by Gill, Tamara
“It has been too long, my dearest. How is England? How are your magnificent horses doing?” Hallie asked, looking over toward the stables.
“They’re all doing fabulously well.” At least the horses were doing well, as for her life, well, that was up for debate. “How was Egypt and all those magnificent Pharaohs you love so much?”
Hallie laughed, pulling off her hat and looking up at the sky. “They are perfect in every way. And one day you must come and visit me there. I know you’d love it so very much.”
The idea of seeing such a hot, ancient and cultured land filled her with jealousy that she’d not traveled as far and wide as Hallie had. The woman was so intelligent and worldly, and had arrived at the most perfect time. “I cannot believe that you’re here. How long are you staying?” Ava led her indoors, dragging her toward her parlor, and ordered tea and lunch to be served in there today instead of the dining room.
Hallie looked about the room, picking up some of the old antiquities that Ava’s father had collected, studying a vase or curio, before sitting them back down. “For a month or so, if you’ll have me. I have some business to attend to in London at the museum. The new benefactor there is refusing to accept a stone tablet we found on the Egyptian plateau to be authentic. I do believe it’s because a woman found it, namely me.” Hallie sat her hat on a nearby chair and slumped into the seat, sighing.
Ava sat also, smiling at her friend’s carefree and easy manner. How she’d missed her. “Congratulations on finding such a magnificent piece of history. I’m sure you will persuade the gentleman that it is what you say.” She couldn’t wipe the smile from her lips at having her friend here. “I cannot tell you how happy this makes me that you’ve come to stay. Not because of the trouble you’re having, but because I’ll have a month of your company. It’ll be like old times.”
“Talking of which,” Hallie said, glancing inquisitively her way. “I heard a funny little rumor in town before I started toward Berkshire. Do you want to know what it was?”
Ava leaned back onto the settee and kicked off her slippers, folded her legs up on the seat beneath her. Did she want to listen to idle, silly chatter that floated about London on a regular basis? No, not really, but her friend’s demeanor, the naughty twinkle in her gaze made her curious. “Very well, what is London all in a flutter about?” she asked, already dreading her failing at being drawn into tattletales.
“You’re the neighbor of the Duke of Whitstone, are you not?”
The mention of Tate had her sitting forward and a pang of fear shot through her not knowing where the conversation was headed. “I’ve know the duke for some years, yes.” Ava had not told a soul of his slighting of her when she’d started school in France. Hallie had been one of her school friends, and seemed content not to pry into her past. All of them, the five friends she’d made, had their own secrets to keep hidden, she supposed. To be jilted was not something any young woman of any social stature wanted to be reminded of, so Ava had tried to push it away and carry on with her life the best she could.
Now that she knew that Tate had never rejected her, well, it changed things somehow, and she was desperate to talk to someone other than the man himself about it. Her life here at Knight Stables had become her whole world. Being away at school had taught her to trust and rely on herself and no-one else and, over the years, she’d become independent. She had the ability to carry on with her life content and happy without the bounds of matrimonial bliss. Not that Tate was the only other reason she had shied away from marriage, her disastrous run-in with Lord Oakes had cemented within her the decision that being a woman of independent means was preferable to being at the whim of any husband.
“Rumor has it he’s returned to town and has quit his mistress’s home. The whole town is in uproar, or at least Willow is saying so. Some were shocked that he had one at all, since it was so very discreet, but alas, it’s been revealed and this is what is being said.”
Willow Perry was another school friend Ava had met in France and resided in London most of the year with her titled aunt. “What did Willow say?” Ava asked, having not known the duke had a permanent lover. Of course, the mistake was hers. He’d been famous for his dalliances, his socializing and gambling ways since his return from America. It was only natural he would have such a permanent fixture to sate his needs. She steeled herself to listen, her stomach churning at the thought of him with another woman.
“Only that she is free to do as she pleases, even though some say there was never an agreement of exclusivity in the first place. That it was simply a mutually satisfying union and nothing else.”
Ava swallowed the bile that rose in her throat. “Oh, well,” was all she could manage.
Hallie continued. “When he returned from America two years ago, people stated that the moment he’d seen her at her husband’s funeral no less, the mutual attraction was undeniable.”
“She was married?”
“Oh yes,” Hallie went on. “She’s a titled lady. Lady Clapham, a Viscountess from all accounts.”
Ava was lost for words. Tate’s lover was a lady of his own class. Her mind whirred at the thought of it. Why had he not offered for her hand? Why end it now after so long…
“The ton is full of questions as to what has occurred between them and without most of them ever knowing. When I heard that he was your neighbor, well, I simply had to ask.” Hallie smiled, thankfully completely unaware her news threatened to tear Ava’s heart out of her chest.
“I had not heard. Just because we’re neighbors does not mean that I have anything to do with his personal life. He may do whatever he pleases, as I shall.”
Ava looked away, staring at nothing in particular. Her stomach churned at the idea of Tate sleeping with another woman. Up until this, point she'd purposefully not imagined such a horror of him marrying or loving someone else. The duke was his own man. Responsible for his own actions and could do whatever he liked.
“Of course, my dear.” Hallie studied her a moment. “Did you know the duke when he was a young man? Gossip says he is one of the most handsome men in England. Is it true? It’s has been so long since I've been in this country, I no longer know a soul, other than you and our friends from school, of course. You'll have to enlighten me on all of this, Ava.”
“Well, I hate to disappoint you, Hallie, but your little tidbit of gossip is the first thing I've heard in months from town. I've been so busy with the horses and getting the estate up and running, keeping the racehorses fit and healthy that I don't have time to socialize.” And it was how it ought to be. Ava couldn’t think of a more delightful way to spend her time than outdoors, riding horses or grooming them. Being a successful woman in a man’s business. “I find myself very content with this sort of life.”
“Really?” Hallie asked, scrutinizing her for a moment. “Are you really content? None of us are getting any younger and most of the girls we went to finishing school with are married with children. I had thought you wished for such a future.” Her friend settled back in her chair, crossing her legs. “I must admit, as much as I love being an historian, traveling to foreign lands, I do wonder what my life might have been like had I returned to England after completing our studies and married. My parents, God rest their souls, would've loved nothing more, and I feel I let them down a little bit by following my own path.”
Ava, too, had let her father down. Before his death she had known he’d longed for grandchildren to see them grow up and eventually inherit his racing dynasty. For a time she’d thought to give him his wish, a path that had almost brought on her ruin. After that, Ava had been determined to ignore Society norms and expectations, had let it be known that Miss. Ava Knight of Knight Stables was in no way looking for a husband.
Even so, with all her independence, and guarding of that status, one man still had the ability to haunt her dreams when she slept at night. Tate.
Ava stood and strode over to the mantle and rang to find out what had happened to
delay luncheon. She moved over to the window pulling back the blue and cream velvet curtain to look out onto the lawns. “You will get an opportunity to meet the Duke of Whitstone. He is staying here at present. His stables, you see, where destroyed in a fire and all his horses are being stabled here until his own are rebuilt. I'm sure once he returns from London you, will meet. Maybe by then there will be a new rumor about his grace, and his proclaiming of a new lover.”
Hallie chuckled. “You do not fool me, Miss. Ava Knight. When I mentioned the duke and that he was removing Lady Clapham from his life, I did not fail to see that your face fell at the realization he had a lover. You say you knew the duke for many years, but I wonder how well did you know him? Because to me, I cannot help but think that you knew him very well indeed.”
Ava refused to glance in her friend’s direction. Hallie had always been so good at reading people. It was a trait they’d used often at school, have Hallie determine the mood of their teachers so they’d know if they could be a little naughty or needed to be nice. Now, in her parlor, her friend’s insight was not welcome.
“Knowing that he had a lover has hurt you and I’m sorry, Ava.”
She sighed, not wanting to lie to her friend anymore. For years she’d kept the pain hidden, but there was no more reason to do so. Hallie was her friend and she should’ve confided in her years ago. “To hear such news is shocking, I’ll admit, but nothing that isn’t happening all the time within the ton,” she admitted quietly. A little part of her still dreamed of them, longed to go back and fight for what she’d wanted five years ago. But as much as it hurt to have lost him, through no fault of their own, Ava had come to realize that it was for the best.
She was not made to be a duchess. To attend balls and parties, to be a hostess of the highest caliber of the ton. Such a life simply wasn't for her. So, in a way, their parents had done them a favor by lying and separating them. For there was no doubt in Ava’s mind that she would've failed at being a duke’s wife and eventually Tate would've become frustrated and disappointed in her lack of social graces. She could never have borne his disappointment. And no duchess should be anything but proper, undamaged, perfect in every way, and she was none of those things.
“I've never met a duke before,” Hallie said, changing the subject. “Will I like him, do you think?” she asked, smiling a little.
“I think you will,” Ava answered, nibbling her lip as she thought about Tate. “He is nice enough and is pleasant to all his staff.” A knock on the door sounded and bidding them enter, a servant carrying a silver tray of tea, cold meats and bread into the room. He placed it on the wooden table before the settee before bowing and leaving them alone.
Ava busied herself pouring the tea, placing one spoon of sugar into Hallie’s cup, as she remembered she liked it, with a dash of milk, and she held it out to her friend. Hallie took the tea and met Ava’s gaze over the cup’s rim. “Why do I get the impression that you're not telling me something? Does the duke’s parting from Lady Clapham have anything to do with you, Ava?”
Ava shut her mouth with a snap. She sat, hoping that the heat proceeding up her neck wasn’t noticeable to her friend. “How should I know what the duke’s thoughts are on his mistress?” Ava said, sipping her tea.
“I think you know a great deal more than you’re saying,” Hallie grinned mischievously.
She sighed, running one finger along the side of the porcelain saucer her tea cup sat on. “The duke is here merely because of the circumstances that have happened at his estate. An unfortunate circumstance that was very dangerous. He's hired a Bow Street Runner, you know. When they looked into the fire at his Cleremore Hall they found that it was possibly started on purpose. That someone actually wanted to hurt innocent horses, of all things.”
Hallie frowned at Ava’s words, all mirth gone. “Although I do not enjoy riding the animals myself, to think that someone would try and injure so many horses must be terribly upsetting. Please tell me that all of his cattle survived.”
“Yes, thankfully,” Ava said. “We were able to get them all out in time, but his two stables were unsalvageable.” She thought back on the night, when they had collapsed onto the ground after exiting the stable that burned behind them. She could still smell her singed hair, the pain that occurred with each breath. Seeing Tate lying beside her, gasping for breath was a sight she never wished to see again. The crippling fear that he could’ve died had been telling, and she’d known in that moment that she still cared for him. When Tate had reached up and wiped the dusting of soot from her cheek, even now her heart fluttered in her chest.
“And so now, he's here to stay,” Hallie grinned once more and Ava fought not to roll her eyes. “And you are friends. I am not ashamed to say as your friend also, that I would love to see you make such a grand match. Do you think you'll ever marry?” Hallie asked.”
“Not now,” Ava said quickly. “I think that time has passed for such an event, and I am well on the shelf. I’m four and twenty do not forget.”
Halle narrowed her fierce, green eyes. “What about taking a lover? You would not be the first woman to do so, or the last.”
Ava shuddered at the thought. The idea bringing back memories she’d rather forget. “No, I would not like that.”
Hallie sighed, sitting back on her chair and resting her head against its back. “I had one, you know, in Egypt. He was a Major General or Liwa’ as they term them. He was deadly handsome just as his sword skills were, but it wasn’t enough to save him. They went on patrol just outside of Cairo, a small skirmish in an outlying village, and he was killed by locals.”
Hallie was quiet a moment and Ava didn’t know what to do, having no idea her friend had been in love. “His skin was so dark and beautiful, like copper under an Egyptian sky. His dark hair and features even now make my heart beat fast. He had the longest eyes lashes I’ve ever seen or ever will see on a man, I’m sure.”
Hallie met her gaze, her eyes overly bright. “It was one of the reasons why I have returned home to England. Everywhere I looked in Cairo I saw him, had memories of our times together.” Hallie shook her head, sighing. “It was too hard to stay.”
Ava stood and went to sit beside her friend, pulling her into a tight embrace. Having had no idea her friend had been through so much. So many secrets between them all. “Dearest Hallie, I'm so sorry for your loss. If you gave your heart to him he must've been a good, honorable man. I'm glad that you came home and you are more than welcome to stay here as long as you need to heal your heart.”
“Thank you, Ava. I knew you would understand. You know that I no longer have any family, that I'm an orphan in fact, and so I need my friendships at this time.”
“I wish I could’ve met him,” Ava said, wiping a tear from her friend’s cheek.
Hallie sniffed and Ava reached into her pocket and took out her handkerchief, handing it to her friend. “I do not know how it happened exactly, only that some of his men returned bloody and almost dead themselves. Omar never returned and some days later, more soldiers went out to find him and found him where he’d fallen. They buried him and that was all the closure I received.”
“Oh, Hallie.” Ava rubbed her back, trying to give comfort where there was no comfort to be given for such a thing. To lose one's love was not a severing that one could get over easily. Ava knew this as well as anyone, for it had taken her years to get over Tate and his abandoning of her, if she ever did. “Tell me what I can do, Hallie, to make it better for you.” How could she not see under her friend’s laughter and good humor that she’d been suffering from a personal loss? She cursed her own feeble troubles that paled in comparison and her blindness to them.
“Just being here with you is good enough for me and I will get over my pain eventually, I'm sure. But I shall never forget him, he was the loveliest man, even if our backgrounds and religions were so very different.”
Ava hugged her again. “If you gave your heart to him, I have absolutely no doubt that he
was a wonderful person. As you are and only such people have amazing things happen to them.”
Hallie smiled through her tears and Ava promised she would be here for her friend for as long as she needed her.
“Now that you know my sad little story,” Hallie said, reaching to pour more tea, “will you tell me the truth of yours.”
Ava gave a self-deprecating laugh. How intelligent Hallie was to see through her words and demand the truth that lay behind them. She shook her head in awe of her wiles. “Very well, since we are both telling each other the truth of our lives, our sad pasts, I will tell you the truth of mine.
She settled back on the settee, folding her hands in her lap. “Five years ago, the duke, who was a marquess then, and myself thought ourselves in love. Looking back at the time now, I have no doubt that I did love him, wildly in fact. We were willing to run away and marry. It has only come to light recently that our parents put a stop to that plan that neither one of us knew about. We were dispatched oceans apart. I, for France, and the school that I came to know you at. The duke to America to his mother’s family. We believed each other indifferent. We believed that the other had broken trust. This is not the case and now that we know the truth, well…”
Ava stood and started to pace, the percale cotton of her gown swooshing with each determined step. She stopped at the mantel, holding onto the polished marble and hating the fact that they had been deceived so. Lied to by the people they loved and trusted above all else.
“Now, I don't know where we're at. I don't know what I feel anymore. I love my life. I love the horses and the races. I can ride astride and I can gallop across the fields whenever I wish. I don't have to go to town and I don't have to take part in the Season. I’m not at the beck and call or an ornament to a husband’s whim. I like this way of life, to be my own master.”
Understanding dawned at how difficult her life had become with Tate’s return. How messy it was all of a sudden. When did that happen? A month ago she hadn’t had any of these concerns, now it was all she thought about. Could she give up her life here and become a duchess? Would that be something Tate would expect of her? Ava bit her lip, not sure now that she’d tasted freedom that she could ever become someone else’s property again. That Tate did not know her as well as he once had, when he found out the truth, even if she wished to be his wife, he might find her lacking.