by Cait Ashwood
Vex murmured something under her breath that sounded approving. Stryker wasn’t sure how he felt about this. Blind followers were dangerous, but at least improvements had been made. The two Orders remained ignorant of each other, and they had a much better chance of moving on their next target successfully. He still hasn’t answered the question of how the Surfacers knew where to find him.
“We are almost ready to make our move. I’d prefer to see more troops in our barracks, however, so you are to search the surface and woo likely fighters. Bolster our ranks. When I feel we’re ready, we’ll act.”
“Sir.” Vex snapped to attention, saluting.
It took all the energy in him not to roll his eyes at her. She was zealous to say the least, whereas he was more cautious. He refused to salute with just the three of them here, but he did at least stand at attention. “What is our role to be in the upcoming attack?”
Zad looked him over slowly, from eyes to his boots and back again. “That remains to be seen, my son. My wish is that you will be commanders in the attack, but only if you are ready.” The threat was obvious, and Stryker felt the blood rushing out of his face. In Zad’s world, you were either ready, or dead.
Chapter Four
Audrey sighed as the door to the audience chamber swung shut, rubbing at her temples. These women had been living and working together, in many cases, for decades. She’d never dreamed there would be so many conflicts between them that required her personal mediation.
“Please tell me that’s the last of them for today?” Her voice sounded weary even to herself as she sank back into her cushioned chair.
Amelina gave her a sympathetic glance. “Just one more. Lily has requested an audience with you.”
Audrey perked up. “A formal audience?”
Her right-hand woman checked the sheet again. “A formal request, yes.”
Audrey blinked a few times, trying to get her head straight.
“If I may speak plainly?” Amelina’s voice was tight and cautious, bad signs all around. The two women had worked side by side for nearly twenty years, and it was rare that Lina didn’t just speak her mind.
“Of course.” None of this was helping the sinking feeling in her gut.
“I imagine she wants to appeal your decision about her participation this equinox.” Amelina didn’t make eye contact. Her own daughter was the same age as Brana and had volunteered to serve in the fall when she hit her sixteenth name day.
Audrey slumped in her chair, sliding down a few inches. I really don’t have the energy to deal with this today.
The measures had been drafted years ago, setting the minimum and maximum age requirements that women would be expected to perform their duties. Putting more humane issues aside, the Order had very few pure members; five, to be precise, and two of them were past child-rearing age. The rest of the bloodlines were tainted, leftovers from Zaddicus’ experiments. The lines had to be cleansed as quickly as possible, and that meant babies. Lots and lots of babies.
Audrey had, of course, been thinking of her own daughters when the statutes were enacted, but she’d never imagined dealing with such backlash on the issue. Most of the girls accepted their roles without any hiccups. Those that had doubts were sent on missions to the poorest districts and usually came back more than willing to serve. There was something about staring into the eyes of a starving child that rearranged one’s priorities.
Not every woman was suited to motherhood, so Audrey and the leadership panel had arranged to always have a few wet nurses available. Most of the children were raised by nannies and kept with children their own age. Lilies were welcome to have a more nuclear family unit if they so desired, but for many of these women, that wasn’t their chosen course. They’d been caged, tortured, and abused for most of their lives. Most wouldn’t trust a man enough to start an actual family with him, and those that were didn’t consider themselves good parent material. The nursery system worked best. Their new generation might decide differently, but Audrey hoped to pass on leadership of the Order before those changes were called for.
“Is she here now?” Not that putting it off was going to make it go away, but Audrey really didn’t want to have this discussion right now. She’d dreaded bringing daughters into the world that wouldn’t have a choice in their destiny. It was a sore spot for her, and she hated arguing for its necessity.
Amelina moved the curtain over the window to the side with a single finger, checking the waiting room. “She is.”
Audrey sighed, covering her face with her hand. “You’ll stay for the audience?”
The other woman’s pause made Audrey look up at her. “If that’s what you truly wish, yes.”
Audrey nodded--she didn’t want to have to do this alone. “Send her in, then.”
Lily stepped into the room cautiously, glancing about until she saw Audrey. She’d apparently taken this meeting very seriously. She was in proper uniform, with her hair braided and coiffed on top of her head. There wasn’t a speck of dirt on her robes and her shoes were in good repair, not the ratty pair she usually wore around the tower. Her apprentice pin was worn proudly on her chest and she was the picture of maturity and grace. Even the spread of freckles across her face seemed to enhance her beauty.
This is not going to go well. Audrey’s stomach grumbled and she shifted in her chair. “You asked for an audience, Lily?”
The girl swallowed visibly but nodded her head. “Yes, First. I came to request a formal delay to my procreative service.” She paused long enough to lick her lips. “I feel that my skills need more time to develop, and I would like another year to work toward their improvement before facing the delays childbirth would bring.”
Audrey turned her head to the side, nearly losing her iron clench on her stomach. The girl’s skills would never develop, not with the Groves trying to reclaim her. That was another conversation Audrey wasn’t ready to have with her daughter. How did a parent admit to their child that their actions while pregnant had cursed them?
She cleared her throat. “You are aware that there are girls a year and a half your junior already participating?” Her voice sounded lifeless, devoid of emotion. She’d gotten good at using that tone when she was overwhelmed.
Lily shifted, obviously uncomfortable. “I am.”
Audrey looked her in the face for the first time. “What am I to tell the other mothers? Are my children to be treated differently from their own?”
Lily’s face grew red. Her brows furrowed and she stalked closer, raising her voice. “The requirement is eighteen years. I won’t be eighteen for another two moons!”
Six months. Her daughter was six months away from adulthood. “I didn’t think I needed to explain that your case is different, Lily.”
Wide eyes darted from side to side. “But why is it different? Why do I have to perform before the allotted time?” Lily’s control vanished as she pleaded.
Audrey’s fists clenched on the arms of the chair. She hated the words as much as she knew she had to say them. “Because your blood is pure, Lily. You are one of three women that can carry untainted lines into the future. You must understand that it is of utmost importance that these children be born.”
Lily said nothing.
Audrey rose from her desk and headed for the bookshelf, removing a thick sheaf of parchments. “My genetics knowledge is rudimentary at best, but here.” She opened the ledger to reveal pages filled in with little squares and upper- and lower-case letters. “Assuming the taint is the dominant trait, as it seems to be, these are the results of various crosses among the people we have now.”
The tome didn’t contain any good news. Audrey had spent weeks calculating every possible combination of the youth. In some pairings, there was the chance of birthing offspring that had no clean blood whatsoever. They would be masters of the taint. Amelina was still pestering her about putting procedures in place to terminate pregnancies if early scans showed the offspring to be undesirable. Logically, it made
sense, but it seemed logic was slowly strangling her these days.
Lily gave the sheaf a cursory glance, then pushed it away. “Why do I care about a bunch of letters and boxes? Don’t I get to have a life? What about what I want?” Her voice cracked and her eyes shone with unshed tears.
Audrey took her time gathering the parchments back in their order, then closed the sheaf with careful precision.
“Does this... thing... mean that I can’t even choose my partners?” Her lower lip was trembling, and the first tear escaped from her eyes. She wiped it away impatiently, drying her hand on her robe.
“It means you’ll have a list of suitable candidates to choose from.” The dead voice had returned. She’d never wanted this for her children. Brana accepted her duties without complaint, even if they were undesirable. She’s so much like her father, that way. Audrey picked up the manuscript, holding it to her chest.
“Suitable candidates? Mother, do you even hear yourself right now?”
Audrey slammed the bundle of papers on her desk, knocking over an ink bottle and not even caring about the damage it caused as it leaked out over the table. “At least you have a choice. I didn’t even know who took me my first time!” Her chest heaved in the silence. “And then I was too busy running for my life to get to worry about the luxury of choice. Your father was the only man available. I had no choice.”
Lily stared at her, mouth agape. After a moment, she closed it with a snap. “We can’t all be fucking heroes, Mother.”
Audrey pressed her lips into a thin line. “Your appeal has been denied. Dismissed.” Audrey couldn’t wait for Lily to see herself out so she left her dais, darting through the escape door behind her audience chair. How she managed not to slam it shut, she wasn’t sure. She put her back against it and let herself sink to the floor, silent sobs wracking her chest. There’s a reason Phillip and I could never conceive. I’m not fit to be a mother.
Lily fled the audience chamber, tears streaming down her face. How could she? She paid no attention to the people she ran past, too ashamed to know who was seeing her at her worst moment. A few twists and turns took her to a broom closet. She jimmied the lock and darted inside, closing the door behind her. She sank to the dirty floor in her pristine robes and began pulling the pins from her hair, throwing them angrily on the floor.
All I wanted was a year. A stupid, measly little year. But no, that’s too much to ask. She threw another pin at the ground so hard that it bounced up and landed in the mop bucket. I didn’t ask for pure blood. I’d dilute it if I could. And that thing about her father? A low blow if there ever was one.
With all the pins removed, her hair hung in delicate braids. She removed the ties and began undoing them, her sobs yielding to quiet tears. “I’m not ready,” she admitted to the silence of the broom closet, with only the spider in the corner to hear her. She waited until her tears finally stopped, still not at all sure what she was going to do about the denied appeal.
Should I actually approach Bastien? She hadn’t checked for their match-up on the chart, so she didn’t even know if he was one of her ‘approved partners.’ At least he’d been a first for someone before. They said experience mattered in things like this, not that she would know. Some of the girls didn’t even wait for one of the equinox or solstice moons for their first time. They couldn’t conceive, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t have fun anyway. Would that make it any easier? Take off some of the pressure? But how would she accomplish that? She couldn’t exactly walk up to some random young Seeker and ask him to deflower her. She gagged at the thought, reaching for the mop bucket. For a moment, she thought she actually wasn’t going to be sick, but then she lost her lunch in the rancid-smelling pail.
She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, pushing the foul bucket away from her. I’ve got to get out of here. Get some fresh air. She struggled to her feet and attempted to straighten her robes. She brushed off the dirt as best she could and stood on her tip toes to peer out of the watch hole she’d put in the door. Hardly anyone ever came this way, but she’d almost been caught here once before. The coast was clear, so she slipped out of the closet.
There were numerous ways to get to the walls, but Lily took the path that would take her past her dorm room. She wanted to get out of the crisp, formal robes and into something more comfortable. She was almost to her room when she heard her name. She paused to listen, curious and not really wanting to be around people.
“Where’s Lily, anyway?”
Lily smiled. I truly don’t deserve Elsie. She’s always looking out for me.
Leigha’s scoffing voice answered. “Probably begging mommy not to have to spread her legs this time. She was all dolled up when she left.”
Lily’s heart skipped a beat and then her pulse started hammering in her ears. She had difficulty picking up the next words.
“She’s just nervous. It’s natural to be nervous.” Elsie was fighting for her, bless her heart.
Leigha snorted. “Hmph. You should think about yourself. They’ll never let you be with Connor, you know.”
“What? Why?” Elsie sounded panicked.
Lily could just hear Leigha rolling her eyes. “You’re both third gens. We’re trying to breed the lines pure, not make them muddier.”
Elsie fell silent.
That’s enough. I have to--
Leigha wasn’t done. “At least you’re saved from being a breeder. Lily’s useless in the Groves; a breeder is all she’ll ever amount to.”
The words hit her hard in the chest and Lily sagged against the wall, gasping for breath. A breeder? Me? The trembling started in her hands and moved to her legs, immobilizing her.
“Lily’s a better person than you’ll ever be!” A harsh smacking sound followed Elsie’s impassioned words.
“How dare you!” Leigha screeched, and muffled thudding came from their room.
Lily couldn’t stand it a moment longer. She needed more than a temporary break from this place. She had bigger dreams than spending her days on her back, whether conceiving or on the birthing table. That will not be my life!
Before Lily was aware of what she was doing, her feet had taken her to the basement of the Tower. Multiple changes of clothes and other supplies sat in a sack at her feet, topped off with a few days’ worth of rations from the kitchens. Dinner had already been served and the area was practically deserted. Lily dragged the pack up the back stairs to a rear exit on the Tower, shoving it in a closet to keep it hidden.
I need a plan. Who is strong enough to phase me with a horse? The list was short, but she eventually decided on someone: Dylan. She had some dirt on him, making coercing him to help her escape an easier feat. With a grin on her face, she slipped into the upper levels of the Tower. Her mother had summoning coins for all Seekers on her floor, and it would be no trouble to summon him over from the Institute. She wouldn’t spend another night in this abominable place.
Lily huddled in the shadows of an alcove leading to the open space between the Tower and the surrounding wall. Guards patrolled the walls and kept just as many eyes turned inward as outward. Seekers could appear wherever they’d like if there was no magnetic interference, and the last time the Order had been attacked, tainted Seekers had been the culprits. The irony that she was out here waiting for a Seeker to show up wasn’t lost on her. She’d managed to sneak up to her mother’s public quarters where the tokens were. He’d come immediately, but right next to her mother’s room wasn’t the place to talk. She’d told him to come back at midnight.
It was at least an hour past then. He’d better show up. He’d seemed hesitant but had said he’d come. Nights in early spring were still cold and Lily huddled in her secret spot, shivering.
When Dylan finally phased in, she nearly screamed he startled her so badly. He wrapped a hand over her mouth quickly, waiting until they made eye contact before removing it.
“Wanna tell me what exactly I’m doing here?” His whisper was a hiss in the night, and
he didn’t look happy.
Lily glanced behind her where her pack sat waiting. “I need a favor.”
He rolled his eyes. “What kind of favor do you need in the middle of the night?”
Here’s where it gets tricky. “I need a ride.”
Dylan stared at her flatly. “Yeah, because what I really need is the First Seeker up my ass as to why I took his daughter gallivanting at night.
“Better than him being up your ass if he finds out you’ve been sneaking over here twice a week to pass some time with Summer.”
Dylan grabbed her arm and dragged her farther back into the alcove. “How the hell do you know about that?”
Lily smirked. “I have my ways. So... about that ride...”
He crossed his arms over his chest and stared at her. “Where to, and why?”
“I’m meeting someone outside Calanon. I met him on a trip there, but my mom’s making me participate this moon. I... well, call me silly, but I want him to be my first.” Lily bit her lower lip, not having to fake her nervousness at the topic.
She could see his resolve crumbling. They all knew their roles, but that didn’t make filling those shoes an easy task. “And how do you plan to get back?”
“I was sort of hoping you could phase the horse with us. I’ll ride back, give my mom a few days to sweat it out.”
Dylan shook his head. “I don’t know, Lil. I’d rather bring you back in the morning. I’d have to sneak it between classes, but I can’t have you traveling open ground without a guard.”