I repeated his words “Until now?” in a querying tone and Cat resumed,
“Well, a Small Growth Company called TIME-X has been experimenting for years on finding a solution, not only to capture mined time in a re-usable format, but in then delivering that time in ways that can influence an event or object. Whilst not yet totally perfected, they have been able to make inanimate objects as large as a hovercar effectively disappear by movement in time and space. Initial experiments with laboratory animals have shown that it is also possible to move living things back and forward in time. It’s all very exciting but of course they are at a very experimental stage.”
“So, is there any connection between time mining and the devices for moving us around in space that you’ve been making, based on the Mud Lizard eMDaDD we captured on Vaxium 98 on our last mission?” I asked.
“No,” said Cat, “The Electronic Matter Dissolution and Display Device (eMDaDD) that the Mud Lizards has on Vaxium 98 did ‘space’ moves but not time displacements. Though, I would think an eMDaDD could be modified to use mined time packets, and then move through both space and time. That’s an interesting idea.”
“There you go,” I said, “Another good idea I’ve given you!”
“Another?” said Cat sarcastically, “Did I miss something these past several years?”
I ignore that last remark and pondered upon the nature of the eMDaDD.
For those not familiar with our earlier mission on Vaxium 98, an eMDaDD is an Electronic Matter Dissolution and Display Device. Cat did not invent the eMDaDD, the Mud Lizards did, and we first encountered and captured such a device when we foiled a Mud Lizard plot on the Play Planet, Vaxium 98. Basically, an eMDaDD was a bit like the thing Captain Crack used to use in the 20th Century TV programme Star Truck, or was it Trick? Anyway, it doesn’t matter. With an eMDaDD you could get from A to B very quickly, though not without generally feeling quite sick after having your molecules dismantled and then re-mantled.
Not only that but with the Mud Lizards’ clever eMDaDD invention you could also, if you wanted to, change your shape and form as you moved from A to B. Ever since the Vaxium 98 adventure, Cat has been producing all manner of replicas of the Mud Lizard device and periodically subjecting me to what we call ‘Fastmove’.
I am sure that sooner or later the Mud Lizards will catch up with him and get him for breach of copyright or plagiarism or something like that. And I rather wished they would, because Fastmoving via an eMDaDD was for me the worst experience imaginable.
I decided then to get back to better understanding the possible use of minded time, cradling my chin between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand in a very ‘Professor of Science’ like way before saying,
“So, If my favourite intergalactic football team was losing I could use mined time to go back to before the opposing team scored a goal, right?” I ended, looking very pleased with my ‘for instance’ example that demonstrated my grasp of the idea of using mined time.
”Well, you could,” responded Cat, but that wouldn’t necessarily mean anything unless you deliberately did something to influence the game at the point that the goal was previously scored. If you didn’t it would just get scored again, wouldn’t it?”
“Oh, I guess so,” I said, not really being totally sure why ‘so’ but then went on as if I did know why ‘so’, saying, “But I could place a bet on who was going to score the next goal and probably win,” I exclaimed triumphantly.
Cat furrowed his whiskers markedly and responded, “Yes you definitely could do that and then as an officer of the law I’d arrest you, and get you sent to an Idiot’s Offender Institution. I would do that with gusto and considerable enjoyment.”
I glared at him and said sneeringly, “You’re not an officer of the law, you’re a Cat shaped bucket full of chips, so don’t come all high and mighty with me. I was merely attempting to illustrate the principle of using time with an example.”
“Hmmm,” pondered Cat, “Well I guess it is an example of sorts although a pretty poor one I must say. Does it not occur to you that with proper control of time any medical procedure like brain replacement could be done repeatedly until no errors are present. That way someone like you might stand a chance of getting a vegetable larger than a pea for a brain.”
I glared at him again and responded indignantly, “I do not have a pea for a brain. I distinctly remember you referring to my brain as a molecule only recently.”
Joosthava X Minot
Cat rolled his eyes at this and then slowly spoke, “Shall we leave the discussion of mined time ‘for instances’ and just focus on the fact that we have to work with the most famous time miner in the Universe. Cat then showed me the instruction from HQ for us to meet, as a matter of urgency, someone whose name appeared on the screen as ‘Joosthava X Minot’.
I stared at the screen and said “Just a moment please, are you trying to tell me we are going to investigate a time miner called ‘Just ‘av a Minute? This is a leg pull right? Someone in the office has put you up to this to make me look like a fool, haven’t they?”
Cat responded drily “You don’t need any help to look a fool, trust me.....”
“Oi, watch it mechano-freak,” I responded before Cat continue to explain,
“Her name is pronounced ‘Juicest-ah-va X Meano not ‘Just ‘av a Minute’ you moron. Her main Father was Eastern European and her Mother was from Franco-Bretagne.”
“Right,” I said, not that I was sure where Franco-Bretagne was on Earth exactly. “And what does the ‘X’ stand for?” I enquired.
“Ahh that is most interesting,” said Cat knowingly, “It doesn’t stand for anything really. It denotes the fact that part of her originates from Planet X.”
Planet X
My brow furrowed as I responded with, “I’m sure I’ve heard of Planet X. I thought no one had ever actually been there.”
Cat looked very surprised as he said “Good grief, you’re right, you do actually know a fact. That’s incredible!!”
“Alright alright, enough with the Cat sarcasm,” I said, “What do you mean anyway, ‘part of her’ originates from Planet X? Which part? Does she have horns or something? And how can any of her originate from Planet X if no one has ever actually been there?”
Cat explained, “Well, this is a curious story. You are right, no one from Earth has ever set foot on Planet X. Earth knows the planet exists and we know there is some sort of civilisation there. Due to the unparalleled extent and nature of the cosmic clouds surrounding the planet, it has not been possible to land anything on the surface of the planet. In fact, we don’t even know what the surface is like because the extent of the cosmic radiation means it cannot even be scanned properly.
We receive very occasional communications from Planet X which, when deciphered, seem to be messages that are designed to help Earth usually with whatever major problem it is currently facing. For example, information from Planet X helped a lot with the work to deal with the Great Radiation Flood of 2212.
Only one unmanned space probe has ever survived long enough in the upper-middle atmosphere of the cosmic cloud belt to send back any data at all. The Locator 27 it was. It disappeared from monitoring screens quite quickly but, just after it did, one of its pods surprisingly came out of the clouds with a sample from the atmosphere. The sample was mainly made up of gases, however there was also some genetic material present. Gene engineers on Earth experimented in ways they weren’t really supposed to with this material.
To cut a long story short, the mad scientist Professor Minot, owner of CloneMate and leading on this illegal work, implanted some of that DNA into a foetus created by him and his wife. This led to the birth of Joosthava. Largely standard human on the outside, but with some peculiar traits definitely not found in your average being on Earth.”
Joosthava X Minot continued…..
I was intrigued by the story Cat was telling me and asked him to intrigue me some more. Obligingly, he continued.
�
�She does not have horns but is distinguished from ordinary humans in 2 major ways.”
“Which are,” I enquired quizzically.
“Well,” responded Cat, “First off she has very long blue hair.”
My brow furrowed as I said, “That’s not completely unusual Cat. Women are generally not bald. Well unless they are a character in some futuristic sci fi thriller airspectacle, like War of the Universe. I guess blue is a bit rare but I remember a young lady on space station Zelrac who had green and pink hair with purple dots.”
This time it was Cat’s turn to screw up his rubbery little mush and exclaim “Honestly you and your poor choice of performing art and women!! And I know women are not normally bald. But her hair is not only very long and blue, it’s also very hard and sharp, or can be.”
“Eh?” I said, to which Cat responded,
“No thanks, I’m a Cat not a horse.”
I made a funny sort of squeaking noise as I realised Cat had made a joke, of sorts, without realising it I suspect, before saying, “I didn’t mean ‘hay’, what I was asking was - what do you mean her hair is sharp?”
Cat looked serious, which basically meant he looked pretty much the same as he usually did except for the fact that his whiskers were held straight out, slightly forward of his nose, and he said, “Her hair can be stiffened at will, to various degrees, to provide anything from several sharp, whip-like weapons to diamond hard sabres or spears. There are one or two humans who have lived to regret treating Joosthava too disrespectfully and, in at least one case, they didn’t live.”
“Oh great,” I said, “So she’s a killer and I’ve got to meet her? What’s the other thing that’s unusual about her? Does she fly? Does she eat people?” I asked.
“No,” responded Cat, “Neither of those things. She moves about very quickly or at least appears to. You see she has the capability to move through time and space. Due to this she can be interacting with you one moment, disappear the next, and then reappear. Sometimes she can control this and sometimes she can’t. That’s why she became so interested in studying time, how to mine it from black holes and how to control it.”
I listened intently, unusual for me when Cat was talking, and said, “Goodness me, that is quite a tale. I didn’t know there was anyone who could move through time and space. Are you sure? How come you know so much about her.”
“Well,” said Cat, “I’ve met Joosthava before, as recently as this morning in fact, and have worked with her previously. Sometimes she has periods when she moves randomly and very quickly in space and time. It’s quite bewildering and happens on a monthly cycle, associated with quite severe mood swings. I believe female humans used to have a similar cycle linked to pregnancy. When she is in this state of flux, other objects can sometimes be influenced by the time distortions she emits. That’s probably why one minute I saw the CollapsaScreen that you’re going to buy on the desk beside me earlier and then the next moment it was gone.”
I looked quizzically at him and said, “But I’ve only just thought about ordering it, so how can that be? It’s ridiculous!!”
Cat, in his typical know-all voice, said, “Oh that’s quite easy to explain. You see because of Joosthava’s presence that morning, the area around my desk was probably momentarily in a different location in time, a time when your CollapsaScreen had already arrived. I’d say you’ll order your CollapsaScreen last thing tonight and it’ll arrive by Cadabradrone first thing tomorrow morning. I mean, you know you will order it, you always do order the latest gadgets, then realise you don’t know how to use them.”
I used my well-practiced look of incredulity as I said “Amazing. I was actually going to order it this evening, but do you think you could ask Joosthava to pop round and do her thing with time again. Then, when the CollapsaScreen appears this time from the future, I’ll grab it and get it without paying!! Excellent!!” I exclaimed with a broad grin on my face. I then added, “And what do you mean you’ve met and worked with her before? How is that possible? You’re a robot from the robot factory. You didn’t have a life before me.”
Cat fluttered his whiskers back and forth as he ignored my last question completely, shook his head and said slowly, “If you have one capability of note, it is indeed that you are able to bring everything to a level one might imagine an amoeba spends its life operating at.”
I wondered if that was a compliment. Probably not I decided.
Cat resumed, “As it happens Joosthava will be back tomorrow morning to talk to us. But she will not be making free CollapsaScreens appear for you, so if you want one you’d better order it pronto.”
Joosthava appears out of thin air
Sure enough, this strange woman appeared the following morning. And when I say appeared, that’s exactly what I mean. Just after breakfast I was sitting on a stool by the big picture screen, looking out into the clouds, when I reacted to her sudden materialisation right in front of my face. I mean there was no warning - she was just there - like a light going on, like an emergency stop in a speeding hovercar that you’re not piloting. Wham, bang, out of nowhere. And although there was no ‘wham’ noise as such, there was certainly a bang as the back of my head hit the solid floor of my apartment.
In line with the training I had received to deal calmly with life threatening situations, I had opened my mouth and squeaked a high-pitched cry of surprise at her arrival. I was fairly sure I hadn’t hit such a high note since I had briefly tried singing in the Junior Space Cadets choir as a young teen. My short regression to pre-puberty was quickly followed by my arms jerking in involuntary reflex upwards and backwards, as she thrust her face to within an inch of mine. My coffee glass sailed through the air in a sideways direction to my sitting position and, as my upper body leaned backwards, the stool disappeared from under me and I crashed to the floor.
I lay there groaning, looking up at the ceiling. In about a microsecond the ceiling disappeared from my view, as Joosthava’s face appeared about 30 centimetres directly above my face followed rapidly by her incredibly long mass of, yes, blue hair. It literally tumbled down enveloping my face. Momentarily all my facial muscles tightened as I remembered Cat’s description of her sharp hair. However, the hair that hit me was soft and smelled very nice, though I’m not sure of what.
As more and more hair cascaded over my face I breathed in the lovely scent and opened my mouth as I did. That was a big mistake as in an instant my mouth and then my throat filled with hair and I started to choke and cough and splutter. As my coughing got worse and more urgent, I sat up as best I could and managed to very forcefully eject her hair from my oral cavities. The force of the coughing had the unfortunate effect though of regurgitating, onto the ends of the hair that had been in my mouth, a substantial amount of the coffee I’d been drinking when she arrived, mixed with some rather stringy and gooey upper digestive tract juices. I don’t think it helped that I had only just gotten over a winter Xin virus infection!!
I now stared at her, more or less fully in the face as I had sat up completely. She had crouched down in front of me holding in her hands her now rather wet and slimy hair ends. She smiled back at me with incredibly large flashing green eyes which contrasted quite starkly with her blue hair. Then I noticed she had blue teeth as well. Blue teeth. Now that was odd I thought. Cat hadn’t mentioned those.
In other circumstances the whole situation could have been quite romantic, if not for the fact that her hair was dripping gooey coffee. As if that wasn’t enough to kill the romance, almost immediately after sitting up, my recently ‘tickled’ throat caused me to sneeze uncontrollably and forcefully, straight into her face. As I now gazed at Joosthava’s wet face and soiled hair ends, I thought that this ‘post sneeze’ moment might be the opportune time to introduce myself.
“Hallo,” I said in the most assured tone I could muster, which was actually, in the circumstances, a kind of ‘high pitched squeak’…, “I’m the Inspector. Can I get you something to wipe that lot off with?”
She stared back at me very intently and it felt for a moment as though she was going to slap me, but instead she smiled again and spoke for the first time, “Time is of the essence. It will be easier and quicker to start again.” And with those words I remember a noise rather like a door slamming shut and she was gone, leaving me there.
Where did Joosthava go?
The next moment I was sitting on my stool again, coffee glass in hand, staring rather quizzically at Cat who had appeared in front of me and was enquiring why I was making so much noise. Before I could reply to say I’d been attacked by a mad woman with even madder hair, he said “Hallo Joosthava.”
Then, as I continued to look at Cat wondering why he’d just called me Joosthava, I felt a hand touch me on my left shoulder. In my heightened state of anxiety this had the effect of causing my upper body and arms to jerk violently again, which this time led to me throwing the contents of my coffee glass all over Cat.
He blinked several times, before making a noticeable crackling sound and hissing out the word “Imbecile ….” quite slowly.
I then realised as I twisted slightly around that Joosthava was now behind me. She smiled once more with her armoury of regularly shaped blue teeth and said, “I think I see what you mean when you say you prefer to work alone Mr. Cat.”
I stared alternately from Joosthava to Cat before finding my voice and saying to Joosthava “MR.CAT?” and then to Cat, “Work alone? What does she mean ‘Prefer to work alone ‘Mr.’ Cat?”
He shifted rather shiftily on his paws before quietly saying “I just told her I need to concentrate sometimes when writing up cases and prefer at those times to be on my own, whilst you’re busy shopping on Cadabra Universe.”
“Oh,” I responded, “Yes, that’s quite right I guess. I need to work on my own too when I’m shopping for the latest gadgets, so completely understand that.”
The Zygote Crystal Page 6