“No. I want you to find out what you want in life. And then put a diamond ring on Rose’s finger. Marry her and live the greatest life ever.”
“What?”
“You heard me. I’m going to help you pay for the ring, too. I’m saving money, Foster. Sorry I didn’t spend the two bucks for a coffee, but I’m tucking that away.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Dead serious,” Dad said. “I’ve fucked you over your entire life. The only thing that’s been constant is Rose. So I’m going to make it right. Make sure that you two are on a path together.”
“I don’t need that.”
“It’s my gift. Give me a few weeks to get the rest of the cash together.”
Dad stood up and winked at me. He backed away and turned to leave.
I stood up, mouth open, wanting to say something else.
But in that moment, I became Kingsley again. The kid holding onto every word his father said.
But Foster knew the truth.
I would never get a penny from him. Rose wouldn’t get a ring because of him.
He’d be back in jail before he could make half the money to buy even a cheap engagement ring. Plus, it wasn’t his job to do that for Rose. It was my job, if that’s what I wanted.
I leaned against the table and touched my chin.
Damn, that was the question of my life…
What the fuck did I want?
23
One Stubborn Meeting to Another
Rose
I opened the front door to my childhood home and found Vivian standing there, her lip curled. She was worked up, and I knew why.
The first thing I did was hug her. It was just our silent thing to do. When we knew the other one was upset, a hug was the trick. We made that deal after our mother died. We took turns grieving, tried to keep Dad as happy as we could, and always promised each other that we would just hug.
“He’s so fucking stubborn,” Vivian whispered.
“I know he is,” I said. “Why don’t you head back to work. I’ll stay here. Deal with him. Take a breather.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
I took her by the hand and we walked into the kitchen. Dad stood there, a hand on the counter, his other hand touching his chest. He took labored breaths. On the counter was a box of frozen hamburgers.
“I have to leave, Dad,” Vivian said. “Back to work.”
“Good,” he said. “You don’t need to be here. Go live your life. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure you’re fine?” I asked.
“Just a little winded. That’s all.” He smiled. “Come here, Viv. Give me a hug.”
They hugged and when Vivian turned, she had tears in her eyes. I caught her hand as she walked away, squeezing it a few times. She then slipped away and left the house.
The first thing I did was pick up the box of frozen hamburgers and then opened the trash and threw it out.
“Hey,” Dad growled. “I paid eight-”
“I don’t care,” I said. “You can’t have that stuff.”
“Says who?”
“Me. Doctors.”
“Vivian,” he said.
“You hurt her feelings, Dad.”
“She’s picky.”
“You’re sick.”
“I’m not damn sick,” Dad snapped.
“Your heart…”
He curled his lip. “After all I’ve been through, nobody gets to question my heart.”
He pushed from the counter and walked with grunts and sighs.
I understood it.
I gave him a few minutes to himself.
I snuck to the downstairs bathroom to pee and collect my emotions. In some sense, my father had gotten close to meeting my mother again. Surviving meant living and being with me and Vivian. Dying meant he could find his love again.
So for him it was both a winning and losing situation at the same time.
I wiped the corners of my eyes and went to the living room.
Dad sat in his favorite green chair.
I sat on the edge of the couch.
“Let’s talk about her,” I said.
“What?”
“Mom.”
“No.”
“Dad, I understand. I’m sorry you had to relive it all again. After coming through this. I don’t know what I can say to you because I can’t imagine not having you around. But if you were gone, I would find comfort knowing you were with her.”
I saw the way Dad gripped the arms of the chair.
This conversation probably wasn’t good for his heart.
I should have just let him cook the damn burgers.
Dad took a deep breath. He looked at me. “Vivian is a pain in the ass. Just like your mother.”
I smirked. “So that’s why you’re being mean to her.”
“I’m not mean. I’m honest.”
“Honest?”
“I’m hungry, Rose.”
“Then let us make you something.”
“I don’t want that rabbit food.”
“Dad.”
“Rose,” he said in a cocky voice.
“You’re being a child now.”
“Ha. Now you know what it was like dealing with you girls. Forever fighting over toys, brushes, the bathroom, never wanting to eat what I cooked.”
“You sucked at cooking.”
“I did the best I could,” he said, his eyes becoming glossy.
“I know,” I said. “And you did amazing.”
I would have given anything right then for Dad’s version of meatloaf. This charred hunk of meat with chunks of I don’t know what inside it.
“Amazing,” Dad said. “I don’t feel it.”
“You should.”
“Rose. I’m not sure what to think or feel. Okay? You said it about your mother. But then me going early and not experiencing you and Vivian’s lives…”
“You’re still here,” I said.
“For now.”
“Don’t talk like that. Do what the doctors say and you’ll be fine.”
“You know, I never knew what to do with Foster.”
“Foster? We’re talking about Foster now?”
“Yeah, we are. I could never get a read on that guy. You were head over heels from the day you saw him. I knew I was in trouble. And his father…”
“What’s the deal with you and his father?”
Dad looked at me. “I warned him.”
“Warned him?”
“I told him so many times to stop fucking up Foster’s life.”
“You said that to Kevin?”
“Yeah, I did.”
“When?”
“After work. I’d sometimes have a beer with the guys. Kevin would be there. I grabbed him one time and put him right over the bar. I had the shit head in my hands and wanted to kill him.”
“Really?”
Dad nodded. “The guys pulled me away. Then he came after me. They ended up throwing us out back to settle things.”
“You fought Foster’s father?”
“Not really a fight,” Dad said. “We pushed and shoved. And then he played me.”
“Played you how?”
“He broke down a little. Played into my emotions. About losing your mother. How he lost his love. We ended up drinking a few. Talking. He asked me for some money to get a room. I told him to clean up and get a place so that he and Foster could settle. He took that money and bought himself some drugs. Got high. Got into trouble. Got arrested. With my money.” Dad pointed to his chest. “Jesus, Rose, it was like I bought him the stuff. I couldn’t look Foster in the eyes again after that.”
“Dad… it’s not your fault.”
“It is. Because that guy will always be the same. And I never let Foster stay here. I should have made a room for him. But how could I have done that? You were teenagers.”
I moved from the couch and walked to Dad. I crouched in front of him. “You did nothing wrong. Ever. W
e’re figuring ourselves out. Together.”
“I know that piece of shit father of his is out of jail again,” Dad said. “I hope he doesn’t mess things up.”
“Foster is an adult. So am I. It’s just life.”
Dad took a deep breath and moved his left shoulder with discomfort. “Life.”
“And you, Dad, you’re going to eat what you’re told. Walk when you’re supposed to walk. Not overdo it.”
“Yeah, right,” he said. “Whatever you say, Rose.”
I stood up and had a sudden sinking feeling in my stomach. I gripped Dad’s shoulder and suddenly had the urge the throw up. My mouth bone dry, my stomach squeezing. I took a breath and swallowed hard.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. I just stood up too fast. I have to go pee.”
“You just went. I heard you in the bathroom.”
“I have to go again,” I said.
I really did, too.
Dad raised an eyebrow at me.
He didn’t say anything. Maybe he didn’t need to.
I didn’t think of it all that much.
But after I made Dad something to eat and decided to leave, he walked me to the door with a smile on his face like I hadn’t seen in years. He hugged me tighter than he had in a long time.
I didn’t know what had made him so happy, but it was really good to see.
As for me… I was about to find out just what the reason was .
24
Late Night Whispers and Lyrics
Foster
I held Rose’s perfect nude body against mine. My right hand trailing around the curve of her ass. My left hand gently playing with her hair.
“Tell me about your day,” she whispered, her breath against my chest.
“Just another day,” I said. “Something funny did happen.”
“What?”
“Heard from Carl. I get to have a writing session soon. Potential for a hit or two. That would be nice.”
“What’s that like, Foster? Writing music. Selling it.”
“Just like any job,” I said.
“No. I don’t believe that. You’re making something special.”
“You’re something special, Rose.” I pulled at her, holding her even tighter to me. “I’d rather just do this for the rest of my life.”
“Then sell the song about me,” she teased. “Then we can be rich together. Forever.”
I looked down at her. “You think you can put up with me for forever?”
“Why not? It’s all we’ve got for each other. Nothing else is left.”
“Oh, there’s plenty left between us,” I said. “Do you want to live in this studio apartment with me? Or me living in your apartment?”
“So, we’re buying a house now?”
“Whoa, Rose, don’t jump the gun.”
“Oh. Right. We’re not there yet.” She rolled her eyes.
“Hey,” I said. “I’ll give you anything you want, Rose.”
“Yeah, you say that.”
I rolled her to her back and looked into her eyes. “I’m serious, Rose. I’m enjoying this. You and me like this. I’m holding back so we don’t mess things up.”
“We’re really good at messing things up.”
“Yeah, we are. Mostly me though.”
“True. I didn’t want to offend you though.”
“Thanks for that,” I whispered. “I’m serious. We’ve gone through the worst of it all. Just bouncing around. We never got too far apart. We never really hated each other.”
“We just didn’t risk it enough,” she said.
“I know. In some ways, I’d rather have you in my life as a friend than lose you as the one.”
“Wow. Not sure if that’s romantic or not.”
I grinned. “Neither am I. I like this Rose. I mean, I can’t give you a dream life. The life you probably want…”
“There you go, Foster. Just assuming things again. You always do that. Like the night of that party. Faking all that kissing stuff. Why? You assumed I didn’t want to kiss you?”
“No,” I said. “Rose. That night… if I’d kissed you… that would have led to so much more.”
“That would have been a bad thing?”
I inched down and kissed her. I turned and sat up a little in the bed. “I was moving stuff for my father then, Rose.”
“Stuff…”
I looked down at her. “Stuff.”
“Oh,” she said. “I remember that night. With the car.”
“Yeah. That was my getaway. I was moving stuff at the party. Delivering. Then I had to go and take care of other stuff. It was how we survived. If I helped him, he stayed good. Which sounds strange. Breaking the law to not break the law.”
“Foster,” Rose said. She grabbed my hand and opened it. She played with my fingers. “I hate him. So much. More than I’ve ever hated anyone.”
I smiled. I felt the hard lump in my throat. “I know. Just means you love me.”
Rose bit her lip. “I want to say that to you, Foster. Right now. A month ago. A year ago. I don’t know where that will get us though.”
“I want you to live the way you want,” he whispered. “Never hold back. The good. The bad. Anything. I know you hate my father. In some way, I do too. The thing is, Rose, he can’t get to me anymore. It really doesn’t matter. I have everything I want in my life. In my arms. You.”
Rose inched up a little and kissed my chest. “Fine. I love you, Foster.”
I touched her chin, tracing a line from one side to the other. I cupped the left side of her face, my thumb stroking her cheek.
“I know you do,” I whispered. “You’ve loved me for as long as I’ve known you. That really means something to me. You don’t have to believe me, Rose, but it’s why I sort of kept that small distance there. I never wanted you dragged into my darkness.”
“I wasn’t ever dragged,” Rose said. “I followed. Willingly.”
“I know. You stubborn fool of a woman.”
“Love,” she said. “It does things to a person.”
“I know,” I said. “Fuck me, Rose, I know. There were so many times when I would suddenly just think of you. Wonder if you were with someone. If he was treating you good. If he loved you the way you wanted to be loved.”
“There could never be anyone but you, Foster,” Rose said. “That’s the one truth of my life. Everything else just kind of falls into place. Just happens.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m not sure anything in my life actually has fallen into place. Other than showing up at the right times. Or the wrong times, depending on how you look at it.”
Rose laughed. “Everything about us is right and wrong. That’s what makes us…”
Rose paused.
“Makes us what?” I asked.
“I don’t know.”
I laughed. “Thanks for that.”
“I’m tired, Foster.”
“That’s your fault, Rose. I planned on going straight to bed. But you…”
“Oh, come on,” she said. “Who goes to bed at nine?”
I winked. “To be fair, Rose, you don’t look very tired right now.”
“I don’t?”
“Nope.”
I moved to my left and wrapped my right arm around her and gripped the bed. My body pressed to hers, I kissed her once. That’s all I needed. I pulled away and gave Rose a second to get ready. She hooked her left leg around my body and I thrust down at her, feeling her warmth exploding with even more heat. I moved between her legs as I kissed her again. Her hands grabbed at my hair, pulling hard. I broke the kiss and inched down her neck. She put her head back with a sigh and thrust her chest up at me.
I slid my hand down the bed and touched her hip, easing up and over her sweet skin and down to her inner thigh. I opened her legs a little more, my fingers cutting up until I touched her silky folds. Curling my fingers, I teased her hips into thrusting, her body tight to mine, under my control.
My mouth
kissed down her chest and settled on her left breast. I tasted her skin, the tip of my tongue making circles around her nipple, and I finally closed my mouth and gently pulled, making her groan and making her arch her back even more off the bed.
Between her legs, I moved my fingers up to her soft skin and left a trail of honey along her lower stomach. I moved my body and inched forward, bringing myself to her. With just the slightest of touches, her back crashed to the bed and she purred. Her hips quivered with need as her heart raced with want. I reversed my kisses so that I climbed up her chest, tasted her neck, and kissed to her mouth. The kiss was wild, intense, and I thrust my lower half forward, sinking into her.
She gasped as we kissed.
Her hands grabbed for my back.
She wrapped her legs around my lower back.
I had her. She was all mine.
My body thrusting, pumping, fucking, having her again.
She was right… who the hell goes to bed at nine?
We did.
Because it was now almost midnight and we had done nothing but explore each other’s bodies and hearts.
I grunted as I thrust forward with force. Rose cried out and broke the kiss, burying her face into my neck. Her lips, her tongue, and then her teeth. Kissing me. Biting me. My nose gently touching her hair, smelling her shampoo. It made me grit my teeth.
With Rose, there was no falling in love. There was diving head first into a darkness that never ended the way we wanted.
But it felt…
“It’s so fucking good,” she groaned, her breath touching my neck.
She fought to keep kissing me, working her way to my chest. I put fists to the bed and lifted away from her. She grabbed my arms and pulled herself up, kissing and biting at me.
I moved faster and faster, looking down at her as she tried to ravage me. Feeling her trying to keep pace.
It made me curl my lip.
I felt my cock swell. I felt her beautiful body clenching against me.
Rose kissed up my chest and put her head back again to gasp for air. A few sweaty strands of hair clung to her face. She looked hopeless with eyes burning with pleasure.
That was all I could take.
I lowered down to kiss her.
But before our lips could even attempt to flirt, we both began to climax…
Let You Go Page 16