The only person who seemed to be alive was Carl. He called and left me a message, wanting to know what the emergency was. That he hoped everyone was okay and safe. And wanted to know when I’d be back in the studio because I was booked for a handful more sessions.
I tossed my phone to the passenger seat of a cheap rental car and kept speeding. I went right to Rose’s apartment. When I saw her car, I felt a little relieved. I parked next to her and ran from the car as though the world was on fire and it was just an inch from getting me.
At her door, I pounded my right fist, my heart slamming against the inside of my chest.
All I ever wanted for Rose was happiness. She was supposed to move on and move forward in life. She was never supposed to end up mine. Fate wasn’t supposed to let it happen. No matter how hard I pushed fate away, it pushed right back at…
The door opened and I saw Rose.
Standing there, looking stuck between sleep and tears.
Her face radiant. Everything about her naturally beautiful and perfect.
“Foster,” she whispered.
“I tried calling you, Rose,” I said. “What…”
My eyes scanned down and went wide.
Her belly was round.
Rose turned a little and slowly placed a hand to her stomach.
I reached and quickly pulled back. “Rose, I don’t get it.”
“I’m sorry, Foster,” she said. “I fucked everything up.”
“You… did not…”
My hand moved up through the air and I reached for Rose’s soft cheek. My fingertips touched it and she shut her eyes for a second. My heart was blasted into a million pieces. She turned her head and pressed her lips to my thumb. I stepped forward, feeling the sizzling electricity between us.
I got close enough to feel her breath hit me.
I dared myself to touch my nose to hers.
Rose touched my hand with hers. I wanted to interlock my fingers with hers and hold her. I wanted to say everything I had been thinking for the last ten weeks or so. Instead, Rose moved my hand down to touch her stomach. I felt the bulge of the roundness and my stomach did a wild twist and a backflip.
“Rose,” I whispered.
“Yes,” she said. “It’s your baby, Foster.”
“Our baby.”
“I never told you,” she whispered. “I fucked up…”
My fingers spread wide across her stomach. “I’m here now, Rose. I fucked up. I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I…”
Rose lifted her head a little and inched forward. Her soft lips touched mine.
I kissed her back.
She groaned.
I broke the kiss. “Rose. What the fuck happened tonight…”
She looked up at me.
The same Rose I remembered from such a long time ago.
I was so tired and twisted up, I didn’t know what to think or do. Hours ago I was inside that fake apartment. I could see the ocean from the window in the living room. I could taste the warmth in the air. I was going to work on a couple new songs and take them to the studio. But all of that was processed. Touching Rose, kissing Rose, that was real. The realest of all reals, no matter how much it hurt and how much it put both of us at risk.
“Foster,” she said. “Your father got busted with drugs again. He was hiding them in my apartment. I can tell you everything that happened later.”
“Later?” I whispered.
Rose nodded. “I can’t tell if I’m dreaming or not right now. And I need you. I need you in a way I can’t describe…”
She touched my face and dug her nails in just enough to tell me exactly what she needed. I gritted my teeth and growled under my breath.
“Rose, you were supposed to have your own forever without me.”
She slowly shook her head. “Without you, Foster, there is no forever. I owe you a million apologies for everything…”
I looked down. I swallowed hard. She had been pregnant all this time and never told me. My son… my daughter… our child…
A whole new life.
With everything else around us crumbling as it always did.
“Foster,” Rose whispered. “Please. I’ve spent every night and every day living in this hell…”
I pressed my lips to hers.
Rose would never feel hell again. I would steal all the hell from her. She would live in heaven and our baby would be her world.
I had no idea what that meant yet.
But first things first…
My Rose needed me.
40
A Pretty Kiss, the Ugly Truth
Rose
I slipped my hands to Foster’s back and felt the ripples of his muscles as he thrust at me again. I shut my eyes and put my head back. It was the first time I’d felt alive since he left. His hands moving up and down my body. Cupping my breasts. His fingers gently sliding across my nipples, making me shiver and groan. The flicker of his tongue to my neck, kissing down, engulfing my breast, pulling away, leaving me feel extra tender, a tingling sensation running through my body non-stop.
His thrusts were powerful, sometimes moving slowly, sometimes fast.
He put his hands flat to the bed and pushed up, looking at my entire body. I felt weird about it though. There were changes happening daily, and no matter what anyone said about me looking glowing and cute or whatever pregnancy clichés there were, I didn’t feel that way at all.
Foster’s eyes moved down and back up until his eyes locked with mine. My hands settled on his face, feeling the scruff of a man so lost that he didn’t bother to shave. Under that was the steel like hardness of his jaw.
And speaking of hardness…
I arched my back as the pleasure reached its peak for what felt like the hundredth time that night. It felt so good to feel Foster again. His hands gently touching my sides, his grip becoming tighter by the second as he sped up. There was a sense of resistance though. He’d reach a speed and then quickly slow back down.
Finally, I grabbed his wrists and pulled. His hands climbed up my body, along my sides, tickling me a little, making me shiver, my hips wiggling as my body felt impossibly full.
Foster lowered his body back down to mine.
“Foster, you’re not going to hurt anything,” I said with a grin.
He curled his lip, annoyed that I’d called him out on being gentle with me and my body.
He kissed me, his tongue exploring my mouth.
He started to thrust harder, his strong hips bucking, slamming against me.
This time, he didn’t slow down.
I was on my back, my arms outstretched across the bed. There was silence between us. The loudest thing was my heart still racing. I couldn't calm myself. Not with Foster’s hands at my sides again, just under my breasts. I looked down and saw his lips hovering two inches from my stomach.
“Rose, you can’t imagine how beautiful you look right now,” he whispered, his eyes looking up at me.
“Stop,” I said. “I feel bloated.”
“You’re carrying our child.”
“Yeah. I am.”
“When… I mean…”
I bit my lip. I didn’t want to tell him everything. Not yet.
I moved my right hand and slid it through his hair.
“Foster…”
“No, Rose,” he whispered. “I need to know everything.”
I opened my mouth, but didn’t speak right away. Foster hovered over my belly again. This time, he came down and pressed his lips to my stomach. It sent butterflies soaring everywhere. I shivered and something amazing happened. The baby kicked. I gasped.
Foster smiled and kissed my stomach again. “I’m here, kid. I’m here. I swear, I’m here.”
I knew right then Foster would be an amazing father.
He slid up my body and then sat up at the edge of the bed. Reaching back, he grabbed the covers and moved them over me.
“Talk,” he whispered.
I played with the covers.<
br />
Foster stared forward, across the bedroom.
I couldn’t believe he was really here. What a whirlwind of a day and night. The sun would be coming up in an hour or so. He hadn’t slept yet. I knew it. And he was going to push himself…
“Rose,” he said. “Please.”
“When I was sick,” I said. “Those few times. I was pregnant, Foster. That was morning sickness. It came and went. I didn’t think anything of it. Then I realized I hadn’t gotten my period and I decided to take a test. You were gone by then.”
He nodded. “I was gone.”
“You know what I mean, Foster. You said Carl called you…”
“He did. And I did leave. I recorded a lot of music and got paid for it. And at what point were you going to tell me?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “That’s the truth. You were finally happy. You were doing what you dreamed of.”
“And what were you going to do, Rose? Have a baby by yourself?”
“No. I don’t know. I… it’s not like you disappeared.”
Foster looked at me. “I tried.”
“Your father found you. He tracked down Carl.”
“Yeah.” Foster rubbed his chin. He looked back even more and nodded at my stomach. “I don’t know who you think I am, Rose, but I would never abandon my child.”
“I know that, Foster. That’s why I’m not worried about this.”
Foster stood up. My eyes went right to his bare ass. He reached for his jeans and climbed into them. He turned and faced the bed, looking down at me.
“I’m sorry I left,” he whispered. “It all built up inside me. I felt myself slipping, Rose. So I just slipped away. I thought I was doing right by you.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay. You spent how many weeks pregnant?”
I bit my lip. I didn’t respond.
“You went to doctor’s appointments alone. You were sick alone. You were just alone.”
“I’m sorry. I know I fucked up here. I didn’t want you to lose your dream because of me.”
“Goddammit, Rose, you are my dream,” he said. “Everything about you is my dream.”
I heard the anger rise up in his voice. I shuddered and blinked fast, unable to control my emotions.
“And my father is in jail again?”
“Yes. He hid stuff here.”
“You let him into your apartment?”
“He was helpful,” I said.
“He used you, Rose.”
“I realize that now.”
Foster’s lip curled. “He fucking used you the way he always used me.”
“He’s gone now.”
“The police were here.”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“Did they…” Foster shook his head. “My father crumbled. When he got busted.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He lost it. He started screaming about me being pregnant. You being too far away. That he needed the money to give to me and you.”
Foster nodded. “Yeah. Project it onto someone else. To make you feel guilty.”
“It worked,” I said.
Foster quickly crouched. He touched my face. “Don’t ever feel guilty. Not about him.”
“He was so nice to me. He checked on me. He cared.”
“No he didn’t,” Foster said. “He cares about himself. This time, I’m going to make sure he never gets out again.”
“How?”
“I’ll figure that out myself.” Foster stroked my cheek. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to protect you from him.”
“I never told you I was pregnant, Foster. I was scared, okay? Scared of what you’d say or do. Scared that you’d rush here and forever hate me for not being able to record music. Scared…”
Foster shook his head. “You’re too pretty to be scared of anything.”
Tears leaked from my eyes.
He moved his thumb and swiped at the tears.
“We’re a fucking mess, Rose,” he said. “Such a fucking mess. But there are two things I am sure of. The first is that I love you. There hasn’t been a doubt of that for a long fucking time. I would give up anything and everything to be near you.”
“What’s the second thing?” I asked.
Foster moved his hand from my face to my stomach. “I’m going to take care of this baby for the rest of my life. No matter how messy things are. No matter how messed up we are. It doesn’t mean a thing, because I know what it takes to be a good father.”
“Foster, I love you so much,” I said. “You have no-”
Foster quickly stood up, his shirt in his hand. He looked down at me and swallowed hard. I knew that look. I hated that look. I started to shake my head before Foster spoke the words.
“Rose, I have to go now.”
41
The One I Never Had
Foster
I wasn’t leaving Rose for good. I wasn’t even leaving for all that long. But I had to leave. My body begged for sleep. My heart begged for Rose. But I needed to fix my head. For my entire life I’d walked this line between going the right way and going the way my father showed me. He was nothing but a user. Of so much. There wasn’t a person in his life that he didn’t use and eventually hurt. This time he got Rose. And he got her good. It wasn’t even the shit he did in her apartment. It was the fact that whoever he had been dealing with could have come after Rose. And that meant coming after my unborn child. Which was why he probably wanted me to come back.
Now he was in jail again. And I was going to call a lawyer this time. And do everything in my power to keep him in jail and keep him away from everyone I cared about. That also meant finding Rhett and talking to him about our father. I should have done that earlier, but I ran instead.
This time I wasn’t running.
This time I was going to do something I’d always wanted to do.
When I climbed up the porch to the familiar house, the sun was just coming up. That meant I had been up all night. But I didn’t care. This needed to be done right now.
I pressed the doorbell and stepped back.
There was no answer right away.
So I pressed the doorbell again and again.
Wake the fuck up.
I pressed it one more time.
Then a voice growled, “I’m coming! Stop ringing the damn doorbell!”
I grinned.
The door slowly opened.
“Foster?” Frank asked.
He reached for the screen door and pushed that open too.
“Frank,” I said.
“What the hell are you doing here so early? I was just making some coffee. You’re back in town? Everything okay? Rose okay? The baby…”
I stepped forward.
I faced the only man who’d ever truly cared about me. The only man who’d ever loved me like a father should.
I reached for Frank and grabbed his shoulder.
“Foster, what’s wrong?” Frank asked.
That’s when I finally had the chance to break down and cry.
Frank put his arms around me and attempted to give me something like a bear hug. Squeezing at me. It was a strange situation because I couldn’t remember a time when my father hugged me. And I mean actually hugged me. I could remember times when I’d get a one armed pretend hug or maybe a handshake. But that was always it.
I stood taller than Frank, so even though he hugged me, it almost looked like I was hugging him.
“Come on,” his voice said, calm and soothing. “Let’s get some coffee. You hungry?”
“No way,” I said, my voice crackling. I cleared my throat. “I’m not eating rabbit food for breakfast.”
Frank chuckled. “Prick.”
When Frank broke the hug, he kept his right hand on my shoulder. A firm hold, silently telling me he had my back.
Shit, that’s all I’d ever wanted, wasn’t it? No matter what I did when I was younger, it was just to get my father to tell me he had my back. But instead, he just us
ed me. He used me like I was whiskey in a bottle or pills in a baggie.
We walked to the kitchen where Frank got another coffee mug out. I watched him reach into the cabinet with ease and pour the coffee without his hands shaking as though it were freezing cold in the house.
“You feeling okay?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “Getting there. Still far from perfect.”
“You look more comfortable.”
“I have my moments,” Frank said. “Takes me a little bit to wake up and get going, but I feel good when I do.”
“That’s good, Frank.”
He slid my coffee mug toward a snowman shaped sugar dish.
“A little early for Christmas, huh?” I asked.
“My wife,” he said. “Never had the heart to change it out after she…”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Frank said. “Rose would have my head if I changed that. She’s so much like her mother sometimes.”
I stared at the happy snowman. “Rose told me everything that happened. I’m sorry you went through that. How did you get through that?”
Frank shut the fridge and put a small container of half and half on the counter. “I don’t know how, Foster. I just did. I wasn’t exactly father of the year during that time. I relied on Rose and Vivian. Which sometimes felt unfair because they relied on me. They think I don’t know this, but they used to take turns taking care of me. They’d take turns grieving. I’m not sure I could ever forgive myself for that, but we made it.”
“At least you’re here, Frank,” I said. “You could be in jail.”
Frank slowly nodded. “That’s why you’re here?”
“He used Rose,” I said. “I was gone. She was pregnant. And he set her up.”
“What do you mean he used her?” Frank asked.
I gave Frank the quick rundown of what had happened. He turned his head and slowly began to rub his chest.
“I’m sorry, Frank,” I said. “This is my fault.”
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