“Henry, you are a wonderful and loyal son. And if I have ever made you feel one wit less than that, I am deeply and truly sorry. But my son, I fear for you. You have so much cankered up inside you, I fear it is clouding your judgment and skewing your perspective.”
“My perspective?” he demanded. “What is askew in your vision, Mother, that you would so willingly sacrifice your most loyal son for your least?” Martha stood helplessly. “Now your sons have once again left it to me to work out the details of this charade. Well, not this time.” He dropped his quill and started for the door. If it is not important enough for them to stay focused on it, then neither is it my responsibility.
“Henry, what—” Martha was speechless. Without another word, Henry stalked out and slammed the door behind him.
CHAPTER THIRTY
The library was solid. Najid had searched for some way to overhear what took place in this room. Cracks in the mortar, holes in the ceiling, anything by which he could reliably hear what was taking place inside, but there was none. The only chance he had was of listening at the door. This was very dangerous because the library doors led to a hallway that was a main thoroughfare through Dawning Castle. It was frequently occupied with servants, guests, and Dawnings. And even at that, the regular conversations could not typically be overheard through the thick oak double doors. But if this meeting was what Najid believed it to be, voices might be elevated and discussion heated. He looked up and down the hall for other people, and carefully pressed his ear to the small crack between the double doors that led into the library. It was a muffled rumble at first, but then he was able to make out voices. They were both Dawning men, but he could not tell one Dawning voice from another as their deep baritones were very similar to one another. Nevertheless he could surmise that one was Henry, but he was not sure about the other. So far as Najid knew, Khalid had bought John enough wine to drink himself stupid, and he would be in no condition to consult on serious affairs of state even had he been called upon to do so. Not to mention that John’s return to Dawning Castle would have caused enough of a stir among the other house servants that he certainly would have heard about it. No, it was not John. It was someone else, someone new.
Najid could hear that one of them was closer to the door. Close enough that he crouched slightly and readied himself to flee in an instant if the door should unexpectedly open. He could hear more clearly now. They were discussing the ransom. As he listened, his eyes opened wider. He could not believe what an incredible stroke of luck had brought him to this. Allah must indeed be guiding his steps.
“Was there something you needed, Najid?” Sebastian’s voice came from behind him, causing him to leap into the air. Najid had been so intent on what was unfolding inside the library that he had not heard him approach.
“Uh—well, I was just—”
“I know very well what you were about,” Sebastian chided him in a fatherly tone. “And that will not stand in Dawning Castle!”
Najid knew he was undone, and he dropped both hands to his sides to more easily facilitate the quick draw of the knife concealed at the small of his back. But then Sebastian sighed. “I know servants tend to be a very curious lot, as gossip about their benefactors feeds them day in and day out, but the Dawnings are not like other families. They insist on privacy, and that is a trust that I take very seriously. Do not let me catch you at this business of eavesdropping again.” He smiled indulgently, and Najid only nodded mutely.
Najid turned and walked slowly away, wondering if he was making a mistake by letting Sebastian live when he had seen him, a Saracen, obviously listening to the plans being made in response to a Saracen ovation of war. But apparently all the old fool could see was a harmless servant. Najid made a mental note to punish that old man slowly and painfully when the time came, but for now he fairly sprinted to the cave in the woods. He had important news that Anisa must be made aware of. The Dawnings were going to try to appear to have more men than they actually did. That information could be critical to his brethren.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Since the announcement of Vincent’s death on the lists, everything had been a whirlwind. Baron Braddock had men out secretly scouting for William, while Martha Dawning had dispatched Henry to find him before anyone else could. Henry was furious with William. Not only had he stolen Henry’s moment of triumph in this competition as the eldest Dawning to ride in it—for it was he that was supposed to ride against Vincent Braddock—but he had disrespected the ancient traditions of the lists, caused a terrible scandal, brought shame on the family, and brought them to the brink of war with the Braddocks. He had already advised his mother to disavow William in an effort to save face and be spared a war they were not prepared for, but she had curtly snubbed him and ordered him to find William and get him to safety while she sorted this out. It infuriated Henry that she was always cleaning up after his brothers. He alone did not make messes, did not bring shame on the family, and he alone was repeatedly overlooked and undervalued for his contributions.
Now that he had realized that William was gone, Henry was forced to admit he had lost another brother, perhaps forever. He sighed with a heavy heart and contemplated the church building before him. It was a stately old church on the grounds within the interior wall of Dawning Court. It had been there from the beginning. And when it was built, Father Garand was there. Henry was not sure at what point the good Father had actually accepted the post, but he had been there as long as Henry could remember and had been a wonderful support to the Dawning family through their many difficult times.
Henry was trying to get his life in order as he would soon be embarking on a crusade of his own and found it helpful to meet with the portly, good-natured Father routinely and pour out his soul to him. It was probably this old habit that took him to the church on this occasion as well. He needed to talk, to unburden his soul and leave them at the feet of someone else; but how could he explain this? Henry’s emotions were so bound up inside that he was not even sure what he was feeling. He stopped on a bench that led up the path to the church.
His eyes were downcast, pulled involuntarily down by the heaviness in his heart. He had always hoped that ultimately his family would find prosperity and happiness, but all indications at this time were that they were not headed that way. “What a mess,” he said aloud.
He caught a flash of pink on the edge of his vision, looked up, and there she was. His heart stopped and his palms sweated as they always did when she was around. Today of all days he wished she would just pass him by and not say a word, but her friendly nature would never allow that.
“Henry? What a wonderful surprise,” she said. “I hope you are not excessively burdened by the events of the last few days.”
She always looked so beautiful but made it seem absolutely effortless. Many women spent so much time obviously primping and concerned with their appearance. Leah always seemed to look great without trying. He wondered if it actually was effortless or if that was just part of her charm. He looked up but could not meet her eyes. “I am well, milady. My thanks.”
“May I sit with you a moment?” she asked pleasantly. Please just go! He wanted to shout, but he only nodded.
“You will miss him very much.” It was not really a question.
Henry shrugged. “He’s certainly left a big enough mess to salve any feelings of remorse I may have.”
“Henry, you must not be bitter. William did not intend for this to happen.”
“Well, what did he intend by making a mockery of every tradition that we place value on?” he demanded, his pent up emotions venting at once. “Honor, valor, courage, he proved well enough that such noble affectations have no place in him.”
“Milord!” Leah exclaimed.
Henry sighed again. “I am sorry,” he said. “It's just that William never cared about anyone but himself, and now he is reaping the rewards for his many misdeeds.”
“Misdeeds?”
Henry looked up, a gle
am of hope suddenly appearing on the horizon. “Do you honestly not know?” He searched her face for some sign that she was toying with him.
“Know what?” she asked hesitantly.
“Milady, are you not his friend? Surely his true nature was not lost on you.”
Leah looked slightly relieved. “I know that he was subject to fits of extreme passions, but he is a young man; that is not uncommon.”
“Extreme passion?” Henry snorted. “Is that how you would characterize it? This was nothing new what William did. The only difference was he did it in the open where he will be held accountable at last.”
“Henry, if I did not know better, I might think you inclined toward joy in your brother’s misfortunes.”
“Joy?” He jumped up from his seat and stepped a few paces away. “Perhaps it is joy that at long last he is being dragged into the light. That his many works in darkness will be seen for what they are. That he will no longer be seen as a hero whose every imperfection is dismissed as roguish charm. Tyler’s family fled Dawning Court in fear of William. Callum’s family did the same. Even at that age, William was able to so thoroughly terrorize two families of franklins, they had no recourse but to flee. Surely you are not ignorant of these things.”
Leah was speechless. Henry knew as soon as he had said it that it was a mistake. Someone as good and kind as Leah could never understand what it was to harbor resentful feelings against members of one’s own family.
“Leah,” he said, dropping again beside her on the bench. This close to her, her perfume filled his nostrils, and all at once he was afraid he had scared her off, but she did not immediately rise. Every movement was pronounced; he felt each brush of her arm on his shoulder. He could not remember if he had ever been this close to her before, though he had spent so long wishing it might be so. Perhaps with William gone, new opportunities might be opening up. He forced himself to retract some of what he had said. “I only mean that if this is what it takes to rescue my brother from his worst proclivities, then I am happy it happened now, that he may be reclaimed.”
“You are lovely today,” he said impulsively and immediately felt awkward.
“You are too kind,” she said, placing a hand lightly on his arm. She had a curious way of interacting with Henry. He was never sure if she was flirting or completely unaware of how she affected him with the smallest touches.
“Now we are all sad about William, but you must not let it weigh down your spirit. Your own crusade lies just ahead of you, does it not?”
“It is yet a little way off, a few seasons.” They sat for a while without saying anything, Leah enjoying the day and Henry trying to think what he could say to Leah to keep her attention now that he had it.
“I had just expected things to be different than they are.”
“How so?”
“Well, I expected that through the process of time, my family would all gravitate toward success and happiness. But it seems quite the opposite; they have gravitated toward vice, doubt, and faithlessness.”
“Ah,” she said knowingly. Leah had always lived at Dawning Court and was therefore privy to many of the machinations of Henry’s brothers.
“I mean they all have potential to be such powerful forces for good. All these great warriors to whom I once looked up have hatched a sinister side indeed."
“I suppose being great in one respect does not guarantee happiness,” she ventured.
“Thanks, that's very depressing,” Henry muttered between his fists that were supporting his head.
“But it doesn't mean they are lost causes either. Part of loving someone means you never give up on them,” she said with an intensity that Henry did not understand at the time.
“Well, thus far, everyone seems to be so beset with problems, I am about ready to flee to the Orient,” Henry said in a lighter tone that belied his heavy heart. “If you will tell me you have some horrible deed to confess, that is it; I will put my back to this place forever.”
“And what trouble could I possibly have gotten into?” she laughed. “Don't you know, it's not appropriate for ladies of the court to get into trouble? It's not ‘ladylike.’”
“Good point,” Henry said skeptically, being well acquainted with plenty of ladies of the court who were apparently less than ladylike. “Somehow with you, though, I believe it. You've always amazed me. How can someone be so good when it is part of human nature to be so bad?”
“I'm no better than you are,” Leah said defensively, as if he had been insulting her.
“How can you, of all people, say that?” Henry objected. “You know better than most the evil that lurks in the hearts of the men in my family, the cruelty we are capable of.”
“But that's exactly my point,” she said more seriously. “I have always believed in you. Even in your rougher times, I knew there was something special about you, and despite your protestations and your irreverent exterior, you ended up doing what was right. I have always admired that about you.”
Henry looked deep into her almond eyes. He felt to take her hand but was too self-conscious about the overly familiar action and instead said, “Do you truly think so?”
She arched her eyebrows. “You are of a different mind on this matter?”
“I only know that I have always thought of myself as the stable one: the one who had to be there, to take responsibility for things because no one else would. But when I call my brothers to repentance, try to get them to own up to their responsibilities, they say, 'who are you to judge us?' and what answer can I make? What can I say that will excuse my own shortcomings? Had I been a better example, I would not be in these predicaments now.”
“Please believe me when I say I share in your frustration. If I knew the key to keeping a loved one from making a mistake, I would gladly share it. But we cannot make anyone do anything. All we can do is love them and set an example they will someday want to follow. And you should not excessively flagellate yourself for your shortcomings. We are none of us perfect, but you do bear up under your burdens exceptionally well if I may venture to say so.” He looked at her and smiled. “What?” she asked, suddenly self-conscious.
“You are just too good. You don't understand,” he said and then rushed to explain, afraid he had offended her. “You just do not see the evil in people, the wickedness they are capable of. You don't see it in William and you don't see it in me.” She did not reply, and Henry rose from the bench uncomfortably. “Milady, I wish to thank you for your kind words and patient ear. I do not find I have too many confidants among my peers these days.”
“Well it was my pleasure. I am always privileged to speak to an old friend.”
“I- I wonder, Leah, if I might not call upon you at a later time.” She looked surprised. “I only feel that I benefit so greatly from your counsel, I should like your permission to seek you out again... should the need arise.”
“Of course, Henry. You are always welcome.”
Henry was ecstatic. For the first time in his life, he felt he was pursuing more than a mere polite relationship with this girl that he had so long been enamored with. And it seemed that she was reciprocating, or at least not completely averse to the idea. “Well, I shall look forward to it,” he said excitedly and began to walk down the path with a spring in his step. It was only when he had gone some distance that realized he ought to have offered to escort her wherever she was going. That would have been polite, and that would have perhaps garnered him another chance to speak with her. He shook his head in disgust at his own shortsightedness but did not return to the church.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
When the door closed behind her, Leah rushed down the hall to catch up to William and found him not progressed so far as she might have expected. “William?” she called tentatively. He did not stop, but she observed the slightest hesitation in his step. Leah took a few more steps. “William!” she said louder. “Will you not even spare a moment for an old friend?” she said, catching up to him but st
opping several paces away. He turned to face her, and there was a curious look of sadness mingled with pleasure playing across his face. Leah found herself unsure of what to say. There were so many things she was feeling, and so much she wanted to hear. She had envisioned this moment a thousand times, but she suddenly realized that she did not know William’s heart any longer, a detail that had been neglected in her sweet day dreams. She knew nothing of his thoughts and feelings and how they might have changed. The boy she was once so close to was a stranger to her now.
“It is wonderful to see you again, milady,” William said lightly, though it sounded strained. “The promise of your youth has been fulfilled every wit in the beauty that stands before me now.”
“Why do you address me thus?” she said, searching his eyes. “My dear friend whom I have long agonized over at last returns, and this is all you have to say to me. To compliment my beauty or my clothes like I am a silly child.” William looked startled.
“You must forgive me my insincerity, milady. Truth be told I do not care for that dress; it makes you appear as an old maid.”
“You don’t have to be that way with me,” Leah persisted. It hurt her that he continued with his flippant act in front of her. “I am your friend, William.” She stepped up to him and looked him in the eyes. Hers were brimming with tears despite her best efforts to hold them back. William only looked at her helplessly.
They stood that way for a long moment. There was so much in her heart that she needed to express, but she could see he was not ready. She was so overwrought with William’s surprise entrance and the horrible news he bore as well as the grim prospects of what would be necessary to reclaim Richard that she realized she was not prepared for this either. All at once Leah turned and fled down the hall, tears streaming down her cheeks, leaving William standing alone in the deserted hallway.
The Knights Dawning (The Crusades Series) Page 23