“This is the part where you tell me your name,” Winston said.
“Oh!” A gasp. “I’m Ana.”
“It’s good to meet you.” He paused for a time. “You’re sure nothing happened that I should know about? I can help, you know?”
“No.” She shook her head. Her cheeks heated. “Cody was a perfect gentleman. I just … I get these panic attacks.” She glanced his way, then quickly averted her eyes. “They used to be really bad. I’ve worked hard at getting them … myself under control.” She swallowed hard. “I thought I had a handle on it but I guess I don’t. Like I said, I’m a lost cause.”
She sounded so sad, looked sad come to think of it. “Don’t say that,” Winston said. He wanted to reach out and touch her arm but he thought better of it. Didn’t want to scare her all over again.
“I don’t mean in general. I have a great job, wonderful friends and a family who loves me but … yeah … I suck at this.”
“At sex?”
“No, I don’t suck at sex, although maybe I do. It’s been a really long time.” Then she covered her face. “I shouldn’t be telling you all this. You’re a complete stranger.” She looked at him from between her fingers.
“Talking helps.” He shrugged.
Ana took her hands away from her face.
He continued, “I’m a totally unbiased person who you’ll probably never see again. Why haven’t you had sex in a long time? You’re an attractive female.”
“It’s because of the panic attacks. It’s hard to meet someone when you have them at the drop of a hat. Dating? Forget about it. I had hoped that a one-night stand might cure me of this … anxiety.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“I’m a nurse.” She beamed. “I really love my job.”
Winston could tell. “So, I take it you don’t have these attacks at work?”
She shook her head. “No, I’ve never had one at the hospital. It’s like I go into work-mode. I feel safe at work, and don’t get them there. Things were going so well tonight. I had an attack a few weeks ago and prior to that it was months.” She frowned. “I only seem to get them when I try to date. The one I had a couple of months ago was when my friend set me up on a blind date. I was so sure I was over them. It was awful. We had barely said hello and my heart started to race. The worst part is that there’s nothing I can do about it. There is no logic to it. I’m an intelligent person, yet …” She chewed on her lower lip, looking more and more agitated.
“What happened a few weeks ago?”
She pulled a face and sighed. “I decided to try internet dating. Such a stupid idea.”
Winston smiled. “It’s not stupid.”
“I ended up puking on the guy before we could place our appetizer order.”
“Oh! I’m sure he understood … after you explained things.”
She shook her head, looking down at her lap. “I fainted; he left before I could come to.”
“Bastard mother fu—” He grit his teeth for a few seconds. There were tons of dickheads out there. “Good riddance. He is a loser and not worth your time.”
She smiled, it was small and shy.
Winston breathed out through his nose. “What happened tonight then?”
“I don’t know. I was doing so well. I went to the Dark Horse, had a couple of drinks. My friend and I checked you guys out.” Her cheeks flushed. “Sorry!”
“No need to apologize.” He shrugged. “It is what it is.”
“Cody came up to me and we got to talking. I really enjoyed his company and I found him attractive. We ended up staying until the bar was closing. In hindsight, I may have dragged things out by asking for another drink and then another. I sipped really slowly. I should have recognized the signs. It’s just that I was so happy. For once I had met a guy, a cute guy, I could talk to him without having an attack. I was so sure I would be able to see the night through and then …”
“You panicked.”
“Yes, I panicked. When push came to shove, I lost it.” She groaned, covering her face with her hands. “I’m such a loser.” The words were muffled.
“You’re not a loser. It sounds like you’re making progress. Have you seen someone about this?”
She pulled her hands away and made eye contact. “I’m down to one session a week. I was doing so well.”
“You are doing really well. You’re talking to me.”
“Yes, but it’s not like … we’re dating or about to hook up or anything.” She narrowed her eyes. “What about you?” she asked. “What’s going on with you? Why aren’t you holed up for the night like all the rest of the shifters in town?”
“Nothing much to tell.” He smiled.
Ana cocked her head. “Yeah right. A shifter not looking for a booty call on Shifter Night? There must be a story there.”
“I guess I’m sick of all the hook-ups. I come into town once a month and screw some nameless female. We’ve been frequenting either the Dark Horse in Sweetwater or The Cock Inn in Smitherson for years. You do the math. I’m sick of it. I tried having a causal relationship ‒ and I use the term loosely ‒ but that doesn’t work either. It seems that all the human females I’ve tried it with began to assume that we were together in a real relationship. This despite my only being in town one night a month. Nah! I’m done with all the meaningless sex. I want a real relationship.”
“Two things, firstly, what I wouldn’t do for sex, meaningless or otherwise.” Then she blushed. “For the record, I’ve never had a one-night stand before.” She pulled in a breath, looking mortified at her admission. “Secondly, why not just have a real relationship if you truly want one? I’ve heard ‒ might just be rumors ‒ that shifters and humans are in committed relationships. One of my friend, Eileen’s, work colleagues disappeared to go and live in some settlement in the middle of nowhere, apparently.”
“You’re right, only I’m not on the list.”
She frowned. “List? Cody was also talking about a list as well. What list?”
“Shifter females are practically non-existent. They just stopped being born. We ended up with a ninety-five to five, male/female ratio.”
Ana gasped. “I didn’t realize it was so bad.”
“We were forced to look elsewhere for mates, hence looking to human females. Shifters and humans are highly compatible. Thing is, we can’t just descend on the rural towns in the area and mate half the females. It might cause problems. So, for now, we all wait our turn to find a mate. A few males at a time. Bide our time. We live longer than humans so it’s doable.”
“Oh, I see.” Her eyes widened. “The only time you really get to mingle with women is on Shifter Night.”
“Exactly. We take turns coming into town to spend time with females. It’s the only interaction most of us get.”
“Oh no!” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Poor Cody.”
“Forget about Cody. He’s a fully grown male, quite capable of taking care of himself. You guys had a fun night, didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but I’m sure he wanted sex and it’ll be too late for him to pick up another woman.”
“What do you take us for? We’re not that desperate.”
She widened her eyes.
Winston choked out a laugh. “Okay, maybe we are … not all of us though. Don’t worry about Cody. He’ll be just fine.”
Ana smiled. It was wide and bright. It eased something in him to see her happy. Such a sweet, kind female deserved to be happy. “So, you’re going to wait then? No more messing around until you make the list?”
Winston nodded. “Yep, I hope it doesn’t take years, I doubt it will. A couple more months, a year max and I should reach the top.”
“It’ll be your turn?”
He nodded. “Yup, it’ll be my turn. No more screwing around. I’m done with that. Done with being seen as a piece of meat and viewing females in the same way. It isn’t right.”
“Good for you. I really do hope you make that list soo
n.” Ana stood up and smiled shyly at him. “I’d better get going.” She gestured towards the parking area.
“Tell you what, why don’t you come to the Dark Horse in a month. Come and have a drink with me.”
Her eyes clouded. “No, you saw what happened. I couldn’t …”
“Relax, we can go as friends. I think it would do you good. That way you could put yourself out there a bit, talk with the males but with no need to worry. I’ll have your back.”
“I’m not sure—”
“You should get out, and you never know, maybe you will meet someone who blows you away. Someone you feel comfortable with.”
Ana’s chest rose and fell in quick succession. Was it happening again? Had he pushed too hard?
“Look,” he put up a hand, “no pressure, okay? I’ll be there in a month.” What am I saying? He hadn’t planned on going back to the Dark Horse. The place was a meat market. It was too late to take it back. “Come if you want. Bring your friend. Join me for a drink.” He shrugged.
“I need to go.” She pointed to the parking lot.
“I’ll walk you. Or, I could give you a ride home.”
She shook her head so hard her hair went flying. “That’s okay. I’ll manage.”
“You sure? I wouldn’t mind giving you a ride.”
“Nah. Thanks for the offer but I’ll be fine. I’m used to standing on my own two feet.” She started to walk away. Her heels clacking softly on the pavement.
“Ana …”
She stiffened and then glanced back over her shoulder, “Yes?”
“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re an idiot or a loser. I think that the right male would be understanding and patient.”
She smiled. “Thanks.” Then she was gone. Once she was far enough away, Winston followed, just to make sure she got her cab safely.
7
Doctor Brenner put the end of her pen in her mouth for a second or two before pulling it back out. “I like the sound of this guy. He seems nice, genuine … and he sounds like he’s seriously hot too.” She lifted her brows and smiled. “I’ve heard a thing or two about the shifters … about Shifter Night.” She got this strange look on her face. “Maybe I should hit the bar myself, I’m not getting any younger.”
“They don’t go to the Dark Horse to find love, they go for …” Ana felt her cheeks heat, “sex,” she said it in a lowered tone.
“I know exactly why they come into town. Let me tell you, you think you’re struggling … well so am I. I’ve been on several dates this year. I ended up having sex with two of the guys, even saw the one guy for a few months. I didn’t have a single orgasm. I can’t remember the last time I had one. I’m reaching a point where I’m ready to throw in the towel. I’m thirty-seven, unmarried and considering getting a cat.”
“You should come with us then.”
“Oh,” her eyes glinted, “so you’re going to go then?”
Ana frowned. “I don’t know. I want to, I’m worried. Maybe.” She sighed, wishing she had more guts.
“This Winston guy sounds sweet, he’s not looking for love or sex, he sounds like a perfect candidate for role-playing. For helping you get over your phobia and working your way up some of the steps in the fear hierarchy. This method is tried and tested. It’s called systematic desensitization, or graduated exposure therapy.” Ana could see her therapist thinking as her eyes lifted to the ceiling before coming back to her. “You would start with a drink at the bar and progress to dinner and then maybe … hand-holding … then—”
“Hold up.” She widened her eyes. “I don’t even know this guy ‒ Winston ‒ he’s offered to meet me for a drink, that’s it.” She shook her head. “He’s not interested in dating me.”
“Maybe he is. He sounds like he wants to help you. You should go for that drink, and if the two of you get along …” Doctor Brenner held up her hands, “as friends of course, you should ask him out on a friendly date. Ask him if he’ll help you.”
“I think you’re jumping the gun just a bit.” Ana clasped her hands together in her lap.
“You have nothing to lose though.” Her therapist leaned forward in her chair. “I think you should go … my original prescription still stands,” she paused. “You need to have fun.”
Ana had enjoyed the short time she and Winston had spent together. It was one drink. What could it hurt? Sure, she might end up looking like a fool if she had an attack in the middle of the packed bar but maybe it would be worth it in the end.
8
Three weeks later …
“It was the best sex of my life,” Edith gushed.
Ana fought not to roll her eyes. She’d already heard every minute detail of that night and several times.
“You really should give it another go.” Her friend’s voice was animated.
“No way!” Ana shook her head. “I’ll go with you to the bar but only to get a drink. I’m not letting some guy pick me up.”
“You’re hoping to see him, aren’t you?” Edith grinned.
“If he’s there, he’s there, if not then, whatever.” Ana didn’t really mean it, she was hoping to see the shifter with the beautiful light brown eyes and the gorgeous smile. Winston was sweet. She enjoyed talking to him. This way, at least if Edith ended up hooking up with one of them again, she wouldn’t have to just stand around, or worse, feel another panic attack coming on and leave. She refused to ruin Edith’s evening by making her leave along with her. It had happened too many times to count, especially in the early days. She could do this. She would do this.
The cab pulled up to the sidewalk and they got out, thanking the driver. Edith hooked her arm with Ana’s and they made their way into the bar. “How do you even walk on those things?” Ana looked down at her friend’s heels.
Edith shrugged. “You do what you gotta do, right?”
“If you say so.” Ana had taken it easy this time around. No hair products, no hectic make-up. She wore a pair of jeans, a cute halter-top with an open back and low heels. In other words, she was completely underdressed because the ladies who hit this bar on Shifter Night went all out. Ana wasn’t there to find love or a hook-up or any of that though, she was here to have fun, that was it. She sucked in a deep breath, feeling her nerves settle.
They made their way through the throngs of people and found a gap at the bar. Okay, it was a tiny fissure in the wall of people. “I’m on it. Wait here,” Edith yelled into her ear before wedging herself in. It seemed even busier than the last time. Minutes later and her friend was no closer to being served. This despite there being several people behind the bar area, all working their asses off.
Ana took a look around her, the ratio of women to men was also way off. There were at least five women to every man. The ladies were all ages and all shapes and sizes, clearly out on the prowl. They were out for blood. Shifter blood. It was a circus. She had to smile. She felt sorry for Winston if he was in amongst all this. The women weren’t shy, they were going after what they wanted. Those days of guys hitting on and chasing the women were long gone. The tables had turned. She allowed her eyes to sweep the crowd.
So far though, no sign of him. Not that she was really looking. Ana wasn’t desperate. Anyway, Winston was probably just being nice when he made the offer. He had most likely forgotten all about her. Edith had two hands on the bar now, so she was going to be served any time … maybe … surely … then again, none of the servers were even looking her way.
“You made it,” his deep baritone seemed to fold itself around her.
Ana turned. She couldn’t help but smile. “Hi! Yeah, I made it, but don’t feel obliged to hang out or anything. I mean, you may have changed your mind about … you know … Shifter Night.” She was babbling. She pursed her lips together to stop herself.
Winston smiled. He really was very good-looking. He wore a red checked shirt, something along the lines of what a lumberjack would wear. The material pulled tight over his broad shoulders. His thighs we
re encased in faded blue jeans that fit him just so. “Nah, I haven’t changed my mind.” He had to speak up so that she could her him above all the noise. Winston leaned in. He smelled really good. Ana felt sorry for all the women here with their eyes on him. She was sure there were quite a few. “Would you like something to drink?”
“I’m here with my friend, Edith.” She pointed in the general direction. Edith had already been swallowed up by several rows of people, all looking to buy a drink. “She’s in there, somewhere.” Ana peered around a group of people waiting at the bar and spotted Edith, still waiting herself. “She’s not having much luck though.”
Winston nodded. “It can get crazy here on a Saturday.” She needed to partly read his lips to know what he was saying.
“That’s for sure!” she shouted.
“What are you guys drinking?” he cupped his hands around his mouth.
“A beer or a cider, something out of a bottle. I don’t think glasses are going to work.” As she said it, yet another person bumped into her. A young woman, also barely balancing on really high heels. She looked like she might have had too much to drink.
“Let me handle it.” Winston turned and called to a guy close to the bar. A female bartender seemed to already be waiting to take his order. Go figure, she was only too eager to serve the gorgeous shifter. Although Ana couldn’t hear a thing Winston said, the big shifter at the bar nodded. He turned and placed an order. Then Winston parted the people at the bar and returned with Edith who was grinning wildly. They went through the motions of introducing themselves to each other. Edith gave her an exaggerated wink, which she hoped Winston didn’t see. Then she gave a double thumbs up to Ana when Winston turned his back. Ana felt her cheeks heat. She shook her head and mouthed ‘no’ but Edith just grinned at her. It was cheeky. Didn’t her friend understand that it wasn’t like that?
A woman approached Winston. She leaned up and said something in his ear. She was really pretty with long black hair and wide blue eyes.
Shifter Night: Box Set Page 4