‘All right,’ Jerry Lee said and wiped his eyes.
‘You think you can stand up that long? In the shower, I mean?’
‘Maybe,’ he said. I took the plastic bag liner from the small trash can in the bathroom and gave it to him. I looked around for a rubber band or tape but there wasn’t any, and so I took a lace from my shoe and Jerry Lee put the plastic bag over the leg and tied the lace around it.
I started the water and got the temperature right. A small cloud of steam began to appear on the mirror as I got him up. I took off his underwear and helped him into the tub.
‘I don’t know how long I can stand,’ he said weakly.
I took the soap and washed him the best I could. The water getting me wet and getting all over the bathroom floor.
‘You got any shampoo?’ he asked. ‘My hair smells pretty goddamn bad.’
‘Don’t think so,’ I said. ‘We can just wash it with soap.’
I took the bar and washed his hair, then rinsed him and shut off the water. I helped dry him while he leaned against the tile wall, then I helped him out of the tub and into his bed.
He called for the dog, and it jumped up and lay next to him, and I clicked on the TV and went through the channels and found him a movie with Charlton Heston in it, Planet of the Apes.
‘That was horrible,’ Jerry Lee said.
‘I know,’ I said.
‘I’m glad I don’t have to get up for a while, that I don’t have to take a leak or move anytime soon.’
‘I’m gonna go out and get you some bandages,’ I said. ‘You want any breakfast?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said after a while. ‘Maybe orange juice. Maybe get that soup again for lunch. I might be hungry by then. Ask for the bread too. And if you don’t mind, could you get me a pad of drawing paper and some pencils? Now that I’m out of the hospital maybe I’ll feel like drawing again.’
‘I’ll get all that stuff. You gonna be okay by yourself?’
‘I’ll be all right. I think I’ll be just fine. I’m sorry you had to see that.’
‘It’s nothing.’
‘It is, though, it really is,’ he said.
30
WHEN I GOT BACK Jerry Lee was awake and Planet of the Apes was still on. The room was warm and the dog was asleep. I gave Jerry Lee an orange juice and a waffle. When the dog woke Jerry Lee gave him some, and I took off my coat and sat on the bed next to his.
‘I got a bunch of stuff, although I’m not sure it’s right,’ I said. ‘When do you want to change the bandage?’
‘I guess we should probably do it soon,’ he said and looked at me. ‘I’d do it myself, but I probably wouldn’t do the best job. It’s ugly to look at, though. If you do it, it might make you sick.’
‘We gotta do it,’ I said and went to the cooler and found a beer and opened it.
‘Wish I could drink,’ Jerry Lee said.
‘You will soon enough.’
‘Maybe you better have a few before you change it.’
‘Maybe.’
‘I almost puked when I first saw it. It’s an awful looking sight.’
I drank three beers and we finished the movie before I did anything. Then I moved Jerry Lee to the toilet, and while I went for the supplies he took off the old bandage and set it in the small plastic trash can under the faucet.
He was more than right, it was hard to look at, and I was glad I was drunk. But he told me what to do and I followed his instructions the best I could and it went along okay. First I set down a couple towels on the tile floor underneath the leg, then poured hydrogen peroxide over the whole stump and a couple times over the stitches. It fizzed up on them, and I wiped away the foam with Kleenex, then dried it off with gauze. Then I just began wrapping the leg with gauze. I took a couple big pieces and folded it over the front, and taped them to the gauze I’d wrapped on the side. I made it tight, but not so much that it hurt him. It took some time, and I wasn’t sure, but it seemed to work out.
After I was done I helped him back to bed. It was almost eleven a.m. by then, and I found him another movie on the TV. I took off my shoes and sat on the bed and drank a beer and began to watch The Great Waldo Pepper with Robert Redford.
I crawled into bed and we watched it together in silence. After a time I could hear Jerry Lee snoring. When the movie was over I got up again, opened a beer, and looked through the phone book. I didn’t think I’d find her name, I was almost sure I wouldn’t, but under the Js it was there. Annie James. It listed her phone number, but there was no address. I sat for a time not sure what to do, so I opened another beer, and then another, and called her. She answered on the third ring and after we talked for a while we set up a time to meet.
*
When I got there, to the Stockman Casino, I almost didn’t go in, I was so nervous. I stood outside for a long while and went back and forth about it.
I saw her right away, sitting in a booth drinking coffee. My stomach bunched up in a knot and I got nervous as hell. I wanted her to still like me, I guess that was the thing. Even after all that had happened, that’s what I hoped for. That’s what I was worried about.
When she saw me she stood and smiled. She looked the same, although skinnier, and her hair shorter. She was dressed in a black skirt with black stockings and black shoes. She wore a plain red sweater, and no make-up or lipstick.
‘Hi, Frank,’ she said uncertainly.
‘Hello,’ I said and smiled at her. I sat down and a waitress came and gave us menus.
‘I work at a hardware store,’ she said when the lady had gone. ‘But I was lucky and I didn’t have to go in today. I work in the office. I answer phones and file. Things like that. It’s a good job, though. The people are all right. I live not far from here in an apartment. In a studio. It’s smaller than any motel I’ve ever stayed in, but it’s pretty nice. It’s my own place. I even painted it, and it has a full kitchen.’
‘What color did you paint it?’
‘The bathroom I painted white, it was dark green, and I painted the front room this sorta cream color, it looks good though. I can’t believe you’re here.’
‘Me neither.’
‘I’m glad you called. I really am.’
‘I’m staying over at the Traveler’s Inn, you know where that is?’
‘No,’ she said and laughed. ‘I try to avoid motels.’
‘Just down the street, maybe a half-mile from here.’
‘You guys on vacation?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s nothing like that.’
The waitress came to take our order.
‘I think I’m too nervous to eat,’ Annie James said and looked at me. ‘If I ate, I think I’d puke.’
‘I’ll get a piece of apple pie and coffee.’
The waitress wrote down the order and walked away.
‘I live by myself now,’ Annie said and picked up her spoon and began playing with it. ‘When we left that night, left Reno, my mom she said we had to. Said someone was trying to kill her. She was out of her mind. I don’t think anyone was really trying to kill her, but I’m not sure either. I was gonna stay, but I didn’t know what to do. I thought you’d want me to leave. I don’t know, I was scared, I guess. I felt horrible. I hated myself for what I did. I still do. I don’t think I could have faced myself if I stayed. I didn’t have anywhere to live either and no money. So there I was with her. First we went to Winnemucca, then we came to Elko and stayed with a friend of hers for a while, then my mom got a job working at one of the houses and I found a job as a maid and then I got the job at the Home Depot and when I’d saved enough money I rented the place I have now. My mom she left town six months ago. Met some guy and they went together. I think they’re in Texas somewhere. I haven’t heard from her much. She calls every month or so. I only met the guy she left with once, but I’m more than relieved she’s gone.’
‘I’m glad you’re living on your own,’ I said.
‘I still think about you. All the time
I do.’
‘I think about you.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she said.
‘I got your letters.’
‘Jesus, I’m glad you’re here,’ she said and smiled again. ‘Are you gonna stay for a while?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I don’t know what we’re gonna do.’
When we left the coffee shop, we left together, and as we walked along the streets towards the motel I told her about what had happened, about Wes Denny and Jerry Lee. About his leg and the fight between Tyson and Holyfield, and the money we made from it. And I told her how I saw Tommy Locowane sitting at the twenty-one table, and how I took Jerry Lee from the hospital.
It was near dusk and we could see our breath as we walked. We were near a street lamp and she held my hand. She had mittens on, and she reached for my hand and I held it and we walked the rest of the way to the room like that.
Jerry Lee was awake when we came in. The dog was next to him, the TV was on, and it was warm inside.
‘Holy shit,’ Jerry Lee said and his face cracked into a smile. ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time. I knew there was a reason we came to Elko. I just couldn’t figure it out.’
‘It’s good to see you,’ she said and smiled. ‘This must be your dog. He’s cute.’ She went over and began petting him. Then she reached over and began petting Jerry Lee’s head. ‘Here you go, Jerry Lee, I don’t want you to feel left out.’
Jerry Lee laughed and then we all sat on the bed and talked. She told him about her place and her job. How she was taking classes at the community college, and how she had a fish tank and four fish, and how she named them A, B, C, and D.
Without her even asking and without me talking to him, he told her everything, about the guilt he had for the kid Wes Denny, a kid, Jerry Lee told her, who had no family, no one at all.
‘It makes me hurt in a way that don’t ever go away,’ Jerry Lee said and tears filled his eyes. ‘I killed him.’
‘It wasn’t your fault,’ I said.
‘I guess that doesn’t really matter,’ Jerry Lee said. ‘It doesn’t. I killed a kid and now I hardly want to live at all.’
‘Don’t say that,’ Annie James said. ‘What would Frank do without you?’
‘He wouldn’t be in trouble, that’s what,’ Jerry Lee said and turned his face away.
We sat there in silence for a long while, then I told Annie I’d walk her home. She stood up and went over to Jerry Lee and kissed him on the forehead and said goodbye, then left the room and waited for me outside.
‘You’re gonna be all right,’ I said. I sat on the bed next to him.
His head was still turned away.
‘I don’t know,’ Jerry Lee said weakly.
‘You will. You just got to ease up on thinking about it. It wasn’t your fault, these things happen. They happen for no reason. It’s horrible, but it’s not your fault.’
‘It is my fault, though, it is. It is my fault because I’m alive. Things happen because of me. Things change and are ruined ’cause of me.’ Cause of my stupid life.’ Cause I’m here on this planet.’
‘It’s not right to say that,’ I said. ‘You’re wrong when you say it.’
He turned his face to me and wiped the tears from his eyes. ‘I’ll be all right, Frank,’ he said finally. ‘I guess I’m just tired. And all this traveling and my leg and not knowing what I’m gonna do are all causing me to lose my mind. I just need to sleep, don’t you think?’
‘Yeah,’ I said.
‘I’ll be okay in a while,’ he said. ‘You should take Annie home. You should spend the night if she wants. I’m feeling better than I was. Maybe I just needed to get it out. But really, I just think I need to knock off for a while.’
‘I’ll come back, you can’t even take a piss on your own.’
‘I can, I already got up a couple times while you were gone. You should stay if you can,’ he said and tried to smile. ‘One of us needs to have a decent time.’
31
WE WERE PRETTY QUIET as we walked to her home, but once there she invited me in and we started kissing pretty soon after that. I hadn’t even hugged anyone in almost two years. I didn’t know what to think about it, I really didn’t, but it felt good. It felt lucky. Even so, I wasn’t real sure of her yet, so I didn’t sleep with her although I wanted to. Mostly we just talked and when we finally did sleep I left my pants on.
In the morning she made me breakfast and I walked her to work. When I got back to the motel it wasn’t even seven. It was still cold out, and I guessed it wasn’t even in the teens. When I came to our room I could see the window open, the door ajar, and when I went inside Jerry Lee was on the bed in his underwear, with no blankets on him and the heater off. The TV was on, with the sound low, and he was shaking, his skin almost blue, his teeth shaking so much that he could barely talk when I woke him.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ I said and kicked the dog off the blankets, which were laying on the floor, and put them over him. I shut the window and the door and turned the heater on full. I took the bedspread and blanket off my bed and covered him. I went out to the car, took a sleeping bag and put it over him as well.
Then I got in bed with him, next to him to warm him. I held on to him to try to warm him, and it was like holding ice.
‘Wha … are … you … doing?’ he said and looked over at me. He was shaking so hard it was like he was having convulsions.
‘Trying to warm you up, you stupid motherfucker.’
‘Yeah?’ he said and closed his eyes. We didn’t say anything else, and then he fell into a sleep. I stayed there for a long while holding him and I fell asleep myself and when I woke maybe an hour had passed and his body temperature seemed closer to normal and the room had warmed. I got up and took a shower and shaved, and as I dressed the dog began scratching at the door. Jerry Lee was still out, so I wrote him a note and told him not to do anything while the dog and I went out for a walk.
We went downtown and over the bridge and once again followed the path that ran next to the Humboldt river. There was snow on the ground, and I threw the dog the tennis ball and he’d run after it trying to find it in the snow. But then I threw it way past him and into the bushes alongside the river. The dog went after it, disappearing into the brush. But he didn’t come out and then I heard him start to bark. I called for him but he wouldn’t come, so I went to get him and worked my way through the maze of bushes and frozen brush until I came across him yelping hopelessly at a partially snow-covered sleeping bag.
It looked as though there was a person in it, but nothing was moving, and I thought that if someone was in there, they were most likely dead. Frozen.
I kicked the sleeping bag to make sure, and something inside moved, then a head came out from it. The dog began barking harder.
‘Be quiet,’ I yelled at the dog and he stopped quick.
‘You all right in there?’ I asked.
The person in the bag got out and stood up. It was a kid, a boy in a parka and jeans. His hair was long, black and stringy. He was dirty and shivering.
‘Seems like everyone I know has gone totally fucking crazy,’ I said.
The kid didn’t say anything, just stared at the ground.
‘You all right?’ I asked him.
‘Are you gonna take me to jail?’
‘Why’d I do that?’
‘I dunno.’
‘Why the hell are you sleeping out here?’
‘I didn’t know it was gonna snow,’ he said. The kid still wouldn’t look at me. He was young, fourteen, maybe fifteen at the most.
‘It’s winter,’ I said.
‘I know,’ he said. He bent down and felt inside the sleeping bag and pulled out a pair of cowboy boots and put them on.
‘You a cowboy?’
‘No,’ he said.
‘You sleep much? That bag don’t look like it’s made for snow. Looks like a slumber party bag.’
‘I’ve been freezing my ass off all night
,’ the kid said and laughed in an awkward sorta way.
‘You got any folks?’
‘No,’ the kid said.
‘You hungry?’
‘I haven’t eaten anything but bread and peanut butter for a week.’
‘Get your things and I’ll buy you breakfast.’
‘You ain’t gonna call the cops?’
‘Have you killed anybody?’
‘No.’
‘Then I probably won’t.’
‘If you leave me your address I could send you the money for breakfast when I get where I’m going.’
‘Where are you going?’
‘Wyoming,’ the kid said and smiled and finally he looked at me. His eyes were brown and his teeth were crooked and he had silver caps on three of his bottom teeth.
‘What’s in Wyoming?’
‘A lot of things,’ the kid said and shook the snow off his sleeping bag and rolled it and tied it with two pieces of string that he took from his pocket. Then he stood before me and took a picture from a worn-out leather wallet. The wallet was faded black with a white horseshoe emblem on it, it was thin, and from what I could see there were only a few dollars in it.
‘This,’ he said, ‘it’s my horse. It’s in Wyoming. It’s a goddamn thoroughbred.’
‘Is he fast?’
‘He’s really goddamn fast,’ the boy said, smiling as he stared at the picture. ‘Just look at him.’
I looked at the picture and then the kid put it away, and we began walking towards the road.
The kid didn’t hardly talk the whole time we ate breakfast. He only looked at me when I talked about Wyoming or the horse, asked him questions about it, its name, its age, things like that. The kid just stared at the place mat, and when the food came he ate with his head down, shoveling the food in. A ham and cheese omelet, hash browns, toast, a side order of sausage, and a side order of hotcakes.
The Motel Life Page 14