Tenille clapped her hands in delight and, entering into the spirit of the moment declared: ‘I shall hold you to those words, my not so humble servant and we shall see what we shall see,’ she ended archly. By now they were both collapsed in a heap of laughter when Nurse Arnott came in with the medications trolley. She raised her eyebrows, but otherwise made no comment until she had delivered the antibiotics, then said, rather repressively: ‘I hope you’re not over exciting yourself, Tenille. It’s still early days and you mustn’t get too tired.’
‘I’m all right, Nurse Arnott. In fact,’ she added, a secret smile lifting the corners of her mouth: ‘I never felt better.’ With that they burst out laughing again, their high spirits irrepressible.
‘Do you need anything for pain,’ the nurse was obliged to ask, looking almost as if she hoped Tenille would say yes, but in the circumstances …
Once she’d gone, they broke out uncontrollably again. They were a couple intoxicated by their own quiddity. Happy and in love. In a while their composure was regained, although both pairs of eyes sparkled and glistened with the jubilance of being together.
‘Ten, tomorrow being Wednesday, as you know it’s my Softball night, so will it be OK with you if I come in the early evening, before practise?’ she queried. ‘Then I can go straight to Riverdale from here.’
‘Of course. Plan it however you want. You know I’m happy to see you whenever you can make it,’ she assured her.
‘Hopefully you’ll have a discharge time by then and I can come and collect you after work. I’ll be finished by noon, or thereabouts. Then I can just pack the things I’ll need and hightail it down here. I can always shower at your place when we get there.’ She worked it all out in detail, rattling on at a great rate so it was only when she finally ran out of steam, she noticed Tenille’s eyelids were beginning to droop.
‘Isn’t it time you got back into bed? You’re looking tired.’
‘Yes. I think I’d like to stretch out,’ she agreed. ‘I’ve been sitting in this position for quite some time.’ Sidonie brought the crutches and hovered over her, wanting to help but not knowing what to do. ‘It’s okay, I can manage these quite well,’ she clarified, observing the futile gestures Sidonie was making. She sat on the side of the bed and to let her feel useful, asked if she’d lift her leg up for her. She jumped at the chance to be of assistance. With great care she held the leg between two hands and placed it gently on the bed. Tenille had gone round to the left side of the bed, so she already had her right leg up, making the process a smoothly efficient one. Sidonie began to pull up the covers, but Tenille stopped her, requesting only the sheet. There was warmth from the sun coming through the window, despite the air conditioning. She held Sidonie’s hand as she asked her what time she could make it tomorrow.
‘How does five o’clock sound? Will it interfere with supper?’
‘That doesn’t matter, Sid. You can watch me eat.’
Sidonie noticed the dark circles were still under Tenille’s eyes, but the pallor was gone. ‘Reine and Thea always ask after you. They’d hoped to drop by before you went home, but perhaps now it would be better if they visited you at #226. Would that be acceptable?’
‘Of course. In fact I would prefer that. I’m aware now of how hospitals can put people off. At the apartment they can relax and be themselves. I’d love it for them to come to us.’ She smiled her special smile as she used the collective pronoun, feeling how good it was to be a couple. So many people took ‘we did this’ and ‘we did that’ for granted, but she didn’t. These words were music to her ears.
Sidonie bent down and kissed her goodbye. She was able to make it a lingering kiss, full of promise. Tenille felt it. Just one more day and they’d be together. They were both aware of the significance of these four days coming up, but neither mentioned the night times. However, they could feel it through their bodies; knew the reality would not be long now. Together, all night long. MRS. SANDRELLI. Tenille’s eyelids flew open as her body stiffened.
‘What’s the matter’ Sidonie’s voice held unconcealed concern. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘No, it’s okay, Sid.’
‘Don’t treat me like a child.’ she responded bluntly, sure that Tenille was covering something up. ‘I hate it when you try to hide something from me; save my feelings.’ She stood up, her mood so abruptly altered, Tenille was disconcerted. One moment there was love, then this. I’m too tired for hassles, she thought. She looked wearily at Sidonie through her exhaustion, summoning all her will to be conciliatory.
‘Truly, it’s nothing Sid. Something flashed through my mind that’s all.’ Her temper was short. ‘I don’t have to tell you every single thought I have, do I?’ Her voice, for all her weariness had taken on a sharper note. ‘It’s not worth verbalizing, really.’ She was sure she could square things with Mrs. S. ‘Don’t go away mad. Not after such a lovely visit,’ she pleaded, her voice returning to normal again.
‘I won’t. I’m sorry. Sometimes I don’t know what gets into me.’ She leaned down again. ‘Bye, dearest. You rest.’ This time the kiss was a gentle farewell.
As Sidonie walked away down the corridor she reflected on what had just happened. Tenille was right. She shouldn’t have to explain every passing thought to her. It must be something in her own make up, being sensitive to any hint of rejection. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but she wished she’d get over it. One day Tenille could lose patience and that day she’d know she’d gone too far. She pushed the button for the elevator and waited. “Lets hope it won’t result in a point of no return,” she mused. Hell, she was some kind of worrywart, wasn’t she? One little incident and she had to make it into a big deal. For the umpteenth time she told herself to grow up. One day.
* * *
Sidonie had had a good morning at work. She had enjoyed being with the horses, her other favorite mare being especially pleased to see her when she opened up at six o’clock. The soft whickering which greeted her appearance had drawn special attention, leading her to step into the stall and deliver a little TLC. She had whispered her secrets into her flicking ear as she snuggled up against the soft, velvety neck.
‘I’ll be with my darling as of tomorrow, for three whole days. Think of that, Polly. Her racing name was Lady Bella. She didn’t know where Polly had come from, but she always pricked up her ears.
The velour feel of Polly’s muzzle was so appealing. She felt her love for animals very strongly at that moment, glad she could devote her professional life to their well being and welfare. Hating cruelty to all helpless creatures, she had vowed that once she was done with her studies; when she had structure in her life, she would become an animal rights activist. She wanted to do something worthwhile with her time on this earth. Still under the influence of the idealism of youth, she guessed, but hoped she would never lose it. If getting older and the ‘gaining of wisdom’ meant giving up ideals, then she would never get old. This deliberation had made her smile. She was being so unrealistic. “Easy for you to say,” she had thought. Was it an impossibility to keep goals brightly shining forever?
‘They don’t have to tarnish along the way, do they, Polly?’ she had asked, beseechingly, giving the horse a final pat before leaving.
As she had worked her way along the row she remembered that even as a little girl, she had shown a keen interest in, and sympathy for animals. There had been one time, it was when her dad was still with them and Chelsey must have been a babe in arms. He had driven up north for a weekend to stay at someone’s cottage on a lake, somewhere outside Sudbury she thought. Probably a buddy of his owned it, but she was hazy from this distance. The drive had taken hours, she and Billy too excited at the prospect of this great adventure. Shortly after their arrival, before dusk, she observed a Blue Jay, fluttering amongst the bushes, alongside the landing dock, with a broken wing. She had been paddling by the water’s edge with a little butterfly net, trying to catch tiddlers and generally having a good time in the mud. Realizing
the bird’s distress, she had had to do something to help.
She remembered her heart pounding as she had gone over to try to catch it; the fragile feel of its hot body in her hands as she carried it up to the cottage. Carefully, she laid it on the grass at her mother’s feet where she was nursing Chelsey; expressing her concern for the injured bird, while Ma looked on. She realized now her mother had been very good with her that day. She had helped her find some dry crusts and a water bowl. Recalling her pleasure at feeding the little bird, she remembered how her heart had gone out to the helpless creature.
Today the farrier was due and she would be required to hold the horses during the reshoeing process. While thus engaged, she had recalled another incident when she improvised a splint from two sticks for a very young goat’s leg. About fourteen at the time, she was spending a day in the country with a girl friend. The kid had been running along the top of a split rail fence and had slipped, catching its hoof in the angle between two rails and proceeded to let out an almighty howl. She had rushed up to extract the contorted body, cradling it gently in her arms. She remembered the little heart beating furiously against her and her need to help had been intense. The splint worked well, but after a while she found the kid lying quietly, very subdued compared with its former scampering self. Looking more closely she saw a swollen hoof, the binding too tight. Immediately she cut the tape and re-applied it. The second time it was just right and she’d been gratified to see the kid bounding about, albeit on three legs, but able to join the others.
This event had been pivotal to her future decision-making and formed one of the imperatives by which she lived her life. When the time had come to select a career; to choose the subjects she needed to attain her objectives, she had not had to wander around helplessly, at the whim of each fancy, steadfast in her resolve, continuing unerringly toward her goal. Other school friends went through an agony of soul searching on those career days, but not she. Still today she knew, deep within her, the rightness of her decision. Only one problem lay before her – doing well enough in her studies to make the grades.
Studying had never been Sidonie’s strong suit. Her bent had been outside with the rest, involved in sports or a project of some sort; like making fishing tackle from ‘finds’; fixing up old bikes, or helping her buddies build a fort. Good with her hands, she was too impatient to keep her nose in a book. There were times when she could read avidly, but the subject had to capture her imagination; hold her attention completely, otherwise … forget it.
The exercise schedule went smoothly and was enjoyable this morning, no hold-ups. Going round the circuit, people exchanged comments, making her feel truly a part of the horse world. Seldom did she come in contact with the punters. One Saturday afternoon she had gone front side to watch Dewar’s Uncle run; a big gangling gelding with a bit of a temper, but when he was on, could really leave the field behind. He raced from the front, enjoying the challenge. She had been curious as to how it all worked. Large stables dominated the winning stakes and usually reaped the successes. The secret lay in the depth of the talent they had. Not all horses reached their peak of readiness just at the right time for a race. However, if a trainer had call of thirty horses, it was odds on there would be one ready for entry in the next, upcoming race.
That Saturday had been an exciting experience. The anticipation and tension in the air was palpable. Horses being shown off in the parade ring, she recognized from other stables. Comments flew between excited onlookers, bets laid sometimes solely on the basis of appearance; something about the horse catching the punter’s eye, past form or record having little bearing on the decision-making process. A name was sufficient to cause the parting with hard-earned cash.
After lunch, two hours were devoted to the gym. Since the decision not to enter the competition, Sidonie stuck to a low kilogram/high repetition rate, going all out on the swim. The post exercise high, with her natural endorphins taking over, left her body at a peak of fitness. The fatigue was positive, her mind, bright and alert.
Arriving at Tenille’s, later that afternoon, she was surprised to encounter another visitor, introduced as Marissa, one of Belen’s dancers. She seemed tense, her sensitive face showing lines of strain. Looking across at Tenille, she speculated hers could be quite photogenic. It was surprising she hadn’t been approached in this regard. Well now, perhaps she had, but the subject had never been brought up.
Refraining from her usual embrace, she settled for a cheery greeting, which Tenille seemed to appreciate. She picked up a sense of strain from her, too. Some tension on both sides, maybe? Since Marissa appeared to be ensconced for the duration, she left them to their visit. It seemed certain Tenille would be discharged tomorrow, making Sidonie’s heart soar. Just one anxious request from Tenille; a fancy box of quality mixed nuts, a parting gift for the nurses. So often they were given chocolates, but there were a number of them seriously weight-conscious. All this arranged and the pick up time settled, Sidonie left the two women and drove to Riverdale for her Softball.
* * *
Noontime on Thursday found Sidonie watching the clock and hoping to get away promptly. Unfortunately, it was just today Enzio picked to ask her to dubbin the tack, since the stable lad had let them down. Still, she had her three days off; nothing could deflate her. In fact she worked away with a carefree will, a joy about her for all to see. Since Enzio had deliberately selected her, he was quite disgruntled she’d not been more put out. He could have gotten someone else, but he was being bloody minded.
Eventually, all her obligations met, she was on her own time. She couldn’t think with clarity regarding her needs for the next few days, but she reckoned whatever was missing could be picked up at the store. Anyway, she didn’t want to spend one more moment in this room when she could be on her way to Tenille.
She drove downtown with a singing heart. The radio was playing Rita McNeil’s CRAZY LOVE and she couldn’t help but sing along. She was wearing her currently most favorite T-shirt, ‘What Part Of NO Don’t You Understand?’ and very old, beige shorts, looking good in them, despite their age. They followed the contours of her hips and ass without being too clinging; not part of the aggie-baggy style, in vogue at the moment by most of her crowd. In consequence, she looked the superb athlete, muscular, trim; nothing in excess, all muscles well defined. With her mid-summer tan, really … she had never looked better.
Just after two o’clock on a weekday, there was no trouble parking close to the hospital entrance. The smile on Sidonie’s face couldn’t be broader as she approached the nurses’ desk and enquired if Tenille Fenech was ready to leave.
‘Oh yes, she’s all dressed and packed. You’ll find her in the sunroom at the end of the east wing corridor.’
She turned back on her tracks and passed the bank of elevators she’d just left. She’d not had occasion to go down this side before. There were a number of stainless steel trolleys lined up outside the sluice room with all kinds of hospital-type paraphernalia. She didn’t like the look of this, walking past as quickly as possible. Approaching the dayroom she saw her angel standing by the window, caught in the crystal clear light of a sunbeam, like a spotlight giving honey-warm hues to her flesh, as she looked out in the direction of Church Street. She had lost weight and did not yet look her usual self, but this new frailty was even more endearing.
She wore a sleeveless, pale blue, summer top. Not a color she had seen her in before, but it seemed to accentuate her fragility. She guessed, because of the cast almost to the knee, she had chosen to wear a long skirt. This was basically black, relieved by a scattering of little blue flowers. Yes, a skirt would make dressing a lot easier. Her hair, clipped up with a double comb at the back, ran in a cascade of glossy curls, down to her shoulders. With washing its rich lustre had returned.
‘Tenille.’ she called out.
Turning on her crutches, Tenille began to hop, covering the ground surprisingly fast.
‘Hidy,’ she greeted, but there was no a
nswering smile, her face ashen.
‘Have you been waiting long?’ Sid’s eyes swept her. ‘I tried to get here as soon as possible but Enzio kept me back,’ she explained, flustered. Had she disappointed her somehow? ‘Here’s the gift you wanted. I hope it’s all right,’ rushing on anxiously. Tenille still didn’t look pleased.
‘Oh yes, it’s fine,’ but she hardly gave it a glance.
‘OK,’ responded Sidonie with celerity: ‘Let’s get outta here. I can pick up shopping after I’ve gotten you home.’ She rubbed her hands together, wanting to put the hospital behind them. Tenille would be better once she got her away from all this.
‘No, Sid … come and sit,’ she requested, moving away as she spoke, towards an upright chair near the table.
Things weren’t right and she was beginning to worry. Had the doctor given out bad news? Understanding came in a flash and her spirit nearly failed her – they were not going to be together. Something had come up. Tenille didn’t want to be with her? She had experienced a change of heart. Could it be this? She sat down slowly, not taking her eyes off that strained face; reluctant to exhale her breath. It was holding her together.
‘Tell me what’s happened,’ she spoke resignedly, as one already overburdened by this new knowledge.
‘Sid, I’m so sorry about this.’ She gulped back the catch in her throat. Sidonie’s expression did not change. ‘Mother called last night. She’s insisting I go home to Lindsay. She and Dad are coming to pick me up. They can’t get away ’til a bit later so I’m to wait here for them. My bed had to be given over to a new patient. I sort of feel like a displaced person – my meagre belongings around me and no place to lay my head.’ Dolefully, she looked down at her hands and Sidonie reached out for her.
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