A sick feeling washes over me as I help her up onto the couch. I reach over and turn on the light. “Let me see.”
“It’s fine,” she says. “You barely got me.”
I jump up and go to her freezer in search of something to put on her cheek. I return with a bag of frozen broccoli. I sit next to her and press it to the red spot under her eye.
She tries to take the bag from me, but I don’t let her. “Let me do it,” I say.
Her lips curve up into a smile. “Is this you taking care of me?”
I shake my head, disgusted with myself. “This never should have happened.”
“It’s my fault,” she says. “I heard a noise coming from the living room. It sounded like …”
She’s afraid to tell me.
“It sounded like what?” I ask.
“It sounded like you were crying, Sawyer.”
“That’s ridiculous. I don’t cry.”
“I guess you were having a dream,” she says.
I shrug. I know I dream about my mom a lot. But no way do I cry. Aspen has obviously been hearing things.
I pull the bag away from her face, relieved to see there isn’t any swelling.
She reaches up to touch her cheek. “See, I told you it was nothing.”
“It’s not nothing,” I say, putting the ice back on.
“If you want me to be mad at you, it won’t be because of this, it will be because of what you said earlier.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “What did I say?”
“Oh, let’s see – first you said we were moving in together and then you announced to everyone that you were in love with me.”
“Why would you be mad at me for that?”
She sighs and rubs one of her eyes. “Sawyer, you need to tell me when you’re going to do things like that. I need to know how to react.”
I laugh, thinking back on it. She did look surprised. “Okay, I promise to give you a head’s up before I propose.”
Her eyes go wide and she pulls away from the ice pack I’m holding on her face. “What?” she shrieks.
“I’m only kidding, Aspen. I think living together is enough to mollify the organization.”
She blows out a slow breath through pursed lips.
“You look tired,” I say. “But you should keep the ice on your face for a while.” I put a pillow on my lap and pat it. “Lie down on your right side, I’ll hold the ice on you. Another ten minutes should do the trick.”
She looks at the pillow on my lap like it might burn her. Then she hesitantly lies down on it. I belatedly notice what she’s wearing and it makes me glad I have a pillow on my lap. She’s wearing the skimpy Hawks sleeper set I sent over.
She catches me looking at her legs and pulls a blanket over her. “The ice is making me cold,” she says.
It’s a lie. She just doesn’t want me ogling her. But damn, she’s easy to ogle. And she has no idea what I’ve seen. No idea I’ve seen all of her. No idea I know every curve, dimple, and freckle of her body. No idea I dream of her at night.
Her hair is messy from sleep and I can’t help myself when I brush a few strands off her face. She looks up at me with doe eyes and I have to shift her in my lap. Fuck, I want this woman. I want her bad.
“Am I allowed to go out of town?” she asks.
“You want to leave New York?”
“I want to go to Missouri to see Denver. He couldn’t come for graduation and I know he’s lonely. I’d really like to go see him for a week.”
“Is he far from Kansas City?” I ask.
“About twenty miles.”
“Do you think he would want to meet me?”
“Are you kidding?” she says. “It would be his dream come true. Does that mean you want to go with me? But, you don’t get any time off, do you?”
“We have a series there in two weeks. We fly in on a Wednesday and stay through Sunday. If you go out a few days before we do, that will give you some extra time with him. Then you can bring him to the games.”
Her eyes light up. “That could work.”
“Kills two birds with one stone. People will see us traveling together and you’ll get to see your brother.”
“Together?” she asks. “As in you want me to stay with you in your hotel?”
“I think it would be a good thing. Besides, you’ll have just moved into the townhouse, so it makes sense.”
“Alright, but I want to stay with Denver for a few days before you arrive.”
“Just let me know when you want to fly out and I’ll make the arrangements.”
“You don’t need to pay for my plane ticket, Sawyer. You’re paying me so much already.”
“I’m paying. Now shut up about it and tell me about Bass and Brooke. What’s up with them?”
“You noticed, too?”
“Yeah, but I can’t figure them out.”
“I think Brooke is way more into him than he’s into her.”
“What’s not to be into?” I ask.
“I know, right? She’s nice. She’s beautiful. She’s going to be gainfully employed. And she’s got the perfect apartment for him.”
“I saw his hesitation. Why doesn’t he want to live with her?”
“Maybe because he doesn’t want to date her and he doesn’t want it to be weird.”
I brush another stray hair from her face and feel her shiver under my touch. “Maybe it’s because she’s not you.”
“Not me? What are you talking about?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, your roommate seems to be taken with you.”
“Bass? No way. We’re just very good friends. You’re reading too much into it.”
“I’m a guy, Aspen. I know when another guy is into a girl. And he’s into you. Think about it. Since I’ve known you, he’s only taken Brooke out one time, and he seemed more interested in me than her.”
“Well, you are a baseball star.”
“But he can’t score with me. You have to think like a guy here. He’s got prime pus–, uh, he’s got a sure thing, and he doesn’t go for it? The only reason a guy would turn that down is because he wants another woman.”
She yawns and her eyes grow heavy. “And you know this from experience, Mr. Certified Bachelor?”
I don’t answer her question, mostly because it looks like she’s falling asleep. But the truth is, I do know. I know because when that woman was all over me last week, I couldn’t do it myself. She was ready and willing, and it would have been so easy to lock ourselves in the bathroom like she wanted. But I didn’t. For the first time in my life, I took a pass.
With Aspen’s eyes closed, I can take my time looking at her. She shifts her body and the blanket slips off one of her legs. I follow the curve of her leg up to her thigh where her shorts are riding up and exposing the fleshiness of her butt cheek. It takes all my willpower not to reach out and touch her there.
I avert my eyes, knowing she can probably feel my boner through the thin pillow under her head. When my eyes fall back onto her face, her tired eyes are open and she’s staring up at me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her look more beautiful. The ice pack falls out of my hand as I cup her face and bring it up to mine. Then I kiss her.
Our lips are slow to savor each other. Our tongues almost touch when a noise behind me has me releasing her.
Bass clears his throat and pins me to the couch with his fiery stare.
“Sorry,” I say to him. To her. “I guess I forget sometimes.”
Aspen sits up quickly, looking embarrassed. I keep the pillow on my lap so Bass won’t see exactly what she’s doing to me.
“Well, don’t,” he says. “This isn’t a game. This is her life. Aspen, are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she says, getting up off the couch. “I only came out for a few minutes because I heard a noise. I’m going back to bed.”
She looks guilty as she walks past him. I wonder why she feels the need to explain anything to him. We’re two grown adults. Maybe
she knows he likes her but doesn’t want to admit it. Or maybe she likes him and is waiting for this to be over so they can be together. Or maybe she’s just upset because she let me kiss her.
She should be mad at me. I’m mad at myself. What the hell am I going to do when she moves in and wears that kind of stuff every night? What am I going to do when I know she’s practically naked and in the next room? This is a bad idea. This is a very bad idea.
As soon as they both go back to bed, I hit the bathroom and take a cold shower. Then I slip out and go home.
Chapter Twenty-two
Aspen
I walk into the living room and see blankets folded neatly on the couch. Sawyer’s gone. I’m confused because I thought the whole point of this was for people to see us leaving the apartment together in the morning.
“He’s going to hurt you,” Bass says.
I look over to see him sitting in the dark kitchen, drinking coffee.
I turn on the light. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
He shrugs. “Why did you let him kiss you, Penny? Nobody was around to see. Do you think he wants you? For more than one night anyway? He doesn’t. He’ll use you like he uses everyone.”
I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down next to him. “I know, Bass. But I can’t help the way I feel.”
“So you’d sleep with him if he asked? Because that would make you a whore.”
My jaw drops and my blood starts to boil. I can’t believe he said that. “I’m not going to sleep with him, Bass. And if I did, it really would be nobody’s business but mine.”
“So you would.”
“No,” I say, mad that he’d even think it. “He asked last weekend and I turned him down.”
“That was then, this is now. Last weekend you weren’t kissing in private.”
I shake my head, still confused over that myself. “I don’t know what happened. We were tired. We weren’t thinking clearly.”
“Why were you even out there with him?”
“I think he had a nightmare,” I say.
“He’s a big boy, Penny. He can take care of himself. You’re not responsible for him. He’s going to drop you like a hot potato as soon as the season is over. He’s going to break your heart if you let him.”
“What would you have me do? End the arrangement and pay back all the money? Money I don’t even have anymore?”
“If it means protecting you, then yes.”
“I can’t,” I say.
“You mean you won’t. Because you like him.”
I shrug.
“Open your eyes, Aspen. Stop being romanced by the fame and fortune and see what’s right in front of you.”
“What are you talking about?”
Suddenly, he leans over the table and pulls me to him, his lips crashing down on mine before I even realize what’s happening.
I pull away. “Sebastian, stop it!”
“Can’t you see that he’s not the guy for you? I’m right here and I love you.”
“You love me?”
He points his finger between us. “You and me, we’re perfect for each other. We both love music. We’re best friends. We know everything about each other. It makes sense.”
“Except I don’t see you that way, Bass. We tried this once. I thought we agreed that we were better just as friends.”
“You decided that. Not me.”
I stare at him thoughtfully. “All this time? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I thought you’d come around eventually.”
“Oh, Bass.” I put my head in my hands, guilty over the fact that I can’t reciprocate his feelings. Because he’s right – we would make the perfect couple. But I can’t force myself to love him. Even if I didn’t love Sawyer, I couldn’t force myself.
“So that’s it?” he says, looking dejected.
“I’m – I’m so sorry.”
He gets up and throws his coffee cup in the sink, breaking it in the process. Then he walks to his bedroom. “I’m moving in with Brooke,” he says, right before going through and slamming his door.
I wipe the tears from my eyes as I sit in stunned silence. Two men have said they love me in the last twenty-four hours. No man other than those I’m related to has ever said those words to me, and now it’s happened twice. But my tears fall because I love both of them. One I love like a brother. The other I love from the pit of my stomach to the end of my soul – a love that I know will crush me. Bass is right. Sawyer is going to break my heart. And I’m going to let him. Because leaving now would hurt even more.
And because I’m a stupid, stupid girl.
~ ~ ~
The ringing of my phone wakes me. I guess I fell asleep when I came back in my room and laid on my bed to think things through.
It’s my brother.
“Hello?”
“You’re moving in with him? And you’re in love? When the fuck did this happen? When we talked three days ago you were done with him.”
He obviously saw one of the many videos all over TV and social media.
My head falls back against the pillow. Why did I call and pour my heart out to Denver last week? He consoled me over my ‘breakup.’ He told me I was better off without a man who couldn’t stay away from women. He thought the whole thing was real. And I know from how I must have sounded, that I probably did, too.
The lines have become blurred. My head understands this is all an arrangement. My heart, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to grasp the idea.
“I changed my mind.”
“You changed your mind? Aspen, you tossed the guy to the curb because he fucked another woman.”
“He didn’t sleep with her, Den. All they did was kiss and only because she cornered him. He had nothing to do with it.”
“And you believe him?”
It’s a question I’ve asked myself a thousand times this past week. And I’m not sure I know the answer, given Sawyer’s track record.
“Yes. I do. Women throw themselves at him all the time. She jumped up on him. He had no choice but to catch her.”
“And what do you think would have happened if you didn’t walk in on them?”
Visions of Sawyer and the woman assault my mind. The truth is, I just don’t know.
“I trust him,” I lie. “And that’s all that matters.”
“I worry about you, Pen. Something just seems off with you.”
“Don’t worry. I have everything covered.”
He’s always been able to tell when I’m not myself. I don’t know if it’s the twin thing or just the fact that we’re so close. But I’d better do something to change the subject – and fast, before he calls bullshit.
“Hey, by the way, I’m coming home for a visit in a few weeks.”
“You are?”
I can practically hear the smile splitting his face in two.
“The Nighthawks are playing in Kansas City for four days. I thought I’d come out a few days early and stay with you for a couple of nights.”
“Holy shit. Does this mean …?”
I laugh. “Yes, this means you will meet Sawyer and some of the guys. But only if you promise not to be a driveling idiot.”
“Cross my heart and hope to die. Oh, my God. That will be incredible. Wait ‘till I tell … oh, who am I kidding, I don’t have any friends anymore.”
I feel terrible that he’s stuck in a place that abhors him.
“I can’t wait to see you, Denver. I really really miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” he says sadly. “Are you sure everything is okay?”
“Yeah.”
“Promise?” he asks.
“Twin promise,” I say, feeling guilty as hell that I’ve tainted the sacred vow.
Chapter Twenty-three
Sawyer
I open the door for Aspen, Bass and Brooke. They stand next to a pile of boxes. I look out front for a moving truck. There isn’t one.
“Is this all you have?” I ask.
“Brooke and I will make one more trip, but this is most of it,” Bass says.
“Our apartment came furnished,” Aspen tells me. Then she looks embarrassed. “Oh, gosh, was I supposed to bring my own bed?”
I look over her shoulder at Brooke. Then I pull Aspen into my arms. “Why would you need a bed, babe? Besides, I’ve already got a nice guest room for whoever might need to stay with us. I was just going to move all the furniture to the basement if you wanted to put your old stuff there, but now I don’t need to.” I lean down and grab one of the boxes. “Come on in.”
“Sorry,” Aspen mouths to me when she realizes her blunder.
As soon as she walks into the foyer, she sees what I had purchased and the expression on her face is priceless.
“You—” She points to the baby grand piano in the front sitting area. “You bought a piano?”
“Do you like it? The guy from the piano store said it’s a good one.”
She walks over and runs her hand across the glossy black finish. “Did you get this for me?”
“Well, I don’t know any other concert pianists, so … yes.”
She looks over at Bass and Brooke, now remembering with Brooke here, she has to keep up appearances. She throws her arms around me. “Oh, thank you. It’s perfect.”
She pulls my head down and kisses me. Shit. I didn’t realize how much I missed putting my lips on her. We were gone an entire week, going straight from Minnesota to Wisconsin. It’s been six days since I’ve seen her. Six days since I left her apartment after kissing her in front of no one at all. And I spent the week justifying why I did it. I was tired. I had too much to drink. I was trying to forget my dream. But as I kiss her now, everything comes rushing back.
I want her. I want her bad.
I pull away, wishing Brooke weren’t here so we wouldn’t have to touch each other. “Anything for you, Aspen,” I say.
Brooke grabs Bass’s arm and pulls him over to look at the piano. I don’t miss that she’s draped over him like a cheap suit. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out if he’s enjoying it or not. The look on his face gives nothing away.
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