by Claire Adams
“Not at all.” My smile matched hers in both fakeness and sweetness. “But, let’s skip the massage and mud bath. Josie is too young for either. I don’t think Dirk would approve.”
“Sounds fine,” Eloise said with a shrug.
“Great,” I said. “Then, Josie and I would be thrilled to have you join us.”
“Excellent,” she said. “Well, I’ll meet you both there.”
I nodded and watched as she bounced off toward her bungalow. It took me a few minutes before I was calm enough to move. Anger was bubbling up inside my veins. I fought the urge to scream, to grab the stapler off Shawn’s desk and hurl it across the room.
“Marissa,” Shawn said softly. “Is there anything I can-”
“No,” I sighed. “Thank you for your help.”
With that, I marched back to the bungalow. I threw myself inside and slammed the door shut behind me.
***
My eyes were closed as I leaned back against the door. I needed to calm down, but I couldn’t. The intense anger I felt was worse than ever. When I finally opened my eyes again, I was still seeing red. It wasn’t until my eyes fell on Dirk and Josie that I could calm down.
“Oh,” I said. “I didn’t realize you were awake. I’m sorry.”
“That’s okay,” Dirk said. He was frowning, watching me with concern. “What’s wrong?”
I just shook my head and hurried into my bedroom. Making sure not to slam it this time, I pushed the door closed behind me. It wasn’t closed for long. Dirk opened it quickly and slipped inside. He followed me over to the bed, where I sat down and put my head in my hands. My entire body was still shaking.
“What the hell happened?” His voice was low. He put his hand on my lower back and rubbed it gently. “Marissa?”
“I’m being ridiculous,” I said. “I’m just… Nothing happened. Not really.”
“Something obviously did,” he said firmly. “I know you well enough to know that you don’t get this upset over nothing.”
I sighed and shook my head, finally lifting it out of my hands. The anger wasn’t yet gone, but I felt calmer. With Dirk sitting beside me, I could get control of myself.
“I made a spa appointment for Josie and me,” I said slowly. “That’s where I went this morning. Shawn helped me set the whole thing up. Manicures. Pedicures. Facials. Haircuts. That sort of thing.”
“She’ll love that,” Dirk said with a smile. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of it.”
“You’re a man,” I said with a shrug.
He laughed, “True.”
“I made the appointments and was about to head back when Eloise just popped up.”
“Uh oh,” he said softly.
“That’s an understatement,” I said. “She totally inserted herself and took over, rescheduling our entire day, and making appointments for herself, too. And, I just stood there, nodding and smiling like a damn idiot. I didn’t even say anything! God, Josie is going to be miserable with her there, and I just let her do it. I just let her take over. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“You were being polite,” Dirk said.
“I know!” I said sharply. “And, I hate it. Just once, I want to tell Eloise exactly what I think of her.”
Dirk tensed beside me. I turned to face him. He was watching me closely, trying to comfort me, but I could see the worry behind his eyes.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I won’t actually do that. I know my place.”
“Marissa,” he said, “That’s not what I was thinking.”
“It’s not?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I agree with you. Sometimes, I wish the same thing. It would be amazing to just go off on Eloise. Just once.”
“You should do it,” I said firmly. “Because we all know I can’t.”
Dirk laughed and rubbed my back in slow circles. The sensation was so gentle and comforting that I felt my eyes flutter closed. I sighed and leaned against him, resting my head on his shoulder.
“The worst part is,” I said, “that she’s taking away time I wanted to spend with Josie. It’s so rare that she and I get girl time and I thought this would be perfect. You could do your thing, and she could have a little girly adventure. I just wanted to do something special for her, so she’ll remember this trip — and me.”
I paused and leaned closer to Dirk. His presence had already done wonders for my mood. The anger was gone, and I could finally focus on my real emotions.
“I’m just sad,” I said honestly. “Eloise is cutting into my time with Josie, and it pisses me off, but mostly it just makes me sad. I was looking forward to today.”
Dirk chuckled to himself and tightened his arm around my waist. I sat up quickly, frowning at him with a silent question in my eyes. “You know what you sound like?” he asked.
“What?”
“A mom,” he said simply.
I froze. He was right. I was acting like a mom. I sighed and pulled away from him slightly, shaking my head.
“You’re right,” I said. “I’m being ridiculous. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” he said kindly. He pulled me back to him, wrapping his arm around my shoulder this time. “It’s a weird situation. Nothing about this makes sense.”
I nodded and let him hold me. I felt silly for allowing myself to get so upset over Eloise. Who was I to be angry at her? She’d known Josie since the day she was born. She was Amelia’s best friend. Me? I was nothing more than the hired help. I existed to make Stanley and Eloise believe Dirk had moved past his wife’s death. It wasn’t my job to act like Josie’s mother, much less feel like it.
Still, with Dirk holding me so tightly against him, it was impossible to feel any different. In such a short time, I’d grown to care about Josie and Dirk so much. There were times when I forgot he was my client. As we sat on my bed together, I was more confused than ever.
I turned to face him. Our faces were closer than they’d ever been. I could name every shade of blue in his eyes and count every freckle on his nose. My heart picked up speed and my breath caught in my chest.
This was too much. I knew I should pull away, put some distance between us. We weren’t supposed to act this way. This wasn’t part of the deal.
And yet, I felt frozen in place, unable to move even an inch away from him.
Suddenly, Dirk cleared his throat and got to his feet. I blinked, unsure of what just happened. When my head finally cleared, Dirk was already gone.
Chapter Nineteen
Dirk
“What should we do today?” Josie asked as we sat down to eat breakfast. Marissa was sitting in her usual chair on the patio with Josie beside her. I pulled up my chair and sat down, not able to meet Marissa’s gaze.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I don’t think we have any plans.”
“Really?” Marissa asked. “None?”
I shook my head, but didn’t look up. I could feel Marissa’s questioning eyes on my face. After yesterday, I didn’t know how to act around her. That moment in her bedroom had only served to confuse my feelings even more.
“If it’s okay with you,” she said. “I think I’ll spend the day working on my thesis.”
“Sure,” I said. “That’s fine.”
I saw her nod out of the corner of my eye. She lowered her gaze to her plate and finally, I could look at her. With her attention focused away from me, I didn’t feel as nervous. I looked at her carefully, trying not to be obvious. Her dark hair was falling over her shoulder, the sunlight catching it whenever she moved. Her lips were full and constantly drew my eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to look away.
“What about us?” Josie asked. I cleared my throat and turned to face my daughter. “What will we do?”
“Maybe we can take a walk on the beach,” I said. “Dip our toes in the water.”
“Sure!” She beamed at me and rushed through her breakfast, shoveling everything into her mouth at warp speed.
“Slow down,�
� I laughed. “The beach isn’t going anywhere.”
That didn’t stop Josie from finishing breakfast in under a minute. She took a long swig of her milk and then ran into her bedroom to get dressed. I watched her go with an amused smile on my face.
“Are you okay?” Marissa asked, her voice soft.
I turned to face her. She was watching me with a confused expression. Her eyes were dark with emotion and her lips… God, I couldn’t stop looking at her lips.
“Of course,” I said, with a forced smile. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
She just shrugged. She finished her breakfast and then hurried to get her school things. I sat back in my chair, grateful for the minute alone.
The truth was, I wasn’t okay. My feelings for Marissa were more confusing than ever.
When I followed her into her bedroom yesterday, I never imagined we would share such an intimate moment. What began as nothing more than comfort quickly became tense and charged with energy. Feeling Marissa in my arms was more than I could take. Her body was pressed so close to mine that I felt hot, flushed with desire. It was all I could do to leave without kissing her.
Now, my desires were just as strong. Every time I saw Marissa, I couldn’t help but rake my eyes down her body. She’d always been attractive, but now that I knew just how amazing her body felt pressed against mine, I could think of nothing else. I longed for her presence, for her touch.
The strength of my desire took me by surprise. For two weeks, we’d slowly gotten to know each other. We were friends. I knew that Marissa thought of me as more than a client. She cared about Josie so much, and by extension, she cared about me. This wasn’t just another business deal. Not for her and definitely not for me. It was more.
“Are you ready?” Josie asked, suddenly appearing by my side. She was wearing her bathing suit beneath a little sundress. I nodded and got to my feet.
“I’ll see you for dinner?” Marissa called from the living room.
“Absolutely.” I smiled at her, and my eyes flickered once again to her lips. If it wasn’t for Josie’s hand in mine, I wouldn’t have been able to turn away.
Josie and I walked down the beach, holding hands. She talked my ear off about her Spanish lessons and how much Marissa had already taught her. She recited a few things in Spanish, and I acted appropriately impressed, but I was distracted.
Thoughts of Marissa whirled through my mind, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I saw her face in my head, her dark eyes and tempting lips. I remembered how good her hips looked in that black dress. I longed to slide my hands down her sides and grip those hips. When I thought about her breasts, I almost came undone.
Shaking my head, I struck up a conversation with Josie. I kept her talking well into the afternoon, just so I wouldn’t have to deal with my own confusion. Luckily, Josie was always happy to talk. We moved past the subject of her Spanish lessons and on to her swim class. She told me about the instructor and how nice she was. She gushed over the amazing pool and how many friends she’d made at the lessons. It was nice to see her so happy. For the first time, I felt like this trip might have been a good idea, after all.
“Are you ready for lunch?” I asked. Josie nodded, so we turned back toward the bungalow.
With each step we took, I felt my heart race a little faster. Marissa was inside and soon I would see her face again. I promised myself I wouldn’t dwell on her lips, but I knew that was a lie. I’d done my best to ignore my feelings, but after yesterday, it was no use. I wanted Marissa in a way I hadn’t wanted anyone since Amelia. It felt new. Exciting.
I no longer wanted to ignore it. Instead, I wanted to embrace it. To venture into unchartered territory and discover something amazing. I knew Marissa could be that something. Everything about her screamed out for me.
“Where’s Marissa?” Josie asked when we reached the bungalow.
I frowned and looked around the room. Marissa was nowhere to be found. I walked over to her bedroom door, which was slightly open. Knocking softly, I pushed the door open further and peered inside. It was empty.
“Maybe she went out to stretch her legs,” I said, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice. “Or to get a change of scenery.”
“She won’t have lunch with us?” Josie asked.
“Not today,” I said. “She has a lot of work to do on her thesis.”
“What’s a thesis?”
I explained it quickly, and Josie nodded. Sometimes her ability to understand things quickly was a true blessing. I didn’t think I had it in me to spend an hour talking her through the ins and outs of a thesis.
Not when Marissa was still occupying my thoughts.
We ordered two cheeseburgers and sat down to eat together. With a movie on in the background, I was free once again to let my mind wander.
Marissa had a very strict rule about sleeping with her clients. She told me upfront that sex was off the table. At the time, that was perfect. I never dreamed I would want to have sex with her, let alone any woman. Amelia’s absence was still so fresh. But now, just two weeks later, I didn’t feel that way.
Amelia died more than two years before. Her death, while still painful, happened long ago. I was finally beginning to understand why Stan and Eloise were so desperate for me to move on. It wasn’t healthy for me to spend the rest of my life missing my wife. Amelia wouldn’t have wanted that for me.
Still, it wasn’t until I grew closer to Marissa that I was able to talk about Amelia. Eventually, that friendship we shared led me to feel something for Marissa: desire.
It was primal. Sexual. Raw. Her body pulled me in, begging to be touched by my fingers.
As I sat on the couch with Josie, I tried to keep my thoughts in check. Marissa had one rule. Just one rule. I couldn’t violate her trust by testing the waters. As much as I wanted to break my two years of abstinence with her, I knew I couldn’t.
Instead, I daydreamed about a kiss. In my head, I saw Marissa walking toward me. Her eyes were dark and full of lust. Her hair hung in loose waves, falling over her back and shoulders. When she reached me, I tangled my fingers in those waves and pulled her against me. Hard. Her lips silently begged for mine. When we finally kissed, it was electric.
“Daddy,” Josie said from beside me. “Could we go to the pool? I want to practice more before my next lesson.”
“Um,” I cleared my throat. “Sure.”
I pushed myself to my feet. I tried not to think too much about my little daydream as I changed into my bathing suit. The thought of kissing Marissa was too good. I knew if I didn’t get myself under control, I wouldn’t be able to resist the urge.
But, I couldn’t help but remember something Marissa had said when we first met. She told me public displays of affection were okay. She said hand-holding and hugging were perfectly acceptable. She even promised that a kiss, at the proper moment, would be okay.
I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and wondered what situation would warrant a kiss. How could I orchestrate things so that I might be able to feel those perfect lips pressed against mine?
“Daddy!” Josie called. “Are you ready yet?”
“I’ll be right there!” I called back.
I sighed and shook my head. I knew my fantasy was too good to be true. I couldn’t imagine a single scenario in which it would be okay to kiss Marissa. As much as I wanted to, I never wanted to make her feel uncomfortable. I couldn’t bear the thought of crossing a line and making her leave early.
“Alright,” I said, stepping out of the bathroom. “Let’s go.”
Josie jumped up and down and ran into the hallway. I followed close behind her until we reached the pool.
The sun was beating down all around us, warming the air and our faces. Josie grinned broadly as she pulled me toward the edge of the pool.
“Wait,” I said quickly. “You need sunscreen first.”
Josie grumbled but stood still while I rubbed sunscreen on her bare arms and legs. When she was done, she
lunged away from me and hurried to the pool.
“Watch this!” she said.
Without another word, she jumped in. My heart stopped for a fraction of a second until her blonde hair suddenly reappeared. She broke the surface of the water with a giggle and stared up at me while she treaded water.
“You can swim!” I said.
“I know!” She laughed and swam a few strokes back and forth.
“Stay in the shallow end,” I said.
“Okay!”
I sat on the edge of the pool with my feet dangling in the water. While I watched Josie, I glanced around the pool area. Stan and Eloise were sitting a few feet away. Eloise saw me and waved, but Stan’s eyes were glued to something behind me.
A pit formed in my stomach when I turned my head and saw what had captivated his attention. Marissa was lying on a beach chair, wearing a red swimsuit. Her breasts filled the material and made my stomach clench with need. My eyes trailed over her body. The red swimsuit was pulled tight over her flat stomach and her long, smooth legs were so alluring that I couldn’t take it anymore. I knew I wouldn’t be able to control myself for another second.
“Josie!” I called. “Hop out for a minute.”
Josie climbed out of the pool with a frown. I glanced at Stan and felt anger bubble inside my chest. He was still staring at Marissa with hunger in his eyes.
“Stay here for a second,” I told Josie. “I’m going to say hi to Marissa, okay? I don’t want you in the water unless I can watch you.”
“Okay,” she said with a shrug, looking puzzled and instinctively knowing not to ask to come along. She sat down and plopped her feet into the water, swinging them out to splash.
Without thinking, I marched over to Marissa. Everything faded away. Nothing felt real except her. Lying there on that chair, glistening in the California sunshine.
Chapter Twenty
Marissa
The bungalow felt cramped without Josie and Dirk. I tried to focus on my thesis, but after an hour, I knew it was useless. Fresh air and a change of scenery were exactly what I needed. I got to my feet and quickly changed into my bathing suit and a light cover-up. Gathering my things together, I slipped into the hallway and walked slowly toward the pool.