You forget him so easily. The way you looked upon Aberto says it all. You never truly loved Kennan.
“That isn’t true.” Or was it? I’d just felt something spark between Aberto and I, and Kennan hadn’t even been gone a year.
You see, even you will not deny the truth. You never deserved his love, or his sacrifice.
“STOP!” I shouted, pressure building within me. No. No, it wasn’t true, there had always been something between Aberto and I, even when Kennan was alive, and I’d chosen Kennan. I would always choose Kennan.
Would you? If you could choose right now, who would you pick? The one that died knowing you would be alone, or the one that lies to you? Neither of them ever loved you. You are alone, Izzy.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The desperate cry ripped through the room as the pressure overtook me. Shattered glass rained down from the windows as the wave of my pain destroyed anything fragile in its path. It was too much. The darkness had left me only to return stronger than ever. It had found a new weakness to exploit, a chink in my armor.
As the last of the glass settled on the floor of the house, blackness descended.
The inky fog beckoned me, pulling me further and further way from the world I knew. The void called to me, reminding me of the solace I’d found there. Or had I? Was I happy there?
The fog twirled around my legs as the void pulsed in the distance. I could stay for a while, I wouldn’t be so alone. Kennan was there. No, he had to leave. Why had he left me?
With every step I took, the void’s pull grew stronger.
Go into the void, the darkness growled. You were never strong enough to end this. Give up now. Find your Guardian. Reunite with him.
“Kennan is gone.” The name spoken from my lips stirred my mind, pulling everything into focus. “I won’t go back in there.” I pulled away from the hold the void had on me, dragging myself backwards. “Never again.”
Why stay? There is nothing for you on Earth. Let it all go, Izzy. Float in the void as you did before.
“I. Will. Not. STAY!” Anger pulsed from my center. I was strong enough to fight the pull of the void. “I have too much to lose.”
You’ve already lost everything. Give up, Izzy. Stop fighting.
“No, I haven’t.” The admission lessened the pull of the void. Slowly, inch by inch, I made my way backwards until the void was nothing more than a flicker of light in the far off distance. The darkness was wrong, I hadn’t lost everything. Names raced through my mind, all of the people I still wanted to protect. I couldn’t do that if I gave up. Maybe I wouldn’t be strong enough to stop the darkness, but I’d be damned if I didn’t try.
You will not prevail.
“Maybe not, but I am going to put up one hell of a fight, you bastard.” A spark began somewhere inside of me, something I hadn’t felt in months. I’d found peace at Kennan’s funeral, and now, in the vast dreaming, I’d found something worth living for.
Time is your enemy; I will overtake you, the darkness growled, echoing as another voice pulled me from the dreaming.
“Izzy!” Two strong hands shook me as the dreaming melted away.
“Why are you shaking me?” I asked groggily, trying to makes sense of my surroundings.
“You would not awaken.” Aberto’s eyes were haunted.
“Well, you could’ve come into the dreaming and found me. You don’t have to create an earthquake to get my attention.” Sitting up on the bed, I ran a hand through my tangle of auburn waves. Even after losing my corporeal form to exist in my current state, I couldn’t control the wild mane.
“You were nowhere to be found. I sought you out, but there was no trace of you. Thus, as you say, the earthquake.” Aberto rubbed a hand across his jaw, his face held in thought.
“The darkness tried to get me to jump back into the void.” The memory of all that had just passed came back as the last of the fog finally faded.
“How were you able to resist the pull?”
“I really don’t want to relive it, if it’s all the same to you.” I stood up, pacing the room. The fear, the loneliness still lingered in my bones. I’d fought it off, but the darkness had reminded me, as it always did, that time was against me. Eventually, my strength would fail, and I would be overtaken.
“If we are to understand how to repress the darkness, we must first understand how you are able to overtake it. There may be a pattern, a method to eradicating its hold on you. Perhaps you may one day be able to defeat it completely.”
“It tried to tell me I was alone, that I had nothing left to fight for, to live for. But I do: Molly, Ian, Conall, Sena, Mona, Eleanor, even you. I may not be strong enough to save all of humanity, but I may be able to help you. My strength may fail me, but I will not fold without a fight. Kennan died so that I may live. Through the anger, the hurt, and the loss, his love remains. I can’t disgrace his memory by giving up. He called to me in the dreaming, begging me to leave, to help those I loved. The darkness had weakened me, taken my brokenness and used it to confuse me.” Resolve settled into my bones. I wasn’t sure how I would defeat the darkness, to push it back, or if I could ever truly be rid of it. But I would rather die fighting than give up and watch everyone I love suffer as a result of my weakness.
“Again, love.” His eyes searched my face, a question lingering, unspoken.
“Aberto, no more secrets. If there is something you want to say, just say it.”
“I would like to attempt something, but if it is too much, too soon, we can stop and attempt it another time.” Aberto’s reluctance caused my stomach to drop. He’d never been cautious with me before, always pushing me harder and farther than I ever would’ve gone on my own.
“What?”
“I would like to draw the darkness to the surface, to see if you can knowingly resist the pull.”
“I don’t understand.” He wanted to draw the darkness? I thought we were trying to repress it, not throw it a welcome party.
“Each situation you have been successful in resisting the pull, it has been by sheer accident. Nothing more than a serendipitous aligning of your memories and emotions. It would behoove us to see if you are able to resist it with intent.” Aberto closed the space between our bodies, placing his hands on my shoulders to hold me in place. My fearful eyes shone back at me in the reflection of his own. “If you are not ready, we will wait. Only yesterday, the darkness held sway over you.”
“There’s no time like the present.” My voice cracked as the nerves took hold. Steadying myself, I asked what I truly feared, “What are you going to do to draw out the darkness?”
“Whatever I must.” Reluctance played across his face. He would have to hurt me, to twist my emotions in order for the darkness to surface. “Izzy,” his hand lifted to cup my cheek as his voice lowered, “it is never my desire to harm you.”
“I know.” Stepping away from him, I swallowed deeply. Whatever was about to happen, I wouldn’t like it, and neither would he. I just hoped the darkness didn’t take me over completely.
“Let us begin.” Aberto’s tone shifted, taking on the same tone he’d had when he pushed me to learn how to soul walk. There was no kindness, only ruthless efficiency.
“I’m ready.” I lied, knowing I would never be ready to surrender to the darkness inside of me.
Aberto stood across the room, staring at me. I wondered why he waited. Minutes ticked by as he stood. Assessing me, searching for a weakness to exploit.
“You are not strong enough to save Molly. If you were, we would not be here now. Your weakness is a disgrace to the memory of Kennan.” Aberto’s words were like a punch to the stomach. They sucked the air from my lungs as they hit home, the truth a painful reminder of all I feared.
I could feel the darkness stretching, waking up as the fears took hold, but it remained silent. I looked into Aberto’s questioning face and shook my head. It hadn’t worked, not yet.
“More,” I whispered.
“Did you really think i
t would end so easily? That you, one person, would be able to destroy the darkness forever? What sort of arrogance must you possess to believe yourself to be so important?”
Anger replaced the fears, sparking the darkness. It moved within me, absorbing my emotions as it grew.
He was the one that convinced you, that told you you were strong enough. He never believed it, Izzy.
I knew it was a lie. Aberto’s belief in me was unquestionable. Though the darkness had been roused, it held no sway.
“More,” I spoke through gritted teeth as Aberto continued his assault.
“Kennan never believed you were capable of fulfilling the prophecy. He kept you hidden away, never revealing the truth because he found you lacking. The man that loved you the most, never believed in you. What does that say of your talents, Seer?” He’d thrown off the gloves, no more was I Izzy to him. I was just ‘Seer.’ His face etched in anger as he continued to say the words that may harm me the most. “Did you believe your love was infallible? Did you believe he did all he did to protect you? He did it because he lacked faith in you. He didn’t believe you capable of carrying the burden of the world, and he was right. You failed.”
Kennan never believed you were capable. Why should you? Give up now, Izzy. Stop fighting the darkness. You were never strong enough, and you never will be.
The darkness pushed at me, testing my boundaries, but the last day had taught me to be stronger, to distinguish between my fears and the truth. Though Aberto’s words hurt, and brought about fears I’d done my best to repress, it still wasn’t enough. I knew Kennan loved me, that he would’ve done anything to protect me, even from myself. But he believed in me, he’d thought me capable. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have died.
“It isn’t enough, you aren’t pushing me.” His reluctance to hurt me was interfering with progress. “Try something else.”
Aberto paused in his assault, the darkness fading into the background once more. Aberto’s eyes trapped me in their gaze. Heat filled them, where they’d been so detached moments before. Something had changed, and I wasn’t sure what.
Faster than my brain could account for, he was in front of me, grabbing my shoulders almost painfully as he held me in front of him.
“If you had loved Kennan as much as you claimed to love him, you would not want this.” Aberto’s words faded as his mouth crashed down on mine. Sparks burst in my periphery as I surrendered to the sensation of his hard mouth devouring my own. Months of ignoring the attraction between us had built, culminating in the most terrifying and electric kiss I’d ever experienced. Aberto pulled away, his chest heaving as he stared down into my face. Anger and lust warring with one another.
If Aberto cared so much for you, he would never push you to this. Why are you letting him take advantage of you in your weakness? Kennan’s death is fresh, yet Aberto seeks to claim you.
Darkness pulsed through my veins; I could feel it rise to the surface, consuming me. Anger and betrayal pulsed within me as I looked up into Aberto’s face. Disgust for what I’d just done, and an aching sadness for disgracing the memory of my love for Kennan fought for dominance. Both fueled the darkness.
My arms sparked as I pushed outward, sending Aberto flying across the room. My voice was not my own as I began to speak. “You seek to own me, to claim me. What happened to caring enough for me to wait, to be whatever I needed you to be? Your lies, your secrets, have brought me nothing but pain. Yet you remain?” I could feel the fire as it sought an escape. The shattered windows from the night before reflected the light in jagged shards as I moved towards Aberto. I would destroy him. End his influence over my life. “This will end.” The anger pulsed through my veins as I reached down to pull Aberto to his feet. Inhuman strength consumed me as I pushed him to a wall. The fire coursed through me as my hand, engulfed in red flames, reached towards his chest. Memories of Aberto tearing Xavier’s soul away surfaced, and I wondered if I could do the same to him. Snuff out his long life in a mere instant.
“Izzy!” Aberto’s voice was defiant in its plea, but it fell on deaf ears. He’d said enough, done enough. I would be rid of him. “Fight it, remember the truth. Remember.”
My hand reached into his soul just as something clicked in my mind. Recognition, the truth. Aberto would never intentionally hurt me. Even in this way. He would wait, an eternity if that is what was required. He’d never once interfered when I was with Kennan, never sought to interject himself into my life. He could have. There was an undeniable attraction between us, one that I would never be able to ignore. But my love for Kennan was stronger than that attraction. Kennan had been my home, my life long before I’d ever known about Aberto.
The moment froze as my mind realigned itself.
As I pushed the darkness back it whispered, You are not strong enough on your own. Had he not reminded you, you would’ve ended him. Time is your enemy, Izzy. He won’t always be there to save you.
Dropping my hand to my side, I looked up into Aberto’s face. Tears streamed down my cheeks, unbidden. “I’m so sorry.”
“What did it feel like, when the darkness seized control? Were you able to discern the difference, or does it consume you completely?”
Aberto seemed unfazed by the kiss or the fact I’d just tried to destroy him. Stupid Old One and his ability to separate his emotions from his mission.
“I don’t even realize it is happening. It’s like the snap of a rubber band, in an instant I’m no longer myself. Instead, I feel powerful, capable of burning the world, should I choose.” The power was enticing, I wouldn’t lie, but it was also terrifying and would be deadly if I didn’t learn to control it. “I wouldn’t have been able to stop on my own, Aberto.”
“Then we will continue to practice.” Aberto made his way towards me, searching my face. I wasn’t sure what he hoped to find there; all I felt was confusion. “What happened to the windows? I meant to ask upon your awakening.”
“The darkness made me angry last night, and I guess I threw a tantrum.” The truth was, I wasn’t sure how I’d been able to blast the windows. All I knew was it had drained all of my strength, and I’d ended up passing out.
“No matter.” With a wave of the hand, Aberto managed to reassemble the windows.
“How did you do that?” I knew my mouth was hanging open. I’d had no clue what he was capable of, it would seem.
“Manipulation of this plane. It is the same as conjuring clothing. With practice, you will be able to do the same. Don’t lose focus.”
“Aberto, how am I supposed to do anything about this darkness? Honestly, it seizes control completely. I can’t control it.” Frustrated, I moved across the room towards the door. The shack was so small with him inside. I needed to get some space, to breathe.
“Come with me.” Aberto walked across the room and held out his hand.
“Where?” I looked at his hand as if it were a venomous viper. I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to touch him again after trying to kill him and kissing him, and well, everything.
“Trust me.” Those words echoed in my soul. A peace settled over me as I placed my hand in his.
We stepped out into the scorching sun, the light blinding in its brilliance. I had no clue where Aberto was going to take me. Any distraction from the current situation was a welcome one, so I didn’t fight it. I was sick of fighting, to be frank. With my internal battle constantly raging, I didn’t have the strength for much else.
“Hold fast.” Aberto wrapped his arms around me tightly, before he plunged us into the dreaming.
Light whizzed past as the fog parted in our wake. I had no clue what we were doing in the dreaming. I wanted to be as far from there as possible. The darkness inside of me twisted, awakening. I knew it was coming, the pressure built ever so slowly. The void was close, and the pull was undeniable.
“Aberto, I can’t stay here.” Panic welled up inside of me as the whispers began.
“You must, Izzy. The Revenants have a message. One that must b
e heard. Only two have seen them. You are wholly unaffected by their presence while Molly succumbs to their plight.”
“You brought me here to find out what is going on with the darkness? Are you insane? I just tried to kill you a few minutes ago. What in the world makes you think I am ready for this?”
He only wants you for what you can do for the world. He doesn’t care for your wellbeing.
“Go AWAY!” Panic seemed to bring the darkness rushing to the surface. It reveled in my misery, taking every chance to manipulate my fears and spit them back at me.
“I will not leave you, Izzy.” Aberto stood firmly, holding my arm.
“I wasn’t talking to you,” I ground out between clenched teeth.
“Tell me.”
“The darkness. You brought me here, where it has the strongest hold over me. To what? To find the Revenants? Why?”
Because he wishes to use you. You are just a pawn in the greater game.
“I brought you because you are stronger than you believe. Your work is not yet done. If we do not act soon, your friend will die, Izzy. That is not something you would be able to survive. Thus, we are here.”
“I thought she was safe. That the stasis would hold her?”
“The stasis is a temporary solution. If she remains in stasis for too long, she will never recover.”
“Why didn’t you tell us that?” Panic pulsed within me. I had to help Molly. I had to save her, but how?
“It was the only way to keep her from further succumbing to the Revenants influence.” Aberto paused, his eyes trapping mine in their gaze. “You will help her, Izzy.”
The certainty in his voice settled over me. Whether I was ready or not, I had to help Molly. Ultimately, I didn’t have to save the entirety of the human race. I just had to save one person. Somehow Aberto had known that was what I needed. To know it wasn’t the entire world on my shoulders, just the one person. I could save one person.
You will never be able to defeat the darkness, Izzy. You aren’t strong enough. Though a piece of me doubted my strength, I knew the darkness would never be able to keep me from helping Molly. Not if there was any chance that I could save her. I would walk through hell itself before I lost another person I loved.
See How She Awakens Page 7