by Ava Walsh
“So how’s the little brat, anyway?” Sophie asked as she faced up towards the sun. Olivia shut her eyes behind her sunglasses and breathed in. Sophie had never been one to develop any motherly feelings towards kids. Maya was no different. Sophie only tried to tolerate her because she was Olivia’s kid.
“She’s well. Growing up faster than I can keep pace,” Olivia said, a smile creeping onto her face as she spoke about her daughter.
“You should try looking for a job in New York. Your mom can take care of Maya, can’t she?” Sophie turned to her, and Olivia shook her head.
“No. I can’t just leave my daughter behind here. I want her to grow up with me,” Olivia said, not looking at Sophie’s judgmental stare.
“Oh, Olivia! You’re so old fashioned. You’d be more useful to Maya if you made more money. You’re no use moping around over here. She won’t ever see her mother happy.” Sophie reached for the glass of mojito she had placed next to her.
“She’s happy with me. I’m happy here with her. You’ve got it wrong, Sophie,” Olivia said quietly, the familiar feeling of regret creeping up on her. She wasn’t on Sophie’s wavelength anymore. She should never have agreed to this meeting in the first place. Sophie wasn’t a mother yet, she’d never understand.
“And what about Craig?” Sophie asked. Olivia’s brows creased.
“Craig? What about him?” Olivia asked, still a little confused.
“Isn’t he the father?” Sophie straightened up to look at her more clearly. Olivia threw her friend an irritated look.
“What about him? I don’t talk to him anymore.” Olivia reached for her own mojito now. She wanted the conversation to end.
“Hasn’t he like moved to California and tried to get into the film industry? He must be making some money. Can’t you ask him to help out?” Sophie was still looking into Olivia’s face as she sipped at her drink.
“Drop it, Sophie. My mom and you seem to be after the same issue. I don’t want Craig to be involved in Maya’s life.” Olivia shut her eyes again, thankful for the sunglasses that could hide her anxious eyes.
“I’m just saying that you shouldn’t be doing this by yourself,” Sophie added and sank back into the chair. Olivia didn’t respond to that.
“When did you and Craig get together, anyway?” Sophie threw another round of questioning at her.
“Sophie!” Olivia threw her a friend a look of disapproval.
“I’m just asking. I had no idea it had happened. You only told me about it after you were pregnant with Maya.” Sophie wasn’t going to back down, it seemed. It was almost as if Olivia’s mother had set her up to the task.
“I told you before, Sophie. It was a drunken night at Melissa Lasi’s house party. It’s not like we were in a relationship or anything,” Olivia said, sitting up in her chair now. “What’s with the interrogation anyway?”
“I’m just curious. And a little worried for you. You’re not the same Olivia as before.” Sophie sighed as she said it, and drank some more of her cocktail.
“You don’t have to worry about me. Of course I’m not the same, I have a child now. Things can never be the same. That doesn’t mean you have to feel sorry for me. Neither does it mean that I’m a completely changed person either.” Olivia sighed. She felt like all she did nowadays was console people around her and try and convince them that she was alright.
The two of them were quiet for a while until the silence grew too long.
“How are your parents? Are they home?” Olivia asked casually, hoping a change in conversation might clear the air a little.
“They’re good. They’re not home right now. They went to the airport to collect Rufus. He’s coming home too, for my dad’s birthday tomorrow,” Sophie answered, as casually as Olivia had asked the question. Her words made Olivia sit up in her chair, though. Rufus was returning? Here? She wanted to scream, throw her hands in the air and disappear from this house…but Sophie could never know that. Olivia had kept her feelings for Rufus a complete secret.
“Sister!” Rufus’ voice filled the air at that very moment and Olivia felt her stomach sink. All this was happening too quickly for her to know what to do.
“Brother!” Sophie shrieked, jumping off her chair to run towards her older brother. Olivia tried to not look at the man hugging Sophie, but she couldn’t take her eyes off him. He was the man of her dreams.
Rufus was in linen pants and a loose cotton shirt, opened wide at the neck. His shining blonde hair was longer than she remembered it being from college, which was the last time she had seen him in person. It was wavy and neatly tucked away behind his ears now. He was in sunglasses too, but she didn’t have to see them to know that his green eyes were sparkling in the sun.
Sophie and Rufus hugged for a long time before she dragged him in Olivia’s direction.
“And look who else is here,” Sophie said, leading her brother by the arm towards Olivia.
She could feel her body shrinking, her cheeks flushing in agony. His eyes were on her now, and she was immediately conscious of her clothes, if she looked slender enough, if her hair was in place, if she should have put more makeup on.
“Olivia,” Rufus said, matter-of-factly. His voice was at once warm and friendly. She tried to smile at him, sitting up in the chair, while he stood in front of her, looking down.
He was as gorgeous as ever, if not more so. National stardom suited him. He was more sharply dressed now, his jaw looked more sharp and chiseled and he smelled great. Like the sea.
“Hello, Rufus,” she said. It had been three years since she last laid eyes on him, but nothing had changed. She still felt the same about him.
He stretched out a hand to her and Olivia gingerly grabbed it, and they shook. Since when did they shake hands?
“Stop being such a celebrity, Rufus! Give her a hug.” Sophie rolled her eyes and sat down next to Olivia again.
Rufus laughed, revealing his perfect set of white teeth. A long, deep dimple occupied his right cheek as he laughed and Olivia felt her knees buckling.
“I don’t want to have to get up for this. How have you been?” Olivia asked, making herself say the words, though she didn’t know where they were coming from. It was as though her mind was working in two parts. One part was admiring him, going through all the memories of spending her childhood around him, being in love with him, like a film reel. The other part was trying to hold a conversation with him at the same time.
“I’ve been well. How are you? Are you still in town? Did you move to New York?” Rufus asked, pushing his hands into the pockets of his pants.
“Where have you been all this while, Rufus? Olivia is still in town. She never went to New York. She has a kid now.” Sophie was drinking her mojito again, looking from Olivia to her brother.
Olivia thought she saw Rufus’ face change, perhaps in surprise. She cleared her throat and tried to lighten the mood again.
“I’m sure Rufus has other things to worry about and discuss than local gossip.” Olivia forced a giggle and reached for her nearly empty glass of mojito again. She couldn’t take her eyes off him, though, just his presence was stunning enough. It wasn’t that hard to see why the whole nation was enthralled by him.
“This isn’t just local gossip. You’re my best friend. We all grew up together. I thought I told you about it, Rufus.” Sophie looked like she was a little annoyed by her brother, like he had embarrassed her in front of company. Olivia smiled.
“It’s really no big deal,” she said, turning to Rufus again. He had been standing still, looking at the two girls in turn.
“You have a baby now?” Rufus repeated.
“With Craig Walker of all people!” Sophie added, nudging Olivia with her elbow and then breaking into giggles.
“Craig Walker? Isn’t he a model in California now?” Rufus asked, the look of surprise had turned to confusion on his face. He looked angry, surprised, confused, relieved…all at the same time. Olivia looked away from them, placin
g the empty glass on the table beside her.
“Anyway, I’m sure Olivia doesn’t want to discuss it this way, Sophie. I’ll leave you girls to it then. I need a shower,” Rufus said, smiling at Olivia politely.
Olivia threw him a half-smile and settled back into her chair again, as did Sophie.
Rufus walked away from them, rushing into the house now.
“I can’t believe my brother is an actual celebrity,” Sophie said with a sigh after he had gone.
“Are you seriously competing with your own brother now, Sophie?” Olivia hissed at her friend, shaking her head.
“Not competing with him. Just stating that he is. It is quite marvelous, isn’t it? Who would have thought?” Sophie said, adjusting her back on the chair.
“I did. He was always meant to be in the NFL. He was meant for all this fame,” Olivia said wistfully, back to daydreaming about him again.
“You always did have a soft spot for him. Rufus can never do any wrong. Please tell me you didn’t have a crush on my brother,” Sophie said with a snort, and then laughed. Olivia joined in the laughter as well, hoping that would convince her friend that it was an absolutely silly suggestion to make.
Chapter Three
Olivia banged the door shut behind her and sank into bed. Maya had finally fallen asleep and she’d given their small apartment a thorough cleaning, and the weekend was the only time she had to get it done. She finally had some time to herself to think. What was she going to do now? Sophie was in town, Rufus was in town. And she was losing all control.
She pressed the pillow down over her face and screamed into it to muffle the sound. This was not going as planned. She had been satisfied with her life until the day before. How could it all change in the matter of a few hours?
She felt her phone beep and reached for it. It was a text from Sophie.
Hope to see you here tomorrow at eight for dad’s birthday. Parents are excited to see you after years xx
Olivia bit down on her lip, trying to not scream again. She couldn’t say no to that invitation. The Frosts had watched her grow and treated her like their own daughter when Sophie and she were younger. There was no valid reason that she could possibly come up with to avoid the birthday party. She would have to go.
She didn’t want to imagine what Rufus thought of her now. Did he think she was a stupid girl who got pregnant too young and had never managed to leave this town? She bit down on her lip harder. Why did she still care what Rufus thought of her? It was all over now.
Rufus. He still looked the same. The same as he had looked that night at the frat party, the day before he left for Chicago.
“You look lovely, Olivia,” he had whispered, leaning in towards her with the third can of beer in his hand. She had been counting. Olivia had not had a single drop of alcohol to drink that night. Everybody around her was drunk already, and Sophie was jumping into the pool, hurling herself in and splashing water on Olivia’s dress.
She couldn’t drink, even though she probably should have. It was all too painful. Rufus was going away. To her surprise, he found her in the crowd and decided to sit beside her and talk. Why?
Olivia had blushed at his remark.
“I guess it’s okay for me to tell you this now because I’m going away. Who knows when I’ll see you again? You’ve always looked lovely.” He whispered in her ear again, and then pulled himself away to look at her. Olivia was still blushing, convinced it was the beer talking. After all these years, nearly two decades of living around each other, she had never had a single clue from him that he had even looked at her in any other way than as his sister’s best friend.
She wasn’t complaining, though. She was basking in the glory, instead. What could be better than sitting so close to Rufus Frost? For some time, at least, she could forget that he was leaving town forever.
“You’ve always looked lovely, too,” Olivia said shyly, refusing to meet his eye. He was smiling, his eyes slightly glazed as he spoke. Rufus was never a heavy drinker, so she assumed the three beers had already got to him.
“Olivia…” He said her name and then reached for her hand. She couldn’t believe it. What was happening? Was he just saying goodbye or was this something more than that?
She didn’t wait for a response, or for him to complete his sentence. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek instead. It was a simple, small kiss on the cheek, but as she pulled away he held her chin and pulled her face closer to him. Olivia could still feel it, still feel the speed at which her heart was racing when he placed his lips on hers. It was soft at first and then turned fierce. He wanted to devour her with his mouth. Her hands had flown to hold him tightly by the neck as they continued kissing.
“Rufus.” She mumbled his name when he pulled himself away. “What are we doing?” she asked meekly, but he was kissing her again. She heard the can of beer fall from his hand as he grabbed her by the waist, feeling the exposed skin on her back with his fingers.
“Do you want to go upstairs? To my room?” he whispered in her ear, and Olivia nodded her head. Of course she did. Whether Rufus was drunk or not, she was not going to pass up on this opportunity. She’d cherish his lips on her skin for the rest of her life.
He took her upstairs to his frat room, where they had quick unprotected sex. They hadn’t even entirely undressed when they enveloped each other in limbs, kisses, screams. It was her first time, but clearly not his. He knew what he was doing. He was gentle with her in spite of his drunken haze. She felt like he cared, like he wanted her to enjoy it.
For Olivia, it was all over too quickly. She watched him pull his clothes back on while she remained on his messy bed, curled up in the corner. She was smiling, though. It was the best night of her life.
“Hey. You alright?” Rufus asked after he had put on his clothes. She nodded, still smiling at him. How could she explain to him that he had just made all her dreams come true?
He walked up to her, bent down beside her and then kissed her forehead.
“I hope you don’t regret this, Olivia. If you do, I’m sorry,” he said, and with that, he was gone. He left the room, allowing her to sleep if she wanted to, and joined the party. He was probably taking care of his sister’s drunken mess.
Olivia stayed in his room the whole night, surrounded by the smell of him, his things, the warmth of him on his bed. She never wanted to leave, and she was happy there. But he didn’t return.
In the morning she returned home in a mess to finally sleep. Sophie was too hungover from the previous night to do anything that day and, by the time she was feeling better again the next day, her parents had already dropped Rufus off at the airport. Olivia never had a chance to say goodbye to him. She didn’t even know if he remembered that night.
The next week was a haze. Olivia could still hardly remember how she spent the next seven days. Rufus was gone. Forever. And the feeling finally hit her. She was grateful for the night they had spent together, after all those years of yearning for him. But in a way, it might have made her pain worse.
She partied every night and drank more than she ever had before.
It was during one of these nights, Olivia couldn’t remember clearly which one, that Craig Walker had kissed her and she had kissed him back. He then led her to one of the empty rooms in the house where they hurriedly undressed each other.
Olivia shook her head violently and sat up in bed. She didn’t want to think about those days anymore. Not what happened with Rufus, not what happened with Craig.
The emotional instability of that week had resulted in a pregnancy, in Maya. She didn’t want to blame anybody because Maya made her happy.
Her phone beeped again and she reached for her phone. It was Sophie. She had emailed her a web link, which Olivia clicked.
The link took her to a web page with a headshot of Craig Walker. It had been set up by his modeling agency to attract clients to hire him.
Olivia rolled her eyes but scrolled down the page anyway. Craig Walker
was undeniably handsome. He was the complete polar opposite of Rufus, but handsome nonetheless. His face was heart shaped, he had rough stubble on his chin and his dark hair was in a carefully cultivated mess around his head. Craig was shirtless in most of the pictures on the website, and Olivia couldn’t help but smirk at the chiseled torso that Craig was flaunting. She could predict Sophie’s exact reaction when she saw them.
On cue, Sophie sent her a text.
You did that thing? You’ve seen those washboard abs in person?!
Olivia laughed and replied to the message with a quick “Goodnight”. Sophie was the last person she wanted to get into details of Craig with. Yes, she had seen those abs in person. They were not as carefully airbrushed as in these photographs, Olivia thought and fell back in bed again.
Craig had been an easy distraction, sure. He was there when she needed to feel somebody’s arms around her, but it had never meant anything. They’d been in the same class in school and then separated in college. Craig majored in Theatre, and she studied Literature, so she couldn’t even be sure if he remembered her.
Craig was good for that night, but Rufus was the one she couldn’t get over. And that was something that Sophie would never understand, nor find out.
No, seriously. He needs to know he has a daughter. It’s not fair.
Sophie’s message popped up on her phone again and Olivia gritted her teeth. She should never have told Sophie. In fact, she had managed to keep it a secret for a long time, until Sophie had bugged her enough about it and she had had to give her the father’s name.
She remembered Sophie’s reaction even then. How could Olivia have slept with Craig Walker? It was petty, Craig wasn’t even the guy she wanted, but Olivia had felt a second of victory when she saw the jealousy in Sophie’s eyes. How would Sophie react if she knew she had also slept with her brother?