by Jane Lark
My head fell back against the wall and my body floated into sensation. One of his hands lifted and cupped my breast. The other slid around beneath the leather to grip my bottom, so I had no choice – I had to arch into his grip as his kiss lifted to my mouth.
He made me feel beautiful. The way he craved and hungered for me. I could feel it in his hands and his mouth all the time.
His hand pulled my bra down to one side so that he had access to my breast and then his mouth left mine and instead absorbed my nipple, tugging on it with a hard suck as his hand found my thong instead and slid into the front of it. His other hand was still at the back gripping my bottom.
He carried on sucking my breast as his middle finger slipped into me. I felt like the queen of sex with him. I laughed at the use of one of his favourite sayings and I rocked against his invasion, getting sweaty as his hand on my arse urged me to follow the rhythm he wanted to control.
I guess he’d wound himself up into a horny volcano in the pub too.
When I came, he sighed, looking down like he wanted to get at it with his tongue, but with my leather suit still on he couldn’t. He sucked his fingers, then stripped the leathers off me, pulling off my boots and his boots.
‘On the bed, on all-fours,’ he ordered. The old-style Jack.
‘Control freak,’ I said.
He growled in answer.
I didn’t care. This was a part of the old-style Jack I wanted to keep. It was just who he was. He couldn’t change who he was. I didn’t want him to.
I crawled on to the bed, the last orgasm humming through my nerves. I had my bright-green thong and lacy bra on, and a breast protruding from one cup. He unzipped his leathers and stripped them off the top of his body down to his thighs, and pushed down his boxers, then climbed on the bed behind me.
He was going to do it like that; with his leather suit hanging loose but coating his thighs, and his top still on, and his boxers wrapped around his thighs. He gripped his erection, stroked it in his hand, then rubbed it up against me. ‘Ready to begin?’ I smiled. He was giving me a little bit of control back, proving again that he had changed a little.
I love you. ‘No. Take your top off…’ I think the words I spoke disguised the words I was shocked to hear in my head. But they were true. I loved him. Shit… That was a crazy thing to do. To fall in love with him.
He smiled and conceded. My head turned, straining to look back, as he pulled my thong aside and held it aside with a thumb, which pressed into my bottom, then pushed into me. I watched the muscles across his abdomen move beneath his skin. I love you. My heart raced, kick-started by adrenaline. Since Christmas Eve Jack had led me into loads of risky things. But falling in love with him was by far the biggest risk.
He looked up and smiled. He was wow. Really wow.
I shut my eyes and drew on all the sensations as his fingers gripped my hips and controlled my movement until I came and then I broke his rhythm because nature had me pushing against him so hard, and paralysed with pleasure. When it died back he had me moving again, and I think it took me three orgasms to finally bring him to his. He came with a low, gravelly sounding shout like a cry of victory.
When he withdrew, he tumbled on to my bed and we ended up in a tangle of limbs, Jack still half- clothed. But he didn’t move to get up and dress, or undress – he just lay there. His head turned so he looked at me as I looked at him.
I love you, Jack.
Chapter 19
I woke up and looked at the clock on Ivy’s cooker. It was two a.m. My limbs were heavy, weighted down by a deep after-sex relaxation. They were also weighed down by Ivy, who was asleep half on top of me in her cramped single bed. ‘Hey,’ I brushed her shoulder. ‘I need to get home. We have work tomorrow.’
She nodded as her eyes opened. The room wasn’t too dark, the half-moon was bright and its light seeped through the thin blind she had over the attic window.
When she didn’t move, I slid her leg off me and untangled my other leg from between hers. I still had my leather suit half on.
I pulled my boxers up over my sorrowful penis, which would much rather stay with Ivy, then picked up my top and pulled that back on.
Her eyes opened when I stood over her pulling my leathers back on to my arms. I smiled down at her sleepy eyes. I wasn’t sure if she was awake or if she was dreaming.
I slid the zip up, pulled my boots on, then picked up my helmet, leant down and whispered over her lips. ‘See you at work. Sorry, I have to go.’
‘Bye,’ she breathed quietly.
‘Bye.’
I walked out the door and shut it quietly, but I made sure it locked. Then I ran a hand over my face to try and wake myself up at bit more, before jogging down the stairs, my helmet in one hand, and my other hand on the rail.
‘Hey.’
Fuck. There was a guy in the hall, and he was tall and broad, plus the dark blue hoodie he was wearing looked like the hoodie the guy who’d stood on the corner the other night had worn. But I hadn’t seen the colour the other night – the electric light had bleached it out. All I’d been able to tell was that it was a dark colour, and a thousand hoodies looked just like it. ‘Do you live here?’ I challenged, standing at the foot of the stairs, blocking his path, but he didn’t try to walk past me. He turned to a post box that was open.
‘Yes. I was just coming in. I’m getting my post. But who are you, mate?’
‘I was visiting someone.’
He looked at me. ‘Yeah…’
I stared at him. He stared at me. He could be the one who was stalking Ivy. The thought that it could be someone inside her block of flats gave me a jolt of alarm like an electric shock. I’d been thinking that she was safe in here, but whoever it was had got access to her post box.
Shit.
‘Goodnight,’ the guy said as he turned to go upstairs. I think it was a statement to say you should be going.
‘Goodnight.’ There was an awkward moment when neither of us moved, but then he walked on.
I opened the door, but I didn’t go out. I held it open, stood still and listened. His footsteps stopped on the first floor and I heard a key turn in a lock and then a door open – and shut.
I walked out.
But if her stalker was someone inside her block of flats, they didn’t need to stand on the corner of the street to watch where she went. She’d mocked my controlling nature again tonight, but it was screaming. I wasn’t going to trust anyone until I knew what was going on.
I checked that the door lock clicked into place behind me before I walked down the steps.
No one stood in the street, but there was a car down the road with a man huddled up in the front seat. I could see his silhouette formed by the streetlight behind the car. His head was covered, but he must be cold. Maybe it was someone who’d got kicked out of home after an argument. I tried to memorise the number plate just in case. I repeated it five times. But I’d forgotten it ten minutes later as I rode back to mine. I was too tired. I could remember the first three digits, though.
I wrote them down. Then went to bed.
Chapter 20
I set out for work smiling. Happy. Although I looked over my shoulder when I turned the corner out of the street. No one was behind me. I actually didn’t feel as though anyone was following me. Maybe it had been Sharon’s investigator. Maybe he’d stopped following me now Jack had warned him off.
When I got into work Jack was in his office on the phone. He lifted his free hand off the desk when he saw me to say, hi. It was something he might have done for anyone, so it didn’t stand out. But once I opened up my emails there was a message in my inbox from him. It just said, ‘Hi’ in the subject line. I opened it up and shrank the box to read it.
‘I’ve been thinking I really don’t like you walking between the tube station and your house. I want to pay for you to get taxis.’
‘Don’t be stupid :P’
‘I’m not being stupid. I’m trying to keep you safe until
we work out for certain who messed with your post and who was asking after you.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘:( I worry.’
‘I’m fine! Captain Control.’
There was a pause, then he sent another email. ‘What are you doing tonight?’
‘I’m busy. I’m meeting Rick for a drink.’
‘Go to the kitchen.’
I rolled my eyes when he walked out of his office. He only glanced at me, making out as though he hadn’t been communicating with me.
I deleted his email chain and then picked up my mug. ‘Does anyone else want a drink?’
‘I will.’ Phil lifted his mug.
I took his mug with me and followed Jack.
When I went in there, Jack was filling his mug with hot water, nothing else.
‘What?’
‘Are you kidding me? You’re going out for a drink with Rick…’
I put my mug down, then started rinsing Phil’s out. ‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
I glanced over at him and laughed at his outrage, which made him even more outraged, judging by the look on his face. ‘Captain Control’s in his element today. Did you bring your cape? And you should swap your underwear around so it’s over your trousers. Because I like him. We’re friends. He’s a nice guy. I just wasn’t in love with him. He wanted to stay friends and so we’re friends.’
Jack sighed.
I spooned coffee into my and Phil’s mugs, not looking at Jack. ‘Don’t go possessive on me, Jack.’
Suddenly his hands were at my waist and he leaned around and kissed my cheek, then he said into my ear, ‘Do I need to be?’
I twisted my head around and looked at him. ‘No. I don’t like Rick like that, do I? And I’m not going to cut him as a friend because you’re jealous. If you’re jealous…’
‘I am jealous. But I guess I’ll shut up. Just take care.’
I laughed at him. ‘Yes, boss.’
He smacked my backside. ‘Don’t be cheeky.’ Then he said, ‘I’d better go back.’
I nodded as he turned away, then filled my and Phil’s mugs with water and milk.
‘There you go.’ When I set the mug down on Phil’s desk I glanced into Jack’s office. He was focused on work.
When I shut the front door of the flats behind me I was looking forward to seeing Rick, but maybe a bit less than I’d looked forward to it in the last couple of weeks. I’d rather be with Jack. Which seemed a disloyal thought because Rick had been a friend and never turned his back on me, even after I’d walked out on him. He’d been there for me for years.
Greg was at the bottom of the steps, about to come up. He stepped back out of my way with a smile as I ran down. I hadn’t dressed up but worn my Converse, slim jeans and a loose top under my parka.
‘Thanks.’
‘Wherever you’re going it’s obviously somewhere nice – from the way you’re hurrying.’
I smiled and lifted a hand, to acknowledge him, but kept going.
‘Have a good time!’ he called after me.
I walked quickly along the street, but glanced back over my shoulder. Greg was letting himself in and there was no one else around. I speeded up as I turned the corner, desperate to get on to the busier main road. But then I nearly walked into someone.
Shit.
It was the guy. Up close he was really big, his shoulders were bulked up.
He looked at me and his lips twisted with a smile. I stepped back.
Shit.
Nausea turned my stomach over. If I vomited over him, would that put him off? ‘Sorry.’
I stepped sideways to walk past him, but he stepped the same way.
Shit.
‘Sorry,’ he said. Then he walked around me and carried on.
My heart thumped hard in my chest, knocking out a deep bass rhythm. I’d never been so scared in my life. I ran the rest of the way to the tube station.
Rick was in the pub when I got there. He was sitting at the table we’d always sat at. I walked across the room and smiled. Seeing Rick still gave me a sense of comfortable slippers. He was a piece of home to me, even though we’d split months ago – and today he was also a refuge. My heartbeat slowed a little, but I was breathing hard, out of breath.
‘Hi.’ I hung my coat over the back of the chair. He stood up.
‘Hi.’ He rubbed my arm in a gentle gesture, then leant to kiss my cheek. ‘How are you? You okay?’
‘I’m fine, thanks. I think… I just had a bit of a shock… I’ll tell you why in a minute. You?’ I wasn’t okay, though, I was still shaky from bumping into the guy, but he hadn’t done anything. I had no evidence he was the person who’d tampered with my post, or that he’d been following me… I was probably being a drama queen.
‘I’m good. What do you want to drink?’
‘A gin and tonic, please?’
Rick nodded, then turned away and went to the bar to get my drink.
I sat down and my hands rubbed my arms. I was cold – when the pub wasn’t that cold.
He set my drink down, then sat down facing me. ‘So tell me about this shock?’
‘It was nothing really, but a few weeks ago someone looked at my post, and the police found suspicious fingerprints but they couldn’t match them and—’
‘Ivy.’ He gripped my free hand as it lay on top of the beer-stained wooden table. ‘Why didn’t you say something?’ His brown eyes watched me.
‘Because I told you, it’s nothing really. It’s just I keep getting this silly feeling that I’m being followed and I told you someone was asking after me at the weekend. I’m over reacting I know.’
‘Did you find out who?’
‘No.’
His fingers squeezed my hand. ‘I wish you’d told me. Text me if you need to, if anything happens. I’m not far away. I’ll come over.’
I smiled at him, turned my hand and gripped his for a moment in a gesture of thanks, then pulled my hand free. ‘Thank you.’ It was good of him to offer, but I’d call Jack first.
Heat flared in my skin as I probably blushed. It was odd thinking about Jack when I was with Rick.
‘There’s something I have to tell you too, but it’s nicer than your thing. At least, I hope you’ll think it’s nice.’
‘What?’
‘I’ve met someone.’
‘Rick!’ Wow, I hadn’t seen that coming. ‘That’s great! I’m really happy for you.’
‘It feels weird telling you. But I wanted you to know…’
‘Yeah, yes I should know. What’s her name? Where did you meet her? When? How long have you been seeing her?’ Why did I feel a little funny inside?
He laughed. ‘Do you want the answers in order?’
I nodded, then rested my chin on my fist to listen. The idea of him moving on made my tummy have a weird queasy sensation, but it had to happen. It was the thought of losing the security that I got from Rick. He couldn’t keep being that for me if he had someone else.
‘Her name’s Jessica. I met her at a rugby match. I’ve known her a few weeks, but it’s become something in the last couple of weeks.’ He smiled. ‘Anything else?’
‘And you really like her?’
‘It’s early days. But yes…’ He smiled more widely.
God, this was strange. I’d never imaged what it would feel like to think of Rick moving on. But that was selfish of me. A part of me wanted to tell him about Jack, but it was too early. I wouldn’t tell him until I knew for sure that Jack and I were a thing. I was hoping it would be okay because he’d been doing everything right, but even though I kept telling myself that, at the back of my mind I didn’t believe it enough to tell others yet.
The problem was, I wasn’t over the way he’d treated me after New Year’s Eve. I’d thought everything was right when I’d woken up with him in my bed on New Year’s day, and I couldn’t have been more wrong, and the cutting feeling of being ignored by him that first day at work had left scars. I didn’t trust him
not to do the same again. Not yet. It was too soon, and the scars were too deep, and I wasn’t sure he liked me enough. I wasn’t sure of my place in his life. I couldn’t imagine it being anything more than temporary, from my experience of Jack, and I’d fallen in love, and it would be even more embarrassing then to tell everyone we were a thing if Jack then decided we weren’t and dumped me.
The conversation progressed into general topics and I got another round of drinks. We stayed until last orders – then Rick walked me home.
At the end of the street I lived in, he held my arms and pressed a kiss on my cheek like he always did now. ‘See you. I’ll text you and organise something, yeah? Maybe we could do the pub quiz night if you want to?’
‘That would be fun. But I won’t be insulted if you dump me for Jessica.’
He laughed. ‘Or maybe I could bring her? Would that freak you out?’
Yes. Maybe… I didn’t know. It would certainly be different. ‘No. Bye.’ The idea didn’t feel comfortable. I could work it out later, though. I was being stupid.
‘Night.’
I turned and hurried along the street then ran up the steps to the front door, but my hand was shaking again when I pressed in the code. I just wanted to get inside and feel safe. It was so strange to think that Rick wouldn’t be there to turn to. He’d been my security blanket for years.
My heart thudded as I walked up to my room and let myself in.
I wanted to call Jack, but if I rang him I wasn’t sure what I’d say. I love you. I didn’t call him.
When I lay in bed I couldn’t sleep. Thoughts of Jack and Rick tumbled around in my head; Jack being jealous and controlling today – Rick moving on.
Why did I feel bad about Rick moving on? That was mean. Maybe the way I’d been hanging on to him was as controlling as Jack… only in a quieter way.
I’d been hanging on to Rick for years and maybe I’d been manipulating him. And now I’d walked away from the bits of him I didn’t want and kept the bits of him I wanted as a friend and I’d assumed that his security was always going to be there for me to use when I needed it.