“I’ll find us a good spot then.”
“Great.” She walked away from him back toward the ship.
With each step she took, her mind became more clear. When she was around Thomas, she didn’t always have the opportunity to think things through. Her mind was so occupied by the chemistry between them that she lost focus on anything else. But speaking openly to him about her feelings, and his reaction to them, made her realize that she needed to be more careful.
As the women on Forty and Free would tell her, you don’t want to come on too strong too fast—it can spook a man. Had she done that? Did it matter that she had? She knew what she wanted and had no reason not to go for it. But if she pushed too hard would she lose him altogether?
She dropped her bags in her room and lingered for a moment to place a video call to Emma.
“Mommy, is it warm where you are?”
“Yes, very.” She smiled into her phone’s camera. “I’m about to go spend some time on the beach.”
“Are you going swimming?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Do you have a buddy? You know you’re not supposed to swim alone at the beach.” Her daughter’s wide eyes looked a little frightened.
“Yes. I’ll have a buddy.”
“Who might this buddy be?” Lucas peered into the camera from behind Emma’s shoulder.
The sight of him surprised Natasha. She laughed and shook her head. “None of your business, Lucas.”
“Oh, that kind of buddy.” He grinned. “Looks like we did pretty well with our birthday gift.”
“Very well, yes.” Natasha smiled back into the camera. “I have to go now, Emma. But I’ll be home soon. Just two more days.”
“I can’t wait to see you, Mommy! Have fun! I love you!” Emma jumped up and down with every word she spoke.
Natasha’s heart grew heavy with longing for her little girl. It was still hard for her to be away, even though she knew that Emma loved her time with her father.
“I love you too, sweetheart. Be a good girl for Daddy.”
“I will. I promise.”
She was about to hang up when Lucas’s face came fully into the frame. “Don’t worry, she’s fine. You have fun. Okay?”
“I am.” She smiled.
“I see that worry in your eyes. Whatever it is, don’t let it ruin your trip.”
She rolled her eyes. Lucas still knew her far too well. “I’ll be fine, I promise. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone when I get home.”
“We are too.” He hung up the phone.
Natasha stared at the empty screen for a moment and then tucked her phone into her pocket. It was strange how she’d once longed for Lucas, but now he was just another person in her life. Maybe that was what she needed to see Thomas as—just another person in her life. As Lucas instructed, maybe she had to enjoy her vacation, no matter what.
When she reached the beach, she spotted Thomas right away. In his swimming trunks, she had a full view of his well-toned frame. She admired him for a moment as the sun played on his bronze skin. She did not overlook the fact that there were a few other women that seemed to be openly admiring him as well. A pang of jealousy rippled through her. It shocked her. She’d never been much of a jealous person. She shook it off and waved to him.
“Thomas!”
He turned to face her and an instant smile grew across his face. There it was, the reassurance that she needed that he wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him. Maybe it was just for the moment, but the moment was worth it. She could relax and enjoy herself.
She dropped her things on the blanket that he’d spread out and gave his arm a light slap.
“I’ll race you to the water.”
“You’re on.”
As she kicked up sand with her feet, he chased after her. The thrill of knowing that he was right behind her caused her to forget all the concern that had plagued her earlier. She splashed into the water and in the same moment that she felt the coolness of its caress, the heat of his embrace wrapped around her.
“Caught you.” He kissed her cheek.
“You sure did.” She spun around and looked into his eyes. “But I still won.”
Chapter 20
“Maybe we both won.” Thomas leaned in for a kiss, but Natasha pulled away before he could get near her, and slipped under the water.
He stared after her for a moment, left aching for the kiss that she’d denied him. Ever since their conversation at the cafe, he’d been wondering how to put his feelings into words. He was much better at teaching students than he was at communicating his emotions.
He swam out after her, catching up to where she was still under water. When they both surfaced, he leaned in for the kiss that he’d missed moments ago.
She tilted her head so that he caught her cheek.
“What? Is this the payback for buying lunch?” He wiped his face free of some water and gazed at her. “I never get to kiss you again?”
“No, it’s not payback.” She smiled and splashed him. “Maybe you just need to cool off a bit.”
“Cool off?” He found her waist and pulled her close. “What if I don’t want to cool off?”
“Well, I suppose you have to ask yourself that question. I mean, it’s important to know what you actually want, don’t you think?” She stared into his eyes.
Her words settled around him as chilly as the droplets of water that clung to his skin.
“Do you?” He kept her close to him as the waves rocked them. “Know what you want?”
“Yes.” She bit into her bottom lip and curved her shoulder against his chest, which created some space between their lips.
He nuzzled his lips along her neck.
“Then tell me, what is it that you want, lovely woman?”
She shivered in his grasp.
He tightened his arms around her, both to keep her warm and to comfort her. The question neither wanted to broach was, what happened when the ship docked for the last time?
“To swim.” She slipped easily out of his grip and disappeared under the water again.
He sighed as he watched her feet kick up a spray. The confusion that brewed in him was overwhelming. He followed her lead and dove under the water too. The sensation of it gliding along his skin did calm him.
Soon they were playful again and the question that hung between them was ignored.
By sunset, they were back on the ship. He held her hand just before they parted ways.
“Can I see you later tonight?”
“Maybe.” She met his eyes with that coy smile that made it impossible to read her true emotions.
As she walked away, he thought about insisting on her company. But that wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want to guilt-trip her into doing something that she didn’t want to do.
An hour later Thomas continued to pace in his room. Back and forth, back and forth, as he tried to sort through his thoughts and feelings. Could he open his heart again the way that Natasha deserved? Before he came to a decision there was a knock on his door.
He opened it and smiled the moment he saw her. She held a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other, along with a shopping bag that dangled from her wrist.
“I hope you don’t mind the company.”
“I’m glad to have it.” He stepped aside from the door.
She made her way in, though with the tiny space her shoulder brushed against him as she did.
“Wow, this is cozy.” She glanced around the space.
“Yes, it’s home for now.” He grinned and gestured for her to sit at the tiny table a few feet from his bed.
She sat and set the wine and glasses down on the table. Then she held the bag in her lap.
Thomas eyed her with some suspicion as he sat down across from her.
“What is your home actually like?” said Natasha.
“Oh, modest.” He shrugged. “Ranch style—two bedrooms, one bathroom—nothing special.”
>
“I bet you’ve added a few touches to it.”
“Uh, maybe some dirty laundry and a burnt dinner or two.” He chuckled. “I did build a deck on the back.”
“You built it yourself?” Her eyes widened.
“Yes, over a summer. It took forever, but I wanted to have a back-to-school barbecue for my students and the teachers, so I built it.”
“That’s amazing. I guess you can do just about anything that you put your mind to.”
“I like to think so. If time and other things allow.” He reached for the bottle of wine. “Did you bring an opener?”
“Not just yet.” She slid the shopping bag toward him. “This is for you.”
“What?” He stared at her as his mouth grew dry.
“Please, don’t fight with me over it, you know how much I love to shop. I just wanted you to have this.”
“Natasha, I don’t want you to buy—”
“Stop.” She reached out and placed her hand over his. “We’re past that now, aren’t we?” She looked into his eyes. “I bought this for you, yes, but not because of the price tag, but because of the light I saw in your eyes when you looked at it. Don’t deny me the opportunity to see that again. Please?”
He sat back in his chair and sighed. The arguments were on the tip of his tongue, but she was right. He’d been making money an issue between them, when it didn’t need to be. As difficult as it was to accept a gift from her, it was made worse by the fact that he didn’t have anything to offer her in return.
“I don’t have anything for you.” His cheeks flushed and he lowered his eyes.
“You are my gift, Thomas. The time you’ve spent with me has been beyond wonderful. You’ve turned an ordinary cruise into a real adventure, and I wouldn’t have the memories I do without you.”
He looked back up at her and saw the honesty in her expression. It was strange to him to witness—the way she wanted nothing from him but his attention and affection. It was hard for him to believe.
“It’s been the same for me, Natasha. More than I can even put into words.”
“So, open it.” She pushed the bag closer to him. Her entire body seemed to shiver with excitement.
He laughed at her anticipation and opened the bag. When he saw what was inside his heart dropped. He knew just how much it cost. A straw hat, a bottle of sand—something like that was what he’d expected. Carefully he eased the ship in a bottle out of the bag.
“Natasha.” He breathed her name and ran a fingertip along the curve of the bottle.
Chapter 21
Natasha took a deep breath and braced herself. Would Thomas be angry? Would he warn her that the gift was too much for their casual relationship? She didn’t know what exactly to expect. But she did see that glow in his eyes, the same one she saw when he’d first looked at the bottle.
“The kids in your class deserve to look at this each day and be reminded that there is more to the world than what they see.”
He looked away from her and the bottle that contained a ship. His jaw rippled and for a second she thought he might refuse the gift. If he did, she didn’t know how she would react. Had she made a terrible mistake?
“You have no idea how much it means to me that you understand that. This bottle—to me, it sends a message that there are no limits. They can go anywhere, explore anything.”
She heard the way his voice wavered and understood that he wasn’t angry as he struggled to contain his emotions.
“Sometimes I think things are made for certain people,” she said. “I think out of all the people that have walked into that shop, only you saw it for what it was, and that meant it belonged to you. I get that you find it difficult to accept things from others, but maybe, just maybe, you can take it for what it is—a gesture of my affection for you.” She stood up and walked around behind him. As she ran her hands over his shoulders, she felt his muscles relax beneath her touch. “I want us to be able to communicate without any barriers between us. Let’s not let this be a barrier, okay?”
He grasped her hand as it rubbed across his shoulder and held it. “You’re such a giving person, Natasha.”
“So are you.” She kissed him lightly on the cheek. “You give all of yourself to those that you help. Don’t think I don’t know that already. It’s easy to be generous when you have unlimited funds. It’s much harder to be generous with things that are finite, like your time, your energy, your life. How many times have you turned down an opportunity to do something for yourself for the sake of a fundraiser or an event for your school?”
“Maybe.” He sighed and leaned his head back against her. “But it never seems to be enough.”
“It’s more than you know.” She squeezed his hand. “Now why don’t we take that bottle of wine up on to the deck? I think we would enjoy it more under the stars.”
“Wait.” He gave her hand a gentle tug and leaned up in the same moment.
When his lips met hers, her heart raced. There it was again—that unrealistic hope that he might just be the man she’d been waiting for. Those thoughts were muted by the desire that rushed through her as she returned the kiss. The heat between them was an uncontrollable one that left little room for thoughts.
She shuddered as he turned in the chair enough to pull her down into his lap. The sensation of being surrounded by him overwhelmed her again. She broke the kiss for the sake of embracing him, as the experience of being held by him was just as intense as any kiss could be.
His lips traveled across her cheek to the skin just beside her ear.
He kissed her lightly there, then whispered. “I don’t know what you’re doing to me, Natasha.”
The words were more anguished than she expected. She tilted her head back to look into his eyes. Instead of passion, she saw confusion.
“I can go, if that’s what you want.” Her heart sank at the thought. She looked away from him before he could answer, because she didn’t want him to answer. It was too much. She knew it was. The gift, her desire for him, the way she shared her feelings with him—none of it was what he wanted. That was her fear.
His fingers curved along her chin and turned her mouth back to his. The kiss eased the pain that had begun to burn in the pit of her stomach.
He broke their kiss and pressed his cheek to hers. “I don’t want you to go, Natasha. Let’s go look at those stars.”
When Natasha stood up her legs felt weak. Maybe it was the lurch of the boat, or maybe it was the impact of being so close to him. Either way she was off balance and had no idea what to expect from Thomas.
His arm slid around her waist to steady her.
She picked up the glasses and he picked up the wine. As they made their way out of the cabin, the silence was thick between them. There were so many things that she was not bold enough to say—so many things that she wanted him to say. Tell me, Thomas, that you never want me to go. Tell me that you’ll never let me go.
But he was quiet as he led her to an open spot on the deck. There was only one lounge chair but it was plenty big enough to fit them both.
As they stretched out on it, she gazed up at the millions of stars in the night sky. Was she lost in a fantasy that would end far too soon? Could she walk away from this unscathed when the only thing that gave her comfort was the sensation of his fingertips as they stroked along her skin?
“Can’t this last forever?”
His question that drifted to her ears was unanswerable. They both knew that it couldn’t.
She added some wine to his glass and held up her own. “To our adventure.”
“Yes.” He clinked his glass to hers and held her gaze across it. “To wherever it may lead.”
Chapter 22
With half the bottle of wine gone and the boat mostly quiet, Thomas stared at the stars. Natasha was nestled right in his arms, as if it was the most natural place for her to be. It seemed to him that she’d dozed off. Her face was so still that the moonlight shimmered on it. He drank in the sight
of every small detail of her features.
He had to admit to himself that he’d never laid eyes on a more beautiful woman. It had nothing to do with the fact that she was a model, and everything to do with the tiny freckle beside her nose, the curl of her eyelashes at the tips, and the dip in her cheek where her dimple would show if she smiled. It was her. She intoxicated him to the point that he couldn’t think straight.
But what was he doing there with her wrapped up in his arms as if somehow she belonged to him? He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t risk that kind of pain again, and yet there he was with his heart wide open. He had to control it. Not just for himself, but for her.
He knew what she wanted—a family—a man to love her the way that her ex-husband hadn’t managed to. But Thomas could never be that man. His track record with marriage was so terrible that the very thought of a wedding made him cringe with dread.
And Natasha, beautiful Natasha, who he already cared for so deeply, how would he survive when she decided it was time for her to walk away? He closed his eyes and held her a little tighter.
In her sleep she murmured something and then her eyes opened.
“Oh no, I must have fallen asleep.” She looked up at him. “I’m sorry. Was I snoring?”
“You were perfect.” He blinked and looked away from her.
“Thomas, are you okay?”
“Yes, just tired. We should probably head in.” He unwound from around her and stood up from the lounge chair.
She did as well.
“I’ll walk you to your room.”
“That’s okay, I can manage. Tomorrow we’re on the ship. Can we still spend some time together?”
“I’d like that. Sure.” He swallowed hard and kept his gaze averted from hers. “Thank you again for the gift.”
“You’re welcome, Thomas. Good night.” She kissed his cheek and gave his hand a squeeze.
He didn’t watch her walk away. Instead, he looked out over the water.
Distance. That’s what would be between them when the trip ended. Not something easy to overcome, even if he wanted to take the risk.
Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 5 - 8 Page 20