by DD Cooper
I wanted to be left alone in this world so that people would never hurt me again. But it seemed that now I had hurt somebody else myself, and it was eating me up inside.
Lucy arrived as usual, but I didn’t notice until she had closed the door behind her. That was how far gone I was.
“What happened?” She asked, concern in her voice and on her face. Her shoulder length red hair a bit of a mess, but she still looked quite beautiful.
I tried to get the words out but all I got out were some tears.
Stupid, stupid, I told myself. Who cries over something as silly as that? Jack Stark, famous movie star, had probably forgotten I even existed by now, and here I was bawling my eyes out because of an offhanded comment that wasn’t even meant to hurt him.
“Please tell me what happened, and I’ll tell you how to make it better,” Lucy said, offering me a glass of wine.
While I usually refused her offers of alcohol, this one I accepted. It was going to be a long night, and I might as well numb the pain with something.
Chapter Three
I woke up groggy and with a headache like one I’ve never experienced before. I vaguely remembered telling Lucy everything and her laughing at me, after telling me what a bitch I was, of course. Sure, she quickly said that she was kidding, but it really didn’t make me feel any better. Then we proceeded to watch a marathon of Jack Stark movies: romantic comedies and action flicks being the prime example of his best work. I’ve gotta admit that I could see the appeal: he was pretty damn hot! And if it was possible, he was only hotter in the flesh.
So, it was quite the night. Thankfully, today was my day off so I didn’t have to worry about trudging to work.
I got up and took a long shower in an effort to wake myself. It was another cold and dreary day outside, but at least it was dry. I decided to go for a walk, since it always helped me feel a bit better when I got too far to thinking existentially.
I took my thickest coat and my best rain boots. I thought about bringing an umbrella, but I really wasn’t in the mood to be carrying anything around. All I wanted to do was walk by the sea, breathing in the fresh sea air. It usually helped me forget myself, and I hoped it would do the same for me today.
My jacket had a hoodie in case of a sudden rainfall (which wasn’t unheard of in this town) and I was ready to go.
As I slowly walked down to the seashore I thought about what Lucy had told me. How I needed to start living my life and stop being so afraid of everything. Intellectually I understood her point, but when it came to actually implementing her advice, I felt a huge block in my way. I wasn’t ready for that kind of change, and I didn’t know if I ever would be.
I walked by the seashore, watching the waves coming in and out, and let myself go with the flow of the sea, the tide of the wind.
That’s why it was a shock when I practically fell face first as I tripped over something right in my path. Scratch that, I tripped over someone.
“Oh shit, I’m so sorry!” I cried as I slowly got up.
“It’s alri...oh, it’s you!” Jack Stark said, a not-too-happy look on his face.
I shook off the sand from my jeans and jacket. “I said I was sorry!” I said in my defense.
“Yeah, yeah,” he said, shaking sand off of his jeans as well. I couldn’t help but admire the view. I quickly averted my eyes when I saw him look up at me.
“You know what I said yesterday, I didn’t really mean it,” I finally said after the awkward silence had become too much. I knew I should have left him be, but I just couldn’t just leave things as they were. I didn’t want him to hate me.
“That’s fine,” he said noncommittally, not really looking at me.
In an effort to look anywhere else but the man in front of me, I took notice of my surroundings and saw a huge house up ahead. It was the house everyone was jealous of in the town. I knew I heard Lucy talk about it more than once.
“Do you live up there?” I found the words coming out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying.
“Yeah,” he said. “Want a tour?”
“No, I was just wondering. It looks like a beautiful house.”
“It should be, especially how much I paid for it.”
“Well, I should be on my way.”
“If that’s what you want.”
“I saw a couple of your movies yesterday,” I said. “I did have a bit too much to drink, though, so I can’t promise I remember everything exactly.”
“Some critics say that that’s the only way they can sit through my movies: while drunk.”
I laughed. “Oh my God, you did not just say that!”
He smiled at me and winked.
I was glad that he was no longer angry with me.
“Are you sure you don’t want a tour? I’d understand if you’ve gotta get to work.” He seemed almost disappointed by the prospect of my having to leave.
“No, I’m off today. But I should really go.”
Just when I was about to turn, it was as if fate, or some other force, had decided it was a perfect moment to laugh at me. Clouds became darker and sudden downpour went down, drenching us both.
And just as an insult to injury a loud roar of thunder sounded in the night sky.
“Maybe that tour wouldn’t be such a bad idea!” I said as I shivered from the cold rain. My jacket wasn’t of much help.
“Follow me,” Jack said and took my hand and led me up the hill to his house. His beautiful house on the hill.
And the closer we got, the more beautiful the house became. While the rest of the town was made of cottages and small crappy houses, this house was very much modern. The walls were made of glass, allowing for a beautiful view of the surroundings.
He closed the sliding doors behind us and I immediately felt better. It was warm inside, and it was a relief to feel heat on my skin after the icy cold of the outside.
Jack took off his leather jacket to reveal the soaked through white shirt. The outline of his perfectly muscled chest made me blush. I had to look away. I shouldn’t have thoughts like this.
And then he was right in front of me. His body as close to mine as I always feared another man’s would be. I could smell his cologne, or maybe it was his natural scent, I wasn’t really sure. I wasn’t really experienced in such things, as well as many others girls my age would have seen as normal.
His hands were on my shoulders and I froze. I did not know what to expect.
“Let me take your jacket,” he said gently, and I immediately backed away.
“Is anything wrong?” He asked, a questioning, and sad, look in his eyes.
“No, sorry, it’s not you. It’s just I don’t like...well, I can get my own coat off, is all I’m trying to say.”
I couldn’t believe that I was almost going to spill my guts to this guy. Maybe those romantic comedies of his had gotten to me. Maybe I was confusing fantasy with reality, and that was not a place I wanted to be. Not again. Not ever again.
I slowly took off my jacket. Thankfully the shirt below was mostly dry, so I wasn’t going to flash him my boobs like he had flashed me his perfectly muscled chest.
I warmed myself up with my hands.
“I’ve gotta get a dry shirt,” he said as he took off his wet t-shirt in one motion. “I’ll be right back.”
Once again I found myself blushing at the sight of his naked torso. His firm, muscled back. I had the sudden urge to throw myself in his arms. To play with his hard nipples, like one of the women in his movies, to show him how attracted I was to him.
But of course I just stood by the sliding door, not really sure why I was there in the first place.
Then I let my eyes wander to the view all around me and realized why I was there: the storm outside was raging. I saw lightning in the distance. I closed my eyes and put my hands over my ears as I readied myself for the huge, deafening sound of thunder.
And it came. Worse than I imagined. The force of it resounding itself through
my body, making me ill to my core.
Once it was over I opened my eyes and saw a familiar face in front of me. He had put on a fresh shirt and another pair of jeans.
“You scared of thunder?” He asked me.
“Yeah, ever since I was a kid. I know it’s silly, but...”
“No, no, it’s not silly. We’ve had a couple of guys get hit by lightning at some of my shoots.”
“That makes me feel much better.”
He smiled that devilish smile. “Most of them lived, though.”
I smiled back. “That’s not funny.”
He turned toward what looked like the living space, and I admired the view from the back. I felt like a pervy guy looking at a girl. But it was natural, Lucy had said to me many times. Men weren’t the only ones who had sexual feelings. Women had them as well. And what was the harm in looking, anyway? It wasn’t like anything was ever going to happen between us.
“I’ll light a fire,” he said as he walked toward the modern looking fireplace.
“Need some help?” I offered, more out of habit than anything.
He turned around and had a huge grin on his face, showcasing that perfect movie star smile of his. He flipped a switch I hadn’t noticed before and where before there was only wood, now there was fire. Where there was darkness before, there was now light.
“I think I can manage it,” he said.
“Right,” I said, not moving from my spot.
“Are you going to join me? It’s gonna get pretty chilly with the storm outside and all.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I guess I will.” I wanted to go home and crawl in bed, and maybe even put pillows over my head to drown out the sound, but that wasn’t going to happen now. Everyone stayed indoors in weather like this. Since it was such a small place, barely anybody owned a car. That was fine by me, because I never learned to drive anyway. I liked the fact that I could walk anywhere I wanted to. But that also meant that I was at the mercy of the elements. I knew it was getting ready to rain, but I still decided to take a walk anyway. It was my fault that I found myself in this situation.
Yeah, I know I found like a miserable cow, as Lucy would often say. Most girls would be jumping from joy to be in such close proximity to Jack Stark, movie star. In his own home (or for the time being, anyway) no less. But all I felt was a mix of fear and self-loathing.
I joined him by the fire and warmed myself up and let my shirt dry. I put my coat next to the fire as well. Jack made me take off my big boots as well.
It was nice sitting next to him by the fire, watching him watching the flame, and then watching the flame myself.
It felt simple. Pure. He didn’t say anything for a long time, and neither did I, and I felt a little more at ease. No expectations to answer questions or nod and smile. Just to be. I closed my eyes when I saw the lightning outside, but I felt a little safer with Jack next to me.
“Want me to pull down the shades?”
I wanted to say no, don’t bother, but I nodded instead. If I couldn’t see the lightning, I would feel a lot more at ease.
He got up, barefooted and went around closing all the shades, leaving us in darkness. Then he went out of sight and came back with a couple of big candles. he used the fire to light them and positioned them around the room. I immediately felt better.
“Want anything to drink?”
“Yeah, sure. Water or tea would be good.” My throat felt awfully dry.
He went to the little kitchenette area and put some water to boil in the tea kettle.
“I’ve got a bunch of flavors here,” he said. “Which one would you like?”
I couldn’t believe that a famous actor was making me tea. That kind of stuff never happened in real life, Lucy had told me last night. She told me that I should be over the moon that he was even willing to talk to me. Personally, I didn’t like the way she talked about him as if he were some kind of god who was better than us regular folk, the mortals. He was just a person, like the rest of us. Sure he was wealthier and famous, and very good looking, but he felt the same things the rest of us felt, too, right? At least I hoped he did.
I gathered up my courage and saw his collection of teas.
“Peach blossom,” I finally said.
“Good, that’s my favorite.”
“Really?”
“Yup. See,” he lifted the box. “It’s the only one that’s open. The whole lot came with the house.”
Indeed, it was the only box that was open. I checked the date discreetly, a habit from my work, and saw that it was fresh. He must have had a really nice realtor. He was a movie star, so it wasn’t a surprise that he would get some extra perks with the house. Probably a full cupboard and fridge as well. I couldn’t see him doing his own shopping, for some reason. He was after all, hiding out on the island.
We settled back by the fire with our steaming cups of tea and some unopened tea cookies Jack found in the cupboard (it looked like my instincts were right). I dipped a cookie in the steaming tea and immediately put it to my mouth before it could dissolve. Of course, some of it ended up in my tea, anyway.
Jack laughed.
“It’s not funny,” I said, looking sadly as the cookie settled on the bottom of my cup.
“Don’t move,” he said. “I’ll get you a spoon so you could scoop it out before it dissolves completely.”
I waited patiently for my spoon and saw he got one for himself as well.
“It happens to all of us,” he said as way of explanation.
And that’s how we spent the rest of the afternoon, sipping tea and eating cookies. It felt more and more like we were in one of his romantic comedies, but I refused to voice my thoughts. The last thing I wanted him to think was that we were on some kind of date or a courtship thingy.
After the storm passed, I was ready to trudge on home. My jacket and boots were dry and I had no reason to waste any more of Jack’s time.
Just as I refused his offer to walk me home, I noticed a couple of boxes on the other side of the room.
“Still moving in?” I asked, curious about what an actor would bring to his hideaway.
He looked at the boxes. “Oh, that stuff. It’s not mine. It came with this house. Apparently when they renovated this place they found some of that stuff in the walls of the original house. Still don’t know what I want to do with any of that stuff. Probably throw it away or maybe donate to the local library, if they can use it.”
“There are books in there?” Suddenly he had gotten my attention. I loved books, especially the old ones no one ever reads anymore.
“Journals to be exact. Haven’t really looked closely at them.”
Before I could stop myself I was kneeling by the boxes on the floor.
“Can I take a look? I love stuff like this.” I hoped I wasn’t annoying him, but if he was going to throw this stuff away anyway, it couldn’t hurt to take a look, could it?
“Oh, be my guest,” he said and brought a couple of candles with him. Even though the storm had passed, the power was still not back on.
I was excited beyond words. I was about to look at books, or journals, that no one had seen in who knows how many years, much less read.
I opened the box carefully so as not to disturb its contents. I looked up at Jack and he had an amused look in his eyes. He found my excitement amusing, but I decided to ignore him and focus on the task at hand.
I carefully took out the first leather bound journal from the box. It looked pretty old, and the pages had yellowed with age. I opened it to see beautiful cursive writing filling the pages. Dates passed by as I carefully flipped through the journal. I felt a rush of excitement go through my body.
“Wow,” I said, not able to keep my excitement to myself.
“You can take it with you, if you want. It’s not like I have much use for it here.” He said, pointing to the whole box.
I looked through the box and saw a couple of more journals. I picked the one with the latest date and one earlie
r one.
“Wow, thank you,” I said as I got up to go. I still couldn’t believe what I was holding in my hands.
“Come back any time,” he winked. “You sure you don’t need any help with those? What if it rains again? You should probably at least borrow an umbrella.”
And borrow one I did. I knew I was going to have to see Jack again, and not just because of the journals I took from his house. Or the umbrella. He was definitely different than I imagined he would be like and I was rethinking my decision to keep to myself for the rest of my life.
I walked down to the shore and watched as the clouds slowly cleared. It didn’t look like it was going to rain again. At least not today. I hurried back home, but instead of getting there, I ran into another familiar face.
“Oh, hi there Sophie, didn’t know you were out and about today?” A familiar voice greeted me. I looked down to where he was kneeling.
“Hi Henry,” I greeted him back, hoping that he wouldn’t keep me for too long. The journals in my hands were almost hot with the need to be read and devoured.
Chapter Four
Alas, it was not meant to be. The skies had cleared up and I really didn’t want to piss Henry off. He was the nicest guy on the island. He was somewhat of an amateur photographer, and he always begged me to pose for him, but I always refused.
Thankfully, he didn’t press the matter today, for I was in no mood for an argument.
“What are you taking pictures of?” I asked as I watched him set up the camera towards the sea.
“Mostly just horizon shots. Not my favorites, but they are in demand. Digsby, over at the lone motel, wanted some for a brochure he was making. I told him that no one wants to vacation on this island, but he promised to pay, so I have to give him something.”
I couldn’t imagine who would want to vacation here either. Well, except poor old me. I still felt out of place, after almost a year in the place, and I got here by accident.
It’s not a very interesting story, but I guess I’ll tell it anyway: I met Lucy in the city and she told me about the place she called home. I was scared, my first day in London, not really knowing where the hell I should go. I didn’t think through my little runaway trip all too well, I guess. Before I had a chance to be swallowed by the city, Lucy had rescued me and taken me with her. She found it fascinating that I was from America, and since the diner she worked at needed another waitress, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. It was Lucy who took me to the city to get all my papers in order. I knew I had to go back home eventually, but I told myself I was on an extended vacation.