To Have and to Hold

by Anne Bennett

  ‘Any man would be bloody annoyed,’ Dennis growled. ‘You know what it’s all about?’

  ‘Yes, I do. I know your wife, who is also Carmel’s mother, wants to go to her eldest daughter’s wedding and the daughter also wants this. Tell me what is so wrong with that?’

  ‘She should be here, that’s what wrong with it.’

  ‘We are talking about a few days, that’s all,’ Paul said. ‘God, man, you are not bloody helpless. And won’t Siobhan be here? She is completely capable of keeping the place ticking over for a day or two.’

  Dennis shook his head. ‘It’s not right!’

  ‘Tell me what is not right about it,’ Paul said in a reasonable manner, ‘and I will try and understand it.’

  Dennis had never before been asked to explain or justify his actions. He had decided what was to be done and, if anyone differed, his fist or his belt would always convince them it was a safer option by far to do things his way. He had lived his life like this, certainly since he had married Eve after being brought up in a similar way by his own father, and so he said again, ‘It’s not right.’

  ‘But why isn’t it?’

  ‘I don’t have to excuse myself to you. I am the head of the house.’

  ‘All right,’ Paul said. ‘Maybe you are head of the house, but that doesn’t mean an absolute ruler. You are not obliged to explain anything to me—you’re right there too—but you do have to have some clarification for yourself as to why you make the decisions you do.’

  Carmel’s eyes met those of her mother after they saw Dennis, an altogether quieter Dennis, shake his head in perplexity.

  Paul pressed home his point. ‘Don’t you see that it takes a big man to give your wife permission to do this? She will be quite safe travelling with Sister Frances and we will be there to meet them at the other end. She will be staying in the convent attached to St Chad’s Hospital, which is just a step away from the nursing home where Carmel lives. You need have no fears on that score.’

  Dennis didn’t know that he had fears like that, or any other sort of fears either. He was just bloody annoyed that the priest had been along to see them that morning and told him about the wedding plans as if it was signed and sealed, that was all. But now, if he was to give his permission—and it was not a foregone conclusion by any means—it might put him in the better books with the priest, whom he had sent scurrying from the house earlier. It didn’t do to make an enemy of the priest when your immortal soul was at stake.

  ‘So,’ he said to Paul, ‘you think I should agree to all this?’

  ‘Yes, yes, I do.’

  Dennis let his rheumy, bloodshot eyes light on his wife’s face, still full of apprehension and fear, and when he said, ‘Well, I just might see the way clear to let you do this,’ Eve looked at Paul as if he should be canonised.

  Even Carmel was mightily impressed with the way Paul had handled her father. Later, when all the family had been fed and Dennis suggested sinking a few pints with Paul to seal the decision he had made, she said not a word, although she knew her father’s idea of sinking a few pints, and she could guess the state Paul would be in afterwards.

  After they had gone, she sat before the fire with Siobhan and Michael.

  ‘You wouldn’t think to go with them, Michael?’ she said. ‘You are well old enough to sink a few pints yourself?’

  ‘Did you hear him ask me?’ Michael asked sarcastically. ‘Don’t worry, I wouldn’t have gone anyway. The less I see of him, the better I like it. I’ve seen enough of how the drink has ruined our lives for me not to have a great taste for it at all.’

  Carmel knew just what her brother meant.

  Michael smiled at her and went on. ‘You have a good chap there. I have never seen anyone handle Daddy like Paul did. I couldn’t believe it when he announced at the table that he had agreed to let Mammy go to your wedding.’

  ‘Nor me,’ Siobhan said. ‘I never thought in a million years that Daddy would agree. I mean, what has he agreed to in the past? He says no as a matter of course.’

  ‘Is that why you offered your services?’ Carmel asked her sister, with a smile. ‘Because you wouldn’t be asked to deliver?’

  Siobhan gave her a push. ‘Course not,’ she said. ‘I am delighted Mammy is going and will be glad to help.’

  ‘I would like to bundle you up and take you all over with me,’ Carmel said.

  ‘What? And your dear devoted father to give you away?’

  ‘No, I want him nowhere near the place,’ Carmel said. ‘He would never be invited.’

  ‘Who is giving you away?’

  Carmel shrugged. ‘I don’t know yet. I’d really like it to be Michael but—;’

  ‘So why can’t it be me?’

  ‘Michael!’ Carmel cried. ‘Are you mad? Daddy would never agree to you going to England too.’

  Carmel hadn’t lowered her voice and all were suddenly aware that three children, homework forgotten, were staring at the three grouped around the fire.

  ‘England!’ Thomas almost squeaked. ‘You going to England, Mike?’

  ‘I may be,’ Michael said. ‘If I do, it will be on the quiet, so don’t breathe a word of this to Daddy.’

  ‘Are you kidding?’ Damien said. ‘None of us speak to Daddy willingly.’

  ‘Or talk about it amongst yourselves so that he can overhear.’

  ‘We won’t betray you,’ Kathy said. ‘If you go I will be glad for you and only wish I could go too.’

  ‘And me,’ Damien said. ‘Like Carmel said, it would be nice if we could all go, but,’ he added bitterly, ‘the Duffys don’t do things like that. They haven’t the money or the clothes, and live on handouts.’

  ‘You know whose fault that is,’ Michael said sharply. ‘Don’t you be landing that at Mammy’s door.’

  ‘I’m not. I am just saying…’

  ‘Well, you are saying it to the wrong person.’

  ‘Well, I am not saying it to any other bugger,’ Damien said.

  Michael crossed the room and cuffed him on the side of the head. ‘Less of that sort of language.’

  Damien rubbed his head as he remarked ruefully, ‘I wouldn’t say anything to Daddy, would I? No one would, unless they had a death wish.’

  ‘Stop arguing,’ Eve cried, coming in at that moment. ‘I heard what you said, Michael. Have you thought it through?’

  ‘Not really,’ Michael said. ‘I mean, I have only just thought of it, but there really is no reason why I shouldn’t be there too. I will obviously have to arrange time from work, but that won’t be a problem since I have never had more than a few days off from when I began. I will give Carmel away if she is agreeable.’

  ‘Oh, Michael, I would love it,’ Carmel said. ‘It would be like the icing on the cake to have you there.’

  ‘Where would he stay?’ Eve asked. ‘He can hardly bide with us at the convent.’

  ‘Might put a smile on the old nuns’ faces if he did,’ Siobhan said with a impish grin.

  ‘Siobhan, behave yourself,’ Eve chided, but her heart wasn’t in the rebuke, as she was trying to control her own features and Michael was laughing too.

  ‘Oh, I will sleep anywhere,’ he said. ‘Someone’s floor will do me fine. The one who will be on the sharp end of this when Daddy realises I’m gone, however, will be Siobhan. How do you feel about me hightailing it to England?’

  Siobhan wanted to say that she had never thought he would do such a thing and that she needed him there, but then she thought of her sister being given away by a stranger and knew she couldn’t do that to her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she said. ‘For a few days I will manage fine without you. It shouldn’t be too much of a problem.’

  ‘There will be one big problem if you three do not get on with your homework,’ Eve said to the children around the table, and though there was a collective groan, they did settle down over their books again, cheered no end by Carmel reminding them that when they were finished there was a big bag of sweets for them to
share, courtesy of Paul.

  The children had seldom seen a sweet, let alone eaten one, and they settled quickly to their work at the thought of such of treat awaiting them.

  Carmel had actually been having pangs of conscience about her younger siblings since she came home. Although her mother had told her the things they had done in her weekly letters, Carmel had thought about them seldom, scrubbing them from her earlier life along with her father. And though she knew they would have grown and changed in the three years she had been away, in her mind’s eyes she had seen them as the same ages as when she had left. But now Thomas was nearly eight, Kathy ten and Damien fourteen. As for Siobhan, at fifteen she was a young lady on the verge of womanhood, and Michael a fine young man, muscled by the farm work he did and yet still as alarmed by his father as he ever had been.

  Much to everyone’s surprise, Paul arrived home just after ten o’clock, alone and comparatively sober. ‘I never intended stopping out until all hours,’ he said in explanation. ‘Nor did I intend to drink myself senseless, but I did have a sort of plan.’

  ‘What?’ Carmel wanted to know.

  ‘Your father introduced me as his future son-in-law and so I just waited until I gauged your father had drunk enough and then I let it slip that when we married the following summer, your father was more than agreeable for your mother to travel to England to be there on our special day. I made him sound like some sort of magnanimous saint to do this. His friends were surprised, right enough, especially when your father, sensing their approval, I suppose, made out it had been his idea all along. Anyway, they all thought him grand fellow for it, clapped him on the back, bought him one pint after the other. When I left him, he was well away and being regaled as a sort of hero. The point is, because now he has said what he intended to do in front of so many witnesses, he can hardly renege on it.’

  Eve let out the breath she hadn’t been aware that she was holding in an audible sigh of relief. She looked at Paul as if he was some sort of being from outer space, because she knew as well as everyone else that now she would be allowed to go to Carmel and Paul’s wedding. Paul had achieved the almost impossible. She had no words to convey how much this meant to her and how grateful she was to Paul, but he waved away her thanks and just said he was glad to help.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Both Paul and Carmel were very tired by the time the train pulled into New Street Station where Chris and Lois were waiting for them.

  Chris was bursting with an idea that he spilled out in the taxi. He had been hunting for a house just as earnestly as Paul and, like Paul, had found any they could afford to rent were in very bad condition and in very run-down areas, and the better ones they couldn’t afford yet as very junior doctors.

  ‘The point is, bigger houses aren’t that much more expensive in comparison,’ Chris said. ‘Harder to let, I suppose. So how about if we have a big house, instead of two small ones and share it?’

  Carmel was very taken with it. She and Lois were good friends and it wasn’t as if they had no experience of living together, so when Paul said, ‘What do you think?’ she said, ‘It sounds a great idea.’

  ‘It would be a solution for now,’ Chris said. ‘And then after we are married and the girls living there too, they would be company for each other when we are working all hours.’

  ‘All right,’ Paul said. ‘We’ll look for a larger house and see what’s what.’

  ‘The point is, we’ve found one already,’ Chris said. ‘Number 17 York Road, Erdington. I have got the details and put a holding deposit on it until we all have a chance for a proper look round it.’

  ‘I hope you weren’t thinking of tonight,’ Paul said. ‘The only thing I want to look at and then fall into is my own bed.’

  Chris laughed. ‘No,’ he said. ‘Tomorrow is soon enough, but I would like to get it all wrapped up before we start back to work.’

  Paul had no argument with that.

  York Road was in a prime position, just off Sutton New Road, which had trams running along it to the city centre and the General Hospital, and was just yards from the High Street of Erdington Village. Carmel was impressed by the position before she even saw the house.

  Number 17 had three stone steps running up to the solid wooden door, which opened into a long and narrow hall. There were stairs to the left, and to the right were doors to two sizeable rooms.

  ‘See, one each,’ Chris said. ‘So we can be by ourselves sometimes if we want to be.’

  Carmel thought that a good idea because however fond you were of someone, you probably didn’t want to live in their pocket. They followed Chris down the passage. He suddenly came to a stop and they saw a small door to their left-hand side.

  ‘That’s probably the entrance to the cellar,’ Chris said. ‘The agent did say the house had one. And I came armed with a torch, just in case.’

  Paul opened the door and peered into the darkness.

  ‘I’m not going into that nasty, smelly place,’ Lois declared. ‘It’s probably jammed full of spiders.’ Carmel agreed with her and the girls stayed in the hall and waited for Chris and Paul, who went exploring the depths.

  ‘It was a coal house once,’ Paul said when he emerged, covered with dust and sneezing his head off.

  ‘There is not a trace of coal there now, though,’ Chris said, in the same condition as Paul. ‘It’s just full of junk.’

  ‘The coal is probably kept in the coal bunker in the back garden, which Lois and I spotted when we were having a shufty of the outside,’ Chris said. ‘I’ll show you.’

  There was another sizeable room at the end of the passage, but this one led on to the kitchen, scullery and the door to the back garden. The garden had been very neglected, and Paul said that if they took this place that was one of the things they had to attend to first.

  ‘I’ll say,’ Chris agreed. ‘The coal man would have trouble even finding the bunker, with the grass so long. Still, I’d say a couple of scythes will make short work of it. And that gate at the side leads to the entry this house shares with the neighbours, and then on to the street.’

  They trooped back into the house and up the stairs, delighted to find the house had four bedrooms and an inside bathroom and toilet.

  ‘Now isn’t that the height of luxury?’ Chris said.

  Carmel agreed it was and Lois said, ‘Every small terrace house we looked at had an outside toilet down the yard, next to the coal house, and no bath at all.’

  ‘Fancy,’ said Carmel with a smile, remembering the even more primitive conditions in her own home. She said as much to Lois and commented, ‘I must be getting soft.’

  Lois gave a toss of her head and said, ‘You just want better standards now, that’s all, and so do I.’

  Carmel looked at her friend. Although she had never been to Lois’s house, she could imagine that it was fairly luxurious and though for her to be renting a house like this was terrific, she knew Lois might feel differently about it—not that she had ever been the slightest bit snobbish about having more money than the rest or anything like that.

  However, when she asked Lois if she didn’t perhaps want something a bit better, she shook her head. ‘Chris couldn’t afford much better than this yet and we really do want to stand on our own two feet as far as possible.’

  However, while the house was very handy for the girls to reach their hospital, it wouldn’t be that easy for Paul and Chris at the Queen’s, but as Chris said, they would hardly be able to use public transport at all anyway because of the unsociable hours that junior doctors were expected to work.

  ‘So what will you do?’ Lois asked.

  ‘Well, a car is out of the question,’ Chris said. ‘But we have been talking to the others and many are buying motorbikes.’

  ‘A motorbike,’ Carmel cried. ‘Wouldn’t you be scared?’

  ‘What’s there to be scared of?’ Lois said. ‘As Chris said, if you can ride a push bike, you can ride a motorbike.’

  ‘But they
are very powerful, and with all the traffic on the roads I would be petrified.’

  ‘Well, I can’t think of a better solution,’ Paul said. ‘We will have to look around and check out the prices.’

  ‘And quick,’ Chris said.

  It was quick. The very next day Chris and Paul found a small garage in Deritend down way past the Bull Ring, which did second-hand motorbikes. Soon they were the proud owners of two Triumph Royal Enfield bikes that were just a few years old and in very good condition. They already had panniers fitted and a pillion seat, though Carmel thought she might be too scared ever to ride on the back.

  Paul understood her reticence and he said, ‘I’ll not force you to go on it if you really don’t want to, but it is our transport problem solved.’

  Jane and Sylvia were green with envy when the other two told them what their plans were. Carmel could understand how they felt, for she knew many young people had to start in poky rooms or, heaven forbid, with parents. She tried to imagine what it would be like for her, living with Paul’s parents. God, it would be a fate worse than death and didn’t really bear dwelling on.

  As for the two powerful and noisy machines that Paul and Chris were the very satisfied owners of, although they still frightened her a little, Carmel couldn’t help being a little awed by them. The news, of course, flew around the hospital and she couldn’t help the little thrill of pride she felt when Paul and Chris both pulled up their motorbikes in the hospital car park the following day and were surrounded by a gaggle of interested nurses.

  No one could believe that Carmel was too nervous even to sit astride Paul’s machine, while Lois straddled Chris’s with ease and claimed that she couldn’t wait to go for a ride.

  ‘Do you really feel like that?’ Carmel asked Lois, ‘because I think it is all eyewash. I know you too well and I think you are just saying it for effect,’

  ‘All right,’ Lois admitted. ‘I am a bit apprehensive, but I am not saying it for effect, but to please Chris. He would like me to feel as excited about that blooming motorbike as he is and he would be disappointed if I wasn’t. I know that, so to please him I say what he wants to hear.’