In a normal world, I never would have moved so quickly with a man, but nothing about my world is normal, and if someone is offering me shelter during a rainstorm, I’m going to take it. Plus, he’s not just offering me shelter; he’s offering me love. Something I’ve never felt before.
- Daphne
DAPHNE
I SLIP ON A LITTLE white sundress and braid my hair, finishing it with small flowers I picked from the grounds outside of my apartment. It’s exactly how I want to look on the day I promise myself to the man who saved me from my nightmares.
I take my phone off the nightstand and do the good girl thing and dial Mom. She picks up on the third ring. “Hello?” She doesn’t know it’s me. I haven’t called in weeks and I got a new phone number.
“It’s Daphne,” I say.
“Where the hell have you been? Your father and I have been going crazy looking for you,” she screams into the phone. Since when would they ever think to look for me? They never have before.
“Why were you looking for me?” I ask calmly. There’s no way I’m getting worked up today. I shouldn’t have called her. It was stupid to think she might actually care that her one and only child is getting married today. To a man she’s never heard of.
“Trent’s been here, Daphne. He told us you were missing and ran off with some deranged man.”
“Did you call the police?” I ask, still calm.
“Well, no. You’re an adult now.” At least she still has a little common sense.
“Trent attacked me. And if it weren’t for the so-called “deranged” man, I might be dead, but instead, I was in the hospital with only a concussion.”
Radio silence. Heavy breaths. Well I’ll be damned, is that a sob? Mom has real feelings for me? “Why didn’t you call me?” I have so many good answers for this question. None of which will get me off the phone without a massive blowup, though.
“I didn’t want to bother you and Dad.” More sobs. Dad must be gone. “Did Dad actually leave?”
“Yeah, he’s living with Marlene down the street. I think things are really over between us this time, Daph.” And we’re back to this being all about her. This is new (insert sarcasm). I don’t know a time where it’s ever been about me.
“Sorry to hear that. I guess I’ll have to give him a call next then.”
“Honey, he’ll go after Trent if you tell him what happened.” I shouldn’t care about that. I’d actually like that. Although, I don’t want to see Dad behind bars instead of Trent, so I’ll avoid that discussion with him. He’ll totally fly off the handle since he has absolutely zero control over his anger.
“I didn’t call you to tell you Trent hurt me.” I take a deep breath, reminding myself that I’m trying to do the right thing. “I’m getting married this morning.”
And more radio silence. I don’t hear her breathing this time as I’m guessing it might take her a minute to conjure up a thought. “To who?” I want to say she sounds mildly disgusted with me, but if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black, I don’t know what is. At least I’m not pregnant like she was. At least I’m twenty-three, not nineteen. “You’re not—“
“I’m not pregnant.”
“Then why the hell would you be getting married?” Isn’t love enough of a reason? I know there are other benefits that come along with marrying an active Marine, but I don’t know exactly what they are and I don’t care. Maybe I care a little. But I want to be with him. And I want to be safe.
“I love him.” And yes, I’ve only known him for a couple of months. I don’t care if it’s been one month or three years. I was with Trent for three years and look how that turned out.
“I want to meet him. I want to be at your wedding. I want your Daddy to give you away.” Daddy? Maybe she’s happy to finally lose what responsibility she thinks she still has for me. “Where are you getting married? I’m going to call your dad so he can come with me.” Oh God. Dad will shit a brick.
“I don’t think telling Dad is a great idea.” Silence. “Mom?”
And there’s the triple beep indicating the call has been disconnected. Shit. Why? I was just trying to do the right thing and now it’s going to backfire. Fortunately, I didn’t actually tell her where I was going, so at least they won’t be barging in, saying “I object” or anything.
I swipe a coat of lip-gloss on, step into my heels, and send Kemper a text.
Me: I’m ready, Prince Charming.
There’s a knock on my door, but Kemper said he wasn’t leaving his apartment until I texted him. “Who is it?” I yell down the hall. Uncertainty has my anxiety on high alert, and I suddenly can’t wait until I’m on base—away from the dangers that lurk here where I’m not protected.
When I get to the door, I look out the peephole, finding my man, dressed in his blues. Sword, white gloves, shiny shoes—the works.
I open the door, feeling my heart beating frivolously against the inside of my ribcage. “Kemper,” I breathe.
“Daphne,” he replies. It’s a scene right out of a fairy tale. I always said they were purely fiction, but I thought love was fiction too. Apparently it’s real. It is all real.
“Damn, Daph. You’re a gorgeous bride.” He takes my hand and lifts it to his lips. “May I?” He offers me his elbow.
“One second, I need to grab my bag.” I run back into my room and see my phone lighting up on the bed. “Dad?”
“Baby girl. You’re getting married and weren’t going to have me walk you down the aisle?” he asks, true sadness making his words sound stuck in his throat. Who honestly would have thought the two of them would care so much?
“I figured you’d try to kill him,” I say softly into the phone.
“Does he hurt you?” he asks.
“No. Never.”
“Daph, I didn’t even know you broke up with Trent. You don’t think this is all a little sudden?”
“He’s leaving for Afghanistan in a month,” I tell him. I didn’t get a chance to tell Mom that.
“A Marine?” he asks.
“He is.”
“Tell me where your wedding is. I want to walk my little girl down the aisle. Let me at least do that. Please, Daph?”
Could it really be this easy? “The courthouse in Jacksonville. One hour.”
“I’ll be there. I love you, Daph. I do.”
I press end and stare at the phone, realizing I’ve never felt so important to either of them before. I don’t get it, but being the person I am, I give second chances. Heck, I give hundreds of chances. I live in a dream world where I have hope that everyone will eventually be good, no matter how bad they might be.
I drop my phone into my purse and walk back out into the living room where Kemper is still standing straight as a board. “How do you move in that uniform?” I laugh.
“I don’t.” With a wink, he offers me his arm again. “Ready?”
“My Dad is walking me down the aisle,” I tell him.
“I’m happy to hear that. He’s okay with this?” God, I hope so. Dad isn’t one to lie to me. He has no filter, which leads me to believe that if he had something to say about this, he would have just said it.
“Sounds like it.”
***
As I walk through the courthouse doors, my stomach flutters. Holy shit, I’m getting married. Jitters are tickling the inside of my stomach and my heart is throbbing with joy. I’ve never been so sure about anything.
Kemper and I fill out all of the marriage license paperwork, and just as we finish, Mom and Dad walk in behind us. “Hi,” I say.
Mom’s arms unexpectedly loop around my neck and Dad hugs me at the same time, but his focus moves quickly to Kemper. Kemper is fearless though and walks right over and offers Dad his hand. “Sir. I know I should have asked your permission before asking for Daphne’s hand, and I apologize for not doing so sooner, but may I have your permission to marry your daughter? I will take good care of her and I will give her a good life.”
Dad
slaps a hand over Kemper’s back and squeezes his shoulder. “I don’t know you from Adam, and I don’t trust you, son, but if you promise not to hurt her and you tell me you’ll be good to her, I’ll take it. We just want to support what our little girl wants,” Dad says.
Since when do they want to support me? I feel like I’m missing something.
Mom’s tearing up and acting like a real Mom—it’s weird. She leans over to me and brings her lips close to my ear. “He is freaking hot, Daph. Good pickings.” I roll my eyes and nudge her in the shoulder.
Well, Dad walked me down the aisle and Mom sat blubbering in the front row. Dad lost it a little when he let go of my hand and it slightly broke my heart. I’ve gone way too long thinking I mean absolutely nothing to them, but I’m seeing that might not be entirely true. I think they’ve spent so much time wrapped up in their own shit that they didn’t realize they love their daughter, and maybe, just maybe, want better for her than themselves. I’d like to tell myself that, anyway.
Now I’m in the zone with eyes for one. Kemper. His body is still, but his gloved hand reaches out for mine. I don’t hear much of what the Justice of the Peace says, but I heard him ask me if I do. And “I do.” And he does. Now he’s telling us to kiss, and it’s all I’ve wanted to do since I walked through the doors of this courthouse.
Kemper’s hands cradle my face as he brings his lips close enough to touch, but he hovers for a second, whispering, “And this is love,” before pressing his lips against mine.
If only happily-ever-afters were commenced with a single kiss.
PART II
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CURRENT DAY
KEMPER
I’M LYING IN BED with Daphne, knowing I’m leaving in three hours, so I’m tracing every inch of her body with my fingertips, trying to memorize her.
“Your scent will wear off after a few days,” she says, pressing her nose into my pillow. I sweep my thumb across her cheek and take the time I need to look in her eyes. I don’t even know what to say to her. I’ve never been at a loss for words with her, so I just pull her in closer to me, needing to feel her skin against mine. Her warmth. It’s all I’ll crave while I’m gone. I kiss her, savoring her lips, and force myself to remember what they taste like. “I have something for you,” she says. “I know you can’t take much with you, so I put it all in an envelope.” She leans over and pulls a letter-sized envelope out of the nightstand drawer and hands it to me. “You can’t open it until you need it, but I tore out bits and pieces of every entry from my journal that I’ve written about you over the past two months. I think there should be enough to hold you over for the length of time you’re gone.
“One memory for each day?” I hold up the envelope. “This will keep me going, darlin’. Every day, I’ll fight for you. To come home to you.”
Her chin quivers a bit and she squeezes her arms around me. “I’m going to miss you so damn much,” she whispers.
“Daph, I’m coming home to you. I promise.” I shouldn’t promise things like that. Not after Rex.
“And I’ll be here when you do. I swear to you.”
I kiss her again. And again. And again until my lips begin to burn. I hate that I have to get dressed and walk out of here, knowing I’m pressing pause on my life for the next nine to twelve months again. The only thing I’m truly grateful for is knowing that Daphne is taken care of here on base. She’s made friends with our neighbor, which is good for her since her husband deployed a few weeks ago. Jennifer isn’t new to deployment like Daphne is, so it comforts me to know Daphne will have her to lean on.
My bags are packed and I’m dressed and ready. Well, I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready for a deployment. It always feels a little like I’m walking through the gates of Hell, but willingly.
We drive to the departure location and Daphne is wide-eyed when we step out of the Jeep. Wives, girlfriends, and mothers cry and hug their Marines good-bye. Most of them are used to the heartache and know what to expect, and while Daphne tells me she will be strong for me. I don’t know how hard this is really going to be on her, but I know that it’s going to be hard as hell on me. I take her by the hand and walk her as far as we can go before I take those last few steps towards the bus.
She’s being strong. So strong. There are no tears yet, but it looks like she’s still trying to take everything in, which only lasts until she sees people boarding the bus. Her focus quickly darts to my eyes and I see that lost girl, the one I met that first night in the bar. She looks heartbroken like she did that night, too. While I told her over and over I didn’t want to hurt her, I can see it in her eyes—I’m killing her right now. She throws her arms around me and smothers her face into my chest. Her body is convulsing beneath my grip. She’s crying so hard and it’s because of me. I squeeze her as tightly as I can and bury my face into her hair. It smells like vanilla and roses. Another memory I’ll need to survive on. “I love you, Daphne. I love you so much and don’t ever forget that. Never. You understand?” She bobs her gently up and down, telling me she understands. “Tell me you love me. Tell me goodbye. I need to hear your voice once more.”
“I love you, Kemp, but I won’t say good-bye to you.” Her words hitch in her throat. “I’ll see you soon.” She looks up at me with tears staining her red cheeks, her glossy blue eyes gazing between mine. “I will be right here when you get back. Right here. Okay?”
I bite down on my lip because, fuck me, I’m going to cry like a little girl in a minute. I give her one last squeeze and one last kiss before I move her to the side and head onto the bus. I intended to sit on the side where I couldn’t see her out the window, but why would I waste a valuable opportunity for one last goodbye? Or a “see you later”? I sit down in the second row and stare at her from behind the window. She’s holding herself with one arm and her other hand is cupped over her mouth. Her forehead is crinkled and her eyes are pouring tears. There’s nothing I can do to comfort her other than to place my hand up on the glass. She waves back, so I hold my hand there for the next ten minutes until the bus closes its doors, watching her until I can’t see her anymore. She’s gone. And there’s about to be an ocean between us.
***
The last few days have gone by in a blur, and I’ve come to realize how normal deployment feels to me now. The purpose in my life seems to clarify each time I arrive here. Although, while this all feels normal, I know my mind isn’t where it should be—all I can think about are the tears pouring from Daphne’s eyes and the quiver in her bottom lip as she tried to remain strong. My lack of focus is going to get me killed here and yet I don’t know how to put her out of my mind.
We set up camp and I’ve claimed an empty area toward the back of the group, away from the louder guys. I look like I belong among the depressed, but it’s because I already know what’s coming. There’s a bit of innocence still left at the beginning of a tour for first-timers. Being on tour number four, I feel sorry for them. One day you’re doing your job, thinking you can handle shit, then bam, a shitstorm rolls in and your innocence is gone. I miss not knowing how horrible it can get over here.
I drop my bag down, release my mat and grab an MRE for dinner. Regardless of facing away from everyone, one of the dudes sits down in front of me, unloading his stuff. “You missing a girl or something, man?” he asks. It must be the look I have on my face. Half of us look this way right now. Everyone at home thinks we’re all ice-cold and hardened with no emotions. Even though we may not show it in the same way everyone else does, we still hurt just as much.
“Yeah, my wife.” Those words, “my wife”, still make me smile a bit, even though I’m sitting in the middle of a foreign country where I’m not exactly wanted.
“How long have you been married to your chick?” he asks.
“Two weeks,” I tell him. But shit, those were the best damn two weeks of my life.
“You’re spending your honeymoon here, huh?”
I promised her a real honeymoon
as soon as I return. I’m taking her to Hawaii or wherever she wants to go. Some place where the sand doesn’t lead to explosives and an ocean isn’t separating me from the person I love. “Looks that way,” I say to him.
“My wife and I have been married for just under two years and I’ve been gone for almost eighteen months of it.” The reality of his statement feels like a punch to the gut. I’m questioning now whether or not I would have reenlisted if I had met Daphne earlier. There has never been a question of wanting to continue protecting my country, but I’ve also never had anyone else to protect before. Now that I’m with her, I don’t want anything to interfere with my ability to be there for her.
“How does she hold up when you’re gone?” I ask.
“She screws around.” I forget how to breathe for a minute, as if someone were grabbing my heart and choking me with it. I tell myself Daphne would never do that to me, but I know what it’s like to miss someone. I know how lonely it feels and how desperate I’ve been for attention in the past. Just to be touched, hugged, kissed…but she wouldn’t.
“How do you know?” I don’t know why I’m asking this, but I feel like I need to know.
“I walked in on her fucking the dude. Got home from the last deployment earlier than expected and I wanted to surprise her. Instead, she surprised me with a newly enlisted boot Private in our bed.” These aren’t the thoughts I need to have week one. I’m smart enough to know life carries on back home while we’re over here. Only my civilian life stands still.
“You’re still with her though?” Normally I wouldn’t ask something so personal, but here I am thinking about what I’d do if I walked in on Daphne screwing someone else. I left Tara like it was nothing—didn’t love her the way I love Daphne, though.
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