She pulled the door open a crack and peered outside. “What do you want?”
Samis glanced down the hall before pushing his face into the crack. He was stronger than her and could’ve tried pushing his way into the room, but he didn’t. “That’s all you’re going to say to me? What is going on, Rel?”
“There was another attack.”
“I gathered that from the way the masters had Landon and me stand watch over the cosak. I’ve never been asked to do anything more than observe, and now they’re giving us assignments?”
“The rest of the A’ras were needed,” Carth said.
“The rest? As in, all of the A’ras remaining in the palace?”
“That’s what the rest means, Samis.”
He leaned on the door and let out a long breath. Carth stepped away and he fell forward.
“What happened?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t know. There were five Hjan attacking.”
“Five? And the last time when there were three, it took all of the masters working together to push him back.”
“Yes.”
“So what happened?”
Carth turned away, releasing some of the hold she had on the A’ras magic. She didn’t need it here, not with Samis. Besides, it increased the throbbing in her hand the longer she held the connection.
“Rel?”
When she still didn’t answer, he positioned himself in front of her. “What happened, Carth?”
She took a breath. She wanted to tell him what happened, but she hated the idea of sharing too much with him, risking more of the strange glances she got so often as it was. Coming from Samis, they would be that much worse.
“I used the shadows,” she said softly.
Samis frowned. “I didn’t think you could use them on this side of the wall. I thought the layering placed by the masters prevented you.”
“It does. Invar… Invar called me to meet with him. There was a man with him. From Ih-lash.”
“Your homeland.”
She nodded. “I… he claimed I wasn’t of Ih-lash. I think that was what Invar wanted to know. He wanted to know whether I was telling him the truth.”
“I’ve seen what you can do with the shadows!”
Carth looked down at her hands. Invar had seen it too, she thought. Maybe more than she wanted, now that she’d used them against the Hjan attack. “I don’t know what he’s seen. I don’t think he knows either.”
“I don’t understand why that had you so shook up.”
She looked up to him, a pleading look in her eyes. “He used the shadows, Samis. On this side of the wall. When I realized that was what he did, I chased him.”
“You chased him?”
She bit her lip, her hand drifting to the knife. She still held on to the slight hum of the magic as it coursed through her, and her hand throbbed with it. “I climbed the wall after him and chased him through the city.”
“And Master Invar saw this?”
“I’m sorry, Samis. He knows how we got out now. I tried catching the man from Ih-lash, but he disappeared.”
“Well, I supposed he used the shadows the same as you.”
“Better,” she said. That was the reason she had really wanted to catch him. If she could learn how to use the shadows in the same way, how much better would that make her abilities? “I lost him. As I was making my way back to the palace, I saw the explosion. I got to the wall and saw the Hjan and I just…”
Samis chuckled, shaking his head. “You attacked, didn’t you? You used the shadows as you attacked.”
Carth nodded. “I did what I had to in order to help the A’ras. I think I cut one Hjan—maybe another—and then they left.”
“They left?”
Carth took a breath. “I think the shadows did something to them. I don’t understand how.”
“When you said you used the shadows to cover yourself, I knew it was more than that. I saw the way you pushed it through the knife, Rel. Maybe it’s the way your shadow blessing works with the A’ras magic. Whatever it is, if it keeps them from returning…”
“That’s just it. I don’t think it keeps them from returning. The one I got when Invar was attacked used some sort of light to clear it from him and then he disappeared.”
“This wasn’t the first time you did it.”
She shook her head.
“What about then? Was that the first time?”
“The man who attacked my parents… I… I used something similar with him, but I didn’t know what it was then any more than I do now.”
“Did he get away?”
“The shadows killed him.”
Samis stared at her. “Who was with you that night?”
“Avera. A man named Jhon. He was the one who taught me what I could do.”
Samis rubbed at his chin. “I think you need to talk to Master Avera, Rel. You need to understand what’s going on and if there’s some way you can use this ability to help the A’ras. Listen, you’ve already shown that you can tell when an attack is coming, that you can feel it. You need to see if there’s anything else you can do that can help. Like maybe working with the A’ras so that they can find a way to keep these attacks from coming.”
Carth knew she should. What Samis said made sense, but admitting her ability with the shadows was hard, especially when she didn’t even know what it was she could do. If she could have reached Jicanl, she might have found a way to get answers, but there weren’t any.
“I don’t know what I should do,” she said softly.
“I think you should find Master Avera. Or Master Invar. If there’s anything you can do to help with this…”
“The boy is correct, Ms. Rel.”
She turned, her stomach sinking.
16
Master Invar stood in her doorway, a massive gash on one harm and blood staining his forehead. His hand rested on his sword, and a steady burning throbbing radiated from him as he held on to his magic. How had she missed it before now?
“Master Invar,” Samis said.
Invar frowned at him. “Mr. Gold. I would have a word with Ms. Rel.”
Samis offered Carth an apologetic look and then hurried from the room. Master Invar closed the door after him, pausing briefly as he pushed it closed, resting his hand on the frame. It took Carth a moment to realize that he sealed her in.
When he turned back to her, his face was an unreadable cloud. “Tell me, Ms. Rel, what happened back there?”
Her throat was dry and she licked her lips. How much did she tell him? How much did he already know?
If he discovered her keeping anything from him, she suspected she knew how he would react. Not well.
“The Hjan attacked.”
Invar smiled briefly. “Yes. I am aware that the Hjan attacked. What I am interested in is what happened before the Hjan attacked.”
“You mean with Jicanl?”
“Yes.”
“You brought him to find out if I’m really shadow blessed.”
“I thought it would be prudent to learn. I can assure you, it was most difficult to reach one of the shadow blessed not affiliated with…” He shook his head. “Regardless, know that it was especially difficult to convince him to come here. There are not many who remain.”
“What do you mean? You could go to Ih-lash and find someone. Jhon told me that—”
His face darkened briefly at the mention of Jhon. “You don’t know?” he asked the question mostly to himself. Invar turned to the window and stared out it, his back to Carth. “How long has it been since you were in Ih-lash?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. My parents are of Ih-lash, and I think I was born there, but I don’t have any memories of it.”
Invar turned to her. “I don’t think your parents were from Ih-lash.”
Carth shook her head. They had always told her about Ih-lash, sharing with her what they had left, though never why. They had wandered from city to village, never settli
ng for long. When they reached Nyaesh, Carth had expected to move on from here, but this had been the place she’d stayed the longest.
“My father—”
Invar nodded. “It is possible that your father was of Ih-lash. You have eyes that almost could be of old Ih. That was why I believed you even if Jicanl does not. Your hair and your complexion, though, are not those of one from Ih-lash.”
“What are you saying?”
Invar shrugged. “I’m saying that I don’t think your mother is of Ih-lash. It would explain how you can reach the A’ras magic. I suspect that she could, and knew that she could, which was why she brought you here.”
Carth didn’t know what to say. Her parents had always told her so much about Ih-lash. They had spoken of it in such warm ways, with a fondness that made Carth wish they’d never left. Maybe if they hadn’t, she would have learned of her ability with the shadows sooner. If they had never left, she might not have lost her parents.
So many ifs.
“My parents told me about Ih-lash. That was their home, even if it was never mine.”
“Ah, Ms. Rel.” He tried to sound reassuring but failed.
“What aren’t you telling me, Invar?” She shouldn’t be so curt with him, or so demanding, but she needed to know.
“Ih-lash is no more, Ms. Rel.”
“No more?”
“It hasn’t been for many years. You couldn’t have been born there. The people of that land… they are all scattered. That’s why finding Jicanl was so difficult. The shadow blessed hide in… well, in the shadows.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You don’t have to understand, Ms. Rel. Your father might have been of Ih-lash, and if what you tell me is true and you can reach the shadows, then it is likely that he, at least, was from Ih-lash. Your mother… she would have been from somewhere else.”
Carth turned away from him, her mind racing. Hadn’t her parents both told her about Ih-lash? Or had it been only her father? The books she’d rescued from her home were written in old Ih, a language Carth had barely begun to learn. She thought her mother had prized them, but what if it had been the opposite? What if it had been her father?
“Why wouldn’t they have told me?” she whispered.
“For your safety.”
“I don’t understand.”
Invar moved in front of her and waited until she looked up at him, meeting his eyes. “Ih-lash was destroyed because of the shadow blessed. They were—are—hunted.”
“Why?”
“I didn’t know that at first, but I’m beginning to understand.”
“Why?”
“Because they are feared. Because you can use the shadows in ways others do not understand. Because you are what they are not.”
“Who? Who did this to Ih-lash?”
“The answer to that is complicated, and I’m afraid I would be unable to do it justice. For now, know that it is tied to an ancient argument.”
The Hjan. Carth didn’t need for him to say it to know in her heart that it was true. It explained why her parents would have been killed, why they had been hunted, destroyed by Felyn. It explained why Felyn had remained in Nyaesh, especially if he thought there was a chance that she might be shadow blessed as well. In that way, she was lucky to live.
“What does this mean for me?” she whispered.
“Mean?”
“Will you kick me out of the A’ras?”
Invar smiled slightly. “Ms. Rel, you may be shadow blessed, but you can reach the flame as well. It burns within you. That is why you are protected behind these walls.” His gaze drifted to the window. “Mostly protected. You are A’ras as well. You do not have to be of Nyaesh to be A’ras, though I wonder if your mother does not share common ancestors. A shame that we will never be able to ask.”
Carth touched the necklace she wore, the one with her mother’s ring on it. She’d never been able to bring herself to actually wear it on her finger, so she kept it on a chain as a reminder instead.
Invar nodded, as if he had decided something. “Was that your help with the Hjan?”
Carth nodded numbly. She wasn’t sure what to make of what Invar had told her. So much of what she’d thought she knew was wrong. Her parents had hidden secrets from her—maybe for her safety, but that didn’t change the fact that they had kept things from her.
“The same help you offered me?” he asked.
She nodded.
“Interesting. Jicanl didn’t think the shadows could be used in such a way. How was it that you managed?”
Carth looked down at the knife. Each time she’d used the shadows in that way, she’d been using the knife as a focus. “It was this,” she said, unsheathing her knife.
Within the A’ras, it was common for the ashai to possess knives. Many brought them with them. The expectation was that, when raised to full A’ras, she would craft her own. The one she possessed had come from a fallen A’ras, a man she had once thought had killed her mother.
Invar held his hand out for the knife, and Carth reluctantly let him take it.
“Where did you acquire this?”
“When my mother died, there were three A’ras who also died.”
Invar closed his eyes. “I knew them.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about, Ms. Rel. Their death was at the hands of the Hjan, not the result of anything that you did.”
“I took this knife from one of them.”
Invar frowned. Magic surged through the knife briefly before fading again. “That is unlikely.”
“It’s true. Al-shad”—she still remembered his name after all this time—“had it on him.”
Invar flipped the knife around and handed it back to her. Carth took it carefully and slipped it back into her sheath.
“Al-shad was a master of the A’ras,” Invar said softly.
Carth’s breath caught. She hadn’t known. “Felyn killed him so easily!”
He nodded slowly. “That was the first we realized the depths of the threat the Hjan posed. Before that, we knew of them distantly. They were growing in power, but the seat of their power was far from Nyaesh, across the Lhear Sea, so far that our ships could not even reach them. But they reached us.”
Carth ran her fingers along the hilt of the knife. “I shouldn’t have a master’s knife.”
“You should have that knife,” Invar said.
“Not if he was a master.” That somehow made it worse for her. It had been bad enough that she had taken a knife from one of the A’ras, but to claim one of the masters’ knives?
“Ms. Rel, I knew Al-shad well. That knife was never his. When you said it was, I thought… the A’ras never reclaimed all of his weapons. But this was not one of them. It is an exquisite blade, but the metal is nothing the A’ras would even use. It does not focus the flame all that well.”
“If not his, then whose?” she asked. She had managed to use it to focus the A’ras magic, hadn’t she? It worked for more than only the shadows.
Invar shrugged. “If it focuses the shadows for you, perhaps it was your father’s.”
Carth examined the knife with renewed interest, but there was nothing about it that made her think it could have been his. He had carried knives, but nothing like this. Her father had preferred functional to exotic.
“It couldn’t have been his, not where I found it. That’s why I thought it belonged to the A’ras when I took it.”
“It still could have been his.”
“Like I said, not where I found it.”
Invar moved toward her, his face showing a burning intensity. “If your father could use the shadows the same way as you, what makes you think he wasn’t there?”
17
The aged book flipped open to a page Carth couldn’t read. She’d tried over the years, searched through the pages as much as she could to try and understand what she might have missed, but understanding came too slowly. The language was not native t
o her, and as much as she wanted to understand it, she couldn’t.
With a sigh, she closed the book again and turned to the next. These had been precious to her parents—her mother, she had always believed—but if she couldn’t read them, she would never understand why. There had to be some reason they had hidden them within the wall of the house, and if she understood what that reason might be, she would know if there was any reason for her to hold on to them for so long after her parents were gone. Otherwise, they were empty books, nothing more than memories of her parents.
Could Invar be right? Could her mother not have been from Ih-lash, as Carth had always believed?
Once, Carth would never have believed that, but then, she hadn’t known if her father was shadow blessed as well, which he must have been to teach her to use the shadows. Her mother had assisted him, but they had always been her father’s games, and her father had always taught the lessons.
What did that make her mother? Was that the reason they had wandered? Carth had never understood—hadn’t asked while they still lived, either—but if the shadow born were hunted in some way, that would make sense.
Carth tucked the books back into the small cubby next to her bed. She no longer hid them, not as she had when living with Vera, much as she no longer hid the knife. It was funny to her that she might not have needed to hide it; if it wasn’t one of the A’ras knives, as she had believed, then could it have been from her father? Was that the reason it seemed to focus her shadows so easily?
She glanced out the window. Too much daylight remained. The days themselves had been odd since the attack, with none of the instructors wanting to spend too much time with the ashai. Carth suspected they felt the need to remain vigilant, which they couldn’t do while they were trying to teach.
She needed to get out of her room. Off the palace grounds as well, if she were honest with herself. Once again, the walls felt confining, even though in the aftermath of the attack, she wasn’t as confined as she once would have been.
Shadow Cursed (The Shadow Accords Book 2) Page 12