by Jerry Cole
Kenton sighed. It was time. He had to say something. But it wasn’t the right time. “Can we just worry about it later? I promise that it’s not a game-breaker or anything. It’s just difficult to discuss.”
Vance bit his lip. Kenton could tell that the man was guessing at what he was hiding. And he knew that none of those guesses were good.
But he couldn’t make himself say the words. Not yet. It wasn’t time yet. He needed to find out more about this guy. He wasn’t comfortable starting the conversation yet. He promised himself that he would tell it later. If this went anywhere. There was a good shot that this wasn’t going to go anywhere and it was useless to have this mental debate.
Vance was looking at him carefully, examining the lines on his face.
Kenton probably should have felt uncomfortable under such scrutiny, but something about Vance’s eyes were comforting. It made him feel like everything was going to turn out alright.
The darker haired man smiled at Vance. “We can talk about it later, alright?”
“Sure.”
“You think it’s something bad, don’t you?”
“Kind of. I’m not sure.” Vance shrugged. “I’m trying not to judge until I know what it is.”
“Thank you.” Kenton nodded. “I appreciate that.”
Vance moved closer. Another kiss, wild and passionate followed. They rolled around together, this time with Kenton half pulling his body on top of Vance’s.
The sounds of the morning birds faded away to nothingness as their lips met together. Hearts melted as morning breath was forgotten, pushed to the side and ignored. There was so much more to what they were at that moment. They belonged there, fitting together perfectly. A moment that lost all the other troubles that surrounded them. Kenton’s heart melted.
He almost told the truth when the kiss ended. He almost laid it all out on the table and let the chips fall where they may. There was so much that Kenton was dying to say, but he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t.
Vance murmured happily. “Mmmm.”
“That was nice.” Kenton chuckled softly.
“It was. A good night.” Vance nodded. “I didn’t think that I would ever do something like that again.”
“It’s easier to just give up than it is to do something about it sometimes.” Kenton nodded in agreement.
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling this morning?”
“Didn’t we already establish that?”
Kenton laughed. “I guess we did. I’m just kind of distracted.”
Vance smiled. “What about you?”
“I’m feeling alright.” But the rush of uncertainty grabbed him, forcing him to remember all the fears that he harbored behind the confident exterior. He didn’t want to feel that way, trying to force it back down to obscurity. He wanted to push it away, shove it down back into his gut and not have to think about it at that moment. But it was there, forcing its head up and making him remember all the fears that he had about moments like this. He wanted to run away.
Vance was looking up at him, a look of concern on his face. Kenton knew that his expression must have changed. And Vance must have seen it. He sighed.
Vance reached up to touch the other man’s face. He still looked concerned.
He slowly pulled away from Vance.
The other man tilted his head. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Kenton smiled.
“You’re pulling away again.”
The other man sighed. “Yeah, maybe I am. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet. And I’m afraid that if I stay around, I’m going to end up doing something I regret.”
“You need to go, don’t you?” Vance frowned.
“Yeah, I need to go.” Kenton got up from the bed. He made his exit quickly. There weren’t any more words that needed to be said.
He was ashamed of himself as he drove away from the house, his internal disappointment starting to weigh on his soul. He couldn’t believe that he had just run away like that. He had hurt someone that didn’t deserve it. Kenton felt like a monster, the kind of guy that he had been afraid of meeting. He had become that guy.
He sighed and drove away. There was just nothing that could be done about what had already happened. After all, he had already walked away from the situation. He had already walked away from the man that had been so kind and understanding of his issues. And Kenton had just let the moment slip through his fingers. He had let it all go, stopping this from moving to the next level. And why? Because he couldn’t be honest.
He pulled up to a red light and slammed his palm into the steering wheel. “Damn it, Kenton. Get it together. If he’s that special you’ll still be able to figure it out later.”
But he knew that might not be true. This could drive the other man away. And he knew that internally, that was the real reason he was doing this. He was testing. Would Vance feel the same way about him if he were acting shady?
It didn’t matter that he knew that no one should have to put up with his shady behavior. He knew it was wrong to ask that of Vance. This was self-defeating and he knew it. But he couldn’t help it.
He shook his head, talking to himself once more. “You just need to take a break. Figure your stuff out. He’ll still be around.”
He wasn’t so sure of that but telling himself that helped him feel a lot better. At least he could lie to himself for now while he figured out exactly what he was going to do. And he could get home and spend his time pacing and worrying about what was going to happen in the future.
He knew it was ridiculous to worry. The worst that would happen was that he would end up with the same life that he had before all of this happened. He would just go back to his home all by himself, letting his build-up to whatever he was going to do with his life. It wasn’t like he had to do anything at all. He had a life where he wasn’t going to have any sort of financial worry no matter what he did. There was so much to be said about them. He wondered what he was going to do about everything that was going on in his life. He wondered what it was all going to be. There was so much that he was going to be.
He got to his place and fell back into the private areas of his home. The only one that would disturb him would be his cleaning lady that was due to work in less than an hour. Brandon wouldn’t bother him until the man had a chance, probably not until the afternoon.
He got inside and paced up and down the full length of his open living area. It was a large space for one man. That always made it feel sort of hollow like it was missing the life that should have been lived there. It should be a home for a family, a place with toys on the floor, and laughter echoing inside of it.
He glanced around the room. It felt so much emptier than it normally did. He had become accustomed to a certain amount of loneliness in the house, but it was worse now. He missed Vance. He wanted to spend time with him. He wanted to bring Vance there to spend time with him. He wanted to share this home with Vance.
He shook his head. That was silly. It was far too early in a relationship for him to be picturing a future and family with his best friend’s brother-in-law. He ran his hands through his dark hair and yelled at himself until his cleaning woman let herself into the house with her key. She showed up for a few hours in the morning. He paid her well because she was reliable and a hard worker, never taking more time than she needed to and always completing the job. A perfect combination for his purposes.
She smiled awkwardly at him.
He greeted her and promised to stay out of her way, letting her get back to work. Instead of hanging around and possibly having to talk to someone he walked out of the house and went to a nearby shopping area to walk and think. As long as he didn’t go into any stores, no salesperson would bother him about buying something.
It was an outdoor mall, so plenty of places to see and windows to shop at. It was crowded enough that he could get lost in the crowds that surged through the sidewalks that ran through the center of the shops. A walking st
rip mall that was a lot better of a situation than most strip malls. This place had some money put into it, making it more of a plaza style shopping than a traditional walking mall.
Legends. That’s what they called this place. And it worked for a name.
He passed by some of the restaurants but decided that he wasn’t hungry, even if it was already getting close to lunchtime and he hadn’t eaten all day. He reminded himself of the fact that mental upsets can sometimes affect appetite. He reminded himself that this was temporary and he would get over it. It would get better. He would feel better. He would figure all of this out. He was just in his short turmoil.
Chapter Ten
Vance felt a sort of sadness wash over him. He didn’t want to deal with it so he went into work instead of focusing on the fact that Kenton had pulled away from him. He locked his phone up in the office. He didn’t want to see if he got any messages. Instead, he walked into the kitchen and got to work. Every time someone tried to talk to him, he tried to duck out of the conversation quickly.
At least he tried to do that until Vanessa walked into the back of the restaurant. He knew that the game was up the moment that she sauntered up to him, full of confidence and concern. She had that air about her, the one that spoke of her worrying about her brother way more than was necessary.
He sighed and turned towards her. “What?”
“What crawled up your ass and died today?” She put her hands on her hips. The attitude was unmistakable.
“Nothing.” Vance shook his head at his sister.
“Don’t nothing me. I know something is wrong. And I want to know what it is.” She gave him a look.
He groaned and rolled his eyes. “I’m just a little grumpy. That’s all. It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. I can feel it. Something is wrong. What happened?”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“You’re here on your day off, Vance.” She frowned.
“So?”
“You should be enjoying your day off.” She shook her head. “You never come in on your day off unless you’re upset over something.”
“That’s not true.”
“We’re not shorthanded.” She shook her head again.
He was starting to feel like a scolded child. His sister was uniquely capable of making him feel like that. It was the fact that she was his sister, he assumed. He turned and looked at her. “I just had a rough morning, that’s all.”
“Been thinking about stuff?” Her face softened.
“Yeah.” Vance didn’t want to get into it. He hoped that would work and get her to stop and leave him alone about his mood. He was in a foul mood already and getting questioned about it would only make it worse.
She squinted at him, trying to read his expression.
He hoped that he maintained an inscrutable expression.
It didn’t work. She gave him the look again. “You’re lying. Something happened.”
“What?” He kept up the façade, trying to pull this off. He didn’t want to explain what he was done. Maybe it was just embarrassment of how badly his first foray into the dating pool had gone. Maybe it was the fact that his emotions hurt more than he wanted to put into words by the fact that Kenton had disappeared so quickly from his bed.
“Don’t start. Come on. Let’s talk.”
He glanced towards the office. His phone was in there. He didn’t want to go near his phone. Not yet. It wasn’t a good idea to look at the screen with no message notifications from Kenton. It would just be devastating if he saw the blank screen.
She started walking that direction then turned around to look at him. “What’s wrong now?”
“Nothing, I’m just trying to get stuff done. I don’t have time to go and talk to you.”
“We’re at a slow point. They can handle it, but you need to talk to someone. It’s either going to be me or I’m going to call up your counselor.”
“I don’t need to call my counselor.”
“Then talk to me.”
He sighed. There would be no beating this. He was going to have to talk to his sister. It was simply a thing that he had no choice in anymore. He followed her to the office and closed the door behind him.
“What is it?”
“Do you remember Kenton?”
“Did you two hit it off? Or miss the mark?” His twin sister tilted her head.
He sighed. “We were hitting it off, but then something happened.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t. Maybe it was because I was so awkward at first.” He shook his head. “But he just kind of left after he spent the night.”
She frowned. “Any idea why?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I asked him too many questions. He’s so secretive.” Vance looked down at his hands. He didn’t know what had happened there. He just felt like he had done something wrong.
She frowned heavily. “He’s a secretive guy. I’ve tried to ask Brandon about him, but he won’t answer questions either.”
“I don’t know what I was expecting. It was a stupid idea.”
“It wasn’t stupid.” She touched his arm.
He shivered when he felt his sister’s touch. He felt weirdly numb like he couldn’t quite connect with her again. It was a feeling that he had felt before. And it was one that he didn’t like feeling, especially not under the gaze of his sister. He felt like he was an object of pity, someone that was only seen as a broken bit, someone that people spent extra time with from pity, trying to help him through the moment of pain that he was suffering through. He knew that his sister did it because she loved him, but it was only making him feel worse.
He felt like he was going to cry, but he wasn’t going to let that happen. His phone buzzed on the counter, but he ignored it.
Vanessa glanced over at the phone. “You locked up your phone in here?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
Vance shrugged. “I don’t know. I just didn’t want to deal with it I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Yeah, I guess.” He snapped at her.
She squinted at him. “He’s really under your skin, isn’t he?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Vance was feeling pretty defensive and may have been snapping at his sister, but he didn’t care about that. She was prying and he was feeling uncomfortable. He didn’t want to talk about Kenton. He didn’t want to talk about any of this. He just wanted to get back to work and forget about all the issues.
“I mean that you like this guy.”
“But he doesn’t feel the same about me.” The response came out of his mouth faster than her words would register. It was what he had been thinking, so it must have just been an automatic response.
“What makes you say that?” She leaned back against the desk.
“Because if you like someone, you don’t get all evasive and run off.” Vance shook his head. “And that’s what he did.”
She frowned. “Kenton is a pretty secretive guy. I don’t honestly know much about him.”
“You’re making excuses for him.” Vance shook his head. “I have been trying to be understanding of him, but I just can’t do it. I can’t do it anymore.”
“I know. No one is going to force you to. If Kenton doesn’t see how amazing you are, it’s his loss, not yours.”
“Can you be more cliché?” Vance rolled his eyes at his sister.
“Probably.” She reached over and picked up his phone.
“Do you mind?”
“What?”
“You’re snooping on my phone. That’s kind of rude.” Vance frowned.
“Just checking on your stuff.” She turned on the screen.
“What are you looking for?”
“Checking to see if you’ve gotten a message since your phone has been stuck in here.”
“I left it in here for a reason, Vanessa.” Vance frowned.
“And that’s why I’m checking it
.” She put the phone back down, but she was smiling.
“What are you so damn happy about?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He rolled his eyes at his sister. “I can’t believe you’re messing with me right now. You know that’s not going to help.”
“He messaged you.”
“What?” Vance grabbed for his phone, dropping it in the process.
“Watch it.”
“Damn it.” He fumbled to pick it up, checking the screen.
“Did you break it?”
Vance shook his head. “No. The case and screen protector did their job.”
“Awesome. Now check that message. I couldn’t unlock your phone.”
“There’s a reason you don’t have the code, you know?” Vance playfully shoved his sister’s shoulder.
“I absolutely should know, because I’m the best sister ever.” She put her hands on her hips and stuck her tongue out in his direction.
It was such a childish move that it made Vance bust out laughing. “What the hell is wrong with you?” He shook his head as he tried to put in his code while he was laughing. It wasn’t going so well.
“Maybe growing up being your sister.” She was grinning, laughing with him about the situation. “Do you need some help over there?”
“I don’t need help. I can do this if you stop acting completely ridiculous.” Vance was still chuckling. He could barely focus on putting his code into the phone and almost forgot what number he had picked. He knew so many four-digit numbers. He should remember his phone, it was the one that he used most often, but right then, as he saw the text alert on the top of the screen and his sister was putting on her full distraction act, he couldn’t remember it. His hands were shaking, half in nerves and half in laughter, like he couldn’t decide what he was feeling, but the physical reaction to the feeling was the same so his body just did that.
“I’m not acting ridiculous.”
“Have you seen yourself lately?”
“I looked in the mirror this morning. Is my hair a mess or something?” She made a big show about fussing over her hair. It was overdramatic and meant to make him laugh even harder.
“I’m trying to check this message.”