by Lori Dillon
By the time she'd opened her eyes this morning, Baelin was already up, dressed and ready to go. What followed had been a one-sided conversation on her part with monosyllabic responses on his, usually tossed over that broad shoulder she'd been staring at for the past few hours. After a while, she stopped trying.
Was he still regretting what had happened between them last night? Or was it something more basic and humiliating, like she didn't turn him on in the harsh light of the morning?
Granted, even on a good day she didn't look so hot when she woke up with a case of major bed head erupting out of her scalp. Without the benefit of a mirror, she could hazard a guess that this morning, she probably looked like something the cat dragged in, gobbled down in three bites and threw back up on the carpet. Still, was a little acknowledgment of the passion they'd shared too much to ask? Apparently it was. Morning-after-awkward couldn't even begin to describe the mood between them.
She was so distracted was she by her thoughts that she nearly fell off the rock when Baelin landed gracefully by her side. Without at word, he dropped a sack of clothing on the ground. Before she could voice so much as a 'thank you' he was on a second run—or rather flight—back up to the cave.
If she didn't know better, she would think he was trying to avoid her—or at least avoiding her as much as he possibly could when they were stuck traveling together twenty-four-seven to break this darn curse of his.
While he was gone, she ducked behind a large boulder to change, all the while mumbling to herself and struggling to fight off the residual memories of last night.
She failed miserably and blamed it on the fact they hadn't finished what they'd started. She didn't understand how he could deny himself—both of them, for that matter—after what they'd shared. How could he ignore the chemistry that had been building between them for weeks now? How could he not want more after that brief blissful taste they'd had of each other last night?
She shivered as a thrilling tingle ricocheted through her body to all the places that had been 'tasted' by that wicked, wicked tongue of his.
Jill almost jumped out of her skin when the mouth containing that magical tongue called her name.
She emerged from behind her rock to find Baelin waiting for her with several more stuffed satchels piled at his feet.
"What did you do, pack up the whole cave?"
"Nay, merely half of it. I wished to leave a few bits of treasure to come back to."
She couldn't help but chuckle at his half-hearted attempt at humor. If he wanted to play ignore-what-happened-between-us-and-it-will-go-away, she could too.
"If we manage to break this curse, I'd think you'd never want to see that hole in a rock again."
His gaze traveled up the cliff face to the dark shadow of the cave. "Where else would I go?"
The melancholy tone of his voice gave her pause. "Anywhere you want to, I guess."
He turned those penetrating eyes on her. "Then perhaps I shall go to your time, with you."
Her stomach sank at the wistful hope in his words. Well, if she'd wanted more attention from him after last night, she sure was getting it now. But the intensity of it made her uncomfortable. And unfortunately, there wasn't a snowball's chance of it happening. Somehow she didn't think when—if—she returned to her time, she'd be able to take him with her.
"Let's not talk about things that might be out of our control."
She'd said it as gently as she could, but the truth of her words caused him pain all the same. She wasn't rejecting him. Their circumstances were. But it came out sounding like a rejection all the same.
Jill cleared her throat, trying to dislodge the knot wedged there, and attempted to focus her attention on the here and now. "Here, let me take a look at your wing."
Baelin stepped back as she reached for him. "Why?"
"It looks like it's bleeding again. You probably shouldn't have tried flying so soon. You haven't given it a chance to heal."
"There was no choice. There was no other way to get to the cave."
"I know. And I appreciate the trouble. Now let me return the favor and check your wing. At the very least, it could use a fresh bandage now that we have more supplies."
"'Tis fine."
"Oh, come on. I won't hurt you. I just want to check it."
"I said 'tis fine." He ripped off the bandage and flapped his wing. "See. Shall I take to the air again and soar about you? Perhaps do a flip or two?"
He stepped back, out of reach, putting yet more distance between them, just as he'd been doing all morning. He wasn't going to let her near him again, no matter how innocent the motive, and it hurt. A lot.
"What is your problem? Are you worried if I come near you, you'll lose that precious control of yours and ravish me on the spot? Or is it me you're worried about? If it makes you feel better, I promise to control my base urges and not jump you in the next five minutes."
He didn't answer, but she could tell by the way he averted his gaze she'd hit close to home.
"Look, I know you regret taking my virginity—which still amazes me to no end that I had it to lose again in the first place—but isn't the fact the tapestry repaired itself afterwards a sign it didn't matter?"
"There is no way to be certain of that."
"No, there isn't. But there has to be some reason behind why I became a born-again virgin, although damned if I know what it is."
"Damned is right."
Jill ground her teeth. And they said women were the ones who wouldn't let things go.
"Stop saying that. We are not damned. All is not lost. It's not the end of the world." She took a deep, calming breath and called on the last bit of rational reserve she had left. "What happened last night, happened for a reason. It had to mean something."
He turned his penetrating gaze to her. "It did. More than you can know."
Jill knew he was talking about more than the tapestry mending itself. "It meant something to me, too, Baelin. So why do you keep pushing me away? What are you so worried about?"
"That we should not tempt fate twice."
"Quite frankly, I don't see what it could hurt," she grumbled. "After all, the damage is done. I don't think I can lose my virginity a third time."
"'Tis a risk I am not willing to take."
As far as rejections went, that one was a real doozy.
"Fine, if that's what you want to believe. But if you really think fate has had a hand in everything that has happened to us so far, then I'm pretty sure us making love was meant to happen all along." She gathered up one of the supply satchels and slung it over her shoulder. "I'm sorry you don't feel the same way."
She made to walk past him, but he stopped her with a gentle hand on her arm. "Nay, you misunderstand me. It is not that I do not want you. 'Tis that I do not dare."
She looked to where his hand rested on her arm, then up into his eyes. "Why?"
He released her and she watched him struggle to find the words. "I do not dare because, what if, in doing so, we undo whatever magic was wrought last night?"
"You still believe what happened between us was because of magic?"
Baelin gazed at her, his eyes full of wonder and vulnerability. "What else could it be when a beautiful maiden gives herself to a dragon?"
His admission surprised her, more so because she knew he believed it.
"Magic had nothing to do with me wanting to be with you last night. At least not the kind of magic you're talking about."
He closed his eyes, as if looking at her was too painful.
"My lady. Jill. I am sorry. I have hurt you and that was never my intent." He tunneled his fingers through his hair. "It is not you I am angry with. I am angry with myself."
"What for?"
"What we did…what I did…I was so stupid. So weak."
He paced away and spoke with his back to her. "Whether you knew or not, you were a maid in truth. And by dishonoring you, it could have ruined everything. My one chance to break the curse nearly lost
, because I could not control myself." He shook his head. "What kind of knight am I?" He turned to face her and answered his own question. "One felled all too easily by Cupid's arrow, it would seem."
Jill felt the air rush from her lungs. It was the closest thing to a declaration of love any man had ever said to her.
He looked up at the cave and she could see the strain and exhaustion etching deep shadows in his face.
"For over two centuries I have lived as a dragon. Year after year, with the help of some poor, unfortunate maiden, I have attempted to break this damn curse. Year after year, I have lived with the disappointment of failure when we did not succeed, to return once again to live as the beast in a cave." His gaze shifted back to her, and the forlorn hope she saw in them broke her heart. "But now that I have known you—truly known you—I can never go back to that type of existence again."
"Oh, Baelin." She took one step closer, then stopped. She understood him a little more now, and shared his worry and trepidation. "If there is any kind of justice in this world, then you won't have to."
"I am sorry if I hurt you. For so long, I have not known another's touch. And yet here you are, wanting to take care of me, to touch me, and it does not seem to bother you at all."
"No, it doesn't, Baelin. It never has." She cupped his cheek, relieved he allowed her to. "Is that really so hard to believe?"
He looked at her with such raw need, she ached to throw her arms around him and show him how much she wanted him. But she didn't. She didn't want to risk scaring him off again.
"Aye, it is. Or it was, until last night." Then it was his turn to surprise her. He clasped the hand cupping his cheek and placed a gentle kiss on her palm. "Perhaps you are right. Mayhap it was meant to happen."
He took a deep breath and stepped away, but he didn't release her hand. The warmth was back in his eyes, and with it the promise that a fragment of what they had shared last night was still there.
"Come. We have a great distance to go before nightfall."
They started walking, her hand in his. It was a few moments before she dared to speak, afraid of breaking the fragile bond between them.
"So, now that we're re-supplied and you're so set on not going out of bounds, where to next, oh mighty dragon?"
Baelin's gaze looked out across the valley before them. "Home."
She glanced back at the dark hole punched high in the rocky mountainside. She thought the cave was his home.
But if they weren't already there, then where was it?
CHAPTER 32
The drawbridge was gone, not that it was needed.
The deep ditch circling the earthen rampart had run dry long ago, choked now with weeds and tall marsh grass. The climb up the man-made hill proved treacherous and steep, as it was meant to be. When they reached the crest, the massive entrance of the palisade gaped open like some toothless wooden monster perched atop the high, grassy mound.
As Jill and Baelin entered what had once been the bailey, it became clear the barrier was no longer necessary to keep anything out. Only the skeletal remains of the once grand structure within still stood, the thatched roof having long ago rotted away and collapsed onto the dirt floor below.
Jill must have read the misery on his face, seen the desolation that surrounded his soul as surely as the rubble heaped at his feet.
"Oh, Baelin. I'm so sorry."
"'Tis naught more than a useless pile of rotting wood and crumbling stone now."
Jill moved to stand beside him. He watched as her gaze took in the tall wooden palisade that should have enclosed the perimeter of the mound. Built strong, meant to protect and defend the buildings within, now it was a pitiful fragment of what had once been a mighty fortress. Two of the four main walls were gone, the large timbers having toppled down the rampart at least a century before. He knew, for he had watched it happen, year by year, post by post.
"I thought castles were made of stone and could stand for centuries."
"Nay. I am aware of only a handful of keeps made entirely of stone. When my family ruled these lands, our manors were built of timber on high earthen mounds like the one we now stand upon. As you can see, though strong, they do not last forever." Baelin took in a deep breath, biting back the bitter memory of what had brought about his family's fall. "But time 'twas not the only thing that brought this fortress down."
Jill looked around at the ruin that had once been a grand manor house. "What did?"
"The people did this."
"Your people?"
"Aye. They blamed my family for the dragon's presence in the land and the villagers drove away the last of them long ago. Once they were gone, I watched from the skies as those who had once pledged fealty to my father tore down his house timber by timber, stone by stone, until all you see now was left."
"Why?"
"A few carted off timber and stones to use for their own crofts and outbuildings, but most considered the house evil and destroyed what they could so that my family would not return and bring the dragon back with them."
"I don't understand."
Baelin stood amid the ruins of his home, a place so familiar yet so changed from his distant memories of it.
"After the Dark Witch cursed me and I escaped into the world as a dragon, I returned here, to the land of my birth, to my family."
"Did they know what had happened to you?"
"Nay. They only knew that a dragon had laid claim to the nearest mountain and the surrounding land as its territory. My own family—my father, my kin—came after me, hunted me, in an effort to protect their people—my people—from the dragon. From me."
"But didn't they know the dragon was you?"
He shook his head, recalling the fear and heartbreak of being hunted by his own. Fearing even more that he would not be able to control the dragon, and would harm those he loved most, should they corner him.
"Not until after the first year, when I could take human form for the first time. Only then could I come to them and tell them of my fate."
"How did they take the news?"
"My mother cried. My sisters fled in horror. My brothers vowed to destroy the Dark Witch as she had surely destroyed me, though none of them were yet old enough to wield a sword, much less go to war against the likes of her."
"And your father? What did he do?"
Baelin tasted the bittersweet memory on the back of his throat. "He cursed. He raged. Then, for the first time in my life, my father wept before he turned me away and told me never to return."
Jill gasped. "Your own father kicked you out? How could he?"
"How could he not? He was the lord. His first duty was to his people. He could not protect them while he harbored a dragon in their midst, even one that had once been his son. He did what he had to do and I never faulted him for it."
"But you were his own son, his flesh and blood!"
"In his eyes, and those of his people, I was not. Not any longer."
Jill stood there, silent for a long moment, her gaze roaming over his face, reading the raw emotions he did not even try to conceal.
"So what did you do?"
"I retreated to my cave in the mountains and hid. From there, I was able to watch over my family…" He paused, trying to speak around the lump that had formed in his throat. "But to never be a part of them again."
"Oh, Baelin. That must have been so hard for you."
"Leaving my family 'twas not nearly so hard as watching year after year as each of them slowly grew old and died before my eyes. Always waiting, always watching from my dark hole, I remained the same while generation after generation was born and died in this house, until none were left who remembered me as more than a legend, an ancient family secret to be feared and appeased."
Jill waved her hand, indicating the destruction surrounding them. "So when did all this happen?"
"After a half century or so of living under the dragon's shadow, the villagers decided the family itself was cursed by the beast and they drove
what was left of them from this place in shame and disgrace. They left these lands, left England, forever." He chuckled without humor. "But as you know, it did not work, for to this day the dragon has remained."
"I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what losing your whole family must've been like."
He looked into her sad, green-flecked eyes and knew the lie for what it was. She did know, only too well. Time was running out for both of them and with it, any hope that she might see her own family ever again.
"Do not grieve for my loss. Though they turned me away, my family did not turn their backs on me completely. True, I left to spare their honor, but not before I told them of the curse and what was required to break it. From that moment on, the tradition of offering up the maiden to the dragon began. My father asked his people to make this sacrifice each year in the hope that one day I would be set free and return to them as their son once more."
"But you never did."
"Nay, I never did. And now, though my family is gone, the dragon still remains."
"And the annual sacrifice of the maiden continues on."
Baelin gently brushed his fingers across her smooth cheek. "And so it does."
He strode through the rubble of the once great timber hall while Jill followed behind him. They passed the massive fire pit in the center of the packed dirt floor. It sat cold and empty, now more a ditch for catching the rain falling through the skeleton of the rafters than the warmth of a roaring fire. He ducked through a narrow doorway in the remaining far wall, stepping over the wooden door that now lay flat on the floor and into the small antechamber.
"This was my parents' private sleeping quarters." Baelin spoke without turning, sensing Jill's presence in the doorway behind him. "Some of the fondest memories of my life before took place in this very room."
He glanced around at what had once been a small but grand chamber, imagining a warm fire blazing in the brazier, rich hangings adorning the walls to keep the winter chill at bay, and fresh rushes scented with heather and herbs scattered across the dirt floor.