Hannah nodded, but she didn’t want to hear this right now. “I know. I’m tired; it’s been a long couple days. I’m going to go lay down for a little while.”
“All right, but if you need me, I’m up here.”
All Hannah wanted to do was be alone, and she hurried to the back, closing her door. It was quiet back here, and she needed that. She needed to just be alone with her thoughts, alone to absorb all the feelings that had transpired. Taking off her pants and her shirt, she put on a comfortable pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt that she had taken from Garrett’s bag without him realizing it. It smelled like him, and she put it up to her nose, inhaling the scent. Slowly, she felt better, felt calmer.
You okay?
The text was just what she needed.
Sad, but I’ll be okay. Just want you to know, if you look for your Black Friday shirt you packed, I stole it.
Are you wearing it right now? I didn’t wash that thing before I put it in my bag; I meant to wash it at the suite.
She smiled, that’s what she loved about it.
I am and I love that it smells just like you. I’m not washing it, jsyk!
Just like that, her mood lifted, and she grabbed her notebook. It was time to journal about her time with Garrett. Her journal was the most important thing in her room on the bus. Journal entries usually turned into songs. She felt like she had so much to say, but when she opened the book and poised her pen to write, she didn’t know what she wanted to say at all. After a long time, she just started to write thoughts that came to her head.
There’s this guy I met, he challenges everything I’ve always believed about relationships. He wants me to be myself, but I don’t really know what that is. I’m learning it with him, though. I’m learning to be myself. I’m learning that I don’t have to change so that others like me. I’m learning that I have a voice and that my voice matters.
I’m learning what it’s like care about someone more than you care about yourself. Is this how people know that they’re in love? Is this how my parents felt when they first met? Do I love Garrett? I think I do, but I’m so scared, and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it either—it sounds so juvenile. I’m a grown woman. I should know my feelings, I should know how I feel about someone, and I shouldn’t question myself. But thanks to Ashton, I think I always might have to think twice about everything. I wish I wasn’t like this, I wish I was so much more confident. Maybe I can fake it until I make it????
She set her journal down as she heard her phone buzz. A bright smile on her face, she checked it, only to have her smile fall. Instead of Garrett answering her, it was something from someone she didn’t want to hear from.
So now that you and lover boy have parted ways—how can you be so sure he’s not having someone else warm his bed? I did…don’t forget that.
Hannah wanted to scream as she threw her phone on the bed. There was no doubt in her mind that she would ever forget that. Taking a few deep breaths, she promised herself that she would do her absolute best not to let Ashton take away her happiness, but he was doing an excellent job of making her question everything—like he always did. In the back of her head, she heard Shell telling her to let Garrett know. She would, but not this night. This night, she just wanted to remember all the good times they’d had and try to decide if her feelings really were what she thought they were. In the morning, she could wake up, and tomorrow would be a new day. Granted, it would be a new day without Garrett at her side, but it would mean she was a day closer to being back with him.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
* * *
“Did you see this?” Shell swirled her laptop around so that Hannah could see what she was talking about.
“What is it?” she asked, putting a chip in her mouth as they sat at the kitchen table on the bus.
“Looks like Ashton is still sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong.”
Ashton Coleman Breaks His Silence:
How he’s moving on from the heartache of his breakup with Harmony Stewart.
“Are you kidding me?” Hannah clicked on the article and began to read. Shell watched as her face got redder the further into it she got.
“Are you gonna be okay?” Shell was beginning to not only wonder but get worried. It took a lot for Hannah to get mad, and it looked like she was working on a good one.
Hannah held up her hand as she finished the article and slammed the lid on the laptop.
“Hey, don’t hurt my laptop because it told you what an asshole Ashton is. That’s something you should have already known.”
“Shut up right now, Shell. I’m furious. Livid.” She cut her eyes at her friend, her hands shaking as she gripped the edge of the table.
“I didn’t read the article. What did it say?”
She blew out a breath and ran her hand through her hair. “It said I was the one that cheated on him, and it’s taken him this long to move on from it, to be able to trust others again. I basically ripped his heart out and stepped on it.” She slammed her notebook on the table. “I am so mad that I could spit,” she told Shell, getting up.
“We know the truth,” Shell tried to console her.
“But he’s so full of…he’s so full of shit. I’m sick of him. He hasn’t bothered me in almost two years. Why is he doing it now?”
Shell’s eyes widened. It was very rare to see Hannah this riled up. She usually kept a tight lid on her emotions, especially anger. Something else appeared to be going on here.
“Be honest with me, what’s up?”
Hannah sat down, putting her head in her hands. “It’s just everything with him is coming to a head. He’s texted a few more times, all of them might be small things to other people, but they’re huge things to me. Him saying that he’s seen pictures of Garrett with other women, when they’re obviously pictures he’s just taken with fans. I don’t understand why I matter. Why now?”
“Because you’re happy. He was a controlling dickhead when the two of you were together. He hasn’t had to worry about you being with another man since the two of you broke up. You haven’t been with anyone else. Not seriously. Unless I’m completely reading all of this wrong, you and Garrett are pretty damn serious. He’s feeling threatened.”
“But what does he have to be threatened about, that’s what I’m confused about. I should mean nothing to him; he means nothing to me.”
Shell slowly took a breath. “Please don’t get mad at me for saying this, but I have to.”
Hannah chewed on her bottom lip, not sure if she wanted to hear the words that were about to come out of Shell’s mouth.
“You’re naïve when it comes to Ashton. For you, he was just somebody you hung around with—your first real boyfriend—who ended up being an ass. But I’m telling you, for him, you were something. You were a possession. Until you show him that you are no longer a possession, he’s going to play with your head.”
“It’s not like I want to be with him again,” Hannah argued. “I want absolutely nothing to do with him.”
“I know, but you can’t tell me he doesn’t probably have a fake Instagram account, Twitter account, and any other account that he can use to follow you. You’re very open with your life. It’s not too hard for him to keep up with what’s going on with you and Garrett.”
“I don’t want to close my life off to everyone because of him. I enjoy being accessible. I don’t want to change because he makes me feel uncomfortable.”
“Then don’t,” Shell was terse with her answer. “But don’t expect him to go away either, because he’s not going to. I say show Garrett just what exactly Ashton’s been sending you and let Garrett fuck shit up, because he will. He will tear Ashton apart. You know this, right?”
“I don’t want Garrett getting in trouble because of someone that doesn’t matter. Why can’t you understand that?”
“Listen to me, Hannah. He does matter. He matters because he’s making you question Garrett, when
Garrett doesn’t deserve it. You need to grow a pair and do something about it. If not, I don’t feel sorry for you when this all backfires.”
Hannah didn’t want to be in the same room as Shell anymore. She hated when they fought and when she couldn’t seem to articulate how she was feeling, but she also couldn’t stand it when Shell felt like she knew what was best for her. “I’m gonna go back to my room before I say something I regret, but I want you to stop telling me what to do. I’m a grown woman.”
“Fine, I’ll stop, and I’ll be here when this goes south, but stop being blind to how Ashton’s manipulating you.”
Her feet picked up the pace as she went to her room and slammed the door. It felt good as it rattled the bus, but at the same time she had to wonder. Was Shell right?
* * *
If you text me again, I’m going to seek harassment charges on you. Don’t text me, call me, or mention my name in the press again. I’m serious.
She fired off the text message to Ashton, feeling better than she had earlier in the day. It made her feel like she was taking charge of something in her life.
This isn’t Hannah. Its Shell, isn’t it?
Why would he think she couldn’t stand up for herself and tell him to leave her alone? Without a second thought, she pressed the FaceTime button. Immediately, he picked up.
“No, it’s really me. I’m asking you to leave me alone. Stop texting me.”
He smirked, his mouth twisting. “You know that you don’t want me to leave you alone. It was good between us.”
“I don’t know why you’re even saying that. The only thing you liked about me was the fact I bowed down to whatever you told me. I did everything you told me to do. You had me under your thumb, and I’m not there anymore. I’m asking you to leave me alone.”
“Or what? You’re gonna sick Reaper on me?”
She hated the way Ashton said Garrett’s stage name. He added a shiver for effect and then laughed.
“I’m not scared of him.”
“Maybe you should be,” she told him, wishing Garrett was with her right now. That he could rip the phone out of her hand and tell Ashton something that would make him shut up.
“You haven’t even told him about this have you?”
Her face reddened. “I’ve told him enough.”
He smiled. “You never were a good liar, sweetheart.”
“Don’t call me that,” she frowned.
“Maybe I should tell him myself,” Ashton threatened.
“What? You’re going to tell him that you’re harassing me? Yeah, that’s a great plan.” She rolled her eyes.
“C’mon Hannah, I’m a lot smarter than that. Give me some damn credit. If I tell him about this, he’s gonna think we have something else going on too.”
“He won’t believe you.”
“Oh really? Just like I don’t put doubts in your head?”
She was furious again, nothing new where Ashton was concerned. “I’m going to tell you one more time, leave me alone.”
“And I’m going to tell you one more time. I haven’t even started.”
The rage finally overtook her, and she hung up on him, screaming loudly as she threw her phone on the bed.
For just a moment, she allowed herself to let the tears fall. For everything she had lost, for all the anger, for all the fear, for all the sorrow that he had placed on her. More than anything right at this moment, she wanted Garrett here, to tell her that everything would be okay. To tell her that she wasn’t crazy, that sometimes things like this happened and you couldn’t change them, you could only learn from them. She was sick of giving herself the lessons that other people learned in relationships. Looking at the calendar, she tried to console herself that it would only be seven days until she would be in his arms again.
She needed that more right now than she needed her next breath, but it wasn’t meant to be. The lives they led would never make their time together a priority, and for the first time, that made her question whether she wanted to continue her career or not. The thought alone scared her, but it was a legitimate concern.
Grabbing her journal out of its hiding place, she began to write. They had no concert this night, so she figured she would just write herself to sleep. Tonight was one night she felt that she couldn’t face Garrett—for the first time ever.
* * *
Hannah was having the absolute best dream. It was warm where she was, and she could hear the beating of another heart. The chest felt like Garrett’s, and she snuggled closer to it, wanting to stay there forever, needing it after she had written in her journal until her hand hurt, pouring out everything that lay so heavily in her chest.
“Hannah, babe, wake up.” That voice sounded so real, so deep.
This was definitely a dream that she didn’t want to wake up from. She fought opening her eyes, wanting to stay in this space where it felt as if she floated.
“I’m here, open those eyes and look at me,” he whispered.
Did she dare? What if she couldn’t get this back? But then again, what if it was real? What if she was missing out on being with him? Taking a chance, she slowly opened one eye.
“Hey.” His dimples greeted her when she opened the other eye.
“You’re really here?” She put her hands out, feeling of his chest, his hair, sinking her fingers in the warmth of his body.
“I am,” he laughed, pulling her to him, holding her tightly against his body. “Surprise.”
“This is the best surprise ever. How did you do this?” she asked, kissing his cheek before tangling her legs with his.
“Your stop tomorrow is only an hour and a half away from mine if I take a flight. I needed to see you, especially after I read the article about how Ashton’s ‘getting over’ you.”
That was the perfect time for her to tell him about everything that was happening, but she was so excited to see him and to feel his arms around her that she didn’t want to ruin it. Hannah knew she should tell him, she did, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?” He cupped her cheek with his hand, his eyes looking deeply into hers.
“I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to do is talk,” she whispered, rolling him over so that he lay flat on his back. His eyes widened when she straddled his waist and rocked her body against his. A part of her realized she was doing this for the wrong reasons, but she couldn’t face the truth, and she needed to feel close to him. In her mind, there was absolutely nothing in the world that made her feel closer to him than giving her body to him—even if her heart told her she was wrong.
Chapter Thirty
* * *
“I’m so glad that you came to see me,” Hannah smiled as she looked up into Garrett’s eyes.
“I’m glad I was able to. We’re just going to have to make time whenever we can. This is just me showing you that I’m willing to do that.”
She grinned, pushing her cheek against his chest. “Makes me feel pretty special,” she admitted.
“You should.” He buried his hands in her hair and combed his fingers through the brown length. “There’s not a lot of people I would do this for, and I’m not just trying to impress you. When I’m not on tour, I can be a jackass, but there’s something about you that makes me want to live on three hours sleep and surprise you for a few hours. Even if it is only for a few hours.”
Hannah wanted so badly to tell him about Ashton and what was going on, but at the same time, she didn’t want to ruin this. What if Ashton was right and he didn’t believe her?
He tilted his head to the side. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Nothing,” she shook her head.
“If you say so, but I had another reason for surprising you. I was worried about that article that popped up about Ashton. I know that had to hurt your feelings.”
He just kept opening the door, allowing her time to tell him every
thing that was going on. “It did, especially since I know that he’s the one who cheated on me and not the other way around.”
That pensive look was on her face again, and he couldn’t place it, but he got a feeling that she wasn’t being completely honest with him. It took him back to a time and place he didn’t like to revisit. “If you have something to tell me, please do it. Don’t hide things from me or play games. The look you have on your face tells me that something else is going on. Just tell me.”
She got up from the bed and put on the shirt that she had stolen from him, hugging her arms around her middle. From her charger, she grabbed her cell phone and put in the lock code. “Here.” She handed it to him. “It’s all there.”
He sat up, a scowl on his face as he saw Ashton’s name and the fact that there were texts as well as a FaceTime session that had ended hours before. “What the hell?”
The silence in the tiny room killed her as she started to pace. He was obviously reading and taking in everything that had been said between the two of them in the past couple of weeks. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I thought I could handle this on my own, but I’m worried about what he may do next.”
“Goddamn it, Hannah,” he glared at her, his voice hard. “You’re not supposed to try and deal with this shit on your own. You’re supposed to tell me and let me handle it.”
“No, I don’t need you to fight my battles for me. I just need you to let me know that you’re here.”
“Where the fuck else would I be? Where the fuck else have I been?”
“Please don’t yell at me.” She ran her fingers over her forehead. His anger frightened her, even if it was directed more at her actions than her. “That’s not what I need right now.”
“What you need is a fucking reality check. This man is harassing you. You even said it yourself…”
“I know what I said,” she yelled back at him. “I know what I said, and I know what he’s doing, but he’s just trying to spook me.”
“Which he’s obviously done. He’s just trying to steal your happiness because he’s not a part of it.”
Only The Beginning (Rockin' Country) Page 19