by Ana Layne
I turn and nod at Howard. “Thanks for talking to me.”
“Anytime. I have an open door policy and what’s said in here stays.” He sits in his chair and I walk out to meet Lance.
We’re back to the mat but instead of sitting, I’m standing waiting to see what we’re going to do now. I know we’re supposed to take it easy. “You know what I like to do a few hours before the fights?”
I raise my eyebrow in curiosity. “What’s that?”
“Not a damn thing.”
“Howard was giving me some pointers before you got here.”
“You spar damn good. You’ve got this. Make sure you smile big when your picture gets taken. I know I will be.”
“Dude, you’re fucked in the head.” I laugh.
“But y’all love me,” he points out. I decide to sit on the mat like before and he joins me. We sit there and talk to pass the time. I hate to rush, but I’m ready for tonight.
***
The bright lights, the crowd. It’s insane to see all of this and know I’m going to be a part of it shortly. Blaize has already announced the line-up this evening and I’m on such an adrenaline high that I didn’t even hear the name of my opponent. That’s okay. I’m not here to know his name. I hear my name again but it’s not coming from Blaize. I look around the room and my gaze lands on Tamilyn and Ruston. My eyes light up when I see her. I’m glad she’s here. I jog toward them and pull her in for a hug. She tenses for a moment in front of me but I think nothing of it.
“I’m glad you made it.” I turn to Ruston.
“I told you I’d be here. This looks exciting.”
“My heart is racing. It’s insane.” Howard calls my name, and I wave to them as I am led to a dressing room.
I shut the door behind me and listen as Howard gives Lance and me the same pep talk I heard this morning. Lance’s fight is before mine so he disappears right after while I sit in the room and patiently wait for my turn. My hands are becoming clammy so I go ahead and put my gloves on. Minutes pass and finally someone sticks their head in the door and tells me I’m next. This is it, finally. Blaize announces my name and I exit the room.
The cheers and yells coming from the crowd are deafening, but I love it. I listen as they yell but I’m focused on getting to the ring and taking care of business. As I step into the ring, I see Tamilyn and Ruston standing beside Howard and Lance. As badly as I want to acknowledge them, I know I’m here for business. My game face is on as I eye my opponent. He’s quick, he’s ruthless, but he’s not quick enough. I was worried I would let my guard down, but he’s so cocky he completely underestimates me and after only a few minutes I drag him down to the mat. He fights to get up but my grip on him is tight. He isn’t going to make it up. This fight is over and he knows it. Blaize steps in and lifts my hand in victory. I want to smile but I’m trying to catch my breath. Howard wasn’t kidding when he said this was much more intense than our daily sparring sessions. I’m fucking proud of myself.
I make my way back to the dressing room to change out of these shorts. I can’t wait to find Tamilyn and Ruston. I am curious to know what kind of photos she got. I toss the shorts and my gloves into my duffle bag and step out of the room. People I don’t even know are congratulating me and I smile, thanking each and every one of them. My gaze darts back to where Howard and everyone else stood. I don’t see them. Maybe they stepped outside. I see Lance coming out of the restroom and Hilary is waiting for him.
“Hey, man, have you see Ruston and Tamilyn?”
“Look at the man of the hour! You kicked ass out there. Tell me that was not the most amazing feeling in the world?” He grins from ear to ear.
“It was pretty fucking epic. I’m on a high. I know that shit.” I grin.
“I told you! We’re about to head out but I think I saw them walk outside. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Thanks man. See you tomorrow.” I wave to Hilary and walk toward the back door.
I step into the night air and glance up at the stars. I thank God for my victory as I walk into the parking lot. I don’t see them, but I see Ruston’s truck. I keep walking closer as I reach into my duffle bag for my cell phone. They have to be somewhere around here, or maybe Lance thought he saw them walk outside, and they’re really still inside. I’m about to text Tamilyn when I glance up and see two people straight ahead. Their arms are wrapped around each other and their lips locked together. I mutter for them to get a room, but as I inch closer, my heart sinks in my chest. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
It’s Tamilyn and Ruston wrapped up in a hot and heavy make-out session. As badly as I want to go demand to know what the fuck is going on, I divert my path and walk back inside. I glance back one more time to see if they’ve even noticed me, but they’re so involved in each other. Suddenly things are beginning to become a little clearer to me. This explains so much that I never wanted to see. How could I think she actually liked me when it’s been Ruston all along? I’m livid, fuming at what I just saw. I can’t get this out of my mind but I’m going to push it back for right now and wait to see if either one of them will come out and admit what’s been going on.
Chapter 21
Tamilyn
I could only imagine the adrenaline pumping through Austin’s veins during the fight. Hell, it felt like I was in the ring at times fighting his fight. I was damn near close as I snapped photo after photo. The sweat that poured from their faces splattered against my forearm as I got as close as I possibly could. For my safety, Ruston never left me, and I could feel the attraction to him radiating through my body. My damn body has the nerve to betray me right now. Of all times, it has to do it now. I ignore the pulsating feeling and focus on what I’m here to do.
When Austin’s arm is raised in victory, an excited scream escapes my mouth along with the rest of the crowd. He won his first fight. He must be exhilarated. People begin moving out of the way and Ruston pulls my arm to follow the big burly man who stood beside the ring calling out tips to Austin the entire fight. Once we’re out of the crowd, I can breathe. There are so many people trying to move around that I almost become claustrophobic. I tuck my camera into the bag and look around for Austin. I notice he’s just getting out of the ring so I keep walking toward the back door. I’ll just wait here for him.
“Damn, I can’t believe he won. That was great,” Ruston says as we come to a stop. I look over my shoulder but I’ve lost sight of Austin.
“I know. I got some really great shots too. I can’t wait to see how they turned out. I think he’ll be very impressed.” I’m trying to keep myself excited about this, when all I can think about is Ruston standing a few mere inches away from me. I feel like I’m living in a damn Lifetime movie.
“Why don’t we go wait outside for him? Maybe we can talk or something,” he suggests. I raise my eyebrow, wondering just what he has up his sleeve. Why can’t we just talk in here? My heart says one thing but my body completely betrays me. I nod and he pushes the door open. The warm night air hits me in the face at the same time the butterflies begin somersaulting around in my stomach. It’s just a walk outside. What could go wrong?
We stop at his truck and I draw in a deep breath. When did I get so nervous around him? Oh wait, I know, when we decided to act on our feelings toward one another when I had feelings for his cousin.
“I, I don’t know if I can do this,” I admit.
He cocks his head to the side and just grins at me. I hate him and his grin for the way it makes my body betray me. “What can’t you do, Tam? Walk outside? Do you need Austin’s permission?”
What a smartass. I roll my eyes before glaring at him. Of course he has something stupid to say. I expected nothing less. “Ruston, don’t play games with me. You know what I’m talking about.”
He reaches out and grabs my hand. My flesh tingles at his touch. I’m a puddle of goo around him and I hate that I can’t control myself. “I know you want me, Tamilyn. I want you so damn bad. We could be so great to
gether. I could wake up every day to you and never worry about having a bad day. We’re meant to be together, Tammy Lou, and you know it.” He lets go of my hand and places it over my heart. “You know you feel it right here. It beats for me just like mine beats for you. I could never love anyone else the way I love you.”
“You can’t say things like that, Ruston.” My lip begins to quiver and my voice falters.
“Say what? The truth?”
He leans in and softly kisses my lips. I know I should push him away and tell him this isn’t right but I want the kiss so badly. I almost forgot just how tantalizing his kiss is. I almost forgot how much I need this drug. My arms wrap around his neck and his drop to my waist. I’m so engulfed in the kiss that my mind escapes me and I forget where we are. In this moment, I don’t care who walks out here. As he breaks the kiss, he sighs. I take a moment to open my eyes. I suppose I’m coming down from my high. Ruston clears his throat and I wait for him to speak but he just smiles and so do I.
“He can’t know about this,” I begin.
“Shh, it’ll just be another one of our little secrets,” Ruston assures me. I love him for this but the guilt still weighs heavily in the back of my mind. He opens his truck door and I climb in. It feels so good to sit while we wait for Austin.
I look around the dimly lit parking lot and make out a figure coming our way. I squint trying to see if it’s him when the figure waves. I jump out of the truck and hear Ruston sigh again but I don’t turn back. Seeing the look on his face would crush me. “Hey! Your fight was awesome, I’m so proud of you!”
“Yeah, it was pretty damn awesome.” He answers with a dull tone to his voice. I look at him a little strangely, but then I remember he did just get done fighting so he’s got to be tired.
Ruston congratulates him and he gets the same dull tone I just received. “Are we still going to Joe’s?” I ask, cheerfully trying to lighten his spirits.
“You two can go ahead if you want. I’m a little more tired than I thought I would be.” He adjusts his duffle bag on his shoulder and turns to walk away. He looks back one last time before disappearing in the parking lot. “I’ll talk to you later, Tam. Thanks for coming, guys.”
“Wait, I didn’t get to tell you about the pictures,” I call out.
He turns one more time. “I’ll see them later, I’m sure.” And just like that he walks off.
I’m baffled at the way he just treated us. I know he didn’t see anything that just happened, because if he had, I’m sure he and Ruston would be in a brawl right now. I thought Austin and I would be riding home together but that’s changed. I glance over at Ruston to see him looking just as bewildered as I am.
“Um, do you mind taking me home? He was supposed to be my ride.”
“Of course. You don’t even have to ask. Climb in.”
I step into the truck and put my seatbelt on. I want to text him and make sure he’s okay. He didn’t seem himself. I expected him to be giddy and smiling after winning his first fight, not quiet and standoffish. Ruston climbs in and starts the truck. He turns up the radio a little as he drives off. Once his hand leaves the stereo knob, it finds mine and our fingers just know to intertwine.
I can’t keep hiding these feelings. Eventually it’s going to tear me apart. I love Ruston. I love him like the very air I breathe. I don’t love Austin. I barely know him. I knew him when we were kids, but we’re grown now and he’s been gone for years. I just like him, but I feel I should give that like a chance. I push those thoughts to the back of my mind and enjoy the ride with my best friend. I’ve missed these little moments, but then we didn’t always used to hold hands.
He pulls up to my apartment and I pull my hand from his. “Want to come in?” I want to slap my mouth as soon as the words escape.
“Only if you really want me to.”
My heart skips a beat. Of course I want him to. We’re best friends and I want my friend back. I nod and he turns the truck off. My hands begin shaking as I reach for my key. What is wrong with me? “Of course.”
I walk to my front door and try to steady my hand as I attempt to unlock the door. Ruston chuckles from behind me and reaches for the key. “Oh, Tammy Lou, what am I going to do with you?”
He unlocks the door so easily and lets us in. I don’t answer his question because any answer is bound to leave us naked and entangled in one another. I almost walk straight toward the refrigerator for a drink but I want to be sober. If anything happens, I want to be fully aware of everything. Instead, I walk to the couch and Ruston follows me. He sits beside me and my head rests on his shoulder.
“When did things become so difficult?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” He reaches over and lifts my head up so our eyes meet. The fire in his eyes burns straight through mine and he softly kisses my forehead. I wait for him to make another move, but he doesn’t. Perhaps we’ve reached our limit on secrets for the day. I don’t care, though. I don’t need to sleep with him to be happy. Just having him here with me is all I need.
I wait for him to turn the TV on, or do something to kill the silence, but he just holds me. Our eyes are still locked, and I move boldly forward for a kiss. I just need to feel his lips on mine one more time tonight. He eagerly meets me as we share yet one more secret. He breaks the kiss and lies on the couch, pulling me on top of him. “I just want to hold you tonight, if that’s okay.”
“I’d love that.” I rest my head on his chest. I can hear his heart beating and I wonder if it’s beating the same way mine was for him earlier. All I know is, it’s beating fast and the rhythm is reminding me of how tired I am.
“I love you, Tammy Lou. One day, you will be all mine. I’ll make you so happy, you’ll see,” he whispers to me.
“I love you too, Ruston,” I reply softly before my eyes finally give up on me.
***
I wake in the morning to find myself still sleeping on Ruston. I fully remember last night, and I’ve just had the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time. He finally opens his eyes and grins lazily at me. “Good morning, Tammy Lou.”
“Morning.” I stretch before sitting up. “How’d you sleep?”
“Perfect, actually.” He pulls me back down and kisses me.
“Me too. Thanks for staying over. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“I didn’t either, but it was peaceful and nice.”
I sit up once more and the urge to pee hits me. I run to the bathroom and when I walk out, he’s standing in the kitchen. “I hate to wake and run, but I need to go help Dad get some things ready for the barbeque. That’s today, remember?”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. I need to call Mom I guess, unless she’s already called me.” I reach for my phone on the counter and expect to see a call or at least a text from Austin, but there’s nothing. I make a mental note to text him when Ruston leaves. “Austin is coming, right?”
“Far as I know. I’ll check with him when I get home. Don’t worry. If he asks I’ll tell him I dropped you off and went to Joe’s. I’ll make him think I went home with some girl I just met.”
I glare at him. “You think that’s funny? Because I don’t find it funny.”
“I love when you get jealous. Don’t worry. Your bed is the only bed I’d sleep in.” He kisses my forehead one last time and grabs his keys. “I’ll see you tonight, Tammy Lou.”
“I’ll be there,” I answer as he walks out the door.
I go and take a quick shower, and after I get dressed, I text Austin. While I’m waiting to hear back from him, I text my mom. She answers with a long list of things I need to help with to get ready for tonight. Our family barbeque is a big annual festivity. We call it the family barbeque, but the truth is, the entire neighborhood shows up and it’s this massive party. My phone finally dings and Austin’s name pops up. I had texted to ask him how he felt and to see if he was coming tonight.
I’m feeling great. Not as sore as I thought I would be.
So you’ll be at
the barbeque later?
I’ll be there, don’t worry.
Are you sure you’re okay? You weren’t yourself last night.
I’m just being myself. It’s who I am, if you don’t like it no one is asking you to stay.
I stare at his words in disbelief. Where is this coming from?
You don’t have to be so rude Austin. I was just checking on you.
I’m sorry. I’m fine, I promise. I’ll see you tonight.
Okay.
I finish getting dressed and fix my hair. I remind myself that I won’t be coming home tonight. Once I start drinking this evening, I’ll just sleep in my old room at Mom and Dad’s. I grab my bag and pack it with everything I need. I turn off every light on my way out and lock the door behind me. This barbeque is always interesting. I wonder just how interesting it will be this year.
Chapter 22
Ruston
I pull into my apartment complex still wearing a grin on my face. I think Tamilyn may finally be coming around. Last night, I wanted to be inside of her. I wanted to make love to my beautiful Tamilyn, but neither one of us initiated it. Instead, we fell asleep together and like I told her, it was the best damn sleep of my life.
Austin’s car is parked in its normal spot. I’ve rehearsed my fake story over and over in my head the entire drive home. I’ll keep our little secret as long as I have to. I pull my keys from the ignition and walk toward the front door. It’s unlocked so I walk right in and find Austin eating a sandwich at the table.
“Hey, man, what’s up?” I toss my keys on the table.
He looks up from his sandwich and nods as he chews the bite he just took. After he swallows, he replies, “Hey, where’d you go last night?”