“I don’t want all this hate anymore. I know it’s not right and I know it’s keeping me from being the man God wants me to be.”
Sonia finally spoke. “Have you asked God to forgive you for holding this hatred for Harry?”
He shook his head.
“Would you like to do that right now?”
He nodded and she continued, “Then ask Him right now. You can pray it in your mind if you want.”
Wayne knew that was what he needed to do so he spoke his prayer, but aloud instead. “God, please forgive me for hating Harry . . . my father. I don’t want to feel that way anymore.”
Sonia reached out and hugged him.
When she leaned back, she looked into his eyes again and said, “Do you think you are ready . . . to forgive Harry now?”
He felt like she had slapped him. No! He could never forgive the man for what he had done to Kelly and him. Never!
He began shaking his head but she reached out one hand and caught his chin in it. “No, Wayne, listen for a minute.”
When he stopped and stared back at her, she said, “When Sarah lost her memory in that accident, Harry kept the fact that she had a son and a daughter from her for twenty years. Would you say that what Harry did to Sarah was worse than what he did to you and Kelly?”
That made him stop and think. In fact, he’d never really thought about what Sarah had gone through. He had always associated her with Harry in his mind and thus had never wanted anything to do with her. He could see now that he had been wrong.
“You see, Wayne, Sarah was as much a victim of Harry’s lies as you and Kelly were.”
Wayne couldn’t talk at first. It was like an iron fist was gripping his throat. When he could speak, there was still a huge lump in the way and he tried to talk around it.
“I need to talk to her.”
Sonia didn’t say anything but left the room and came back with her cell phone to her ear. She disconnected but didn’t sit down or say anything to him yet. He knew she didn’t want to talk right then. Apparently, she was waiting for a call back.
A few minutes later, her phone rang and she answered it. All he heard her say was, “Great.” Then she disconnected again.
She came back to the chair next to his and said, “That was Kelly. She and Sarah are coming over right now. Are you ready for that?”
He didn’t take to think about it. “Yes I am, but I don’t know what to say to her.”
Her frown turned into a smile. “I have faith in you. It’ll come to you.”
They sat in a silence that was only interrupted by the nurse coming in with his medications.
Once the nurse left them alone, it wasn’t long before the doorbell rang and Sonia rose to answer it.
When his sister and Sarah came in, Kelly leaned over to hug him then took a seat beside Sarah on the facing sofa. Sonia returned to her seat next to him.
It took Wayne a moment to realize they were all waiting for him to start, even Sonia. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Sarah, Sonia has helped me to understand that what Harry did to Kelly and me was no worse than what he did to you.”
No one spoke but Wayne could see tears forming in Sarah’s eyes.
“You have forgiven him haven’t you?”
“Yes, Wayne, I have and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done.”
“What I would like to know is how could you ever forgive the man who kept your son and daughter away from you for twenty years?”
Sarah’s tears were streaking down her cheeks now and Kelly handed her a tissue.
When she had composed herself, Sarah looked at Wayne and said, “I never could have done it without the Lord’s help. He put forgiveness in my heart and he can do the same for you if you’ll just ask Him to.”
Wayne knew he’d have to think about that for a while so he said, “I can’t think about that right now.”
Sarah simply nodded and wiped her eyes again.
Then Wayne remembered something else he wanted to do.
“Sarah, I want to ask you to forgive me for the way I’ve treated you since you came here to live.” When she started to protest, he held up his hand and said, “No, don’t deny it. I know I haven’t treated you the way I should have and I’m sorry.”
Sarah came over to him and hugged him. “Wayne, I meant it when I said two years ago that I wanted to be there for you and Kelly. I’ve recently discovered my two children but you and Kelly are so much a part of my new family that I’d like to think of you as my children too.”
Kelly came over to join in the hug with Wayne and Sarah.
Wayne glanced over at Sonia and wasn’t too surprised to see tears rolling down her cheeks too. That made him love her even more.
* * *
After seeing Kelly and Sarah out, Sonia turned around to find Wayne sitting there staring into space. He was blinking once in a while, so she knew he was awake. She didn’t want to disturb him when he seemed to be so deep in thought, so she just stayed by the door.
Finally, after she had been standing by the door for a few minutes, Wayne blinked rapidly several times, shook his head, and looked over at her.
She wasn’t sure what he had been thinking about, but the first words he spoke weren’t what she expected.
“You’re so beautiful!”
She didn’t know what to say, so she simply sat next to him in the dining room chair and waited for what he might say next.
She didn’t have long to wait but it wasn’t what she had expected though. His eyelids started to droop and his head began to nod.
She reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Wayne?” He looked at her, trying to focus. “I think that with the long day on top of your injuries and your medications, you probably need to go to bed.” When he opened his eyes wide and started to speak, she said, “I’ll still be here in the morning and we can talk more then. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Sonia went to the bedroom where the nurse was staying and told her that Wayne was ready for bed. Then she watched the nurse maneuver him from the chair to the wheelchair, followed them to his bedroom, and kissed him goodnight.
Once Sonia entered the room she was to sleep in, she picked up her suitcase and opened it on the bed. She hadn’t taken time before to unpack. It didn’t take long since she hadn’t brought much. Even though she wasn’t sure how long she’d be staying, it wasn’t far to her condo. She pulled out several pairs of jeans and five knit tops and hung them in the closet. After she placed the rest of her things in a dresser and in the bathroom, she sat down on the edge of the bed.
She looked around the lovely room, decorated in shades of pink. Her immediate thought was that this would be a perfect bedroom for a little girl. Where did that come from?
With that provoking thought in her mind, she went into the bathroom to take a shower.
After her shower, she sat on the bed again brushing her long hair. She had always had long hair. It had not only been her dad’s pride and joy but hers as well. He loved to brag about her beautiful long silver blond hair. Now that she had met her mother, she understood that a little better.
That caused her to think about her parents again. How were they getting along? Did they follow through with sleeping in separate bedrooms? For some reason, she just couldn’t see them together yet. But wasn’t that a silly thought? After all they had lived together for seven years before Errika left for Boston. But, still, Errika had lived as a nun for the last twenty-eight years.
She couldn’t keep her next thoughts from drifting where she was afraid to go right then. Wayne! She was afraid that they were both too vulnerable right then for them to talk or even think about where their relationship might be going.
True, if she were honest with herself she knew where Wayne wanted it to go. His redecorating the house for her was proof enough that he wanted them to get married. Why did that thought not send her screaming into the night? Was that what she wanted too?
Suddenly, she recalled a conversation she had had with Kelly and Alison last year when the other two women had both recently decided to try to have a baby right away. Alison had talked about girls she’d grown up with who had several children already. Then Kelly had mentioned that she was getting to the age where she might miss out if she didn’t get started on a family soon.
It hit Sonia hard when she realized that she was two years older than Kelly had been when she’d made that statement. Was thirty-one old? No, she didn’t think so. But how old was too old to have babies? She thought that she had at least five or six more years that would still be safe to have babies.
Five or six years! That was a long time, yet it was also a very short time. If she wanted to have more than one baby, it wasn’t very much time at all. Wait a minute! When did she decide that she wanted to have a baby?
She stood and walked around the room, stopping at the window where she pulled back the heavy drapes and looked out into the dark night without really seeing anything.
With a sigh, she let the drapes fall back into place then turned and walked back to the bed.
Yes, if she were honest with herself, she knew that she’d always wanted children. She’d just become so caught up in her career for the past ten years that she hadn’t thought much about it, if at all.
She crawled into bed and lay there on her back with the light still on.
Okay, where did all of those thoughts, or were they revelations, lead her to? Maybe the first question she needed to ask herself was did she love Wayne Newcomb enough to marry him and have children with him?
That was too overwhelming for her even to continue thinking about anymore tonight.
She reached over and turned the light out.
After an hour of trying to keep her mind blank so she could go to sleep and failing miserably, she sat up in bed and decided to attack the problem head on.
Problem? Was that how she looked at it? Yes, it was a problem or more like a dilemma that she found herself in.
Well, she couldn’t sleep so she might as well think about it some more.
Sonia tried to attack the problem analytically, just as she would when trying to solve a case on the job. She broke it down just as she would each clue in a case.
First, did she love Wayne? She had to admit that she did even though that admission scared her.
Second, did she want to marry Wayne? Did she? She had to think about that one for a while. Did she love Wayne the way she should to marry him? Yes.
Third, did she want to have children with Wayne? Well, she knew that the answer to that one was already answered in the first two. Of course she did!
It didn’t work. Even after coming to such a monumental decision, she still couldn’t sleep. All that did was key her up even more than before.
It was another hour or more before she finally fell into a fitful sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
Saturday morning, Wayne seemed to be sleeping in, and Sonia was glad. She was sure he needed it. All the activity of yesterday must have worn him out. She was sitting in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and watching the housekeeper, Joyce, make biscuits for breakfast.
She was a large woman in her late fifties with plain features. She seemed pleasant enough to Sonia. After all, she was allowing Sonia to sit in her kitchen while she worked.
“Joyce, how long have you worked for Wayne?”
Joyce turned toward Sonia and swiped at some dark brown bangs that had fallen down into her eyes. “Well, let me see now. It was shortly after my Cecil died. That would make it right at five years now.”
Before Sonia had a chance to ask her next question, Joyce laughed a booming laugh and said, “I know what you want to know Missy and yes, he has changed. That boy was headed for an early grave the way he was living back then.” She snorted. “But then I started noticing changes in him, probably about two years ago. Then here recently, he’s become a totally different person.”
Sonia didn’t know what to say but apparently Joyce did.
“I know the good Lord had a lot to do with it but I also think He used you to get the job done.”
Sonia was still processing what Joyce had just said when the housekeeper put her hands on her hips and glared at Sonia. “Are you going to keep me on here?”
Sonia knew the shock must have shown plainly on her face. “I beg your pardon. What do you mean?”
Joyce snorted and waved her hand at Sonia and then toward the upstairs. “You’ve already moved in. I just wanted to know if you intend to keep me on or not.”
Then it finally dawned on Sonia what Joyce meant. “Oh, Joyce, this is only temporary. I haven’t moved in like that.”
When Joyce continued to glare at her, Sonia said, “Okay, Joyce, I don’t want you to worry. If I did marry Wayne and move in here, I would be happy if you would stay on. I work crazy hours day and night and it would be great to know you were here taking care of everything.”
Sonia turned at a sound from behind her. The nurse had pushed Wayne into the room and he had a puzzled look on his face as he watched Joyce pat Sonia on the shoulder and then turn back to her breakfast preparations.
Wayne smiled at Sonia and said, “Good morning Sonia.” Then he turned to Joyce and said, “Joyce, I would like for Sonia and me to have our breakfast out on the patio if you don’t mind.”
Just when Sonia was about to breathe a sigh of relief that Wayne maybe hadn’t heard any of her conversation with Joyce, he laughed and said, “Good answer Sonia.”
Now she was embarrassed and wanted nothing more than to go to her room and hide, but that wasn’t going to be possible.
Shortly, Sonia and Wayne were settled around a large circular glass topped table on his patio. She was glad that Wayne’s back yard wasn’t as huge and luxurious as his grandparents’ home was. Although, it did have a large pool with a cabana next to it and lounge chairs scattered around it. That was fine, since she loved to swim. Where did that thought come from?
“Sonia, I have some good news for you.”
With that, he had her full attention.
“I want you to know that this morning as I was lying in bed, I was finally able to forgive Harry for all that he did to Kelly and me.”
She was so thrilled that she jumped up and hugged him. He hugged her back, but then pulled her head down for a kiss that went on until Joyce cleared her throat behind them.
Sonia jumped up and returned to her chair. Joyce laughed and said, “That’s okay, you two. It does my heart good to see the two of you like that.”
With that, she sat a platter of biscuits down on the table and went back inside. Sonia looked over at Wayne and noticed that he was as red faced, as she knew she was.
They finished their breakfast in relative silence. Sonia was pleased with the meal. She hadn’t eaten biscuits that good in a long time.
As she was wiping her mouth on her napkin, Sonia remembered a thought that had come to her sometime during her almost sleepless night. She turned to Wayne and said, “Wayne, when you met with Bill Hogan and he gave you the digital recorder, did he say how thoroughly they searched his truck?”
When Wayne gave her a puzzled look, she said, “I was just wondering if they could have missed something else that might have been there.” She gathered her hair in both hands and flipped it back over her shoulders. “It just seems that these guys are after something that must be awfully important to them. And I don’t think the recording is that important to them especially now that we have it and I’m sure they know that we can’t really use it against them.”
Wayne was catching on now. “You mean something that would be more incriminating to some of them?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean.” She leaned across the table a little. “Do you have Bill’s cellphone number?”
“It’s on my phone which is on my nightstand in my bedroom. Could you go get it?”
Sonia rushed inside and down to the end of the hallway where the
master bedroom was located. She couldn’t help thinking how fortunate it was right now that Wayne’s bedroom was on the first floor.
When she was about to enter his bedroom, she froze in the doorway and just looked around. It hit her all at once that she was looking at an almost exact replica of the bedroom that she had fantasized over the years that she would love to have someday.
Everything was in a pastel blue with white accents. In the middle of the far wall was a king size pedestal bed with blue and white cushions piled on top. The doors to a private patio were just to the left of the bed. Then she noticed that there were two large walk-in closets on the left wall. She turned to her right and saw the master bath, which had a large oval tub and an equally large shower. Then she noticed that it also had a Jacuzzi.
She almost forgot why she was in the room in the first place. Quickly, she grabbed the cell phone off the nightstand and left before she decided to stay.
Shock must have still shown on her face when she sat back down across the table from Wayne and handed him his phone.
He grinned. “How did you like it?”
When she gave him a blank look, his face suddenly grew serious and his eyes became anxious.
She didn’t think before she spoke, the words just came out. “How did you know?”
His laughter this time was that of an extremely pleased man. “Kelly!” When she gave him a puzzled look, he explained. “Think back to some of the conversations you’ve had with Kelly lately when it was just the two of you, like at lunch?”
When she nodded, he said, “Well, she very subtly found out what colors you liked and even found out about your fantasy of having a pedestal bed someday.”
“Wayne, I hope you don’t think . . .”
“It’s okay Sonia. Just give us time and it will all work out.”
He brought her back to reality when he scrolled through screens on his phone then punched a button.
She could only hear his half of the conversation of course, but she was excited by the time Wayne disconnected.
Resolved Memories (Sycamore P.D. Series Book 3) Page 21