“You gotta tell them, Danny. All they’ll do is roll you back to the next class.”
“Don’t want to go to the next class. I want to finish it.”
“You’ll make yourself sicker, Danny.”
“I don’t care. I’m not quitting. They’ll have to pull me, but I’m not quitting.”
The instructors were all over Danny, sensing there was a crack in the Navajo’s armor. He received insults as the instructors called him a pot-head.
“Wanna go outside and get a little toke? That what your problem is Indian boy? You just need a little weed to get you through the day?”
“You sure you don’t want to go back to your little cushy bed, and those nice chiquitas back home? You know, the ones who get all horny and turned on and spread their legs for you when they get stoned?”
“You want some ’shrooms?”
“Hey Indian boy, I got a squaw waiting for you back at the No-Tell-Motel. She’s hot for your bod. She just loves giving head. You can lie back and relax and she’ll do all the work on you. Lips made of honey. Suck the cum right out of you.”
On and on it went. Danny wouldn’t quit. He suspected Jeffrey let it be known to a couple of the guys on the squad that Danny was ill. They began cleaning his gear, letting him use the shower first and get a little extra rest. Day by day, Danny found he was not getting worse, but was maintaining. They brought him extra protein, made sure on the timed swims he got to swim drag. When they carried poles down the beach each of the men carried a little more weight so Danny could get by. All he had to do was survive one more week, pass the underwater pool test and he was done. He’d have a week to catch up with his sleep.
From the first day he jumped into the cold pool water, his body began to tense, and then cramp up. His fingers were splayed at odd angles like they’d been broken at the joints, making it hard to make the adjustments with his breather, put on his equipment, untie the kinked hoses that were set up as traps for the boys. Holding his breath became extremely painful. His lungs were on fire. His right eye popped a blood vessel. Each day after the testing, Danny came up on the short list, the list of guys who were on the verge of being cut. They only had three tries at one last underwater exercise and Danny had not passed the first two.
Tomorrow his fate would be sealed.
“So what do you guys do when you need that extra strength, Danny?” Jeffrey asked that night before the trial. “You got any secrets, sacred shit you can call on?”
“Nah. Just the chanting. They do a blessing. Protection is big on the res. But fighting? We don’t pray for that.”
“Why the hell not? Everyone else does?”
“Just not our way. Fighting is a whole other language.”
“Okay, so who protects you in times of lack. When things are the blackest?”
Danny looked out over the inlet to the night sky. The moon was large and yellow. “That’s what we call the warrior, the hunter moon. We tell the stories in the fall, right now, about the great hunts, the warriors that came before.”
“So you pray to that moon right now, Danny.”
“No you don’t pray to a moon, man.”
Then Danny listened, and yes, he heard the singing coming back as he thought about the October stories he’d heard from his grandfather. He allowed the singing to envelop him as he stared into the center of the moon, felt its power and the warmth of its glow on his face. He felt his body healing. He wasn’t cured, but he allowed the singing and the moon’s light, covering him like a healing paste, to bring him the strength to finish the trial one more time.
“Tomorrow’s the day, Jeffrey.”
“Yup. Your right of passage, my man. I’ll be standing on the other side of the tank with all the guys who are gonna go on, and I’ll be the first one to pull your sorry ass up to stand with us.”
Danny didn’t take his eyes off the moon.
The next morning his jump into the pool jolted him again like it always did. He felt the familiar panic creep through his veins, making his skin feel like a prickly cactus. His instructor’s face was round, and its color was the color of the moon he’d seen last night and dreamt about. He didn’t focus on the hand signals but watched the man’s face. He took his instructions from the people he felt next to him in the water, his People. Their chant was soothing, and then lilting as Danny felt himself want to fall asleep. He watched bubbles from his mouth rise up to the surface, the face of the man above him get smaller and smaller. The color in the blue water got darker and darker blue until he touched the bottom with his toes.
He was out of air. He was supposed to do something with his equipment, take something apart and then reattach it, but he was confused and tired. The People held back the panic that wanted to run inside him like wild horses. He recognized he was failing for the third time. Saw two men above him remove their shirts and shoes and he suddenly wanted to be quicker than they were.
He could feel his ancestors pulling on the arms of the man in panic inside him, holding that man at bay as Danny slowly removed the mouthpiece, untied the knot in his airline, and blew to clear the line with the last few drops of air he had left, watching the small bubbles ascend to the surface. This was the point at which he would either inhale water or air. The singing silenced, and then again the drum and the steady voices of his People came back. The drum became louder and he realized it was his own heartbeat. He inserted the mouthpiece.
The sweet taste of air filled his lungs as one of the men was ready to jump above him, but another held him back. They leaned over and watched carefully. He thought perhaps he heard cheering through the water. As he touched off from the bottom of the pool and began to ascend to the surface, he heard Jeffrey’s voice louder than the others.
It was pandemonium. He almost forgot to give the instructor his last signal, the thumbs up, which was quickly mirrored by the three instructors.
By the beginning of the third phase, only about forty of the original class remained. All the big shots were gone, all the guys they’d started out being most impressed with. Guys who had a plan and thought they had it mentally figured out and liked to speak about it often were the first to go. Danny slept the week between nearly twenty-four hours a day until he felt himself get stronger. His focus improved. He tested best in his class at marksmanship. His runs got faster. He’d earned the respect of others and was one of the leaders in the class. The insults lessened. He sensed a new level of respect from his instructors. He worked longer, came off the range last.
That old wildcat Trident was definitely in his crosshairs. He could almost feel the weight of it on his uniform, the gold glinting in the sunlight.
The wilderness training his grandfather had given him had toughened Danny up. The running, swimming or in the snow in Alaska during SQT, or SEAL Qualification Training, made him stronger. With each phase he felt he was developing into the man of steel he’d always intended to be.
Old Chester had taught him how to deal with hunger, and on some of their hunting trips, they purposely didn’t eat for sometimes two to three days so as not to spook their prey. He knew how to operate a slingshot with deadly skill and knew, even if he’d gotten stranded in the remote desert, which was home, or the icy cold of the Northwest and all parts in between, he could survive on the land, and have plenty of food and water to sustain himself. His grandfather had told him stories of World War II and the Navajo Code Talkers who hunted and ate quite well in their jungle environs, while the rest of their platoons had to exist on military K-rations.
He began to understand what it was like for his grandfather, what he had sacrificed. Danny felt he could do it too.
He liked to sneak up behind people like a ghost and learned how to make himself and his scent too small to be detected by most of the animal population as well. He found sport in doing that to Jeffrey on a regular basis.
As they were finishing their SQT, Jeffrey spoke about it one day. “You know, big guy, you’re starting to make me nervous. You sure you�
�re not working out some ancient form of cowboys and Indians on my sorry ass? I don’t see you picking a fight or sneaking up to scalp any of the other recruits.”
Danny didn’t mind his nickname, big guy. The games the two of them played reminded him of the happy years growing up with Wilson. It was one of their favorite games to play, Cowboys and Indians, except they’d always fought over who had to be the cowboys, since the Indians always won.
He missed Wilson and wondered how he was doing.
“So, you got anyone at home?” Jeffrey asked one day.
“Not really.” Danny found himself going shy. There wasn’t a day that went by when he didn’t think about the encounter with Luci. How he wished that one night had been at least two or three. Again he reminded himself that he wasn’t a good bet as far as a relationship went, and he was probably doing her a favor by not entangling her more.
But how he wished he could entangle her in the bedsheets tonight and every night before he fell asleep. All the drugs and alcohol were out of his system for weeks now—except for occasional causes for celebration, like when one of the recruits received a Dear John letter, which was always something the whole team celebrated heartily—he was seeing things more clearly. He was feeling things he hadn’t in years. The numbness to his emotions was wearing off and he found himself considering whether he could handle the intensity of a relationship with a strong female. Not an occasional hookup. Someone proud and strong and fearless.
The chanting had become more melodic, the tone softer, and it didn’t jar him like it did when he was trying to drown it out in Ukiah. He listened to the words and found he could understand some of them.
Mother Earth is calling,
Wearing herself out on the seasons of wet and dry,
Birthing and watching a little portion of her body dying,
With each new creature she breathes life into.
And then one day, he heard his grandfather’s voice, just as clear as if he’d been standing right next to him. He knew what he had to do next.
Chapter 10
‡
Luci discovered her pregnancy barely a month after her evening with Danny. Over the ensuing months, she agonized over whether or not to reach out to tell him about the baby, but decided to just resign herself to the fact that now there would be one more reason to want to get herself and Sarah off the reservation. It made everything she had to do, more difficult. There would now be one more mouth to feed, one more person she needed to protect.
She began applying for jobs in Las Vegas and San Francisco—any place Sarah had expressed an interest in attending college. She hoped she’d find another position before she started to show. There wasn’t any point in crying over what was done. And she definitely was going to have Danny’s baby. This sort of thing was happening more and more both on the res and everywhere else. It wasn’t the shame that it once had been, to have a baby without being married. She could always say she’d planned the baby but didn’t want the father and half her co-workers would believe her.
But in her heart, she knew this was a love child. Danny’s love child. Her future she’d been waiting for so long for had come to her and altered everything.
Luci angled a look out through the living room window after she heard the knock on the door. She’d just gotten dressed. She’d also indulged in the practice of sleeping in. She was enjoying her summer, and for the first time, declined to teach summer school. It gave her time to get used to her condition, and her new role as mother.
James, the handsome friend of Yellowhorse, was at the door. Alone. She hadn’t seen him in several months, ever since that day when they’d brought her mother home.
“Hi, Luci. Sorry for the intrusion, but can I come in for a minute?” He was glancing behind him in between words.
Luci stepped back, allowing him to enter, taking in his broad shoulders and slim waist. She halfway hoped he was coming to see her for personal reasons, but her hopes were dashed when she noted how nervous he was, especially when he looked down at her belly. Lucy smiled and rubbed her tummy which was just beginning to bulge under a loose shirt.
“You’re pregnant?”
“Yes, about five months now.”
“Congratulations. I mean, you’re happy about it, right?”
Lucy found his nervousness over her condition charming. “Of course, silly. And no, I’m not married or even getting married. You don’t need a husband to have a baby.”
“Does the father—”
“That’s another conversation, and you’re not a part of that. Now. Tell me what was so important?”
“You alone? I got something important to ask you,” he said in a whisper.
“Yes. What’s on your mind?”
A crease had formed in the middle of his forehead, extending from the brow of his nose upward nearly to his scalp. “Your Uncle Corwin has been approved for release. The appeal the District Attorney filed was denied. He’ll be here in less than two weeks.”
Luci became squeamish. Corwin was the last person on earth she wanted to deal with in her present condition. She appreciated the information, but knew he had something else on his mind.
“That’s not good enough to be headlines in the Navajo Times. Why the personal visit?” she asked.
“Look, I learned something about his intentions for coming here.”
“George know?”
“Of course he knows. I think they’d made plans to meet up soon after he gets back here”
Luci felt like she was going to be sick.
“So we have two weeks?”
“Yes ma’am. You need to take protective measures. Any way you can move off the reservation?”
“I’ve thought about that. And I’m trying. Just thought I’d have a little more time, like move after the baby is born.” She saw the look of fear on James’ face. “So, what’s eating at you, James? We don’t really pine over my uncle’s troubles or his future. What prompted you to come over here so early on a Saturday morning?”
James’ eyes softened. Could he be perhaps flirting with her?
But then Luci remembered what poor taste she had in choosing partners and decided it was all her imagination. Her feet began to hurt, something she recognized would be a new health issue for her. She turned and sat down on her mother’s rocking chair, pointing to the couch. James dutifully sat across from her, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, examining his fingernails. His mouth formed a thin line, partially scrunched up to the left as he nibbled on his lower lip. After a full sigh, he stopped his fiddling and looked up to her face.
“You gotta get out of here, Luci. You got to take Sarah and get off the res.”
“But this is our home—”
“They found another girl, this time not quite dead. She told them about some kind of human trafficking team working both sides of the res, turning girls into personal sex slaves for some of the lowlifes in Vegas. They think perhaps the group’s origins are a prison gang, one that your uncle might be familiar with.”
Luci’s stomach roiled as her palms got sweaty. Lack of major events didn’t mean they were safe. Things had actually become worse.
“I appreciate you telling me this, James. I have to ask you why, though.”
He began to check out his boots, adjusting the denim of his jeans to lie flat against the leather tooling. “Corwin told one of Yellowhorse’s brothers he had plans to make money off you. Both of you.” He stared at her belly. “Not sure this pregnancy of yours changes anything for him.” He gazed up at her before he continued. “Seems as though he figured if it didn’t work out, at least he could get even. He means you harm, Luci.”
“Oh, I definitely get that.” Her stomach churned again. “What I’m still unclear about is why you’re telling me all this. Or is there something going on I don’t know about?”
“I don’t like to see women abused. You find that so hard to believe? Do I really need another reason to warn you?” His curly light brown hair, hel
d back with a leather tie and his greenish-blue eyes made him look a little younger than he was. If his hair had been clipped, he’d look ten years older. It occurred to her his appearance might be some sort of disguise.
“So how did you come by this information?”
“Just overheard Yellowhorse talking about it. I think Yellowhorse has been working for Corwin, on the outside.”
He was a curious combination of good looks but definitely showing up in a place he didn’t belong. She wondered what demons chased him.
“You want to stay for breakfast? My mom and Sarah should be back from Phoenix later this morning. She had to go to the Indian Health clinic.”
He shook his head. “As much as I’d like to, it isn’t wise, Luci. I just wanted you to know, and to try to convince you to get out of dodge—”
“I do have a gun for protection.”
“Luci, that may not be enough. You need to get away from all this.”
“Both my mom and Sarah know how to use it.”
“Then let’s hope they use discretion as to who they tell.”
He stood, walking back to the front door.
“James, you’re kinda acting like a cop or something. You don’t look like someone who would be hanging around Yellowhorse. You’re not Dine, and you don’t appear to know much about us. So what gives?”
He chuckled. “That’s ridiculous.” He left without explaining himself further.
Sarah and her mother arrived just past lunchtime. Luci offered to prepare lunch for all of them. Sarah made a point to get her alone to whisper something private.
“She had me go see the doctor, too.”
“You okay?”
Sarah’s eyes widened. “I’m fine!”
“So why—”
“She wants me on the pill. Can you believe it? I’m a virgin and she wants me on the pill.”
“Sarah, I’m so sorry. I’m sure she’s doing what she thinks—what she’d hoped her own mother would have done when Mom was a troubled girl your age. Don’t read anything into it.” But the words James had spoken echoed in her head.
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