by Star Jones
“William, I just wanted to tell you I have some very good news,” she said cheerfully to his voice mail. “We worked with the Innocence Project and got him released, the man who was in prison down in Alabama! He’s even agreed to be on the show to talk about his experience! And because of his graciousness, I decided that I’m going to come clean with the world about the role I played in his having to stay in prison those extra years . . . I, uh, I just thought you should know.”
After she hung up, Maxine waited in agony. She stared at her phone, willing it to ring. She got up from the desk and paced around the room. She stared at her pictures. She even bit one of her carefully manicured fingernails. Finally, her cell phone rang. She looked down at the screen. It said “William Clark.” Maxine sat down heavily in the closest chair. She was so happy, she wanted to weep.
The show was proceeding at a pleasing, rapid pace when Dara sat forward and cleared her throat. That drew glances from the other ladies on the couch.
“Um, I have something that I’d like to say now, if you all don’t mind,” Dara said. There were four confused frowns on the couch with her, but no one said a word.
“I believe that everyone has a right to their privacy when it comes to their personal life, so this is a very difficult thing for me, but because it involves someone I love with all my heart, it is also extremely liberating,” Dara said, her eyes gleaming. “I want to announce to America, to my family and friends, to my fans out there, that I am a lesbian.”
There were a few audible gasps from the studio audience. But Dara didn’t slow down.
“I’ve known this for many years, but only recently have I been comfortable enough to admit it,” she said. “And I must say, it took the love of a wonderful woman to help me get to that point. Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to introduce you to the love of my life, Rain Sommers.”
Onto the set stepped Rain, who wore a crazy bright orange suit and a huge smile. The crowd exploded into cheers and applause. There wasn’t a dry eye among the ladies on the couch when Rain came over to join them. Dara stood, and the two of them met in a monumental, overwhelming embrace. Only Karen Siegel, because she was the director, had known about Dara’s big surprise announcement. Not even Maxine was in on it.
Rain sat and looked up and down the couch at the ladies. “Hey, Maxine,” Rain said. “You think maybe I could join the cast here? I come cheap. We’ll call it the Lunch Club special—you could get two lesbos for the price of one!”
Rain was hilarious on the show, talking about her efforts to get Dara to come out of the closet and to accept a lesbian lifestyle. Later on, when Dara and Rain went out for a special celebratory dinner, Dara got a call on her cell phone from Riley Dufrane.
“Is Rain there with you?” Riley asked.
“Yes, she is,” Dara said.
“Do you mind putting me on speaker for a second so that I can address both of you?” Riley asked.
Dara pressed a couple of buttons on her phone. “Okay, you’re on speaker!” she said.
“Great! Thank you for taking my call, Dara. I just want to tell you how proud I was of what you did today. It was a very moving show. And it was also funny as hell, thanks to your partner there.”
“Why thank you, Mr. Dufrane!” Rain said.
“Please, call me Riley. Anyway, I have a proposition for the two of you. How would you like to have your own show on NBN? It could be modeled after Regis and Kelly, you know, some discussion, some guests, some laughs.” He paused. “I was thinking that maybe we could put it on opposite Ellen.”
Rain laughed. “I love it!” she roared into the phone. “We could bill it as the Battle of the Dykes!”
EPILOGUE
Maxine took some of the pop away from Heather’s big scoop the day before Heather’s show with Missy by getting Mr. Roosevelt Allen released from prison and confessing on the air, with a bit of revisionist history, that she had “put a business decision ahead of this man’s freedom.” Maxine took a hit—the media came after her with a vengeance, calling her “heartless” and “unfeeling”—but because Maxine had outed herself, the story had no legs. She knew that a fire needed oxygen to breathe and burn, and after her “heartfelt” public disclosure and apology, that fire was out. One week of bad press—and just as quickly the public was fascinated by Beyoncé’s apparent baby bump. Then Lindsay allegedly hit someone else with her car and the Maxine and Missy drama was relegated to the low-level blogs.
Nonetheless, Heather Hope milked every ounce of drama and intrigue that she could out of Missy’s appearance on her show. She made her painstakingly go through the days leading up to her departure from The Lunch Club, making sure to emphasize the role that Maxine played every step of the way. The big dramatic moment came when her new husband, Rayford Williams, a tall, good-looking black man, walked out onto the stage and gave her a tender kiss. But Heather wasn’t done yet with Maxine.
“So, if not for Maxine, would you say that your life would have been drastically different over the past several years?” Heather asked.
But Heather wasn’t quite expecting the answer she got. It was a perfect example of a primary lesson lawyers quickly learn about questioning a witness at trial—never ask a question to which you don’t already know the answer.
“I’ve thought about this a lot, Heather,” she said. “Of course when I set out to write the book, I had remorse for what I had done to that poor man. But I was so filled with vengeance in my heart, I wanted to get back at Maxine because of what she did to me. But in retrospect, I put this whole sad drama in motion and I think she actually did me a favor. I am grateful she fired me. I had to come to grips with my own culpability. And once I did my life changed, and several good things happened after I left The Lunch Club. I was reunited with this lovely man right here, the love of my life. My son now has a life with his real father and the three of us couldn’t be happier.” Missy reached out and grasped Rayford’s hand.
“And I also was forced to look in the mirror at myself. Funny thing about self-reflection. It usually reveals your true self, and sometimes it ain’t pretty,” she said with a nervous laugh. “I needed to come to grips with some of the horrible things I said and believed in my past,” she continued. “I know I became a favorite of the conservative right because of my views on abortion and gun control and prayer in schools and things like that. But now I see that I was coming from a position of hate, not of love. Now that I have real love back in my life, I can see that my heart was too cold before, too closed. I was wrong, Heather, and for that I am really, really sorry.”
POST-EPILOGUE
The ladies of The Lunch Club were resplendent in their evening gown finery as they walked the red carpet at the Daytime Emmy Awards. Though they didn’t mind getting dressed up for the event, they knew that it would end badly for them, as it always did, because they undoubtedly would lose to Ellen, as they seemed to do every year. Maxine had even toyed with skipping the award ceremony this year because she didn’t want to suffer the embarrassment once again.
The ladies all had a good time watching the antics of their newest cast member, La—ah Meeks, as she worked the red carpet with some of the most provocative poses the Daytime Emmys had ever seen. As usual, La—ah was nothing if not provocative. Dara was wistful about the proceedings because the Emmys were her last official act as a member of The Lunch Club. Her show with Rain, Dara and Rain in the Morning, was set to premiere in two months and she was giddy and terrified at the same time.
“Hey, who is that man with Maxine?” Whitney said, pointing toward their boss, who was approaching them on the arm of a gorgeous, distinguished-looking black man. As they drew closer, Whitney said, in amazement, “Wait, isn’t that her butler?”
They all stared in shock. “Yes, I think that is her butler,” Karen confirmed. “Why would she come here with her butler?”
Wearing a big, happy smile and a resplendent Etro evening gown, Maxine seemed to be gliding as she got closer to the group, gripping th
e arm of her companion.
“Hello, ladies!” she said, beaming. “I’d like to introduce you all to my husband, William Clark.”
Life Lessons
LEARNED FROM THE GREATS:
“You’re on the show every day . . . let your guest shine today.”
—REGIS PHILBIN
“Stand in the space God has created for you.”
—OPRAH WINFREY
“Figure out your truth . . . and tell it.”
—ROSIE O’DONNELL
“If you’re trying to get a guest, make your own phone calls.”
—KATIE COURIC
“There is no substitute for paying attention.”
—DIANE SAWYER
“It’s not the first question . . . it’s the follow-up question.”
—BARBARA WALTERS
“The story is the thing.”
—ED BRADLEY
“It’s not what they call you . . . it’s what you answer to.”
—BRYANT GUMBEL
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To extend thanks,
show gratitude,
express appreciation,
and give recognition:
These people deserve all that and more.
Louise Burke for getting me within five minutes of my walking in the door. Thank you for the offer of a home for my dream project. Tricia Boczkowski for loving my Lunch Club Ladies from the moment you met them. Patrick Price, editor to the stars, for your razor-sharp scalpel of a sense of just what readers want to read. My copy editor, Jane Elias, for understanding my incessant need for an ellipsis. Kate Dresser for keeping me on time . . . we never needed an extension . . . that must be a record! To Michael Nagin for a cover that I conceived in my head and you interpreted so it came from my heart. Special appreciation to Anthony Ziccardi and Michael Selleck, the greatest sales team around. To my PR team at Gallery: Jennifer Robinson, Jean Anne Rose, and Kristin Dwyer, thank you for giving them all something to talk about. And to Jennifer Weidman, Esq., for keeping us out of court! (I still would have left it in . . . hahahaha.)
To my literary agent, Nancy Yost, for believing in me, pushing me, supporting me, and selling our baby . . . in three days. Girl, you don’t play! Get ready for the next one.
To my alter ego Nick Chiles, you got in my head, connected to my story and my ladies, and helped me give them voice, structure, and shape. Satan’s Sisters would not have fire without you. Deneen and I had to reign in the freak in you, but we all agreed a little devil never hurt anybody!
To “Team Star”: Tamara and Lita for not giving up on me. And to Brad and Lisette of my own Shadow PR Team; Lizette Bradley was born of you both. To Mark and all of ML Management for keeping all the balls in the air. Cliff and Jamey for being the lawyer’s lawyers. And to Richard, Lori, and my N. S. Bienstock team . . . well, let the games begin.
To my family and friends who knew about this project, and kept it secret and plotted, planned and giggled with me the whole time. Holly and Janet . . . your advice was invaluable.
To S.O. (Significant Other, aka Herb Wilson) for the time, the reason, and the season. . . you always knew I could do it.
And finally, to the women of daytime television who crossed my path over the last two decades: thank you for the inspiration and the perspiration.
Star
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Star Jones, attorney, television personality, former prosecutor, political insider, philanthropist, author, and lecturer, has worked in television for more than twenty years. Star has throughout her professional career offered a fresh perspective on the day’s most talked about crime and justice, political and sociological issues from the worlds of news, entertainment, politics, and pop culture. Star is best known to television viewers for her candor, confidence, and uncanny ability to clarify muddy legal and social issues. She was one of the original cohosts of ABC’s The View, where she worked for nine years, and knows well what goes on behind the scenes in daytime talk television. Her knowledge of the law and talent for television have won her critical acclaim as a news and legal correspondent, television host, and social commentator. Star is the bestselling author of two non-fiction books, You Have to Stand for Something, or You’ll Fall for Anything and Shine: A Physical, Emotional, & Spiritual Journey to Finding Love.