads, not that insufferable wench!” Art lamented from my other hand.
“Hey, Jimbob, who are y’all calling a way-ench?” Bam Bam retorted.
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. “Here we go...”
“The noisy wench yonder who hath no honor, that’s who!”
“I’ll tell ya what, Mister Shortsword, why don’t you do everyone a favor and go stick yourself right back into that damn stone. Heaven knows we all preferred you there.”
“Why you ungodly harlot!” Arthur growled. “Begone!”
“You first, sugarpie!”
I shook my head.
“Do they ever stop?” Aurora asked.
“Unfortunately not,” I answered. “Guns and swords don’t get on like cats and dogs.” I threw them both down on the couch where they continued their little tête-à-tête. I covered them with a couple of cushions, which helped mute their noise. I dusted my hands. “There, they’ll work things out in around an hour.”
Aurora chuckled.
I smiled at her. “Well, I guess I better take you back home. Wherever home is.”
“What happened to the Void?”
“I changed my mind. Better run quick before I change it again.”
She shook her head. “I don’t have a home.”
“Sure you do. With the other sirens.”
“I’m not like them. You’ve seen that. All they wanna do is sit around on a beach wailing their asses off.”
I shrugged. “A spade’s a spade.”
“Yeah, well I want more than that. I want adventure, to feel alive, to find love...” She caught my stare for a prolonged second. Her eyes burned with a longing, a glare of frustration—the same thing the eyes of prisoners held. At the same time they were laced with compassion. “There’s gotta be more to this world than sitting on rocks singing and wailing, hasn’t there, Gabe?”
I took a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, there sure is more to this world like you wouldn’t believe,” I told her, our eyes still locked, “and the worlds and dimensions beyond it. Sights and sounds beyond your imagination.”