by Claire Adams
“Do you need more boxes?” I called out to Josie.
“No!” she called back. “I’m still filling this one.”
“Okay,” I said. “Remember, that’s just for stuffed animals! Don’t put anything else in it!”
“I won’t!”
I smiled and returned to my own box. I was sitting on the floor in our living room, putting books and DVDs into a large brown box. The movers were going to be there at the end of the week, and I wanted everything ready to go. This move was so important. I didn’t want anything to postpone it.
My company was the only thing left to finalize. Most of the board members were already on board, but we had to have an official vote. Stanley was still in California with Eloise. He was refusing to return to New York out of pure spite. After the things I said about his wife in my interview with New York Press, I couldn’t blame him for hating me. Still, I also couldn’t bring myself to care.
Eloise had brought it on herself when she went after Marissa. I did what I had to. If Stanley couldn’t understand that, then so what? I was doing everything I could to get him off the board, anyway. He wasn’t the kind of person I wanted associated with my company anymore.
As I placed yet another book inside the box, there was a soft knock on my front door. I frowned and got to my feet. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I hurried over to the door and pulled it open. Part of me hoped it would be Marissa, but I was wrong.
“Your mail arrived,” my doorman said. “I thought I would bring it up to you, Mr. Mathis.”
“Thank you, Jeffrey.”
He nodded and handed me the stack of mail. I took it and closed the door behind me, already walking over to finish packing. Disappointment settled heavily in my chest, but I shook it off quickly. What had I been thinking? Of course, Marissa wasn’t going to just show up on my doorstep. She wouldn’t even pick up the phone when I called.
I sat on the floor and flipped through the mail. There were a few bills, nothing out of the ordinary. It wasn’t until I reached the bottom of the pile that something caught my eye. I saw mine and Josie’s names written in curly handwriting on the front of a white envelope. The handwriting looked oddly familiar. I couldn’t place it until I saw the return address in the corner. There was no name, but I would have recognized that address anywhere.
My heart dropped to my stomach as I stared down at it. I ripped open the envelope as quickly as I could. It was full, almost bursting. Everything came tumbling out when I turned it over, but my eyes went immediately to the decorative invitation.
It was an invitation to Marissa’s graduation. She was done with school. Her advisor must have signed off on her thesis. A smile spread across my face as I realized what this meant. It wasn’t a phone call, but it was something. Marissa wanted Josie and me at her graduation. That must mean she still cared about us.
My excitement drained quickly when I saw what else was in the envelope. A wad of cash was tipping over onto the floor in front of me. I frowned and picked it up. There was too much to count right away, but a folded piece of paper caught my eye.
I unfolded it to find a short letter from Marissa. My heart raced as I read her words.
Her name was signed in the same curly handwriting from the front of the envelope. I stared at her signature, running my finger over it gently. This was the closest I’d been to her in over a week, and yet, I felt angry.
The sight of all that cash pissed me off. I wanted to buy those things for Marissa. When I thought about how amazing she looked in her evening gowns and sundresses, I knew it was worth the money. I would have bought her even more if I could. Still, part of me understood her reasoning.
Marissa didn’t want to feel like our time together was bought. She didn’t write it in her letter, but I knew the truth. The things we shared were too important to be tarnished by money. I had fallen for her, and she fell for me. We meant something to each other, and that had nothing to do with a contract. Deep down, I knew that was why she had sent the money. It wasn’t a snub. She wasn’t being rude or hurtful. She just wanted to set the record straight, make it clear that it wasn’t about money to her.
It took me a few minutes before I could put down Marissa’s letter. Just seeing her name at the bottom of the page was enough to make my heart race. I clung to the piece of paper, trying to imagine how her hand had breezed across it while she wrote.
Finally, I tucked the letter inside the envelope and gathered the cash. I put it in my pocket and picked up the invitation. The money wasn’t something I would share with Josie, but I couldn’t wait to see her face when she found out she would get to see Marissa again.
“Josie!” I called as I walked down the hallway. “How’s the packing going?”
I rounded the corner and froze. Josie was sitting on her bed, the box of stuffed animals open at her feet. She was clinging to a stuffed bunny that I would have recognized anywhere. Most of her toys were bunnies, but this bunny was special. It was the toy Marissa had bought her the day she met Josie for the first time. Seeing her holding it broke my heart, but also propelled me forward.
“Hey,” I said softly. “What you got there?”
“It’s the bunny Marissa got me,” Josie said.
“I know.” I sat down beside her and gently stroked the bunny’s fur. “You still like it, huh?”
“It’s my favorite,” she said simply. “I don’t want to pack it, though. Can I keep it out until it’s time to move?”
“Of course,” I said. “You can take it with you on the plane.”
“Really?” Her eyes lit up.
“Really.” I nodded.
She smiled and hugged the bunny tightly to her chest. I took a deep breath and pulled the invitation out from behind my back.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“It’s an invitation,” I said, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice. “Marissa sent it to us.”
“Marissa?” Josie jumped off the bed and turned to face me. Her eyes were wide with shock and uncertain happiness. I could tell she wanted to jump with joy, but she was nervous. She didn’t want to get excited too soon.
“Yup.” I nodded. “She wants us to come to her graduation. What do you think? Should we go?”
“Yes!” Josie squealed. “Of course!”
“I thought you’d say that.” I laughed.
“She really wants us there? She really wants to see us?”
“She does,” I said, but I wasn’t sure how true my words were.
Marissa’s letter said she would love to see Josie. She specifically asked me to tell Josie how much she missed her. But, the letter didn’t say anything about me. She didn’t mention wanting to see me or missing me. I couldn’t blame her. And yet, I wondered what that meant.
She paid me back some of the money. That meant she still cared, but how much? Did she care enough to want to see me? To forgive me? To want to give us another chance?
I couldn’t be sure, and now wasn’t the time to figure it out. Josie’s eyes were dancing with a joy I hadn’t seen in over a week. She’d been so sad, so miserable, over Marissa that she’d barely smiled. Now, she was grinning widely and bouncing up and down.
“Are you excited?” I asked.
“We should get her a present!” Josie said. “Graduations are special, right?”
“Very,” I said with a nod.
“Then, she needs a present,” Josie said firmly. “Can we go today? Right now?”
“Not today,” I laughed. “We have a little time to find something. Let’s just finish packing today, okay? That way we’ll be ready when it’s time to move.”
“We’re still moving?” she asked with a frown.
“Yes,” I said. “Why wouldn’t we?”
“I don’t know,” Josie shrugged. “Is Marissa going to come with us?”
I froze. Marissa finally got in touch with us. After a week of silence, she reached out. It was just an invitation. It didn’t mean anything had changed. For all I knew, she
only wanted to see Josie to say goodbye. How could I prepare my daughter for that? How could I tell her that, after wishing and hoping to see Marissa again, it might be the last time?
I stared at Josie and tried to think. If I stayed silent for too long, she would start to worry. Her happiness would fade, and she would be sad and scared all over again. I knew I couldn’t let that happen.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “But, I’ll tell you what, if you finish packing up your room today, then we can go out and find the perfect gift for Marissa tomorrow morning, okay? First thing. Right after breakfast.”
“I think I know what I want to get her,” Josie said firmly.
“Already?” I asked, glad for the subject change.
“Yup,” she nodded. “It’s a secret, though. I can’t tell you until we’re on our way to the store.”
“Okay,” I laughed. “If you insist.”
She just nodded. Her expression was serious and adorable. I ruffled her hair and left her to finish packing. Once I was back in the living room, I put Marissa’s invitation on the mantle above the fireplace. It was the only place I knew I’d see it and I didn’t want to forget the time.
While I tried to finish packing, my mind wandered. I kept glancing at the invitation and wondering how Marissa would act around me. I knew she would be amazing with Josie, she always was. They would be thrilled to see each other again, but what about me? How was I supposed to handle seeing Marissa again?
I thought about apologizing, pulling her aside from the crowd at the ceremony and pouring out my heart, but I didn’t know if that would work. I didn’t know if it would be enough to make Marissa forgive me, or even want to be around me again.
Still, it was the only thing I had. So, as I put more books into boxes and stacked DVDs on top of each other, I planned out what I would say. I didn’t think of anything else for the rest of the day, and when night fell, I dreamt of Marissa’s face.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Marissa
My graduation day arrived, and I could barely sit still. I was up and dressed three hours early. As much as I tried to waste time at home, I couldn’t do it. I left my apartment and arrived on campus two hours early. I was the first person there, but I didn’t care. I just stared at the stage and all the chairs lined up in front. My chest was filled with pride and butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I never thought this day would arrive and yet, there I was: standing in front of the stage wearing a cap and gown.
I sat down to soak in the moment and slowly, the place began to fill with people. All the graduates were expected to meet backstage thirty minutes before the ceremony, but I still had time. I stayed seated as I scanned the crowd. More people were beginning to arrive, and I couldn’t stop myself from searching their faces. I was looking for John and Sammy, but mostly I just wanted to catch a glimpse of Dirk and Josie.
Dirk didn’t respond to my invitation, but I wasn’t surprised. This wasn’t the type of thing that required an RSVP. I didn’t know if he was coming or if he was bringing Josie. All I could do was clench my fists together and wait.
The minutes ticked by and soon, it was almost time to line up. I scanned the crowd one last time before I got out of my seat. I wanted to wait and at least see Sammy and John, but my time was up. With a sigh, I turned toward the stage where the other graduates were disappearing. I didn’t make it a full step before two arms grabbed me around the waist.
I screamed loudly as I was lifted into the air and spun in a quick circle. Looking down, I saw Sammy’s laughing face below me. He spun me around three more times before finally setting me back on my feet. I was breathing heavy, and my cheeks were red, but I grinned at him all the same.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I said, slapping his arm.
“I couldn’t help myself,” he said, still laughing. “You look so cute in your little cap.”
He flicked my tassel, making me roll my eyes and look away. John was hurrying toward us with a little boy attached to his hand. Noah was adorable and exactly how I pictured him. When they reached us, I bent down to introduce myself.
“Hi,” I said. “I’m Marissa. You must be Noah.”
Noah nodded and hid behind John. I just smiled and left him alone. I was sure he would warm up to me in time.
As I hugged John, my eyes fell on yet another familiar face. My stomach flipped as Dirk took a step toward us.
His eyes were dark, and his forehead was creased, but he kept a smile on his face the whole way over. I could tell he was nervous. My own heart was racing. But, when I glanced down and saw Josie by his side, my nerves disappeared.
“What is he doing here?” Sammy hissed as John let me go and stepped to the side.
“I invited them,” I said.
“You did what?” John shook his head and reached out to grab Sammy’s hand. He whispered words of warning in his husband’s ear, but Sammy just scowled.
“If he does anything I don’t like-” Sammy began. John shot him a look just in time.
When Josie finally saw me, she took off running. I grinned and ran forward, bending down to accept her hug.
She threw her arms around my neck so hard that I almost tumbled over backward. I caught us both and laughed loudly. She was already talking a mile a minute, telling me how much she missed me.
“…and I have a present for you!” she squealed. “Daddy says I have to wait until after the ceremony, though.”
“That’s a good idea,” I said. I kept the smile on my face, but I couldn’t keep my attention focused on Josie.
Dirk was standing above us. His eyes were fixed on my face. There were so many unspoken words hidden in his expression that I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my lungs. When I finally stood up to greet him, he stepped forward awkwardly. Our hug was quick and tense. The feeling of his body against mine sent shivers running down my spine, but I ignored them.
“Congratulations,” he said softly. “And, thank you for inviting us.”
“Of course,” I smiled. “I’m glad you guys came.”
Dirk nodded and tore his eyes away from my face. He walked over to John and Sammy and shook their hands. John acted normal, but Sammy continued to glare until Dirk walked away. All the while, Josie was tugging on my hand to get my attention.
“I really missed you,” I told her. I had to fight back tears as I looked at her face. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“Me, too!” Josie said. “I’ve been sad.”
“Sad?” I asked. “Why?”
“Because I wanted to see you,” she said simply. My heart ached at her words, and it took all my strength not to break down right there. I didn’t know when I’d become such an emotional mess, but I hated myself for it.
“I’m sorry,” I said gently. “I know I should have said goodbye to you.”
“It’s okay,” Josie said, “I know you were just mad at Daddy.”
I nodded, but didn’t know what to say. She was right. When I left the resort, I was furious with Dirk, but now — as my eyes found his face one more time — I didn’t feel angry or sad. All I felt was a deep longing.
“I should get back there,” I said. “They’re expecting all the graduates to line up early.”
“Go,” John said, shooing me away. “We’ll find you after.”
“Congratulations!” Sammy called out as I hurried behind the stage.
The rest of the graduates were already lining up. I took my place quickly and took a deep breath. Part of me was thrilled that everyone came, but another part was terrified. Seeing Dirk and Josie was hard enough when our conversation could only last a minute. What was I supposed to say to them when the ceremony was over? How could I look into Josie’s eyes and tell her goodbye?
I didn’t have long to stress about my options. Within five minutes, the music was playing, and everyone began filing out front. The crowd burst into applause as we made our way to our seats. My eyes sought out my friends and when I found them, they all waved an
d whooped my name. I grinned and took my seat, letting the reality of the moment sink in.
My fears and worries disappeared. I knew I would have to face Dirk and Josie again in just a couple hours, but right then, it didn’t matter. I was graduating. My smile was bigger than ever, and when they finally called my name, I sauntered across the stage with as much confidence as I could muster.
I heard Sammy’s high-pitched cheer above the crowd and Josie’s sweet little giggle as I shook the dean’s hand and hurried off the stage. Just like that, my moment was over. Years of hard work for thirty seconds of attention. Still, I was walking on air as I hurried back to my seat for the rest of the ceremony.
I didn’t think anything could ruin my mood. My entire body felt light as the ceremony came to an end and we all burst into applause. We cheered as loud as we could and hugged the person beside us, overjoyed and full of undeniable excitement.
“You did it!” Sammy said when I found them again.
“I can’t believe I’m done,” I said breathlessly. “I can’t believe it’s over.”
“Well, believe it,” John told me. “You should be so proud of yourself.”
“I am!” I laughed and threw my head back. “This is just so surreal.”
“How should we celebrate?” Dirk asked. “Do you have any plans?”
I shook my head.
“Great!” Josie said. “Then, you can celebrate with us!”
“How does pizza sound?” Dirk asked.
John and Sammy both looked at me with questions in their eyes. I knew what they were thinking. This was supposed to be a happy day, not an awkward one. And they were right. I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from celebrating, not even my feelings for Dirk.
“Pizza sounds great!” I said. “Noah, what do you think?”
“I like pizza,” he said softly.
We all laughed and quickly hailed a cab. It was a night of giggles and toasts. Josie and Noah bonded quickly, slipping into their own childlike world and ignoring the rest of us. I’d never seen Josie play so well with another kid. Even during her swim lessons at the resort, she had always kept her distance. It was nice to see how well she could get along with Noah.