Something in my periphery caught my attention, drawing my gaze down to the desk. The piles of papers strewn about the surface called to me. The mystery of what they were, of who had written them had me lowering myself into the chair before my brain could fully process what I was doing. My fingers brushed across the surface of the papers before falling to rest on the one that had drawn my attention. I knew this writing. The same careful forms etched my body, marked my soul. This was Aberto’s writing. My eyes devoured the paper, scanning every word.
Izzy,
Though you may never read these words, I feel I must write them. I feel compelled to tell you all I cannot. At least in this moment, I am fully honest. The darkness is coming for you. It has sought you out, actively shifting and turning the world so that you might not realize your full potential. From your first breath, it has fought to control you. Though the Seers and Guardians were prepared, it will never be enough. It will overtake you and you will lose all that you hold dear. I’ve seen it. The fall of the great Guardian, your protector.
When I entered this plane, amongst the first of my kind, a vision played out before me. A strange place, a battle, destruction and fear reigning all around. A figure shining bright as the sun stands before a monstrosity, powerless to move. Then the Guardian moves, refusing to allow his sun to be extinguished. Yet his light is taken. The Sun moves, broken by the truth, and all is black. The sun no longer burns brightly, the brilliance of its luster swallowed by the inky darkness.
I long to warn you, to tell you that it is coming. The heavens will not allow it. The future must be of your making, not of my telling. Once it has all played out, you will never forgive my deception. I must live with that, as you must carry your loss.
If only there were some other way.
Yours eternally,
Aberto
My eyes consumed word after word, page after page. Every piece of paper strewn across the desk was a letter written to me. Page after page of regrets. One telling me of Xavier and his plan, one painting the death of my parents, one of the Seers being sacrificed, on and on they went. He’d seen every bad thing that was coming for me, had known I would lose so much.
Then why didn’t he help you?
The pain in each word pushed through me. He’d known but had been powerless to stop any of it. My course had been laid out, and nothing would stop it. But he had. When I’d almost died trying to save the Seers, he’d broken his oath to the heavens and intervened. He’d taken part of his soul and used it to save mine.
I ripped through the pages, looking, searching for something about that night. The night he’d changed the course of my life forever. There were hundreds of letters, to the child I’d been, the teenager who’d lost so much, to the woman who hadn’t known what she truly was, but no matter how hard I searched, I couldn’t find the answer. Exhaustion pulled at me, beckoning me to sleep, causing the words to blur before my eyes. The letters would wait.
He left them here on purpose. He is trying to trick you, Izzy. To use your emotions against you.
“Maybe, but the words on these papers are the truth. Nothing can change that, not even you.”
Leaving the pile of papers at the desk, I moved back to the bed. As I curled under the blankets, I thought of what Aberto had said about Kennan, and why he hadn’t told me. Logically, I knew he was right, but my heart still felt betrayed. Thoughts of Kennan swirled in my mind as sleep pulled me under.
“Izzy, try to remember!” Kennan’s voice pleaded with me in the void.
“I don’t want to remember, I want to stay with you.” I pleaded.
“I’m no longer here. I am a mere messenger for the gods.” Sorrow dripped from Kennan’s voice.
“I won’t lose you, Kennan.”
“If you stay, you will lose yourself. This is not where you are called to be. Why can’t you see that?” Kennan’s voice pleaded.
Whispers echoed through the fog, another familiar voice. A message.
“Love and sacrifice.” The voice of my home. No, not my home, the other one. The one my soul called to. The stranger in the fog. The memory from long ago.
“No.” Kennan’s whisper cut through me, more plea than denial. “She’s not ready.”
“It. Must. Be.” The other one, the one who made me this way, called.
“Izzy, I must go, and so should you. I can’t remain here, if I do, you will be lost forever.” Kennan’s sadness ripped through me, pain seared a path straight to my center.
“You aren’t real. You are a phantom, but a phantom is better than nothing. I will stay.” No matter the other voices that hounded me, I would stay for him.
“And that is why I must go. My heart will be forever yours. Take it and live, Red.” His voice faded and with it he was gone.
“NO!” I shouted, feeling the loss of him more powerfully than I would if he were a phantom. “NO! He was real. He was here.” The fire began to writhe inside of me, the darkness rolling in waves deep in the pit of my stomach. “No, he can’t be gone. He can’t. No. No. No.” Panic raced through me as the darkness cascaded around me. The fog churned into midnight as the figures promising death and destruction moved ever closer.
Gasping for air, I shot up in the bed, opening my eyes to strange surroundings as light cascaded through the windows.
“Love and sacrifice” echoed through my mind. It had been said over and over, and I hadn’t paid any attention to the words until now. They rang out, beckoning me to find the truth. What did it mean? Why had Aberto spoken those words to Kennan? What was the sacrifice? What of love?
Love was a distant memory, swept under by a tide of darkness. Rage consumed me, anger for what I’d lost, for what had been taken from me. There was no place for love within me, no room for the pain of its loss once gone. That had been ripped away with Kennan. Instead there was the darkness filling that chasm.
What of sacrifice? Had I not sacrificed enough for the world? What more could I give? Truly, what would sacrifice be without love to drive it? One without the other seemed void of substance. No, I’d given what I could of my heart, I’d given it all in service of the heavens. I had nothing more to give. But I would have my answers, as soon as Aberto returned. There would be no more secrets.
The memory echoed in my mind as I rose from the bed, returning the worn covers to their previous state. Moving to the kitchenette, I looked for something to occupy my time while I waited for Aberto’s return. I hadn’t had coffee in a long time. Maybe there was some somewhere in the cabinets. Digging through the meager contents, I found a French press and a sealed container of coffee, along with a kettle to boil the water. Lord only knew how old the stuff was, but it was worth a try. I had to do something. I’d go crazier just staring at the walls. I set out to make the coffee as the darkness once more surfaced.
He left you to suffer alone.
“Oh, just shut up. Give me five minutes before you start,” I grumbled.
“I have not uttered a word.” Aberto’s voice startled me from what I was doing. Coffee sloshed in the press as I turned abruptly to find him once more filling the room.
“I wasn’t talking to you.” I turned back to the counter, trying to regain my composure. My hands shook as thoughts raced through my mind. The letters had revealed more than months with Aberto ever had. Looking at him caused memories to stir, distant moments long passed. I needed to focus. Kennan’s words rang in my mind along with Aberto’s response.
“Love and sacrifice,” I said, slowly turning to face him once more. “What does it mean?”
“Uriel sent Molly into the dreaming with a message on how to restore you. Love and sacrifice.”
“What does it mean?”
“You must know this now?” Frustration radiated from Aberto.
“No more secrets, Aberto. You want me to have faith in you, this is where we start. Tell me.” My eyes held his, unwavering.
“Finish what you were doing, and we will go outside and discuss the meaning of love an
d sacrifice.” Aberto looked around the room, his eyes resting on the desk for a moment, before his gaze returned to mine. “This building is much smaller with two bodies occupying its space.” He opened the door, leaving me to my forgotten coffee production.
I poured the contents into a stained mug I pilfered from the cabinet before heading out the door to meet him. No milk or sugar, but at least the coffee was something. My feet crossed the threshold and landed me on what might be considered a porch. Not by southern standards, to be sure, but there was enough space for two small metal chairs and a table. All of which were covered in rust and grime.
My eyes looked out over the landscape as I lowered myself into the vacant chair across from Aberto. Last night, I’d only noticed the stars. Looking out now, I took in the never ending expanse of what must be a dessert. No trees lined the landscape, only small brush and cacti struggled for life in the truly barren place. Off in the far distance, red bluffs loomed, jagged edges jutting out of the flat horizon. I couldn’t discern anyone; no matter the direction my eyes led me.
Running alongside the cabin was a stream, barely a trickle, but the deep ravine was enough to tell me that when rain came, it would fill to the brim. Vultures circled off in the distant sky, but nothing else moved, no sounds could be heard save for the slow running water.
Aberto’s gaze fell heavy on me, pulling my attention back to our conversation.
“Love and sacrifice, tell me.” I sipped the coffee, almost spitting the bitterness back out. Instead I let the warmth run through me, allowing it to ignite the cold places inside.
“What I am about to tell you, I know it will not change things between us. Know that I am not asking anything of you. I only wish to tell you what you seek.” Aberto looked at the ground beneath his feet, his jaw clenching and unclenching in frustration.
“Stop stalling.” I hated when he did that. Classic Aberto diversion tactics.
“Let me begin before the fall.” Aberto rested his elbows on his knees and stared out at the horizon as he continued. “Kennan knew the darkness would take him. He knew he would die. When we discussed it, he made me swear I would never leave your side. That I would take his place to protect you, to care for you so you wouldn’t be alone.”
He wants to fill Kennan’s place. He is only here to be with you.
“Aberto,” I started, but couldn’t finish. His eyes cut me short.
“I told you, I am not asking anything of you. What you lost is irreplaceable. I do not seek to fill the space where Kennan resides within your heart. I am only trying to explain. Please allow me to finish.” Aberto waited for my consent before turning his gaze away once more. “In the dreaming, when I told him, I believe he understood what must happen. If Kennan had remained in the void with you, you would never leave. He sacrificed his connection with you so that you may live. Before he died, he wanted me to promise him I would ensure you did just that. His words to me, he begged me, knowing how I felt for you, I can’t explain this properly.”
“Can you show me? In your memories?” I asked, unsure if I really wanted to play out the loss of him again.
“If that is what you wish.”
“I need to know.”
Grabbing my hand, Aberto thrust me back in time to the Order. I remembered this day, the conversation. We walked out into the murky swamp air, the chorus of frogs and cicadas threatening to burst my eardrums. I stopped next to Aberto, whose gaze was transfixed by the swamp. He looked as though the weight of the world rested upon his shoulders.
“Out with it.” Kennan muttered, barely above a whisper.
“I fear the news I am bound to deliver is not pleasant.” Aberto never broke his concentration on the murky water.
“Is this about how you feel for Izzy? If it is, I have no desire to continue this conversation. It isn’t as if you have hidden your interest in her.” Anger etched Kennan’s face before something replaced it, perhaps fear, or was it resolve?
“I have made no secret of my affections for her, that is true. Despite those feelings, she has chosen you, Guardian. Do not forget there is more at stake here than her love. Her life is on the line. The prophecy has spoken, she will fall.”
“What is this about then? What do you know?” Kennan growled.
“You will die.” Aberto’s voice was stiff, void of any emotion.
“What?” Kennan turned towards Aberto, gripping his arm tightly. “What do you mean? When? How?” Uninhibited fear radiated from his every pore.
“On the day of the reckoning, when the beast emerges, you will die. Your death will trigger something in Izzy, something that must happen in order for her to do what must be done. I know not why or how, I just know this must be.” Sadness coated every word.
“Are you certain? What of her, will she perish?” Kennan’s strained voice asked.
“I am unable to see Izzy’s fate. Once I interceded, her future shifted. Into what, I know not. As for you, I’ve known my entire life. I saw it the day I was brought into existence, and I’ve seen it every day since.” Aberto looked back to the swamp, doing his best to mask the sadness in his eyes. His sadness wasn’t for Kennan, it was for me. I’d seen it countless times.
“Swear to me you will protect her, that you will not leave her side.” Kennan grabbed Aberto’s shoulders turning his body to face him, “Swear it to me," he choked out.
“You need not even ask it, but I shall swear it all the same.” Aberto reached for his elbow to swear an oath. An unbreakable bond that could never be revoked. “I swear I will guard and protect her all of my days, no matter how many they may be. She will never be alone from this day onward.”
“See that she is not. If you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone for a while.” Kennan’s voice faded as reality came rushing back.
I stood, abruptly, knocking over the bitter coffee in the process. My chest heaved as panic began to rise. He’d just been there, in the flesh. He’d been so real, and now he was gone once more. I’d never get him back again, and he’d known. He’d knowingly gone into battle to die. Aberto had told me, but I hadn’t truly believed him until now. And then he’d left me in the void. He was always leaving me.
Perhaps he never loved you.
“He loved me. I will never doubt that,” I whispered.
“Izzy?” Aberto questioned.
“Just give me a second.” I strode to the edge of the porch and grasped the railing, doing my best to calm the turmoil raging inside of me. My heart ached for the loss of Kennan, and it always would. But he’d left me; he’d knowingly gone into that battle to die. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around that. If I were being honest, I’d have done the same. He’d done what he did so I could live and I’d hidden away in the dreaming. What of him in the void? How could I ever leave him if I had him with me?
Slowly, my breathing returned to normal and I sat back down in the chair as Aberto watched me. Ever searching for something, anything that might explain what was going on inside of my mind. Maybe he couldn’t hear me anymore.
“I’m ready. Explain the sacrifice and the rest.”
“Kennan sacrificed his love for you, his connection to you, so you could move forward. You never would’ve left the void had he not let you go.” Aberto’s gaze turned back to the horizon, as if he were afraid to see my reaction to his words.
“I’m not sure I will ever move forward, Aberto.” We both knew it was the truth, but having it spoken caused something to happen. A shift occurred, as if two pieces of a puzzle were finally clicked into place.
“I understand.” Aberto never took his gaze from the distant looming mountains.
“What of the love?” I asked.
“Isn’t that obvious?” Aberto turned to me, his eyes capturing mine. His promise to Kennan echoed in my mind, he’d never leave me. As long as I remained within his reach, he would never let me go.
“When you said you’d return me to the void if Molly wasn’t as you said she was, would I have gone alone?”
&
nbsp; “No.” Aberto stood, walking to the edge of the porch where two small steps waited.
“Conjure yourself some appropriate shoes, we are going for a walk,” Aberto said, abruptly changing the subject. My eyes took in his clothes, never having paid attention before now.
Aberto walked off into the distance, looking like some great archeologist on a dig in Egypt. It suited him somehow. The further he got, the more he blended in with the expanse of the dessert. Quickly, I conjured myself some shoes and headed out to meet him.
“Why a walk?” I asked, catching up with him.
“Being trapped inside of that building with you is difficult.” His eyes burned bright with tightly controlled passion.
“Got it.” He had never made any secret of the way he felt for me, but having nothing to thwart his attention was unnerving. I’d been honest when I said I didn’t think I would ever be able to move on from Kennan, regardless of the connection I’d always felt with Aberto. Just as I knew, Aberto would never push the issue. He would remain as he always had been, even if his eyes belied the truth.
“Tell me what you believe is happening to you, Izzy. Why do you speak to yourself?” Aberto continued walking, to where, I wasn’t quite sure.
If you tell him, he won’t believe you. You will be nothing more to him than a problem to solve. Don’t tell him the truth, Izzy. You will regret it. The darkness clambered, desperation rang out in its tone.
“Something happened to me when I tried to defeat Sonneillon. The demon promised me I would be the vessel of destruction, and since that day I’ve felt it writhing inside of me. The darkness hides within me, turning everything I love and hold dear into something sick and twisted. It whispers to me. It is getting harder to discern whether its words are truth or lies. It’s been getting stronger. Every day I spend outside of the void, it grows.” I paused, thinking back on the night before, what I’d seen in my eyes. “Aberto, look into my eyes, really look.” I grabbed his hand pulling him to face me.
His body shifted, towering above me, his gaze moving to meet my own. I looked up at him, hoping, begging he would see what I’d seen.
See How She Awakens Page 5