by Anna Jacobs
‘You seem quite set on getting me back to London.’
She blushed. ‘I’m sorry. Perhaps it isn’t my business when you go, or even whether you go.’
‘Of course it’s your business, especially if you’re to stay with us, which I hope you will. My former housekeeper in London moved to another position a few months ago and my house is all dust covers and chilly silence at the moment.’
‘You should take May to see it and ask her to decide which room she wants for a bedroom.’
‘She and her parents have visited me there a few times. She knows the house and has always slept in the same bedroom.’
Nell sighed. ‘I don’t think May’s sure of anything at the moment. Take her to London, Hugh. Visit the house, discuss the move and ask for her opinion about something there, anything.’
He sat frowning slightly for a moment or two, then he looked at her. ‘I’m only going back to London if you come too … Nell?’ he prompted when she didn’t immediately answer.
‘Are you sure you want me to stay on as housekeeper there? I’ve no experience of London ways.’
‘As housekeeper for the time being. Perhaps more, later.’
She looked at him warily. Surely he wouldn’t want her to continue pretending to be his fiancée?
‘We’re good friends now, aren’t we, Nell?’
She nodded, still wary.
He picked up her hand. ‘I think we could move on to become more than friends. In fact I want to do that. Don’t you?’
She jerked her hand back in outrage. ‘I’m not going to sleep with you!’ She’d fallen into that trap once, wasn’t going to do it again.
‘What?’ He looked at her with a puzzled expression, then anger replaced it. ‘I wasn’t asking you to become my mistress. I was trying to court you, in my own clumsy way. What have I ever said to make you think I would treat you like that? If you’ve changed your mind and don’t want to get to know me better, you have only to say so.’
‘Surely things don’t need to change? You can tell Mr Dover that we’re not getting married and—’
He stood up, shoving his chair back. ‘But I do want things to change between us. Think about it, Nell. Decide whether you want to find happiness, or whether you want to live alone inside that fence you erect round yourself every time I mention my feelings and ask about yours. And let me know when you’ve decided.’
He walked out of the room, his body stiff with indignation.
She sat there shocked rigid. Was that how he saw her? Sitting behind a fence? Not letting anyone get close to her, especially him? He was so wrong.
She bent her head and stared down at her clasped hands as she admitted to herself that she wanted him to court her. Oh, yes. She wanted it very much.
But she was terrified of it too. He was so much above her, she didn’t understand how he could possibly care for her in that way. She’d made a bad mistake once, with Cliff, and had paid dearly for that. Hugh ought to be marrying a proper lady, someone of his own class, not an ordinary working woman like her.
And apart from her own feelings, she didn’t want to ruin his life, cared about him too much for that. She pressed one hand to her mouth as she admitted to herself how very much she loved him.
Was it possible for them to be together? Should she let him court her?
It took her a full hour to gather her courage together and knock on the door of his study.
‘Come.’
She took a deep breath and opened the door. ‘Hugh …’ Her voice faltered, but she moved into the room and went across to where he was standing by the window, determined to apologise. She stood beside him, not touching him, staring at her clasped hands as she began to say her piece. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve been a coward, afraid to … even try.’
She sneaked a quick glance at him and saw his expression lighten. But he didn’t say anything, just looked down at her and waited for her to continue.
‘I’d like us to get to know each other better. Could we try?’
His smile was glorious. He pulled her into his arms, and before she realised what he intended, he began kissing her.
Before she could think about what she was doing, she was kissing him back. And oh, this was nothing like Cliff’s hasty kisses. There was no fumbling, no hurting her breasts, nothing but the tenderest and yet most exciting of kisses. When that ended, he brushed her cheek with his fingers and then pulled her again into the cradle of his arms.
‘Ah, Nell. I can’t say how happy you’ve made me.’ He drew back and smiled down at her. ‘You look as if you’ve never been kissed before.’
‘I’ve never been kissed like that before.’
A small frown creased his forehead. ‘Wasn’t it … good between you and your husband?’
She shook her head, blushing hotly. ‘No. I didn’t enjoy that side of things at all. You may as well know it. He said I was … unnatural, cold.’
‘If everything goes as I intend, you will enjoy it with me. I’m quite sure you’re not cold. But we’ll take things slowly, make sure you grow used to kissing and caressing before we move too quickly to other delights.’
‘Yes, please. Only Hugh …’
‘What?’
‘I still can’t think what you see in me.’ The caring in his face made her feel weak, it was so wonderful.
‘I see a woman with an indomitable spirit, who walks through thunderstorms on her own and recovers from a tragedy that would have destroyed a lesser person. I see a caring and loving woman, who’s kind to a grieving child who can sometimes be very rude. Someone who loves learning – and yes, I know you’ve not been formally educated, but you’re nonetheless very widely read, and can discuss what you’ve read intelligently. I’m afraid I could never be fond of a stupid woman, however kind and pretty she was.’
‘Oh.’ Warmth flooded through her, relief that he didn’t consider her stupid, and happiness too – such a warm fragile emotion.
‘I also see someone who blushes delightfully when I give her a compliment, who’s pretty and soft, and whom I want to kiss each time I see her, or even when I think about her.’
‘Oh, Hugh.’ She could feel her cheeks growing hot.
‘Oh, Nell,’ he teased, mimicking her. Then his smile faded and he spoke straight from the heart. ‘I’m so glad I found you that day. I was beginning to think I’d never fall in love again.’
‘Did you love her very much?’
‘Of course I did. But she’s not here and you are. You’re different from her and I love you for your own self, I promise you.’
Chapter Fifteen
On the following Saturday, Nell, Hugh and May went into Swindon, something the child seemed to regard as a treat, but which Nell had been dreading. Even with Hugh beside her, she felt sick with apprehension today.
The trains were on time and they got there far too quickly for her peace of mind. Her family had lived in one of the railway houses. It could have been a nice little home if her stingy father had let them spend money on anything but his own comforts. She felt shuddery inside at the thought of seeing her father.
‘Do you want to take a taxi?’ Hugh asked.
‘I’d rather walk, if you don’t mind. It’s not far. You will be careful when we get there. Don’t let him goad you to fight.’
‘You’ve said that several times already. I promise you, I’m not the sort to get into fights.’
He might not be, but her father was, and Bart was a dirty fighter who’d maimed for life a young man who’d tried to court her sister Mattie. She couldn’t bear it if he hurt Hugh.
At the end of the street, she stopped and looked at May. ‘My father can be very rough. If he starts fighting, you’re to stand right back.’
May looked puzzled. ‘You already said that.’
‘It’s worth repeating.’
‘Stop worrying, Nell. We’ll be all right,’ Hugh said. ‘I’m big enough to look after myself.’
As they turned into the street, she saw th
eir reflections in the window of the corner shop and was surprised how much they looked like a family group. Maybe one day they would be. May needed a mother and Nell would like to have a daughter to love.
When they got to the house, Nell moved forward to knock on the front door. There was the sound of someone approaching it inside, the door swung slowly open and she braced herself.
But the person who opened the door was a complete stranger, a fresh-faced man, not much older than herself. And he looked very much at home. For a moment she couldn’t find her voice, she was so surprised.
He looked from Nell to Hugh. ‘Can I help you?’
‘I was … I came to see Bart Fuller,’ she faltered. ‘My father. Doesn’t he live here anymore?’
A voice from the back room called, ‘Who is it, Jim?’
‘Someone to see the last tenant, Alice.’
More footsteps brought a woman to join them. She was expecting a child and had another little one clinging to her skirt. She and the man exchanged worried glances.
‘Did you know Bart well?’ she asked.
‘I’m his daughter.’
‘Oh. Then you’d better come in and … I’ll tell you what happened to him.’
This seemed a strange answer. Nell followed the woman into the front room, which was chilly, with its furniture stiffly arranged, clearly not used much. She frowned. That looked like her mother’s china cabinet, and the sofa – it had a different cover, but it felt just the same as their old one. No, it couldn’t be. She was imagining things.
The woman took charge. ‘Please sit down.’ She waited until they were all seated. ‘I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that your father died a few months ago. The neighbours said he dropped dead in the back room.’
Nell gasped and the room seemed to waver around her as she tried to take this in. ‘He’s dead? My father’s dead?’
‘It must be a terrible shock to you. Would you like a cup of tea?’
‘No, thank you.’ She turned to Hugh. ‘All this time … we didn’t even know. Cliff could have come back to Swindon. I’m sure he’d have got his old job back, because he was good at his trade. But he wouldn’t even write to his own family, he was so afraid of my father finding out where we were.’
Everyone except May was looking at her, two of them politely, Hugh with compassion. Suddenly all Nell wanted was to get out of the room, out of the house and into the fresh air. She couldn’t weep for her father, was conscious of relief more than anything else, felt guilty about that.
Then it occurred to her that Bart had had possessions, savings. It might sound mercenary, but her sisters might be glad of that money.
‘Do you … um … know what happened to my father’s things?’
‘We have some of the furniture. His friend sold it to us. He was clearing out the house when we came to look round.’
‘Which friend? Do you know his name?’
‘Stan Telfor. Everyone knows him. He buys and sells things. He’s done very well for himself. I have his address.’ She got up and fumbled in a vase, muttering in annoyance and tipping its contents out before she found the scrap of paper she was looking for. ‘There. Good thing I kept it, eh?’ She held it out to Nell.
Hugh had to take it because she felt as frozen as a stone statue. He handed her his card. ‘And if you hear anything of Mr Fuller’s other daughters, please get in touch with me. Mrs Greenhill’s been recently widowed and is now my housekeeper. She looks after my daughter and myself. I’ll make it worth your while.’
He helped Nell up and they went outside.
After the door had shut, she turned to look at the house and let out her breath in a long groaning sigh. ‘Sarah might still be alive if we’d known my father was dead,’ she said. ‘Cliff was a coward – and I let him be.’
‘It’s easy to be wise afterwards. Don’t berate yourself.’
But she continued to look sadly at the house.
‘What do you want to do now? Go and see this Telfor fellow … Nell?’
‘Oh. Sorry. I was just thinking. I suppose we’ll have to go and see Stan. I’d better warn you, though. He’s like my father: a big man who gets into fights.’
But there was no answer at Stan’s house. A neighbour from across the street opened the door and yelled, ‘He’s gone to see his parents, taken his family with him, and they won’t be back till late.’
‘We’ll leave him a note,’ Hugh said. He patted his pockets. ‘Drat! I’ve left my notebook at home, and you can’t leave enough information on a business card, though I’ll leave him one of those as well. We’ll have to buy some paper and an envelope.’
The neighbour came in to borrow a cup of sugar, though Alice knew it was really to find out who her posh visitors had been. She didn’t mind. Joan was a good neighbour, if nosy.
‘It was one of Bart’s daughters,’ she said. ‘She didn’t know her father was dead.’
‘Fancy that!’ She lowered her voice. ‘They ran away, you know. All the daughters. One rainy day they just upped and left, and they’ve never been seen again. He was in a rage for weeks about that. Nasty old bugger, he was.’
‘And now she’s come back.’
‘Yes. Did she say where she was living?’
Alice reached up to the mantelpiece and picked up the business card. ‘She’s working as housekeeper for this gentleman. He said to get in touch with her at this address if I heard anything about her sisters.’
‘Fancy that.’ She studied the card. ‘He doesn’t live in Swindon, does he? Do you suppose she’s, you know, living with him?’
‘He said she was his housekeeper, and she doesn’t look the sort to be anything else to me. Scrawny little thing, she is. They had his daughter with them too. No, I’m sure it’s nothing else.’
The three of them walked towards the town centre and called at the Commercial Road Market, a modern place, built only a decade or so ago.
‘It doesn’t smell very nice here,’ May whispered.
‘It never does,’ Nell said.
Hugh looked up at the ceiling disapprovingly. ‘It must be freezing cold in winter with that high ceiling. I edited a book about commercial architecture once. The author wouldn’t have approved of this place.’
Nell was getting used to the way he suddenly revealed pockets of knowledge, acquired in his work. ‘Look, they sell stationery on that stall.’
They bought what they needed, though Hugh pulled a face at the quality of the notepaper. She sat down at one of the small tables next to a refreshment stall intending to write a quick letter.
Hugh didn’t sit. ‘You both look cold. I’ll buy us a pot of tea and maybe this young lady would like to get some sweets from that stall over there?’ He held out a threepenny bit.
May squealed in delight and took the small silver coin from him.
‘Don’t drop it and don’t go out of my sight!’ He turned back to Nell. ‘We’re taking a taxi out to Mr Telfor’s house. You’re looking tired now.’
He was right. She felt exhausted, shocked that her father could have been dead all this time. It seemed as if she ought to have known it. He was her father, after all.
She was glad to get home to the farm, and moved slowly through the evening, doing necessary chores mechanically, glad that Hugh left her to get on with them in peace.
That night, however, after May had gone to bed, he said, ‘Let’s sit in more comfort than these wooden chairs.’ As she moved from the table to the small sofa, Hugh pulled her into his arms. She didn’t resist, wanting the comfort, wanting him.
Though she’d half-convinced herself that she’d only imagined how wonderful his embraces were, he proved her wrong. When he kissed her, she couldn’t even think straight, was only aware of him in the whole world. He made her feel loved and happy and warm. How could one man do all that to you with just a touch of the lips? Cliff never had.
He laughed softly as they sat down on the small sofa. ‘I love kissing you, Nell, and unless you’re the best
actress in the world, you enjoy it too.’
She didn’t lie, couldn’t. ‘I do love it.’
‘We’ll find your sisters, my little darling. We’ll set your world to rights, then we’ll build our own world together.’
She sighed and nestled against him, sure that if anyone could help her find Mattie and Renie, it was him.
Only … how could their love have a happy ending? She still couldn’t believe in that, somehow.
She wouldn’t know how to behave in his London life. She’d felt out of place just sitting in the elegant office, where even the office boy spoke better English than she did. And Hugh loved London.
He kissed her on the temple. ‘Are you all right? You gave such a heavy sigh just then.’
She couldn’t face any more sad thoughts today so told him the simple truth. ‘I’m tired out. I think I should go to bed. It’s been a difficult day, hasn’t it?’
‘Things will get better, my love.’
That was another difference between them. He truly believed the future would be brighter. She didn’t trust fate at all. It could deal you a blow that nearly tore you apart, and without even a hint of a warning.
Joan’s husband went round to see Frank Greenhill. She’d memorised the address on the card and written it down as soon as she got home. It was all very satisfactory and he pocketed the five shillings, thinking it an easy way to earn money. This money would go towards their annual holiday, which had to be saved up for carefully.
When he’d gone, Frank went to tell his aunt and uncle. ‘She’s living near Faringdon, not in Swindon. That’s why we couldn’t find her. She’s acting as housekeeper to some fancy gentleman.’
‘She’ll be warming his bed too, if I know her,’ his aunt said at once.
‘They didn’t think so. His daughter was with them and they seemed very respectable people.’
‘She’s landed on her feet, then – doesn’t deserve it.’