by Claire Adams
“She is,” I said with a shrug. “In a lot of ways, she has more than she needs. But, she’s still a pretty good kid. At least, I think so.”
“She’s amazing,” Marissa said with a nod. “Really.”
I felt my smile grow as I met her eyes again. They were darker now, deeper. Their brown depths help my gaze without effort. I knew our moment at the zoo wasn’t alright. We weren’t supposed to have lingering glances or meaningful looks. That wasn’t part of the deal.
And yet, here we were, having yet another moment.
Marissa cleared her throat and looked down at Josie. I quickly tore my eyes away from her and glanced around the restaurant. The place was beginning to fill up, and for the first time, I worried how strangers perceived Marissa and me together.
She was more than ten years younger than me. She sat across from me in the booth, snuggling my toddler. Did the other patrons think she was my nanny? My babysitter? Did they assume she was my girlfriend and some sort of gold digger? What did they think of me, sitting there with such a young woman?
Years ago, I would have dwelled endlessly on the implications, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. When I looked back at Marissa, I felt nothing my happiness. She was exactly what I needed to get through this trip to California. My friends wouldn’t care about her age and truthfully, neither did I. All that mattered was getting myself and Josie through our time at the resort without any drama.
“I think you should probably get her home,” Marissa said as she continued to smooth down Josie’s hair.
“You’re right,” I said with a nod. I quickly rose from the table and walked around to pick up my daughter. She was getting heavier, but I could still tuck her against my shoulder with little effort.
Marissa gathered her purse and followed me outside. We stepped into the bright sunshine and turned to face each other. I smiled, but the memory of our last moment was still etched in my brain. I found it hard to hold her gaze.
“Thank you for today,” I said softly. Josie’s head was nestled into the crook of my neck as she continued to sleep soundly.
“It was fun,” Marissa said, smiling affectionately at Josie. “She’s just as sweet as you said.”
“She loved you,” I said.
Marissa smiled again, and I felt my stomach turn over. It was becoming a familiar sensation, occurring whenever her lips spread across her face. She was gorgeous. As hard as I tried to ignore it, I couldn’t pretend like I wasn’t attracted to her.
Still, I was determined to keep things professional. At the end of the contract, maybe Marissa would turn out to be exactly what I needed to force me back into the dating world. I knew I couldn’t date her, not really, but maybe spending time with her would remind me what I was missing out on. I could only hope she would be the kick in the ass I needed, the thing that propelled me back into the dating world and got me over Amelia’s death.
“I guess the only thing left to figure out is the official contract?” I asked. “Your fee and everything.”
Veronica told me the girls work out their own rates individually. I wasn’t worried about the money. I knew I’d be able to afford whatever price Marisa set.
“I have your email address,” she said. “I can just send over a breakdown for your approval, if that’s alright?”
“Perfect,” I said with a nod.
“Great,” she said. “When would we leave for the resort?”
“First thing Monday morning,” I said.
She nodded. Her eyes shifted from my face back to Josie’s sleeping form. She smiled kindly at my little girl before looking back at me. “I should let you get her home where Josie will be more comfortable,” she said.
“We’ll talk soon?” I asked, trying to keep the eager tone out of my voice.
Marissa nodded again and turned to leave. I watched her as she crossed the street and disappeared around the corner. I stayed still for a few seconds, just staring after her.
***
When we got back to the penthouse, I tucked Josie into bed and let her sleep until dinner. She looked so peaceful and young as she curled herself up in her blankets and sighed against her pillow.
My mind stayed focused on Marissa as I fell against the couch cushions. I closed my eyes and replayed the events of the day. By the time I was able to pull myself back to reality, Josie was awake and ready for my attention.
She hurried into the living room, yawning widely and climbing onto the couch beside me. I held her tightly against my chest as she adjusted to being awake.
“How was your nap?” I asked.
“It was good,” she said. “I’m sad I didn’t get to say goodbye to Marissa, though.”
“You really liked her, didn’t you?” I asked.
“Yes,” Josie answered simply. “Is she going to be my new nanny?”
“No,” I said with a laugh. “Why? Don’t you like Darla?”
“I love Darla!” she said quickly. “But, Marissa wanted to teach me Spanish. I thought she might be a new teacher.”
“She’s just a friend,” I said. “She’s going to come with us on a trip in a couple days.”
“We’re going on a trip? Where?”
“California,” I said.
“I’ve never been there,” she said.
“Nope,” I said. “You’ll like it.”
“And, Marissa’s coming? That’s awesome. Wait, where’s my bunny?” Josie asked.
I nodded, “She is. I put the bunny over there,” I said, as I gestured toward the table beside the front door.
She jumped off the couch and ran over to it. I smiled as she hugged it tightly.
“I’m going to add it to my collection,” Josie said brightly. She ran down the hall without another word. I could hear her moving around in her room, finding the perfect place for her newest addition.
I closed my eyes and leaned back against the couch cushions. Amelia’s face floated across my mind, and I felt my heart quicken uncontrollably. I put so much effort into moving past her death and yet nothing had ever worked. She clung to the inner workings of my brain and my heart. No matter what I did, I could never forget just how much I loved and missed her.
For a while, I had been okay with feeling that way. Losing Amelia had been the worst thing that ever happened to me. She was my entire life, and then suddenly, she wasn’t. It was impossible to forget about her completely, and I knew I never wanted to. If not only for my sake, but for Josie’s.
As I sat on the couch that evening, just thinking about Amelia, I realized that I finally wanted to move on. I wasn’t close to being ready, but I wanted to be. It was small, a tiny realization that almost meant nothing at all, but to me, it was huge.
Chapter Eight
Marissa
Dirk and I exchanged a few emails Saturday night. I sent him the breakdown of my fees and waited while he reviewed them. My price was high, higher than normal, but this situation was unlike the others. I wasn’t just posing as the girlfriend; I was interacting with his child, which would cost more.
It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy Josie. She truly was a special little girl. Our day together was more fun than I’d imagined it could be. I easily could have stayed with her all day, just talking about her life and the things she loved. Her personality was vibrant and contagious. She was exactly the kind of kid I loved to be around.
Still, I couldn’t ignore the fact that Josie’s presence meant extra work for me. I hoped Dirk would be okay with the extra costs, but I was still worried. It wasn’t until Sunday morning that I was able to relax for a split second.
“Hey there,” his email read. “Everything looks fine, and your fees seem reasonable. I have no problem paying the requested amount.”
I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back in my chair. My computer was the only light in my dim living room, the glow reflecting off of every surface. It was early enough that the sun was only just beginning to rise.
Now that the financial aspect was arranged, Dir
k and I could move forward with our contract. I was excited about the California resort. I’d been to California as adolescent teen, but that was well over a decade ago. This would be the trip of a lifetime. No matter how successful I became, I knew I would never be able to afford something like this on my own.
I sat back and scanned the rest of Dirk’s email.
“Thank you again for yesterday,” he wrote. “I can’t tell you how relieved I am that you and Josie got along so well. This trip will be so much more fun now that I know she will be safe and able to enjoy it, too.”
I felt my face flush with warmth. Dirk was already my favorite client, and our contract hadn’t even begun. There was something between us that I couldn’t ignore. We had a connection that excited me, yet scared me at the same time.
I told myself it was just friendship. Dirk had been lonely for a long time. His friends had pressured him into dating before he was ready. He didn’t have anyone he could really talk to. And me, I was so busy with my studies that I rarely met anyone new. My friends were the same ones I’d had since high school.
Dirk and I shared a connection, that much was true, but it didn’t mean anything. We were just forming a friendship and friendship never hurt, especially with a client I would be spending a lot of time with. I always found it nice when I could truly be myself while working as an escort. The men who allowed me to relax and enjoy myself were always my favorites.
“I promise,” he said in his last email. “I won’t make you stay by my side the entire time, either. You’ll be free to go off and explore the resort at your leisure. I don’t want you to think of this as just another job. You should get to enjoy your life every once in a while.”
I smiled when I read those words. For the first time since I met Dirk, I let myself become giddy about this trip. It was going to be a blast, and I couldn’t wait to leave.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he wrote. “Can’t wait!”
My heart stopped when my eyes fell on those words. Tomorrow? Did he say he would see me tomorrow?
Without thinking, I quickly typed out an email to him.
“Hi, Dirk,” I wrote. “I’m glad to hear you approve of the final contract. I was reading over your last email and just wanted to clarify that we’re leaving next Monday. Is that correct?”
I sent the email and held my breath. When Dirk told me we would be leaving for California on Monday, I never imagined he meant this Monday. I wasn’t packed. I hadn’t talked to my neighbors about taking care of my apartment. I couldn’t possibly leave tomorrow.
Dirk’s email came back with a loud ding. I clicked on it, and I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my lungs.
“I’m sorry for the confusion,” he wrote. “I should have been more specific. The plane is set to leave tomorrow morning at eight o’clock. I planned to send a car to your place around six. Will that be a problem?”
“Yes!” I said out loud, frustration coursing through my veins.
This was insane. How could he possibly expect me to get everything ready in just one day? I groaned and leaned back in my chair. My only options were to suck it up and get ready to go or cancel the contract.
My heart pounded in my chest as I stared up at my ceiling. The money Dirk promised me was too much to pass up. I couldn’t just turn down the job, not with my student loan debt piling up more every day.
With a deep breath, I typed out a quick response.
“I can be ready to leave tomorrow,” I said. “However, I’m going to have to tack on another thousand for the inconvenience. I’ll need to make arrangements for my apartment on short notice and shop for the proper attire in order to be ready for the trip. I hope you understand.”
I didn’t want to ask for more money, but I knew I didn’t have a choice. It wasn’t just about the inconvenience. Financially, I didn’t have enough money to buy clothes for the trip. If I only had one day to prepare, there was no way I would be able to get everything I needed.
“That’s not a problem,” he wrote back just a minute later. “I’ll add the extra thousand to the contract. I wouldn’t expect you to be ready to leave for a month at the drop of a hat without some help. I have a credit card on file at Nordstrom. Please go there today and pick out a wardrobe for the trip. They’re already expecting you, so they’ll charge everything to my card. And Marissa, please just relax and get whatever you need.”
My eyes widened as I read his words.
“Is he serious?” I whispered to myself.
I knew he was, but I still couldn’t believe it. Not only did he immediately agree to the extra thousand dollars, but he was also willing to the foot the bill for a new wardrobe. The trip would be a long one. I would need more than just a dress or two.
While I stared at my computer screen, another email came through.
“Marissa,” the email read. “I know it isn’t in your nature to accept what you would probably consider a handout. We’ve only just met, but already I feel like I know you well. I’m not offering to buy your things as charity; think of it as a business expense, which I should cover. And besides, you will be working, and by the time this trip is over, you will surely have earned a little something extra.”
I smiled to myself. He knew exactly what I’d been thinking.
“Please think of it as an advance,” he wrote, “a bonus, if you will. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Let me know if there’s anything else you need.”
I typed out a quick thank you and then pushed back from my desk. Leaving Dirk’s email on the screen, I hurried to my bedroom to dress for the day.
***
I’d never been inside Nordstrom before. Dirk said he left a credit on file at the desk, but I didn’t even know which section to look in. Everything in the store was of higher quality and style than my very nicest dress. I couldn’t believe I would leave this place with bags of new clothes.
“May I help you, Miss?” a sales clerk asked as I walked through the door.
“Actually,” I said. “Yes, you can.”
“Certainly,” he said. “What can I do for you?”
“Well,” I said. “I’m not really sure where to begin. I’m taking a sudden trip to California, and I leave tomorrow. I’ll be staying at some fancy resort, and honestly, I have no idea what sort of things I’ll need to wear.”
“Ah,” the sales clerk said. “You must be Miss Gonzalez. Mr. Mathis said you would be stopping in.”
I nodded, and the sales clerk gestured for me to follow him through the store.
“I’m thinking sundresses and a few bathing suits,” I said. “Maybe some nicer dresses for evening wear.”
“We’ve already set aside a few pieces we think would be perfect for you,” the sales clerk told me.
We rounded the corner, and my jaw fell open. The few pieces he referred to was more like twenty outfits. I stared at the rack in front of me, shock written all over my face.
“Take your time,” the clerk said. “The dressing room is right through there.”
He smiled and quickly disappeared. I turned back to the row of sundresses and outfits laid out before me. They were all my size. It was impossible that Dirk could have guessed my size correctly, so I assumed the agency had given him the information. I smiled to myself as I ran my hands over the clothes. They were beautiful.
For the first time ever, I felt like my life had become a movie. When I woke up that morning, everything was normal. Now, not even two hours later, I felt like the heroine in some romantic comedy — something I normally didn’t even like to watch.
I felt uncomfortable as I tried on a few of the dresses, but soon, I realized it wasn’t even necessary. The dresses were beautiful and exactly what I needed for the trip. I tried on ten sundresses and two evening dresses. The bathing suits were tasteful and elegant. I had expected bikinis that would make me self-conscious, but instead, they provided beautiful one-piece suits that showed off my curves beautifully, but in a classy way.
“How are
we doing back here?” the clerk asked.
“Very well,” I said, with a smile. “The pieces you’ve selected are beautiful.”
“Can I bag them up for you?” he asked.
“All of them?” My eyes widened. “I thought I would pick a few and-”
“Nonsense,” the clerk said. He was already grabbing outfits off their hangers. “Mr. Mathis said to spare no expense. They are all for you.”
I stared after him as he disappeared around the corner. He had carefully packed up all the clothes and brought me the bags. All the while, I couldn’t make my feet move. I was more than shocked. This sort of thing never happened to me. Even my wealthiest clients, who were known to give bonuses freely, never sent me on an all-expense paid shopping spree.
“Thank you,” I said automatically as the clerk ushered me out of the store.
“It was my pleasure, Miss. Gonzalez,” he said. “We hope to see you back here very soon.”
He smiled politely and held the door open for me. I stepped outside, still dumbstruck.
As I walked down the street, it didn’t even occur to me to hail a cab. I liked the humble way my feet padded against the cement. After such a lavish morning, I wanted to feel like myself again. I walked all the way back to my apartment, my head still reeling.
When I made it home, I quickly packed all my new clothes and shoes into my suitcase. I threw in my own pajamas and underwear, along with a couple bathing suits and some casual clothes I had. Just like that, I was ready to go. All that was left was to pack my toiletries in the morning and talk to my neighbor about watering my plants.
Just three hours earlier, I’d been a wreck of stress and anxiety. I didn’t think it was possible for me to get everything ready in time. And yet, by lunchtime on Sunday, I was packed with everything in order.
All I had to do was wait for morning.
Chapter Nine
Dirk
Josie was half asleep as I helped the concierge load our bags in the car. She rested her head against the seat and closed her eyes, her little blonde curls still ruffled from sleep. I smiled as I slid in and pulled her against me. This trip was going to be good for us. She needed to experience more things, and I needed time away from the office. It wasn’t often that Josie got me all to herself. The resort would be the perfect opportunity to spend time with her.