by Claire Adams
Lindsey raised her eyebrows. “Why do you ask?”
“Like I said, just curious.”
“You’re not thinking of trying it out, are you?”
“Of course not,” I said coolly.
She smiled teasingly. “To be honest, with my first experience, I did think of it as a relationship. We were together for a few months, and it wasn’t all about sex.”
“But?”
“As I said, the differences between us started creeping in after a while,” she explained. “He was eleven years younger than I was, which granted, doesn’t sound like a huge age gap, but I felt it.”
“What did you talk about with him?”
She smiled. “You know, I can’t remember for the life of me.”
“Did you talk to him about… Oh, I don’t know, your personal life?”
“My personal life?” Lindsey repeated.
“Your parents, your family, your…ex-boyfriends?” I asked, trying to make the questions sound innocent.
“No, I don’t think I ever did share all that with him,” she admitted. “That requires a different kind of connection and ours was never that deep.”
I thought about all the intimate details I had already shared with Natalie and wondered what it was about her that had caused me to open up like that. It was certainly out of character. I had to admit, that bugged me a little.
I wondered if Lindsey was right and after a few months my preoccupation with Natalie would wear off, too. Maybe all this was a simple matter of sexual frustration. Maybe once we’d slept together, I wouldn’t think of her nearly as much.
Even as I thought that, I felt a stab of guilt and it unsettled me. Why should I feel guilty? I haven’t made her any promises, and she hasn’t asked me to. We are two consenting adults who are having dinner on Friday night, and if we happen to have sex, then it would just be sex…right? I was well aware of the fact that I was starting to psyche myself out.
“Chance?”
“Yeah,” I said, looking back at Lindsey. “Sorry.”
“Where were you?”
“Just…thinking.”
“I can see that,” she nodded. “What about?”
I smiled. “Was there a reason you chose to honor me with your presence?” I asked pointedly.
She laughed. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not going to try and pry your secrets from you. You are perfectly at liberty to share what you want with me.”
“You still haven’t answered my question.”
“I just wanted to thank you,” she said. “For agreeing to keep my secret.”
“Oh,” I said. “Well, no problem. Don’t worry about it.”
She rose to her feet and headed for the door. “Just so you know, if you have any secrets you want to share, I’m all ears.”
“I don’t,” I said. “But when I do, I’ll let you know.”
Lindsey gave me a wink and headed out, leaving me to my empty office. I finished grading the last five papers on my list and when I looked up again, an hour had already passed. I put away my files and headed towards the parking lot. I had agreed to join my sister and her family for dinner. Usually, I made an excuse at the last minute, but this time, I actually wanted to go. It would take an hour to get there, but the drive would allow me time to think.
Sophie lived in a quiet little suburb that was so quaint it was almost a cliché. She even had a white picket fence and a minivan in the driveway. I parked behind it and headed towards the front door. Before I could even knock, the door flew open and a tiny little boy with big red hair and freckles stared up at me with a huge toothless smile on his face.
“Hi, Uncle Chancy.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “The name’s Chance, kid,” I said.
“Mommy says your name is Chancy.”
“How about I tell you what Mommy used to be called in high school?”
“Careful, little brother,” Sophie’s voice was loud and firm as she appeared beside her son at the door. “You don’t want to go there.”
I smiled. “Are you going to let me in?”
She moved aside and Tommy grabbed my hand. “Do you like fish?”
“No,” I said.
His face dropped immediately. “But… But… That’s what we’re having for dinner.”
“Uncle Chance is only kidding, sweetheart,” Sophie said quickly. “Aren’t you, Uncle Chance?”
“Are you?” Tommy asked, looking up at me hopefully.
“Urgh…sure,” I nodded.
Again, the smile reappeared on Tommy’s face, and he zoomed off in the direction of the kitchen. I turned to Sophie, who was shaking her head at me with a reproachful look on her face. Sophie had been the one to take after Dad in looks, while I had favored my mother’s features. But every now and again, Sophie would do things that reminded me of Mom.
“You look like Mom,” I said.
“Fuck off.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You kiss your son with that mouth?”
Sophie rolled her eyes. “He’s in the kitchen. And I look nothing like Mom.”
“No, I know that. I just meant your mannerisms… That look you just gave me. She used to do that.”
“Remind me never to do that again then,” Sophie said harshly.
I decided to let that lie. Mentioning Mom was never a good thing around Sophie. Her mood went from happy to sour in a matter of seconds.
“How’s Tommy been?” I asked.
“He’s been really into cooking lately,” Sophie revealed, as we sat down together. “He’s the one that helped Tony with the fish.”
“I hate fish,” I reminded her.
“Tommy found the recipe and was excited to try it out,” Sophie said, with a shrug.
“You couldn’t have convinced him to make…pork ribs or something?”
“He’s been looking forward to this dinner all week, okay?” Sophie said. “Would it kill you to play the doting uncle?”
“I am a doting uncle,” I said.
Sophie glared at me, and I smiled guiltily. “You know I’ve never been good with kids.”
“He’s your nephew,” she pointed out. “And, he idolizes you.”
“Why?”
“Beats the hell out of me,” she said.
“I’ve barely been around.”
“I know that,” she nodded. “Which is why it baffles me that Tommy could be so interested in you. But the fact is, he is interested, so I would appreciate it if you could interact with him a little.”
I groaned. “Fine, just as long as I don’t have to play games.”
Sophie rolled her eyes at me. “You’re his only uncle, okay?” she said. “Tony’s an only child, and you’re my only brother.”
“Well, then I blame Tony.”
Sophie looked at me with an odd expression in her eyes.
“What?” I asked.
“You really will do anything to keep your distance, huh?”
I bristled at the subtle confrontation. “That’s not fair.”
“Oh no?”
“I came back, didn’t I?”
“Because Dad died,” Sophie said.
“I could have just stayed for the funeral,” I reminded her. “I chose to stay longer.”
“For what?”
“For you.”
She snorted. “Please…”
“What?”
“How many times have you come visited us in the last three months?”
“A few times,” I said evasively.
“Twice,” she said. “Including today.”
“I’ve been busy.”
“And, I understand that.” Sophie nodded. “Which is why I offer to come to you every now and again, but you’re too busy for that, too.”
I sighed. “And, I was hoping for a nice family dinner.”
“This is what family dinners are like, Chance,” she said.
“No wonder I avoid them.”
Sophie narrowed her eyes at me but didn’t say anything. A
fter a moment, she stood up and walked towards the kitchen. “Would you like something to drink?” she asked at the threshold.
“Do you have any beer?”
Sophie nodded and disappeared around the corner. A few minutes later, Tommy appeared with a chilled beer in hand. He ran up to me and offered the bottle to me like a prize.
“Mommy told me not to drop it.”
“Good kid,” I said, taking the bottle from his hands.
Tommy sat down and looked at me curiously. He didn’t even seem to be blinking. Even when I met his eyes, he didn’t turn away.
“What?” I asked.
He looked a little shy. “Did you like the temples?” He asked the question as though he had been rehearsing it for the last hour.
“The temples?” I repeated.
Tommy nodded vigorously. “The ones in Greece.”
“Oh… I… Sure.” I nodded. “Your mom told you I went to Greece?”
Tommy laughed as though I had said something funny. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “Mommy doesn’t talk about you much. What was your favorite trip?”
“Uh… I can’t really say,” I said. “I’ve been to too many places to choose. They’re all special in their own way.”
“Japan was my favorite,” Tommy said unexpectedly. “I liked the buildings; they were strange. I saw you with all the girls…the girls in the…ki…kinomos…”
I smiled. “It’s pronounced kimonos.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You seem to know a lot about my travels.”
“I do,” he nodded. “Lots and lots.”
I raised my eyebrows. “But you didn’t learn it from your mom?”
“No,” Tommy said, as he leaned in and lowered his voice. “She gets sad when we talk about your traveling.”
I frowned. “Tommy…”
“Hmm?”
“Who talks to you about me?” I asked curiously.
Tommy’s face changed immediately, and he looked unbearably sad. For a second, I actually thought about pulling him in for a hug. He shuffled his feet as though he didn’t want to answer me.
“Tommy?” I nudged gently. “You can tell me.”
“He used to tell me stories about you,” he replied softly. “Before…before he went to heaven.”
Chapter Fifteen
Natalie
“Have you thought about what you’re going to wear?” Missy asked, looking through my clothes with mild distaste.
“Um… I was thinking something similar to what I wore on my twenty-first?” I suggested.
“I agree.” She nodded. “That was what caught his attention in the first place. You don’t want to wear the same dress, though, do you?”
“Well, I was thinking about it,” I admitted. “But it seems a little too much for a dinner at home.”
“At home?” she repeated suddenly, looking at me with wide eyes. “Did you just say dinner at home?”
“Uh… Yeah. Why?”
“He’s cooking dinner for you at his place?”
“Well, I don’t know if he’s the one cooking,” I said, with a shrug. “He might just be ordering in.”
“But it’s going to be at his place?”
I frowned. “Why are you being weird?”
“Oh, it’s definitely on tonight,” Missy said, clapping her hands together with glee.
“Excuse me?”
“Sex!” Missy nearly yelled. “Sex is so on the table tonight.”
I bit my lip and sighed. “I was kind of thinking the same.”
“It’s a good thing I made you get on the pill, huh?” she said, wagging her eyebrows at me.
“I still think it’s unnecessary,” I said. “What if we don’t end up having sex?”
“Better to be safe than sorry,” Missy pointed out. “And in any case, Chance is having you over to his place for a meal. You know what’s also at his place?”
“What?”
“A bed,” she smirked. “Not that there is not a plethora of other ways to have sex.”
I felt a nervous shiver run down my spine. “Stop it,” I said. “You’re making me nervous.”
“Get over it,” she said without any sympathy. “It’s time to face your fears. Starting with what you’re going to be wearing over there tonight.”
“I was thinking a strapless dress and a jacket over it,” I said. “I was hoping to borrow your black mini.”
“But it’s so plain.”
“I’ll dress it up with a jacket,” I said.
“Hmm…ah, I’ve got it!”
“You’ve got what?”
She ignored me and proceeded to rifle through her own closet. After a minute, she pulled out a silver studded jacket with buttons and buckles all down the front.
“Whoa…”
“Right?” she said, throwing it towards me. “That should dress up the mini perfectly. Have you thought about shoes?”
“Black wedges,” I said.
“What about this pair?” Missy said, pointing to a strappy, four-inch heels.
“Urgh… I think I’ll stick to the wedges,” I said. “I would like to be able to walk straight.”
“You might not be walking straight tomorrow,” she laughed, winking at me.
I groaned and turned away from her towards the mirror. I had applied a little eyeliner and eyeshadow, contoured with foundation, and added just a touch of nude lipstick. I was actually quite proud of my handiwork, considering I had never worn much makeup before.
I stripped off my clothes and reached for the black mini, but Missy’s incredulous tone stopped me. “Hold on a second.”
“What?”
“Is that what you’re wearing?” she said, looking me up and down in shock.
I looked down at my matching white bra and panties. “What’s wrong with this?”
“It’s so…un-sexy.”
“It’s Victoria Secret.”
“Yeah, the twelve-year-old girl’s collection.”
“Hey—”
“Come on, Nat,” Missy said. “That’s fine for the everyday, but you’re going on a hot date with a hot guy. And if this date moves to the bedroom you’re going to wish you had worn something different.”
“What do you suggest?” I asked. “I don’t think I own anything too sexy.”
Missy moved to my underwear drawer and started rifling through it. After a moment, she pulled out a strapless bra, but it was plain, beige, and completely practical.
“Oh boy,” she sighed.
“I told you.”
Missy looked at the bra and then she looked towards me. “I have the perfect solution.”
“What?”
“Don’t wear underwear.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“No, I’m not,” she said. “You don’t really need it. The girls stay up all by themselves.”
“I’ll be cold.”
“You’ll be in his apartment,” Missy pointed out.
“Fine,” I said, at last. “I’ll forgo the bra, but I’m wearing underwear, and that’s final.”
Missy sighed, but she pulled out some black panties with a little lace around the waist. “Not exactly super sexy, but it should do.”
“Excellent,” I said, grabbing them from Missy’s hands.
I wrapped a towel around my waist, slipped off the white undies and slipped on the fresh black ones. I had just slipped on the dress and Missy was zipping me up when she cleared her throat.
“What now?”
She laughed. “Are you…all good down there?” she wanted to know.
“Missy,” I said, in embarrassment.
“What?” she asked. “I’m your best friend. I’m allowed to ask.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m good down there.”
“Ah…did some grooming, did you?”
“Well…”
“Ah-ha! So, you are preparing for some sex?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I just thought…it’s best to be prepared.”
“Atta girl,” she laughed. “It’s about time, too.”
“I’m still not sure,” I admitted. “I mean, this is a big deal. Sex is a big deal.”
“It’s a big deal if you choose to make it one,” she pointed out. “Just relax and enjoy yourself. Let him take the lead.”
I sat down and took a deep breath. “It’s not just the sex, though…”
“You’re just making excuses to be nervous now.”
“No, I’m not,” I said forcefully. “There’s a rule, Missy.”
“Huh?”
I laughed. “You’ve obviously forgotten, or else you just don’t care. Remember, the university has a policy against student-teacher relationships.”
“You’re right, I don’t care,” Missy said, waving away my worries. “Come on; you’re not seriously worried, are you?”
“I am, actually,” I admitted. “What if someone finds out?”
“Who would find out?”
“I don’t know…sometimes people notice things,” I said. “Do you even know what the consequences are for being caught sleeping with a teacher?”
“Um, no.”
“Neither do I,” I said. “Maybe I should find out first.”
I was just about to reach for my laptop when Missy cut me off. “Uh-uh,” she said, shaking her head at me. “No way. You’re not looking anything up now.”
“But—”
“No buts,” Missy said firmly. “You’re going on this date, no matter what the consequences.”
“But—”
“Listen to me, you’re just chickening out, and you’re blaming this stupid rule because it’s easier than admitting that you’re scared. You’re scared to get close to Chance because you might actually like him, and you’re scared to get intimate with a man because you have exactly zero experience with them.”
“Is this supposed to be making me feel better?” I asked, with narrowed eyes. “Because it doesn’t.”
“Forget the stupid rule, okay?” Missy said. “This is just paternalism working at its best. Not every university has this rule, in any case, which means it’s something the faculty dredged up out of the stone ages to assert their own authority. Don’t conform, Nat.”
I laughed. “You would have made a rousing troop leader.”
She ignored me. “And, you and I both know that Chance is way too hot to pass up. Don’t you want your first time to be with a real man, someone who knows his way around a woman’s body? Or would you rather be groped and poked by some inexperienced freshman who’ll cum in five seconds and leave you feeling annoyed and dissatisfied?”