“Sore, very sore.”
“It was a straight shot through, just a little tissue damage,” he said.
“Sheesh, that’s okay then, I guess. Where’s Taylor?”
“At home, with Trina and Jake.”
“So?”
“We're all under arrest for something, you’ve got a cop outside your door,” Dad said.
“All?”
“Thomas for stealing evidence. You for having a concealed weapon you didn’t have a license for. Me for withholding evidence.”
“And Zachary?”
“Zachary is still innocent, so he says.”
“Where do we go from here?” I asked.
“We start by telling the truth, I guess.” Dad leaned back in his chair and took a deep breath.
“Your mom already had Zach when I met her. I didn’t know, nor would she tell me, who his father was. Over the years, it just wasn’t something that we talked about again. I gave him my surname. We left Auburn and moved here, for two reasons. Your mom, obviously, was desperate to move away and I wanted a ranch. For years everything was okay, until you came home with Sierra…”
He held up his hand to stop me interrupting.
“I didn’t know, Gabriel. I didn’t know a thing. Your mom changed and I didn’t know why. I can’t hate her, even after what she did to you. I guess she buried her past as much as Sierra did, and then it was all brought to the surface. Zachary went into the priesthood as soon as he was able; I guess you could say it was in the blood. Your mom was distraught at first, which I did find strange but then, as the years went on, they seemed to have a closeness I was excluded from. I just assumed it was because they were blood.”
“Why was it a secret?”
“It wasn’t, not really. It was just something not spoken about. We’re going back a lot of years, Gabe. Young girls got pregnant, and it was covered up. Young girls that were…well, you know what I mean, covered it up even more.”
“So me bringing Sierra home kicked it all off?”
“As I said, your mom changed, she started to become, depressed, I guess. She started having nightmares. The doctor prescribed some sleeping pills for her; they helped with the nightmares. When Sierra died, she seemed to, I hate to say this, perk up a little.”
“Because the immediate threat was gone,” I said.
“I imagine so. Did she kill anyone? I can’t let myself believe that, Gabriel. If I do, my life has been a sham. Can you understand that?”
I nodded, not because I agreed but because it was what he needed to know.
“Where’s Zachary?”
“At home.”
“At home!”
“Zachary says he only recently found out who his father was, he didn’t know. He confronted your mom, he tried to deal with it all but he was caught in the middle. He was working with the feds in bringing down the cult, and he knew once he had, your mom would be exposed. He didn’t know what to do, he covered it up, I guess.”
“And he told you all that? Do you believe him?”
“Yes, that was what he was confessing when you came into the barn. He’s as sickened by it all as we are. More so, in one way, to know he’s the product of rape.”
Something in my gut held me back from believing that to be true.
“Will they arrest Father Samuel?”
“Yes, Zachary is going to testify, but again, it’s all still hearsay, it’s just what his mother told him. According to the women at the cult, they all, your mother included, willingly slept with him.”
“But the children…”
“The only children that can state he abused them are dead. There are no witnesses to that, or witnesses willing to speak out.”
“So he’ll walk then, won’t he?”
Dad didn’t need to answer the question.
“What did Mom actually do?” I asked.
“All I know is that your mom and Syd were related, cousins. She asked for his help.”
“To do what?”
“Well, since he was in town, I guess to keep an eye on Sierra, get rid of witnesses.”
“Yet she could have so easily kept an eye on Sierra herself.”
“She knew who Sierra was the day she helped plan your wedding, Gabe, she told us that. But I don’t know that we'll get all the answers. And right now, all we have is Zach telling the story she’d told him.”
I sighed and closed my eyes. “You got your answer though, Gabe,” he said.
“And what a fucking answer. My mom had her cousin kill my wife.”
“I’m not sure that was your mom’s intent…”
“Don’t, Dad. Don’t defend her. I can’t hear that, okay?”
I looked over at him, in that moment, or maybe I just hadn’t noticed, he’d aged so dramatically. Gone was the rugged, tanned face with the bright blue eyes. Instead his skin sagged, the whites of his eyes were yellowed and the blue irises dull. His shoulders had sunk; he didn’t hold himself like the proud man he’d been. Everything about him looked beaten, defeated.
“I’m sorry, I just…I’m tired,” I said. He simply nodded and left.
The following day I discharged myself. I was taking up a bed unnecessarily, in my opinion. I dressed and sent a text to Thomas to collect me. The cop sitting outside jumped to attention as I pulled open the door. He followed me to the nurses’ station. The nurses fussed around, cursing, and organizing paperwork. When I had what I needed, I left.
I raised my face to the sun and closed my eyes to absorb its warmth. Then I lit a cigarette.
“Are you going to arrest me?” I asked the cop, who’d stayed silent the whole time.
“I, err. No. I was just told to watch your room, make sure you didn’t get unwanted visitors.”
“So you were there for my protection? If you’re going to lie, be confident about it. I’ll be at my house if anyone needs me.”
I climbed into Thomas’ car and we headed for home. I rolled down his window and exhaled the smoke I’d been holding in.
“How’s your shoulder?”
“Sore. How are you?”
“Unemployed,” he chuckled.
“Did they arrest you? Dad said something about us all being under arrest.”
“If I go quietly, lose my pension and all that shit, all charges are dropped.”
“I’m sorry, I gave you the chance to back out,” I said.
“I know. My choice. So what do we do now?”
“I don’t know. I can’t think straight. Will we get to know anything?”
“I would imagine you would, Sierra was still your wife and your mom was…”
“Yeah, let’s not call her that, for now.”
I held in the cry of pain that wanted to force its way out of my body when Taylor jumped into my arms. My eyes watered though.
“Daddy, you’re crying,” she said.
“Happy tears, baby girl, I’m glad to see you.”
I nuzzled into her neck, inhaling her sweet smell of innocence.
“She’s been a really good girl, look what she made you,” Trina said, walking up the hallway toward us.
“I drew you a picture, Daddy,” Taylor said reaching out for the piece of paper.
Two stick figures held hands. I guessed the brown splotch beside them was a tree and then there was a horse.
“I think that needs to go on the wall,” I said as I lowered her to the ground.
Trina placed her hand on my arm as Taylor ran off into the kitchen.
“I’m so sorry, Gabe,” she said quietly.
I nodded, not sure what she knew and what she didn't.
“Beer?” I asked. She laughed as she patted her belly, her very round belly.
“Coffee then?” I asked.
“No, thank you. We’ll head off now.”
Taylor was chatting, asking me all about my accident. She’d been told I’d fallen from the loft, while helping her grandpa, she knew nothing about my mom. I would have to tell her, but I wanted to do that when we
were alone. I had no idea of what to say, only that it wasn’t going to be the truth. And then I had another decision to make.
I was angry, so bitterly angry with my mom. There would be a funeral at some point, and if I hadn’t had Taylor, I wouldn’t go. But was that fair to my daughter who doted on her grandparents? Should a five-year-old even go to a funeral? She hadn’t attended her mother’s.
Trina and Jake left, I walked them to the door and followed them to their car.
“Thank you, both. I really appreciate what you’ve done,” I said.
“I just don’t know what to say, Gabe. Do you know why your mom did it?” Jake asked. The question earned a slap from Trina.
“No, we don’t. She lost her mind for a little while, I guess,” I replied.
“You just concentrate on you and that little girl in there. I’ll be over tomorrow to stock your freezer,” Trina said.
I watched them drive away, wondering what the townsfolk knew, what assumptions had been made, and what whispers were going on behind hands.
Thomas sat at the kitchen table nursing a beer, he handed me one as I sat next to him. I looked at my daughter; she looked back. She cocked her head to one side as she stared at me.
“Baby girl, I’ve got something to tell you,” I said, deciding not to wait any longer.
I put Taylor to bed after hours of crying and sobbing, questions and silence. She was wrung out; I was wrung out. Her eyes were so swollen from her tears she could hardly open them. Her body was so exhausted from the outpouring of emotion that she fell asleep almost immediately.
I left her door wide open, so I could hear her and joined Thomas in the yard. He had a cigarette lit in one hand. I raised my eyebrows.
“Certain times, it’s called for,” he said.
I lit one myself and took a swig of my beer as I sat in one of the garden chairs.
“I couldn’t do it, Gabe. I couldn’t do what you do, be a dad and all that.”
“You could if you had to,” I said.
“What will you do about the funeral?”
“I don’t know, to be honest. I guess I have to go, if only for Dad’s sake. But there is one thing I have to do and soon. I have to speak to Zachary.”
I then told him what Dad had said in the hospital.
“So Zach was innocent all along?” he asked.
“I don’t know. He covered it up, to protect…her. And she tried to silence the victims to protect him, as well as herself. But something still niggles me.”
“She went about it in an extreme way.”
“I think she was starting to lose her mind. Dad had said she’d been prescribed sleeping pills…Fuck!”
“She drugged Taylor,” Thomas said.
“Could she do that to her granddaughter?” he added
“She had no problem with shooting me. So, I guess so. Why, I don’t know, but from what I understand that would have been about the same time Zachary confronted her.”
“Do you think we’ll ever get to know the truth?” he asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t think so. Sierra died because she was going to expose the failings in the church, which would ruin Zachary. Is that motive to kill her? I don’t know.”
Two weeks later, which was way quicker than any of us were expecting, we laid my mother to rest. I’d laughed at those words. I didn’t want her to get ‘rest.’ Zachary, my dad, and I sat in the front row of our local church. The rest of the pews were filled with townsfolk, who had come to pay their respects. They’d loved her, there was a level of disbelief that she’d taken her own life, and I knew they were desperate to know why.
I’d decided Taylor wasn’t to attend the funeral; she was too distraught. I’d do something with her, when she was ready. I’d find a way for her to say a private goodbye.
I didn’t listen to the service; I didn’t listen to the words of praise for a wonderful woman taken early. It was all bullshit. I couldn’t look at the enlarged photograph that stood beside her casket. It would remind me of a woman that had betrayed me, that had lied. My dad gently sobbed and my heart broke for him. No matter what she’d done, he’d loved her so desperately.
I’d tried to rationalize it all over the past couple of weeks. I wanted to shed tears but I couldn’t. As the service droned on, I thought back. She was a woman raped, who bore a child. I had to find that goodness in her to keep that baby, to love that baby, and not look at him and be reminded. But no matter what, my wife died because of her. She’d started it all, whether she’d lost her mind or not.
I was taken by surprise when I saw my father rise, the service was over and we were expected to follow the coffin. I accepted the pats on the back and the smiles as we walked down the aisle, out of the church into bright sunlight, and to a hole in the ground. I stood, as expected, beside my brother and father and watched her being lowered into the ground. Then I left.
I couldn’t keep the pretense up anymore.
“Hey, baby,” I said as I ran my fingers over my wife’s name.
I sat beside her grave, not caring about the suit pants, and wrenched off the black tie. I shrugged off the jacket and loosened my collar. I wouldn’t sit with my wife as if in mourning.
In hushed tones, I talked to her. I told her about Lily, what I’d done and how sorry I was for that. I told her how Taylor was doing, promising to bring her to visit soon. I cried. I wasn’t sure how long I’d sat for, but the funeral party was making their way out of the churchyard. I watched my dad being supported by Sam, neighbors, and friends, weeping, wiping eyes, as they left. A shadow fell over me.
“It’s time, Gabriel,” Zachary said.
“I’m not coming back to the house. I can’t fucking mourn her.”
“No, it’s time to put an end to all this.”
I stood, not sure what he meant. We hadn’t had a chance to sit down and speak, as much as I’d wanted to. I found it hard to be around him, to face him. No matter what he said, no matter the fact he’d face no investigation for his part in all that happened, I still didn’t trust him.
“Come,” he said.
I followed him to a waiting car. I hesitated by the passenger door.
“I know this is a lot for me to ask, but will you trust me, just this once?” Zach said.
“On one condition, you fucking tell me the truth,” I said. He nodded his head.
I pulled open the door and got in. I was more than confident that I could overpower Zachary, if I needed to. I was more than confident that I could kill him, if I needed to. And he knew it as he watched me scan my eyes over the bruising still evident on his face.
“Twenty odd years ago I was asked to attend a meeting. I was just a priest then. That meeting was an invitation to join a committee dedicated to, let’s say, cleaning up the church. I never denied that the church had spent many years covering up abuse. I was part of that. I believed I was doing the right thing. The church couldn’t be compromised, the faith couldn’t be questioned.”
He started the car and we drove, I wasn’t sure where and I didn’t want to ask. I didn't want to interrupt him.
“I wasn’t the one to interview him, but I was involved. I documented paperwork, that’s all. In the beginning, I guess, I was no more than a clerk. I had no idea who he was, and I had limited information. But a few years ago, I was contacted by the FBI to help with their deprogramming. By then, I was a bishop and I led the clean up committee. As you can imagine, I was torn. I’d hidden crimes, Gabriel, and then I was working with law enforcement. I was trapped.”
“Who were Romney and Midley?” I asked, knowing the answer but wanted to check whether he’d tell me the truth.
He sighed before he answered. “Who do you think they were?”
“Cult members.”
“Yes.”
“So how were you working with them?”
“I wasn’t working with them. Recently I found some documents, details of the staff at the convent. I found a name, Gabe, our mother’s name. I thought it
coincidence at first. But dates and locations made me want to investigate further. I joined the cult, Gabriel, to find out, to help further expose what I knew I’d been covering up.”
“If I had a dollar for every plausible story I’ve been told lately…”
“I don't expect you to believe me. What you’ve been through, I wouldn’t wish on anyone. But I’m not the bad guy here. I found that phone, Gabriel, Sister Anna’s phone. I hid it until I knew what to do with it. It was when Dad then found it, that I had some explaining to do.”
“And Taylor, why did you walk into the barn with her?”
“I saw Mom go in there with a glass of water, I didn’t think anything of it. I saw you on the porch, I saw Lily, and I saw you head to the barn. But it was when I heard Mom quietly talking to someone that I knew something was wrong. I heard her say, ‘she’s here.’ I wasn’t sure if that meant Taylor or Lily. I went to Taylor’s room, I wanted to hide her: she didn’t wake up. I panicked. I picked her up and carried her downstairs. I had no idea where to hide her; I walked around the yard at first. Until I saw Syd. Whether you think what I’m about to say is right or wrong, I used your daughter. I knew what you thought of me, and if you saw her in my arms, I knew you’d react.”
“React?”
“Yes, you’d fight.”
“So you used my daughter to scare me enough to fight?”
“I used your daughter to help you find that level of aggression to save your life.”
We fell silent for a while. I ran his words through my mind, over and over. I hadn’t taken too much notice of where we were headed, until we pulled off the highway and onto a dirt road. We bounced along, following it through woodland. After a few minutes, the trees thinned and in front of us was a log cabin. There were many dotted around, vacation homes, hunting lodges, and a great place to hide.
“How did you know Syd?” I asked as he brought the car to a halt.
“At first, before I knew, I wondered if he was my father. He and Mom met up occasionally. Years ago, I even thought they were having an affair,” he chuckled as he spoke.
“But he is related, a cousin, I think. He was also an elder in the cult. Anna is dead, Gabe, she killed herself because she couldn’t do what Mom wanted her to do, she fixed a hose to her tailpipe and gassed herself. The statements sent to Thomas were concocted by Mom to give you something, and then discredit your investigation. I had no idea; until I found the phone, that Mom had Sierra involved. Everyone was manipulated; Mom fed Anna information to feed back to Sierra. Sierra delivered all that to everyone else. It became a race; get to the victims before the feds did. Mom used Sierra to do that in the hope that they would speak freely as they might remember her.”
Gabriel: A thriller (Standalone within the Divinus Pueri series) Page 24