by Gill, Tamara
“He is not to be trusted, that is all I know of him.”
“You’re lying, I can tell, Ava,” he said, using her given name that startled her a little. “And please, allow me to call you by your given name and you in turn mine. I think we’ve known each other long enough to be on such terms when in private.”
She met his gaze, liking that idea. “Very well, we shall go by our given names.” Her answer was in part a way to stall answering the question he asked. How could she explain that town gossip had been like a knife to her heart and had made her foolish and blind? That she’d made a mistake that she could never take back again.
“I know Lord Oakes somewhat. Rumor has it he’s in financial strife, but to start fires in the same county he resides in makes no sense. I do find it hard to believe that he would have anything to do with this matter. He never showed such cruelty towards animals that I ever saw.” But she’d certainly seen his temper toward people, her in particular when he did not get his way.
The duke sat beside her again, and she shuffled back a little, his size and presence overwhelming her, muddling her mind, and she needed to keep her wits about her. Needed to remind herself that she didn’t want a husband, that he didn’t fit into her perfectly planned future as an old maid.
Ava picked up a piece of toast and took a bite, busying herself as much as she could in the hopes that he’d forget this line of inquiry and go home.
“If you know anything about Lord Oakes, you need to tell me. I have not seen him since he was a boy in short coats and from what I can remember he was never any bother. But if you know anything that may explain why he’s been possibly seen at Cleremore and now Lord Morton’s estate, you must tell me.”
Thinking back to the night of the duke’s fire, the gentleman who’d yelled out notifying them of the second fire certainly sounded similar to Lord Oakes... Ava shook the idea aside. She was imagining things now. There was so much going on that night, so many people about, it could’ve been anyone, even one of the duke’s own employees.
“I do not know anything,” she said, pushing away her breakfast. Tate picked up the tray and placed it on the small table beside her bed.
“Ava,” he said, tilting up her chin so she would look at him. “You can tell me anything. Please, it’s important.”
His beseeching pulled at a part of her only he had ever been able to reach and she sighed, ready to fall on her disgraceful sword one way or another. “This is only what I know of Lord Oakes’ character. I have no knowledge or reason to suspect him of starting the fires about the county.”
“Of course,” he said, waiting patiently for her to begin.
Ava bit her lip, trying to find the right words to tell Tate of her shame. “Upon my return to England I returned to Berkshire to take over the estate here. I had heard you were living in London and what a life you were having.”
Tate shifted on the bed and she smiled when a light blush stole over his cheeks. Of whom he was enjoying and how many they totaled. Ava wanted to tell him how the news had ripped out her heart for a second time, but she could not. He could never know how much she’d missed him when she was not deluding herself. “I made a dreadful mistake, and one that I shall never be able to repair.”
* * *
Tate waited patiently for Ava to tell him what she knew of Lord Oakes and the shame he recognized in her eyes gave him pause. He could not help but wonder what it was that she knew about the man that made her so uneasy. He’d not known she was well acquainted with his lordship at all, but her uneasiness when talking about him and her avoiding telling him what happened chilled his blood.
He shut his eyes a moment, hating the thought that she’d been courted by the gentleman. That she’d possibly cared for another person, enough so to form an attachment, even if that attachment was merely friendship. He didn’t want her to be with anyone else. All his time abroad the very last thing he had thought of before he slept at night was her.
“Tell me, Ava.” Please hovered on his lips but he bit the word back. She would tell him when she was ready.
“We met through the stables. At the time Lord Oakes had a thoroughbred, Majesty, that he wanted us to train up for racing. Prior to the gelding breaking down and being retired soon after, we formed a friendship. Well, at least I thought it was a friendship.”
A hard knot formed in his gut, but he schooled his features, not wanting to scare her. “And he believed it to be more than benign friendship?”
She met his gaze quickly before looking away. “He did, he thought that there could be more. He asked me to be his mistress. Said he was courting an heiress who would soon solve his financial troubles, but that she was a woman who preferred Town. A mistress in the country, not far from his estate would be favorable.”
“Not his wife?” Tate clamped his mouth shut, lest his voice betray his disgust and loathing for Lord Oakes. The bastard wanted to use Ava as his whore. Rage consumed him and he clamped down on his temper, knowing it would not help in having Ava tell him the whole truth.
“No, not his wife.” Ava fiddled with her blanket for a moment, lost in thought. “I thought myself for a time capable of such a thing. He is certainly handsome and seemed genuinely sweet, and as I had no intention of marrying, the idea of taking a lover wasn’t wholly abhorrent to me. And so I agreed.”
Tate stood, running a hand through his hair, a multitude of visions running through his mind. His head thumped and he thought he may be sick. “You gave yourself to him?” The words came out strained and he wasn’t sure what he should do.
Ava remained silent a moment, her face pale. “No, it never went so far, but he did get very close. If it were not for my maid walking in after hearing an odd noise, he would have.”
Shock and revulsion shot through him like a bullet and he went to her, sitting on the bed and taking her in his arms. “Ava, no.” He held her tight, wishing he’d been here to protect her. She was stiff in his arms a moment and he sighed in relief when she relaxed and wrapped her arms about his waist, melding against him. “I’m so sorry, my darling.”
He felt her shudder in his arms and to his shock he realized she was crying. “I’m so ashamed, Tate. I led him to believe that I wanted such a relationship, but when one afternoon he pressed for more I realized my mistake. I tried to explain, to apologize to him that I was mistaken, but he became so mad, so violent. The words he yelled at me were unlike any I’ve ever known and when I went to leave the room, he wouldn’t allow it.”
Tate rocked her slightly in his arms. All this time he had been in London, sleeping his way through the willing ladies of the ton and the woman who’d always had his heart his beautiful, caring Ava had been assaulted. And he’d not been there to save her.
“I’m so sorry. I wish you had sent for me. I would’ve been here for you.” And he would’ve killed Lord Oakes for his actions. And even if the blaggard was not proven to be the arsonist, he would still have his revenge on him regarding Ava. That, he could promise the bastard. He would call him out if he had to.
“No-one knows,” she said, pulling back a little, her eyes swollen and red. “No-one can ever know. I’ve had to keep this to myself, a dirty, nightmare-inducing secret that could ruin all that my father and I have built. If any of the peerage found out that I even contemplated being his mistress…it could ruin me.”
His heart ached for her that he could not fix this pain that he had no doubt she had lived with every day of her life. He held her close, not ever wishing to let go. “I made my maid swear not to tell a soul and to this day she has not.”
He wiped the tears that slipped down her cheek. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Ava. His actions toward you were his own and say everything about what kind of man he is and what type of moral code he abides by. You had nothing to do with his choices. People are allowed to change their minds there is no law against that.”
She smiled through her tears, reaching up to lay her hand over his that still touched her cheek. “T
hank you for saying that. I do try and think that way, to push down the horror of that afternoon, but sometimes it is hard.”
“Never give in to such thoughts for they only give Lord Oakes power over your mind. And if there is one thing I know about you that I admire and adore equally, it is your mind and the fierceness that simmers in your soul. You’re a good person, Ava. What happened to you was not.”
Even as children she’d been the kindest person he’d known, and it was possibly why from the moment he’d met her down by the river where they had swum together from that day forward, he’d gravitated toward her.
His parents’ marriage was amicable enough, but his mother was a hard, often cold and unforgiving duchess. His father was simply never there and so the family life, the connection between parent and child that Ava had with her papa had been new and amazing to him. He’d wanted that himself, and as soon as they were friends, Ava’s father had enfolded him into their pack of two and made them a pack of three.
“This happened after your father had passed?” Tate couldn't believe what he was hearing. He stood and walked over to Ava’s desk near the window in her room, and poured himself a glass of water. His stomach churned and threatened to cast up his accounts. He ought to call him out. Put a bullet between his eyes and let him rot in the woods. To know Ava had been carrying around this burden on her own brought such guilt to course through his body that it near crippled him. After loving her as wildly as he did, he should’ve returned to Berkshire and ensured she was cared for after her father’s passing. He should’ve ensured her safety, no matter her choice regarding her future whether it be with him, someone else or no-one at all.
“I had no-one to call him out, you see. As you know I have no siblings, and with father gone I simply had to live with the torturous memory of how close I came to being ruined. To hear that he could possibly be the man who is starting the fires about the county, well,” she shook her head, her eyes downcast. “I never wanted to see him again, you see, but I fear, with this new development, that may change.”
It was more than despicable and Tate couldn’t help but wonder why Lord Oakes would act out in such a violent way. Was he ill of mind, or simply angry at his neighbors and their successes that he had not gained himself in the racing world? Or was it Ava and her refusal of his lordship’s proposition.
“The selfish part of me does not want to face him again. Do you think I’m a coward for saying that?” she asked, meeting his gaze. Fear lurked in her dark, brown orbs and his heart went out to her. He could understand Ava not wanting to see Lord Oakes. It did not mean that he could not face his lordship. Call him out, put a bullet through his head, and solve all their problems. “I’m going to kill him,” he mumbled to himself.
Ava gasped and Tate cringed, knowing she’d heard what he’d said. She pushed the bedding back and came over to where he stood near the windows.
Ava clasped his arm and pulled him to face her. “You will do no such thing, Tate. It’s illegal to duel to start with. If he is the man that has been causing all these fires, then we will deal with him through the law and we need to do it without him knowing. There is no proof of what he did to me and although he tried, he did not succeed with his assault. If he finds out we suspect him of the crimes at your estate and Lord Morton’s, he will ruin me in Society and he’ll take pleasure in doing so.”
“I cannot let him get away with what he did to you.”
Her grip eased and she slid her hand down his arm to clasp his hand. “And we won’t. I know financially he has very little left. He's had to sell off land around his estate to the point that all that remains is his home and an acre or two that surrounds it. Seeing him go down for this crime as a fire starter and murderer is good enough for me. He can do no harm to any property, stable hands or woman again if he’s in Newgate.”
“It’s not good enough for me though, Ava.” He stepped toward her and clasped her cheeks in his hands. “He tried to take what was not freely given. I cannot allow him to get away with such a heinous crime.”
Her eyes filled with tears and his loathing of Lord Oakes doubled.
“I know you want to defend my honor, and I’m thankful for that. I truly am. We've known each other for so long, Tate. But it's not your job to save me. I will not let you put yourself in harm’s way for something I prefer to forget. Please, leave it in the past, where it belongs.”
The physical scars may have healed for Ava, but the mental scars still remained after what the viscount had done to her, and so no, he would get his revenge on this bastard, whether or not he was the culprit behind the arson attacks.
He sighed, letting the conversation drop. She was still injured and didn’t need to be thinking of her attacker or Tate’s actions against him at this time. “Come,” he said taking her hand and pulling her back towards the bed. “You need your rest. And I promise I shall not do anything until we have a chance to talk about all this further, when you’re better.”
Tate helped her back under the covers, puffing up the pillows behind her head and pouring her another cup of tea before handing it to her. “I will leave you now and let you get your rest. I will return this evening, maybe we could dine together in here.”
She glanced at him mischievously. “Do you think that's wise, Your Grace? Your reputation as a libertine is well and truly fixed in London. You really shouldn't be dining in my bedroom.”
He shook his head at her ability to be sweet and funny, especially now that he knew she’d been hurt. In all truth he should not be in her room now, no matter later to dine with her, but first and foremost they were friends and if she were too sore to come downstairs to eat, well then, he would come upstairs instead. “I will be back to dine and be damned what Society says about that.”
He left her then, heading downstairs and out the door, needing to get on horseback as fast as possible. Within a few minutes he was galloping back toward his estate, but he wouldn’t return too soon. Tate needed to clear his head, calm his blood, and plan on the downfall of Lord Oakes. He pushed his horse on, jumping a hedgerow before slowing to cross a small stream. Ava would have justice and he would make sure she did.
If he enjoyed meting out such justice, then all the better for it.
Chapter 11
I’m free from what I once felt for you. I wish you all the very best in whatever direction your life takes you and hope that no matter what, that you are happy…
– An Excerpt from a letter from Miss. Ava Knight to the Duke of Whitstone
A week later Ava, with her wrist still bandaged, met Hallie in the hall who was taking the mail from a servant.
“Anything in there for me?” she asked, ordering tea and going into the library where there was sure to be a pile of letters and work that she’d neglected the past week after spraining her wrist. Considering how sore it was only two days ago, she was surprised today it was feeling reasonably well. Of course she didn’t have full movement back yet, but it was definitely a marked improvement.
The daily visits from Tate had also aided her healing, both of her injury and her heart, making her self-inflicted tenet to never marry, to never seek a partner in life even more difficult to abide. So many times she’d caught herself contemplating them. Caught herself watching as he read to her poetry and gothic novels that they both enjoyed, wondering if marriage to him, being a duchess, would still allow her the freedom she had now. Or would she have to compromise somewhat on her independence? Would Tate in turn allow her to do the same for what was expected of her as a duke’s wife?
“There is a letter from Willow,” Hallie said, breaking the seal and scanning the note quickly. “She wants us to come to London for a week or two. To attend some balls that she’s been invited to by her great-aunt through marriage, the Viscountess Vance.” Hallie sat on a nearby settee and continued to scan the note. “She says something here about the little season coming to an end and wants us there with her before they leave for the viscountess’ country estate.”
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br /> Ava went to her chair behind her desk and sat, rummaging through her letters that were neatly piled before her. “I forgot Willow had a titled aunt. Does it say if her ladyship is happy for us to attend with them?”
Hallie scanned the note further. “Yes, it states here that she looks forward to meeting Willow’s friends from school, and that we’re welcome to stay at her townhouse in Berkley Square.” Hallie glanced up, her eyes bright with excitement.
It was a lovely invitation and one that even Ava would never turn down. Not that she particularly wished to attend London events over a week or two, but Willow was one of their best friends in the whole world, and if she’d asked for them to come and keep her company, well then, Ava would do so of course.
“I will inform my maid to pack our things and ready us for departure next week.”
“What about your wrist?” Hallie asked, folding the letter away.
Ava shrugged. “It’ll be healed more so by next week, and gloves will hide the bruising that remains. If anyone does see the injury I will simply tell them the truth that I fell off my horse. No-one will question me further on it.”
Hallie leaned back in her chair, studying her a moment. Ava picked up the letters and busied herself sorting and opening them. When Hallie went quiet, like she was right now, it only meant that her mind, sharp and all-too-knowing, was churning to ask something.
“What about the duke?”
Ava shrugged, reading a letter from her feed supplier in Ascot. “What about the duke? I’m sure he’s more than capable of keeping himself busy while we’re away.” Ava smiled at her friend, determined to evade her questioning.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Hallie raised her brow, nonplussed.