Abrau said, “I just wish I knew where he’d gone!”
Ali Genav said, “Forget about it—if wanting to see him was like a tooth, I’d say you should pull it out and throw it away. Imagine he was never here. What do we know? Goats go where there’s grass, don’t they?”
Abrau replied, “I just wish I could forget about him!”
Ali Genav said, “Between you and me, your father had no choice. He was a respectable man. We need to give him his due; he had a strong sense of honor. He was hard-working. He was creative. He wouldn’t let anyone speak down to him. He had a short temper. He just couldn’t take much more. That’s why he left! Soluch was entirely different from Safdar’s father. I know that if Soluch is ever able to fill his pockets with something, he’ll be sure not to forget you. He’ll be sure to show up then. He was a reliable sort, Soluch. The poor guy!”
Abrau was stoking the fire. He said nothing. He was sitting on his legs before the fireplace, lost in thought. His lips were pressed together. It seemed as if he were unconscious of Ali Genav’s presence. Ali Genav also decided to drop the subject. He was tired and sleepy. He yawned, punched his chest with his fist, and said while rising, “I’m going to go lie down and see if I can sleep. You keep an eye on the fire. The pots are already boiling, so take it easy with the kindling. Just take care the fire doesn’t go out.”
Abrau was silent. Ali Genav went to a corner of the room, lay down on an old blanket, and said, “Put the kettle by the edge of the fire so that it’ll boil. I have so much to do today! I have to dig my own mother’s grave, God rest her soul. That other poor woman—I don’t know what to do about her. But if I can’t get some sleep, I’ll be useless.”
Abrau put the handle of the kettle on the end of the poker and set it on the edge of the fire.
“You’re like me. We have the same nature. You’re good with any kind of work. But this Abbas, he takes after his worthless uncle! He’s split right down the middle. Instead of focusing his mind on any particular work, his eyes are always looking around for something else. He’s always trying to get at what someone else is holding or carrying. His eyes are like hungry thieves. He’s like a dog that thinks someone will eventually come around to throw him a bone. His mind and eyes are always searching, like a stray dog. In a few days, he’ll have a beard and mustache—I can’t help but wonder how he’ll fill the belly of a wife and children then?”
Soluch had told Abrau many times, “The only time a man can raise his head among people is when his shoulders have been drenched in sweat. A man is someone who, if you slap him on the back, dust rises from his shirt!”
On the rare occasions when Soluch spoke, he would generally speak in this vein. He’d say things like, “Work! Work! The bread you get from work is what gives you your essence, your honor. A man only has his work!”
But why did he leave all of a sudden?
There was no way that Abrau could digest this. However he looked at it, he couldn’t comprehend it. He knew that need was at the heart of it. Could there be anything else? Yes, need—but so what? Was Soluch the only one who was in need? Only him? How could he be justified in leaving? Just leaving like that. Leaving behind his wife and daughter. One might consider the others, Abrau and Abbas, as nearly men. But what about Hajer? Didn’t he consider the fact that by next spring Hajer would be nearly at the age of maturity? That she’d be stepping onto the ladder of adolescence? Had he even thought about these things? He must have. The Soluch that Abrau knew was a responsible man. He was practical, more bones than muscle. He couldn’t have gone without thinking over all of these questions. But where could he have gone? After all, winter’s not the season for working. If you had a special skill that used the different fingers of your hand, during the winter you’d never have to open your fist. To the extent that Abrau’s experiences in life had taught him something about these things, he knew that no matter where they went to find work, all the men would return to their homes in the winter. There, they’d huddle under one roof with the rest of their families to wait out the season until spring. They’d make it through the winter in one way or another, surviving with very little. So where could Soluch have gone in the middle of the winter? What kind of work could have drawn him away?
The kinds of jobs that Abrau knew about could be counted on the fingers of his two hands. And the places outside the village that he knew of were also just as few. Setting aside the seasonal work in the fields, Abrau had heard that some years back the young and old men of Zaminej used to go for work on the road line. These were the years during which the road from Tehran to Mashhad was being rebuilt. He had heard much about this. But he couldn’t imagine what this road line looked like. It was just a name in his head. He knew that in the summers, especially in years when the harvest was bad, the skilled harvesters would go out toward Ghuchan for work and each would return to Zaminej with ten or twenty man of wheat, storing it in their storehouses to make morning bread for their children. But this was all he was aware of when it came to the kinds of work that were available outside of the area. Morad, the son of Sanam, wasn’t so friendly with Abrau to have told him what sort of work he did outside of Zaminej. If pressed, he would just say, “It’s a wide world outside. Out there, a man can always make a living.” That’s all he’d say.
Once, when Abrau was a small child, perhaps even before he wore pants, one of those “city-room” minibuses showed up to transport pilgrims from Zaminej. The children gathered around the machine and looked at its windows, tires, and seats with eyes wide with amazement—their jaws simply fell open! Pilgrims from three villages in the area had collectively rented the bus to take them to the city of Mashhad and back. Just seeing that bus opened vistas in Abrau’s imagination. For the first time, he realized that people could travel with something other than an animal and that it was possible to go very great distances with a vehicle such as this. Places far, far away. After that, Abrau had grown used to seeing automobiles, but seeing these had not affected him as much as that first experience had. Abrau thought to himself that Soluch was not the kind to travel in a car. More likely he’d gone by foot. But where and how far could one go traveling by foot? And how far are feet willing to travel if being directed by an empty belly? What if he had fallen while trying to make his way through the snow and ice? What if wolves had tracked and circled him? And if vultures had hovered in circles above him? Abrau had heard that vultures would first peck out the eyes of a corpse. The shepherds of Zaminej used to tell stories of vultures that would descend on sheep that had fallen, plucking out the eyes of the carrion before beginning to disembowel it. Each vulture had to be about the size of a house’s roof archway. They would cover the carrion like a tent casting shadows over the body. What a terrifying sight! They could frighten someone to death if he wasn’t dead already. Could he imagine Soluch resorting to begging, given his sense of honor? Could he even consider for a moment that Soluch might steal a cup or a water jug from the front door of someone’s house? That Soluch could even stretch out his hand so as to take what was not his? Was it possible? No! Abrau would sooner die than to accept such a thing. No! Soluch, his own father, would never steal or resort to begging. Abrau could never think of Soluch in that way. Soluch was a man with strong arms and broad shoulders, not a wolf with sharp nails and teeth.
“Hayyu ala al-salat … Hayyu ala al-salat …”
The glassy air of the dawn was broken by the call to prayer by the Molla of Zaminej.
Ali Genav’s kettle had begun to boil. Abrau didn’t know where the tea was. Ali Genav turned over in his place, grumbling and swearing under his breath. He directed his anger at the Molla for waking him, despite the fact that it was clear that the call to prayer was to mark the death of Ali Genav’s mother, calling the people to join a funerary prayer that morning. They had agreed to this the night before; it was the Molla himself who had suggested they leave the body in the mosque overnight. He had no choice; Ali Genav had to get up. He turned over again, scratched his sid
e, and then opened his heavy, tired eyelids.
Abrau asked, “Where is your bag of tea?”
“It’s hanging on that nail. Just look there, you’ll see it.”
Abrau busied himself with making tea. Ali Genav stretched, pounded his chest with his fists, and yawned like a camel, bringing himself over to the fire. Abrau poured tea and he quickly downed four cups before saying, “I have to go and tend to the burial, God have mercy on her soul.”
He rose and placed his cloak over his shoulders. He handed the long key to the door of the public baths to Abrau, saying, “Open your eyes and ears! Other than the farmers, who pay me by barter, everyone else pays in cash. Adults pay three qerans; the children pay thirty shahis. Don’t let anyone try to fool you! Let’s see how you do today. And when you leave, latch and chain the door. Those sons of bitches, as soon as they see I’m gone, they try to get in here to set up a gambling session. Since the water boiler’s warm, they like it here.”
Abrau listened idly to what Ali Genav was saying, but he wasn’t following him closely. He knew more or less what he was saying. But his thoughts were far from this place and these matters. They were lost in other places. Places that were alien to him. He just knew that they were far from here. Confusing, confounding places that pulled Abrau in like a tiny speck lost in a vast sea. Abrau’s mind had been brought to a standstill; he had no power over it. He stared intensely at the ashes in the fireplace, his thoughts fixed on something that words could not express. For a moment, it was as if he had retreated from the world entirely. He was light, empty, free of burden.
Ali Genav threw a quick glance at the bony shoulders of the child and then bent over to exit the room.
The morning air was freezing. Ali Genav tied the ends of his scarf around his chin and then climbed up the steep hill in front of him. The pool was frozen over. The call to prayer still echoed in the air. A streak of smoke tainted the pure dawn sky. “What does he want to prove? It’s enough! God damn your prayers—everyone’s heard you by now. They’ll come out of their homes in small groups shortly, of course they will! Ha! See how he drags out the call!”
“Aren’t you going in the wrong direction? Who’s to open the bathhouse then?”
It was Karbalai-Safi, the father of the Kadkhoda. He had his bath supplies under one arm and was leaving his house with some difficulty. Ali Genav greeted him and said, “Mergan’s son will be there, Karbalai. He has the key.”
Karbalai-Safi tucked his chin in and headed for the baths. Ali Genav turned the corner and went straight to Mergan’s house. The stove in her house was already lit and a pillar of smoke filled the house’s doorway. He looked inside and said, “Where is that son of yours, Abbas?”
She looked up from the oven and looked at him with watery eyes. She lifted the edge of her scarf before her nostrils and asked, “What do you want him for?”
“I want to take him to help me dig the grave.”
“He’s had an upset stomach since last night. I don’t know. He’s still in the stable right now.”
Ali Genav turned to look at the stable door. The door swung open on its hinges with a dry and old-sounding creak, and Abbas stood in the doorway. He had one hand on the wall and the other propped up against the door. He looked as if he would collapse if he let go of either. His eyes were sunken into their sockets, looking like two watermelon seeds. His cheeks were puffed and his skin was as yellow as hay.
Ali Genav went to him and said, “So what happened to you? I was going to take you to the graveyard with me!”
Abbas could hardly make a sound. He whispered with great difficulty, “I’m sick … Really, I’m in a bad way … I’m really sick.”
“So why have you locked yourself into the stable then?”
Abbas began to slowly shut the door and said, “I can’t … I can’t stand up …”
Ali Genav kept looking at the door after it was shut, as Abbas’ voice faded away. He didn’t have a moment to spare. He didn’t need to think about the situation, as he more or less understood what had happened. He’d seen how Abbas had stuffed the coins, along with the dirt, into his mouth. He was about to walk into the alley when Mergan’s voice stopped him.
“Just a second. I’m coming.”
Ali Genav waited until Mergan came out. She had Soluch’s small well-digging shovel in one hand. She gave the shovel to Ali Genav and busied herself with tying the edges of her chador around her neck. Once she was ready, she took the shovel from him and set out following behind him. First, they went to his house. She wanted to check in on Raghiyeh. Ali Genav lowered his head, entered the room, and passed by Raghiyeh and pushed back the curtain to the pantry. Then he disappeared behind the curtain. Mergan stood by the door, on the steps, and asked Raghiyeh how she was doing. Raghiyeh cried out deeper than before, “I’m a goner too! Mergan, dear, I’m also dying, my sister!”
Ali Genav came out of the pantry with his pick and shovel and answered his wife.
“You’re not going to die, don’t worry. You won’t die till you cause the end of me!”
He walked out the door, not listening to Raghiyeh’s cries and curses. In the alley he told Mergan, “She won’t let herself die before she’s dragged me to the edge of death myself!”
The Molla of Zaminej was still standing on the broken wall of the mosque chanting the call to prayer. Mergan and Ali Genav stood before him. The Molla stopped for a minute.
Ali Genav said, “Why are you shouting yourself hoarse, Molla dear! Who wants to leave their homes on such a day with such weather? And just for poor Mother Genav? Come down. Come down and go have a cup of tea while I go and dig the grave. See how you’re suffering in this cold! Give me your hand and come on down.”
Ali Genav took his hand and brought him down off the wall. The old man was shaking and his lips were nearly frozen. Ali Genav again told him to go and warm himself by the hearth. Just then the sound of Qur’anic recitation was heard. “By God! Who is this now?” Ali Genav put his shovel and pick beside the wall and entered the mosque. The place in the middle of the courtyard where Mother Genav’s casket had been placed was now empty. Where did they take the casket, then? Who had taken it? The sound of recitation was coming from the night-prayers niche. He entered the niche, trying to see in the darkness. There were dark shapes at the back of the room. He entered, and as he stepped forward the sound became louder. He kept going. It was Hajj Salem; he was sitting cross-legged above the casket and was reciting from the Qur’an. His son was lying at the other end of the casket, snoring as he slumbered.
“God curse the devil!”
Hajj Salem and his son and taken the casket from the courtyard into the niche for night-prayers, so that, sheltered from the sharp cold outside, one could recite and the other could sleep.
Mergan and the Molla were still standing in the courtyard of the mosque when Ali Genav came out, growling, “They’re making work for themselves. They’re crazy! Now I have to pay up for the recitation as well!”
He left from the broken door of the mosque and grabbed his shovel and pick, heading to the graveyard. Mergan walked along with him, step by step. The Molla dragged himself slowly behind them, saying, “But … the prayers for the deceased! The funerary prayers!”
Ali Genav turned around and said, “Molla, your lips can’t even move because of the cold! Just go and warm yourself. When we’re ready to take her to the grave, I’ll come and get you.”
The Molla didn’t say anything, and if he had, Ali Genav would not have listened to him. He had picked up his pace and was walking through the alleys toward the graveyard. Mergan was following behind him. Ali Genav stood at the edge of the graveyard. The gravestones were poking through the deep layer of snow, seeming more quiet than usual. Ali Genav looked to find his father’s gravestone. It was a tradition that members from each family be buried near one another. Despite the fact that Ali Genav was one of the men least mindful of such matters in the entire village, due to an impulse the heart of which he didn’t und
erstand, he still wanted to be certain to bury his mother beside his father. So he walked to and fro between the graves alongside Mergan. There was no other way to find the right location; he had to go from grave to grave. He found his father’s grave and took forty steps in the direction of Mecca. Then he cut into the earth with his shovel and told Mergan, “This is it!”
Mergan stood beside him and hit the ground with her shovel, busying herself with cleaning the snow from the site. Ali Genav took off his cloak and threw it onto the handle of the pick. Then he grabbed the cold handle of the shovel between his two hands. The man and woman both went to work. All around them was white and cold. Cold and silent. There was no one other than those two, hacking at the moist soil and piling the snowy dirt on the edge of the grave.
The snow glimmered with the break of dawn. Snow covered the sleeping village like a blanket. The graveyard and the crumbling tombs were framed by a broken wall in one direction, a wide-open field in the other. Crows, black crows circled the graveyard. The ditch was dug knee-deep. Then Ali Genav set aside the shovel and picked up the pick. They had dug out the moist top-soil and had reached the firm layer beneath. Now he had to use the pick. He began working alone, as there was not enough room in the grave for the two of them. Mergan stood to one side until Ali Genav’s work was done, then she entered the grave and dug out the loose soil with her shovel. Meanwhile, Ali Genav straightened his back and set the pick on the mound beside the grave.
Missing Soluch Page 15